Boyfriend lusts after pictures of skimpy women

[Anjaylia]

My boyfriend subscribes to Facebook pages where women are not entirely naked, but they wear revealing and sexy clothes (barely). They may have pictures of women wearing tight clothes standing next to a car, a bra with big boobs, or a butt with a thong.

He also lusts after these women and say it's okay because it's just random women online that he will never meet. He says these women will never want to be with him. He says it's because he's a man. He doesn't watch inappropriate contentography, but likes to look at pictures of "pretty women." He says I'm jealous and is petty. He says he will never cheat on me and have a physical relationship with them. He says at least he's honest and he's not hiding it.

What do you think? Is he sinning against God by lusting, and is he CHEATING on me by lusting after other women?

Should I still marry him one day? I feel that all men will succumb to sexual sin. I won't be able to have a man who's perfect. Am I setting standards that are too high for a man to achieve? If he cannot make it, should I still stay with this person and allow God to work in him?

 

[LaSorcia]

I don't think anyone should put up with that kind of inconsiderateness and disrespect from a partner.

 

[~Anastasia~]

If nothing else, he is training himself to objectify women. This is a difficult pattern to break and likely he will objectify his wife during sexual activity, which is a defilement of the marriage bed. I can't tell you what to do, but I would want a person to take seriously what he does with his soul and want to raise up to God's standard, not skate on the edge of what "might be permissible" according to the letter of the law. According to the spirit of the law, it is not permissible. It is sin that damages his relationship with God, his own soul, and his relationship with his wife someday. Yes, it is a high standard. Yes, it is attainable. Many denominations today just don't teach this kind of thing, and probably really don't understand the root of it, because they view sin only as a legal transgression.

God be with you.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[TerryWoodenpic]

It is one thing to admire a pretty woman when you see one ...
Quite another to seek out pictures of them to keep or show them around.
least of all to your Girl friend.
Seem a bit of a jerk to me.
Probably too late to change him....
Is it something that you could live with?

 

[Shadow]

"."

 

[RaymondG]

What do you think

I think you should have what you want in a relationship. There are no universal rules.....it is all up to what you want, like and can tolerate. So by all means....go get what you desire to have.

Is he sinning against God by lusting

You are judging his actions as lusting....But only God knows what is in the heart. I personally dont feel it is sinning to look at a picture.

and is he CHEATING on me by lusting after other women?

If you feel that way, you should handle yourself and relationship accordingly. I do not feel that it is the norm to view looking at a picture as cheating....If it is something you dont like, that is ok, and it should be addressed and dealt with.

Should I still marry him one day? I feel that all men will succumb to sexual sin. I won't be able to have a man who's perfect.

So should not marry anyone until you lose the idea that all men succumb to sexual sin..... If you marry while this is in your heart and belief system....you will only end up with a man who will succumb to sexual sins..... So although this is not a truth statement.....it is true for you as long as you believe it.

Am I setting standards that are too high for a man to achieve?

I would say, based on your previous statement, your standards are too low.

If he cannot make it, should I still stay with this person and allow God to work in him?

You should do what will make you happy......And I doubt, making decisions based on perceived religious or social norms would do that. Be yourself and get what You desire.

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

What do you think? Is he sinning against God by lusting, and is he CHEATING on me by lusting after other women?

Lust is such a common sin to mankind, and it doesn't have to be related to sex, some lust for money, power, you name it. It is a sin, what he is doing, but I know not a person that has not lusted after another person in one way or another at one time or another. Personally from where I sit, I have absolutely no room to speak, it is a sin I have struggled with for as long as I can remember, it could haunt me til the day I die, but I will fight it by the grace of God, as the Lord brings and gives repentance.

Should I still marry him one day? I feel that all men will succumb to sexual sin. I won't be able to have a man who's perfect. Am I setting standards that are too high for a man to achieve? If he cannot make it, should I still stay with this person and allow God to work in him?

Whoa I wouldn't base whether or not I marry someone on some advice from people I do not know personally online. Sexual sin is not exclusive to men, life is a long road for all of us, people change, you may find yourself in a position that you never would have dreamed you would be in. The only advice that really comes to mind is be patient, pray, and do things to get his attention, not necessarily like the women he's drooling after, but other things, go for a walk together, hold hands and talk. Finally, there's not enough information about said person to make any kind of informed opinion whether or not you stay with said person, not to mention we should consider our own faults, shortcomings, and such before being hasty. I will say if you are a believer and he is not, then perhaps you should find someone with whom you can share faith, and it's also helpful if you see eye to eye on politics.

 

[Dave G.]

Any normal guy will get a kind of stir when he sees some of these bomb shells that walk around and or pose for those kinds of pictures or advertising etc. We are in a summer vacation land here and some of the sights in the grocery store are quite something around August or so.. But here is the thing, your BF is actively seeking a thrill. It would be very easy for his kind of activity to slip over into inappropriate content, if it hasn't already but he just keeps that part to himself. A glance here or there when something pops up on your screen anyway is one thing but going looking for it is completely different, never mind visiting facebook pages. That kind of thing starts off with a kind of passivity of feeling innocent to just a little thrill maybe. But IMO it's wrong and it can grow into a real monster.

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

I do not feel that it is the norm to view looking at a picture as cheating....If it is something you dont like, that is ok, and it should be addressed and dealt with.

On that note, how is she gonna react when they go shopping together and other women are wearing skin tight clothing showing off their bodies, bend over in front of him, etc? What's he supposed to do, put his hands over his eyes every time and pray for them to go away? If he looks too intently on them, he is cheating? Yeah I think many people have wrong ideas about what cheating actually is, what it entails.

So should not marry anyone until you lose the idea that all men succumb to sexual sin..... If you marry while this is in your heart and belief system....you will only end up with a man who will succumb to sexual sins..... So although this is not a truth statement.....it is true for you as long as you believe it.

Nah I don't agree with "it is true for you as long as you believe it" either. She is being realistic, but I hope she realizes not all married men succumb to adultery, not in the sense of lusting with the heart and mind in fantasy, but in the sense of actually doing it in deeds. It can be difficult to control thoughts, and the heart is deceitful above all things. But to the true for you thing, her belief cannot control how another person will throughout the course of a marriage, a lifetime respond to lust, see that is really the hangup, it's not so much the fact we will lust, it's the ways we will or refuse to respond to it.

I would say, based on your previous statement, your standards are too low.

I do not think there is enough information to say one way or the other, but I do know I have never met a perfect Christian either, and will not until we are in glorified bodies.

You should do what will make you happy......And I doubt, making decisions based on perceived religious or social norms would do that. Be yourself and get what You desire.

Except relationships shouldn't be all about making one self happy...it's about love...patience and kindness...not glowing feelings of perpetual happiness. It's also about the will of God, she should pray about it, seek the will of God in the matter.

 

[RaymondG]

Nah I don't agree with "it is true for you as long as you believe it" either. She is being realistic, but I hope she realizes not all married men succumb to adultery, not in the sense of lusting with the heart and mind in fantasy, but in the sense of actually doing it in deeds. It can be difficult to control thoughts, and the heart is deceitful above all things. But to the true for you thing, her belief cannot control how another person will throughout the course of a marriage, a lifetime respond to lust, see that is really the hangup, it's not so much the fact we will lust, it's the ways we will or refuse to respond to

Just because you don't believe it, didn't mean it isn't true. It can be easily proven.....Just think any thought constantly, and you will attract it. It Is why it is said to gaurd your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.......whatsoever things are good, just, etc.... Think on these things.

What a man thinks in his heart so is he.

Even those outside know this..... misery loves company....the rich stay rich and poor stay poor.

It's quite simple and easy to prove. But I see no fault in you going against my advice to think positive. She should expect the best, not the worst

Except relationships shouldn't be all about making one self happy...it's about love...patience and kindness...not glowing feelings of perpetual happiness. It's also about the will of God, she should pray about it, seek the will of God in the matter.

Her relationship should be the way she wants it to be, and yours the way you want. Ask and you shall receive. We should not push our personal relationship standards on others.


And I'm sorry you haven't meant a perfect Christian. Jesus said to be ye perfect as your father in heaven. There are a few who obey this command.

 

[Sketcher]

If a man sees an attractive woman who is showing off what she's got, he's probably going to look and enjoy it. That doesn't mean he's compelled to subscribe to Facebook pages that push that sort of content his way. There are many men who would certainly look at such a picture if it was put in front of them who do not have such pages in their Facebook feeds.

 

[Lord Give Me A Sign]

I have a similar problem to your boyfriend but its definitely very wrong and i feel horrible about it. My girlfriend doesnt know and shes so loyal to me

Thats what brought me back to this site, i wanna stay away from facebook and even more so the hip hop forums

I want to not have anything to hide and be the best man I can be for God, for my family and my girlfriend

Theres so much temptation out there and its easy to get caught up in it. Sexual addiction is no joke and media wants us to think its ok like your boyfriend does. Its very wrong though and me personally, i cant accept myself doing it no more. Women deserve respect

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

My boyfriend subscribes to Facebook pages where women are not entirely naked, but they wear revealing and sexy clothes (barely). They may have pictures of women wearing tight clothes standing next to a car, a bra with big boobs, or a butt with a thong.

He also lusts after these women and say it's okay because it's just random women online that he will never meet. He says these women will never want to be with him. He says it's because he's a man. He doesn't watch inappropriate contentography, but likes to look at pictures of "pretty women." He says I'm jealous and is petty. He says he will never cheat on me and have a physical relationship with them. He says at least he's honest and he's not hiding it.

What do you think? Is he sinning against God by lusting, and is he CHEATING on me by lusting after other women?

Should I still marry him one day? I feel that all men will succumb to sexual sin. I won't be able to have a man who's perfect. Am I setting standards that are too high for a man to achieve? If he cannot make it, should I still stay with this person and allow God to work in him?

My ex did the same thing but to a much higher level. You just...don’t want to know. Anyways...I do think he is committing the sin of lust. I am unsure as whether or not to consider it “cheating”, but, it’s something that upsets you which he does not seem to respect. And lack of respect for how you feel is a warning sign in my opinion. It’s more about how he responds to how you feel about this than anything else. If that makes sense.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I think you should have what you want in a relationship. There are no universal rules.....it is all up to what you want, like and can tolerate. So by all means....go get what you desire to have.


You are judging his actions as lusting....But only God knows what is in the heart. I personally dont feel it is sinning to look at a picture.


If you feel that way, you should handle yourself and relationship accordingly. I do not feel that it is the norm to view looking at a picture as cheating....If it is something you dont like, that is ok, and it should be addressed and dealt with.


So should not marry anyone until you lose the idea that all men succumb to sexual sin..... If you marry while this is in your heart and belief system....you will only end up with a man who will succumb to sexual sins..... So although this is not a truth statement.....it is true for you as long as you believe it.


I would say, based on your previous statement, your standards are too low.



You should do what will make you happy......And I doubt, making decisions based on perceived religious or social norms would do that. Be yourself and get what You desire.

What you're saying is in direct contradiction to the bible. Jesus said if any man look on a woman and lust he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So yes it is sinning and yes it is cheating. The thing is you aren't married to him yet so it's not adultery technically but def. cheating and sin. Men should control their flesh and so should women thats like the whole point of Christianity. I wouldn't marry him unless he changes that. If you kept half naked pin ups of guys all over your stuff and lusted after them it'd be like saying what you have isn't good enough so you need to look at something else. Don't let him play that game with you. There are way too many guys on online dating sites and elsewhere that are eager to date and treat you better so just make sure he's aware you don't have to settle for that behavior.

 

[shrinking_violet]

As a person who regularly looks at much more sexualized pictures of women, I find your bf's justifications gross. Who cares if the women are online? If it's not ok to do it to real women, then it's not ok to do it to real women online. (The inverse is also true, but I won't argue that point.) If he's trying to turn it around on you and call you "jealous" and "petty" then he knows that it's not something that jives with his spiritual and ethical beliefs. He feels guilty, but he doesn't want to deal with it properly, so he congratulates himself for being "honest." If he's looking for loopholes in his ethical system, then he's not really being honest.

The reason he's looking at these women is because he finds looking at them sexually enticing. He has no argument against that. (What other reason could there be? Trust me, as someone who looks at pictures of big boobs with and without bras, there is only one reason.) He is seeking out sexual pleasure from women he is not married to and trying to get off on a technicality. (I probably could've worded that better.) He knows whether what he's doing is sinning against God by lusting.

I prefer to define cheating as any betrayal of trust within a relationship. If you have previously agreed that seeking sexual pleasure from other people is not ok in your relationship, then what he's doing is a betrayal of trust, and yes cheating. If a cheater admits he was cheating after he cheated and refuses to stop, it still hurts you. To contrast, in my relationship, we're free to seek sexual pleasure from other people and it's not a betrayal of trust and not cheating. I'm not going to impose my relationship standards on you because they're not right for your life and your ethical/spiritual standpoint. You know what's right for your relationship. You know if he broke your agreement.

Even if it's not cheating, it sounds like something you're not comfortable with. I don't believe in too high standards. (Thenagain I don't believe in a lot of things.) Even if they existed, not getting cheated on is a pretty low bar. You never cheated on your bf. At the very least hold your man to the same standards you hold yourself.

If someone tells you to settle, ask yourself how you can make your standards even higher. It's better to be single than to be miserable. If you settle, you will miss out on the opportunity to find someone that makes you happy and helps you grow and shares your values. After all, Jesus was single, and I hear He did alright.

 

[Dankruto]

This is an extreme red flag, talk to him about it and raise your concerns. If He does not want to change, I suggest finding advice from your loved ones as to leave the relationship or not