birth control issues - engaged couple

[joyfulgirl]

i am 23 years old and am getting married this spring.
lately, i have been reading information about and seeking God in prayer about birth control and what He wants.
i have begun to feel very strongly that i don't want to use birth control of any kind: i believe that He will open and shut the womb, because He knows better than i ever could, and He will provide for our family ... BUT my fiance feels differently; he feels that God gives us wisdom, and that we should use that wisdom to decide when we are ready for children.
can someone please help shed some light on this issue? don't get me wrong, both of us are still praying about it. i just want some clear advice/scripture/something to help figure this out the right way.
thanks.

 

[JillLars]

I would tend to side with your fiance, but that is my personal opinion. I would suggest you and your fiance go through some pre-marital counseling, which should cover this very topic. I think it would help to talk with a pastor about it to get a more biblical view.

 

[Worship All Day]

i have to side with you a little bit, joyful. we should have complete trust in everything we do, which includes sex. i would have to say that you are on track by saying God's wisdom is infinitely better than ours (if you want to say we even have wisdom).

i think it sounds a little silly to say 'ok now we're ready to have children.' how can you really know? we're all sinful people, how can that be our decision? i certainly wasn't born to my parents who were 'ready', i was most inconvenient. and that doesn't mean anything at all. God will work through anything. you need to realize that in your sexual partnership, that yeah, obviously you might get pregnant, but its not like God doesn't understand that you have waited for marriage to have sex, and He won't repay you for that. God realizes everything you do, which most certainly includes following His commands, and i'm sure he will repay you and bless you because of it. now i'm not saying that that certainly means you won't concieve or anything, but i am extremely confident that the Lord will work out that whatever happens, to be a blessing from your obedience.

we have to have faith and trust that God will bless us accordingly, and also trust that no matter what happens that it is His perfect plan and timing.

 

[GirlForChrist]

I agree with you Joyful. The lord will provide

 

[Mr.Cheese]

God gave us common sense too. The volume of unwanted pregnancies attests to the fact that God lets us live with the responsibility of our decisions.
if you have sex, You're probably going to get pregnant.

 

[YouthPastor]

If you do a search for "natural Family Planning"

It might be somethign worth checking out.

Some argue that the pill is abortive. but there is evidence both ways. I forget what all entails the natural family planning - But i know it cuts out the pill, condoms etc..

But you have to stick to it!

 

[wonder111]

it also says in the bible that God created doctors and medicine ( I know bc isn't medicine) but it could be a help, that we never had before

 

[Fireman's Wife]

[ i have begun to feel very strongly that i don't want to use birth control of any kind: i believe that He will open and shut the womb, because He knows better than i ever could, and He will provide for our family ... he feels that God gives us wisdom, and that we should use that wisdom to decide when we are ready for children.]

In my opinion, both of you are correct. Children are a huge blessing and a huge responsibility. I know! My husband and I have 6! We do not use artificial birth control but we do use Natural Family Planning. (And yes, ALL of them were "planned"!) I believe God wants us to trust in Him to provide for us . He also gave us a mind to reason with. There are times to avoid pregnancy for a while through the use of Natural Family Planning. During this avoidance you can focus your prayers asking God showing you His will in your life. The reasons you avoid pregnancy should be very grave, never selfish.



[The volume of unwanted pregnancies attests to the fact that God lets us live with the responsibility of our decisions.]



Mr. Cheese,that is somewhat harsh. I would have to argue that most of the unwanted pregnancies are by teenagers at an age when it is questionable whether they are truly responsible for their decisions. God created our bodies to function in a certain manner. Whether we are at an age of reason or not has little to do with it, in reality. There are some that will never be at an age of reason. How do you explain pregnancy from rape/incest/molestations, pregnancy of the developmentally retarded, etc.? This is not God making these people "responsible" for their decisions. This is simply how He designed the human body to work.




[Some argue that the pill is abortive. but there is evidence both ways.]



Sorry Youth Pastor, there is NOT true scientific evidence "both ways". There are Dr.s who will out right lie and there are Dr.'s who, believe it or not, are just uninformed. I have known both! ALL HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL IS ABORTAFACIENT!!! That includes "the pill", "the patch", "the shot", "the implant", etc. I am not speaking without authority. I am a Registered Nurse. I have done much research on my own in this area. I have both prescribing and non-prescribing physicians who will agree with me. Just look at an insert from a filled prescription (if you can get the pharmacist to actually give you one!) or check out the Physician's Desk Reference. All of the information on the drugs listed in the PDR is provided by the pharmaceutical companies themselves. It's there!



Hormonal birth control works in three ways:



#1 It changes the consistency of the cervical mucus making it harder but not impossible for sperm to "swim" to the waiting egg.



#2 It makes it less likely but not impossible for a women to ovulate (release an egg).



#3 It "irritates" the lining of the uterus so that the enviroment is inhospitable for a fertilized egg. (sperm+egg=fertilized egg) In other words, the fertilized egg cannot implant into the lining of the mother's uterus and thus it dies!


Unfortunately, The "Progesterone-only pill" as well as the device known as the IUD work only in the manner of #3.




Back to you Joyful Girl,

You absolutely must follow your conscience on this one! Talk again to your fiance. See if he will go to a class or read a book with you about NFP. (There are "at-home" courses on NFP!) Try pre-marital counseling. Can you both sit down and talk to your pastor about this. Share with your pastor what you have learned. I'll say a prayer that you and your fiance continue to try to follow God's will in this matter.



BTW, Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Marriage is great. I have been married for over 12 years. As I said earlier, we have 6 children! It is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life!



Fireman's Wife

 

[IslandBreeze]

To the OP--Birth control is an individual choice. Different people feel differently about it. If you feel convicted, don't use birth control. For other people, they may feel convicted to use it. I personally have no qualms about birth control. I view the Pill the same most people do Tylenol...you take it when you have a headache, right? For me, children would be a headache. (And I don't mean that to be rude or offensive, I'm just being brutally honest about my feelings on the matter). Pray about it. Seek Godly advice and counsel on the matter, and good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[slugwaterbug]

I never knew about what Fireman's Wife said about birth control "killing". It's eye-opening. But I still look at it this way: when I was depressed and suicidal, I refused to take meds because I said "I have Jesus, I can do anything"...WHICH IS TRUE, don't get me wrong...but I was then told that yes, that is true, but God also gave man the brainpower to come up with medication to help get better. I think this holds true on the birth control issue as well. Now, I am re-thinking my standpoint on this issue (before I was all about birth control, but now that I know how it actually works, I'm not so sure). HOWEVER he also gave man the brainpower to come up with condoms. You can't tell me that condoms are a form of abortion. I know they aren't 100% effective, but the way I see that is well, if the condom breaks and you get pregnant, obviously God wants you to be pregnant. Maybe you guys could compromise and just stick to condoms?

 

[TCapp]

I've used non chemical birth control. I've also used an excellent family planning method, called the Billings Ovulation method. It works well. If you go that route, I recommend it.


I started using it when latex roughed me up too much (sorry for being slightly graphic). But I have no issue with using them. I agree that you should do as you feel God compels you to do, but you need not knock birth control completely, either.

I get a little antsy when folks say "you have to let God have control." I agree, don't get me wrong, but He also allows us to use common sense. If I wear my seatbelt, is it because I'm not letting God have control? No. Now I'm not trying to compare procreation with a life and death situation (although, for some women, it is) but I don't think it is sufficient to simply slap a cliche on things and call it good.

I'll add one more thought. All our children were conceived despite birth control, so I'm willing to wager that if God says it is time, there's no stopping His will.

With all that said, however, I still say you do as you feel God commands. And God bless you on your upcoming marriage.

 

[wonder111]

I've been told by my doctor that because i'm type 1 diabetic, I would have to go on the pill, and properly plan a pregnancy because if my blood sugar wasn't under good control it could really harm the baby. What about in that case?

 

[DaveKerwin]

My fiancee and I have basically decided that we do not like hormonal forms of birth control. We do plan on using contraceptives however. It is true that God is in control of new life, but so are we. This is part of our free will. So you need to first seek God on the issue, then you need to talk about it more with your fiancee.

 

[Manna]

My husband and I both feel very strongly that God does not want us to use birth control in our marriage. However, we haven't always felt that way! We went to him to decide which kind to use, and that was the answer we got! It's challenging, though. Because you have to be clear on what God is telling you at ALL times. There have been times where He didn't want my husband and I being intimate, and we needed to hear that. It's difficult, but so wonderful to know that no matter what, we are right in the middle of God's hand. My only advice is just to say to continue to pray about it. I merely skimmed over the rest of the posts, so I'm not sure if your fiance is a Christian or not. If he is, then I, personally, would pray for God to tell him what the two of you are to do, and if he is sure he is getting it from God, I would submit to that. I'm not saying sit back and do nothing, I'm just telling you what I would do. That's not right for everyone, and I'm sure there are many that would disagree with me....just mho!

Anna

 

[cas_mason]

Joyful, this is going to have to be a decision both you and fiancee make together with God but without outside advice. Make sure that children are what you both want and when you both feel the time is right. You're life is already going to change alot, in a nice way, with getting married soon. Enjoy being married first, have fun getting to know each other. Children are a huge commitment and I am sure that both you and God will know when the time is right. I know that my fiancee would like children but I don't feel I am ready so it's not putting yourself in the "position" (parden the pun) where you are going to reject your children because they are not wanted. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, long day at work.

I hope this helps, and have a great wedding day, (not long to go now!!!)

 

[Fireman's Wife]

Slugwaterbug is correct in saying that condoms are not abortifacient. I am betting that it still would not be a reasonable compromise because, if I understand Joyful correctly she is talking about all forms of artificial contraception. I use Natural Family Planning only. Scientific study shows it is up to 98% reliable with proper use. It can also be used to acheive pregnancy as well. I have used it for many years with 100% success to avoid, as well as, acheive pregnancy.
As far as God wanting you to become pregnant if the condom breaks, consider for a moment that maybe God wants certain individuals to become pregnant but there is no way they can because they say "no" to God through their use of artificial contraception much like we all sometimes do in other aspects of our life. (Please, do not say "God is bigger than contraception". I have heard this before but yet it holds no logic. God is bigger than a lot of evils that he allows to happen.)
And yes, God gave men minds which they have used to, among other things, develop a number of "medications", not all of them good and not all of them used for good purposes.
In the case of the diabetic, you speak as if you believe that only artificial contraception is effective. Let me assure you that NFP is a highly effective means of controlling your fertility. Many physicians earn much money and many perks through prescribing contraceptives. Some also have a hard time putting their trust in things "non-chemical" when it comes to treating illness and wellness etc. Physicians may not be enthusiastic about NFP so if you are interested, I would suggest reading up on the subject. Do a search on "Couple to Couple League". They are experts with physician backing!

Fireman's Wife

 

[MetalBlade]

In God's eyes what is the reason for sexual intercourse? Most of us would say to reproduce, or something similiar. So if you are having sex, just for fun or because you're not ready to have children, yet you want to have that intamicy with you're to be husband, then protection isn't all that bad.

 

[OpenMinded-Protestant]

Joyful, as soon as you find the answer to this one, let me know!! My fiance and i are struggling w/ the same decision! Right now we are leaning toward the pill. But, we are still praying about it, and keeping our minds open to whatever God wants us to do. I kind of agree w/ the posts that are saying, God gave us common sense, and if we are fulltime students and full time working, theres just not much time for a kid right now! lol, but then again, maybe God is telling us not to get married yet, or just to trust him... AHHHHH!!!! (does anybody know Gods email address!?!?!?!?!?)

 

[Fireman's Wife]

In God's eyes what is the reason for sexual intercourse? Most of us would say to reproduce, or something similiar. So if you are having sex, just for fun or because you're not ready to have children, yet you want to have that intamicy with you're to be husband, then protection isn't all that bad.

Metal Blade,

Some might say that you should not separate the two purposes of the marriage act: that of procreation and that of unity. Read through the thread titled "Contraception and the Catholic Church". You will find a different perspective than what you have and you may find it is a view you have never even considered before.

 

[Fireman's Wife]

Joyful, as soon as you find the answer to this one, let me know!! My fiance and i are struggling w/ the same decision! Right now we are leaning toward the pill. But, we are still praying about it, and keeping our minds open to whatever God wants us to do. I kind of agree w/ the posts that are saying, God gave us common sense, and if we are fulltime students and full time working, theres just not much time for a kid right now! lol, but then again, maybe God is telling us not to get married yet, or just to trust him... AHHHHH!!!! (does anybody know Gods email address!?!?!?!?!?)

(Bold quote above is Fireman's Wife's emphasis)...

Openminded,
I think you are wiser than you realize!

Fireman's Wife