Being Single: Gender Perspectives

[angelsaroundme]

It's understandable that people would want their own space if the main space is othering (as couples/family focused churches can be for singles, who intentionally or not, may be made to feel as less than or as needing to change). It's quite difficult of a situation when even that space becomes a place of pressure, almost like marriage conversion or something. Not everyone wants to get married and those desiring marriage may still find it difficult to achieve in that context. I imagine singles would feel less pressure in a mega church where less attention would be put on individuals and more on worship and the message. I haven't really been able to test that theory as I've never lived close to one.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The last guy I dated I wasn't physically attracted to him. What attracted me to him was that he kept telling me what he liked about me. It made me feel loved and he was the first guy that ever made me feel that way. The other guys only complemented my physical features. Not him...until we were further in the relationship.

Does anyone else feel like these churches that have a negative attitude about a Singles group in the church are hypocrites about it? Maybe they've mentioned that it's wrong for Believing women to marry non-Believing men (but don't say vice-versa on Believing men). Or you have concluded that the church leaders must see dating in the church as a sin even though these people have been married since their 20s.

Singles groups do tend to dissolve over time, like a couple of years. The last one I knew of faded away and the church didn't have any ties nor sponsors to it...they just allowed space (a room) for them to meet, that's it. So it wasn't advertised through the church's channels.

I think the two people that lead it was a man and a woman, the man was attempting to date the woman in the group, and anyways, some kind of drama formed when she friend zoned him, and he left the group. I recall this one woman, rather attractive (not that I had an interest), that was a "swing by" type.
That she'd just "swing by" the post-Bible study social to talk, but never stuck around to form friendships or fellowship. I was wondering if she was just scanning the room for prospects and then leaving. She ran a Christian homeless shelter or something as her daily job thing.

But I did a search on this kind of thing, and apparently these groups don't last long. Either enough people couple up and disappear to no longer justify the group's existence, or just people stop showing up due to lack of interest and more interests in events outside of church altogether.

Back in the Yahoo Personals days, there was a woman I was communicating with on that site that knew of a rather popular singles group at a certain church. The church allowed for any Christian to attend...you didn't have to be a regular at their Sunday services either. She said she tried out that group and she said it was mostly full of men she wouldn't even consider having in her life. A lot of awkward/unattractive men. Thus her reason for taking it online

Thanks to Christian Mingle and Christian themed singles sites, in-person singles groups are no longer necessary.

 

[Citanul]

Back in the Yahoo Personals days, there was a woman I was communicating with on that site that knew of a rather popular singles group at a certain church. The church allowed for any Christian to attend...you didn't have to be a regular at their Sunday services either. She said she tried out that group and she said it was mostly full of men she wouldn't even consider having in her life. A lot of awkward/unattractive men. Thus her reason for taking it online

Thanks to Christian Mingle and Christian themed singles sites, in-person singles groups are no longer necessary.

This is the issue I brought up in my post. What should the purpose of church singles groups be? To find a partner or to fellowship with other people in a similar place in their life?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

This is the issue I brought up in my post. What should the purpose of church singles groups be? To find a partner or to fellowship with other people in a similar place in their life?

Right, people tend to keep their dating life and faith and fellowship life exclusive.

 

[Niels]

People often married out of the singles groups that I belonged to.

This is the issue I brought up in my post. What should the purpose of church singles groups be? To find a partner or to fellowship with other people in a similar place in their life?

Why not both or something else?

Despite what I said about not liking alcohol in another thread, bars serve a similar purpose. Although not all patrons are single, people also gather there to hang out with friends (a kind of fellowship), to find romance, to watch sports, etc. They serve multiple purposes.