Being Single: Gender Perspectives

ThisIsMe123

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There you go. The range is wide, it just needs to be roamed.

I think the only reason I like being single (other than my personal freedom I suppose), is the ability to "check out" the variety of ladies that come into view lol. That I still have that freedom to flirt and check 'em out. :)
 
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ZephBonkerer

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This Christian woman I was getting to know, saw these posts on my Facebook and realized we wouldn't be compatible based on that. Somehow I was...I dunno...promoting demonic content on my page...

I was thinking "Man, don't be so dramatic!"
I would read this as a sign that this person is pursuing Christianity as a mere religion rather than as a genuine follower of Jesus.

In John 10:10, Jesus didn't say "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have religion and have their lives ruled by it." Instead, He said something very different.
 
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MehGuy

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As far as my perspective goes, ever since I entered my late 20s, I have noticed a lot more women around my age being aggressive with wanting to date me. I predict this will become more intense when I enter my later 30s and temper down during my 40s. An age where I think many women become content with the idea that marriage/children just isn't going to happen for them. People are free to pursue who they want... but I do find it creepy when female co-workers and whatnot talk about how good of a 'husband' I'd be. Or when they seem perplexed why I am so content being single myself. There is some annoying protection on their part there.

Personally, I'm in no real hurry to settle down... and if I never get married it doesn't really bother me. An unusual amount of my family members has never married (not for lack of options).. I really do believe it's just a genetic thing for me. Both of my sisters have said the same thing... they're not really too giddy about married life. To a lesser extent it's probably somewhat of a millennial mindset too.
 
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Lost Witness

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I'm kind of flexible when it comes to age. Heck, I find the older Marissa Tomei attractive. lol
I think she's an attractive woman as well :oldthumbsup:
prefer older ladies myself.
 
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Saucy

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I've only had one real relationship and it was actually someone I met on here and we did meet. I made a lot of mistakes and have plenty of regrets. We met right after my dad died and I was a mess mentally and sort of rebelled in my faith, so I wasn't taking it too seriously at the time. As the years (17 years! WOW!) have gone by and I've grown and matured, taking my faith so much more seriously now, I feel ready to meet someone and give this whole thing another chance to do it right.
 
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rturner76

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As of now I am not dating.
Good, don't date until you get your mind right about who should and shouldn't be acceptable as a Christian mate. Most of the time we want someone who looks hot and has an exciting personality. Sweep you right off your feet. Take the time to get to know someone from the inside out and you will have more options for dating.
 
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ZephBonkerer

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Good, don't date until you get your mind right about who should and shouldn't be acceptable as a Christian mate. Most of the time we want someone who looks hot and has an exciting personality. Sweep you right off your feet. Take the time to get to know someone from the inside out and you will have more options for dating.

That seems to be an all-but universal rule in dating. The things that create the initial attraction are very different than the things that sustain the relationship once it is established.
 
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peaceful-forest

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Good, don't date until you get your mind right about who should and shouldn't be acceptable as a Christian mate. Most of the time we want someone who looks hot and has an exciting personality. Sweep you right off your feet. Take the time to get to know someone from the inside out and you will have more options for dating.
The last guy I dated I wasn't physically attracted to him. What attracted me to him was that he kept telling me what he liked about me. It made me feel loved and he was the first guy that ever made me feel that way. The other guys only complemented my physical features. Not him...until we were further in the relationship.
 
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Sketcher

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The last church I was a member of, their explanation was "we have more important things to focus on".
In college, that's what a lot of guys were unofficially taught to think, I heard gals say things to that effect too. Dating in campus ministries wasn't sin, but it wasn't encouraged either.

Which wasn't particularly helpful to introverts like me when it came to getting to know women and making that step to actually date them. My default is not to pursue any kind of relationship with any person. Thus, the encouragement to pursue opposite sex relationships from well-meaning friends didn't really materialize that much. And the couple times it did, it did not pay off. One thought she was too good for me after a couple of dates, the other turned out to be very mentally unhealthy. Turns out that when people close to you make recommendations and have bad filters, having them help you find someone brings bad results.
 
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peaceful-forest

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Turns out that when people close to you make recommendations and have bad filters, having them help you find someone brings bad results.

That's how my parents met. They knew someone who ended up knowing another person. They have a bad marriage.
 
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peaceful-forest

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In college, that's what a lot of guys were unofficially taught to think, I heard gals say things to that effect too. Dating in campus ministries wasn't sin, but it wasn't encouraged either.
Does anyone else feel like these churches that have a negative attitude about a Singles group in the church are hypocrites about it? Maybe they've mentioned that it's wrong for Believing women to marry non-Believing men (but don't say vice-versa on Believing men). Or you have concluded that the church leaders must see dating in the church as a sin even though these people have been married since their 20s.
 
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Sketcher

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Maybe they've mentioned that it's wrong for Believing women to marry non-Believing men (but don't say vice-versa on Believing men).
Can't say I've run into that - if someone was teaching men they could marry unbelieving women, that would be jumped on faster than the idea that women can pursue.

Or you have concluded that the church leaders must see dating in the church as a sin even though these people have been married since their 20s.
I think the leaders just let it go because it's less drama they have to deal with. That, and discernible signs from God re: relationships seems disproportionately high among them.
 
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ZephBonkerer

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... Or you have concluded that the church leaders must see dating in the church as a sin even though these people have been married since their 20s.
Why would dating be a sin per se in the church? Is that a holdover from the Purity Culture nonsense that we all were subjected to in the 1990s and 2000s?
 
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peaceful-forest

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Why would dating be a sin per se in the church? Is that a holdover from the Purity Culture nonsense that we all were subjected to in the 1990s and 2000s?
I thought it had something to do with certain Christians having a negative belief about sex.
 
Lost Witness
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Premarital sex = fornication
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peaceful-forest
peaceful-forest
I was talking about how some Christians think Godly sex is wrong. Like who came up with the idea that sex is only for the man?
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Lost Witness
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not sure that has anything to do with the above quote at all? :scratch:
that's got nothing to do with Dating at all but with Marriage and the marriage bed is meant to be for both men and women to fulfill BOTH their needs so they won't be tempted.
Guess it just confused me because you responded to a quote with a statement and not with a question?
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rturner76

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The last guy I dated I wasn't physically attracted to him. What attracted me to him was that he kept telling me what he liked about me. It made me feel loved and he was the first guy that ever made me feel that way. The other guys only complemented my physical features. Not him...until we were further in the relationship.
It's hard to tell with men because we have that hidden agenda to sleep with the woman we are interested in but at least if someone is complimenting you on your nonphisical features, there is a better chance that they appreciate the person you are. Still so many men pay lip service to compliment you it's hard to know who is being genuine.
 
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ZephBonkerer

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I thought it had something to do with certain Christians having a negative belief about sex.

It could be that too. I get greatly irritated when some Christians act like prudes. Even worse when they make a show of it as if it's something to be proud of. Perhaps it's a way for asexual people to fancy themselves as better than those of us with a sex drive.

That sort of thing discredits the Faith as a whole. And it makes us all look like uptight ding dongs. There's nothing holy or righteous about prudishness.
 
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Miles

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I thought it had something to do with certain Christians having a negative belief about sex.
For a while, it was popular to "kiss dating goodbye". Along with the idea that you should only date the individual that you intend to marry. Maybe some are still saying this. Who really knows these days, however, as such extra-Biblical things led me to stop taking mainstream Christian culture seriously.

Since when is committing to "court" somebody before you have a sense of who they truly are a good idea? It boggles the mind. Sure, sometimes two people see each other across a crowded room and that connection lasts a lifetime. However, they're the exception to the rule. The rule is shown in the contemporary Christian divorce rate.

If anything, we should kiss dating hello. Just be responsible about it. Dating doesn't have to be sinful. Its values are simply the values of the two individuals involved. This isn't rocket science, but with so many looking or excuses to act like nonbelievers I can see how there might be a problem. But then again, who are they fooling? The assumption that it has to be that way is mostly projection in my opinion. The "kiss dating goodbye" attitude says more about the person saying it than it does about dating itself.

It could be that too. I get greatly irritated when some Christians act like prudes. Even worse when they make a show of it as if it's something to be proud of. Perhaps it's a way for asexual people to fancy themselves as better than those of us with a sex drive.

That sort of thing discredits the Faith as a whole. And it makes us all look like uptight ding dongs. There's nothing holy or righteous about prudishness.

Maybe I'm a prude, who knows, but I don't make a show if it in real life. It doesn't make me holier than thou, but it does help keep me out of trouble. My life is simply simpler and more manageable not looking like a soap opera. The libido isn't lacking, but the cons of extramarital sex outweigh the pros for me.

"Prude" comes from the word prudent, which describes how I envision my best self. That is, "Acting with or showing care and thought for the future." It's what strength looks like in practice and how I strive to be with God's help. Few will reward you or pat you on the back for making prudent choices. The rewards are intrinsic and don't depend on outward approval.
 
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Lost Witness
Lost Witness
we're suppose to be kind but not accepting of sin..
supposed to Reproach it...
The LORD GOD ALMIGHTY expected all his Prophets to reproach sin,
it's no different with us,
Look at PAUL for example.
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Citanul

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I think church's opposition to singles groups can come from not wanting people to use those groups primarily as a way to find a partner, and based on discussions I've seen on CF over the years, it does seem like that's what many are looking for from a singles group. That doesn't mean that relationships can't develop from such a group, just that such groups shouldn't be seen as dating services.

But if it's primarily about fellowship then is it necessary for those groups to cater specifically to singles? In the church I grew up in we had groups for young adults which would cater for the 18+ age group. Sometimes married couples would join, and there were also those who got married while part of the group. While my view has at least in some part been shaped by that being my experience, that model does seem to make more sense to me than having a divide between single and married people which a singles group would create.
 
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