Baptized December 11, dealing with depression. Thinking about suicide

[isaiah15689]

This is a part that does not make sense to me. Your mom knows you are changing your life. Have you been living with her for very long? To me, now is when she would want you to remain there, so you can get back on your feet. This time going in the right direction with your future. You had money to drink and for pot. Now, take that money and use it wisely. What kind of jobs have you had? What kind would you like to have? Get your mind and actions going in the way of the path you want that will lead you to your desired destiny as to your family and yourself.

I have been living with her almost a year. I just started changing in this past month and I am out of money and work. My experience is in the sales and oil/metal industry. I have been disrespectful and resentful towards her over this time. Even after my baptism we have had a couple arguments (I apologized) she knows that I quit the pot and drinking. I guess it is just time for her to have some space

 

[isaiah15689]

Are you in PA? Stay in touch, let us know how you are doing! Email me any time you need to!

I am in Orange Texas. Right outside of PA. Can you message me your email address? I would love to keep everyone updated and to stay in contact

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[isaiah15689]

I want to thank you all for the support and love that you have given me today. I called my daughters Grandmother (the custodial parent) and apologized. She forgave me and told me to look to the future and do better. I am working on scheduling a meeting with her pastor to see if I can join the congregation and start taking steps to becoming closer to my family with Christ as our leader. All of you have given me hope today. I never knew how much support and love I would get with joining the Lord's family. I am overwhelmed with thanks. I won't give up. Thank you for everything.

I am still at the beginning of this journey and I am looking for new friends. I would greatly appreciate connecting with all of you over the years. If you wish to connect you can find me on social media or reach me via email

isaiahsias15689@gmail.com

Today has been hard, but God has sent me beautiful people to help. Thank you all for helping me. Your love and understanding mean the world to me.

 

[isaiah15689]

Did she see her grandchildren for Christmas? It is good that you are working on not arguing with your mom. You are a changed person now. Let the old habits fall away. You have some good abilities it sounds like for employers, so being in Texas should be the right location to get a job with those skills. Have a successful meeting today with your pastor.

My mom didn't see the girls for Christmas. They live with their mother and their Grandmother on their mother's side. They have always welcomed my family. But me and my family have not fully received their offer and forgiveness yet. I harbored a lot of resentment due to past experiences. I tend to change that and have us all connect God willing.

 

[Grace2022]

Hi
God is able. Able to do anything. We alone cannot, but He can and will if you ask.
I faced impossible things just a few years ago. Yet my life is transformed. All through partnership with Him. Praying, being guide my part has been to ask, believe and work hard. God does the rest.
Tell your mother, your wife. By letter if necessary. That you have been baptised and want a better life and to make amends to them and the children. Ask them to forgive you and help you. Then do what is right to put things right.
You can do this.

 

[isaiah15689]

Hi
God is able. Able to do anything. We alone cannot, but He can and will if you ask.
I faced impossible things just a few years ago. Yet my life is transformed. All through partnership with Him. Praying, being guide my part has been to ask, believe and work hard. God does the rest.
Tell your mother, your wife. By letter if necessary. That you have been baptised and want a better life and to make amends to them and the children. Ask them to forgive you and help you. Then do what is right to put things right.
You can do this.

Thank you for sharing and thank you for your inspiration! I will definitely take your advice. I want to make amends and live a better life with them and God with all my heart!

 

[teresa]

ON this website, CF, we also have a team of chaplains that you can consult with privately here:

Chaplains Office

I highly recommend contacting them by starting a thread.

They are very highly responsive.

Start a thread with them right now?

 

[isaiah15689]

ON this website, CF, we also have a team of chaplains that you can consult with privately here:

Chaplains Office

I highly recommend contacting them by starting a thread.

They are very highly responsive.

Start a thread with them right now?

Yes, I will. Thank you so much for this resource! God bless!

 

[Almost there]

Thank you for your open honesty and testimony. How did you get past the pain of your old life and get better? Do you mind me asking how you and your sons families are now? I have never spoken to anyone who has had a similar experience to me before.

I had three daughters. My current wife has two sons and a daughter.

I cried for three days solid when I was removed from my home without cause. However, prayer was huge and I refocused my life because of it. It was hard on my daughters, but in the end, they are doing great. They all paid their way through school. One is now an accountant, another acquired a civil engineering degree and uses it in her position for an insurance company to analyze risk in commercial buildings. The third was, as it turned out, skipping every day at school (she was the oldest) but ended up getting a GED and is now a product manager for a large company.

Regarding my wife's three kids, daughter paid her way through college and became an IT specialist in the medical profession, the youngest boy became an iron worker and now manages other workers at large building sites in Seattle. He's involved with rebar and those big cranes you see over the high rises.

The older son became a truck driver for a firm that delivers diesel to job sites and 18 wheelers while parked at night. He ended up quitting and starting his own company (doing the same thing). He now has 9 trucks of his own with drivers to match and just purchased a multi million dollar building and had it completely refurbished (new roof, etc.) It includes the main office, a full shower and locker area for his drivers as well as 20,000 square feet of warehouse for truck storage, a parts area, full repair shop and indoor truck wash.

BTW, the trucks cost approximately $270,000 each and he paid cash for the last four. He also worked his butt off for about five years getting it up and running.

Seriously. One day at a time...Today.

 

[isaiah15689]

I had three daughters. My current wife has two sons and a daughter.

I cried for three days solid when I was removed from my home without cause. However, prayer was huge and I refocused my life because of it. It was hard on my daughters, but in the end, they are doing great. They all paid their way through school. One is now an accountant, another acquired a civil engineering degree and uses it in her position for an insurance company to analyze risk in commercial buildings. The third was, as it turned out, skipping every day at school (she was the oldest) but ended up getting a GED and is now a product manager for a large company.

Regarding my wife's three kids, daughter paid her way through college and became an IT specialist in the medical profession, the youngest boy became an iron worker and now manages other workers at large building sites in Seattle. He's involved with rebar and those big cranes you see over the high rises.

The older son became a truck driver for a firm that delivers diesel to job sites and 18 wheelers while parked at night. He ended up quitting and starting his own company (doing the same thing). He now has 9 trucks of his own with drivers to match and just purchased a multi million dollar building and had it completely refurbished (new roof, etc.) It includes the main office, a full shower and locker area for his drivers as well as 20,000 square feet of warehouse for truck storage, a parts area, full repair shop and indoor truck wash.

BTW, the trucks cost approximately $270,000 each and he paid cash for the last four. He also worked his butt off for about five years getting it up and running.

Seriously. One day at a time...Today.

I am sorry that you went through so much pain but I am happy that you and your family are well. It is great to see that you have all found success. It sounds like you are all close. That is a blessing. Congratulations to you, your children and their mothers too. I am glad that all is well. Your story is an inspiration and I will remember you for your advice.

Every day we are born again. Every day is a new life.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi,

There is no easy way to say this. I am a sinner. I was a horrible sinner. I abused the love of those around me, I did whatever I wanted while believing that life was meaningless. I have always hated the fact of my existence and could never understand why God would put me here in such a place to face trial and then judgement. I feel like my life was predestined and I have seen and lived it before. I am having trouble escaping my old thinking and deja'vu is a daily occurrence.

I have three beautiful daughters who I forgot to visit yesterday (Christmas 2017). It was on my mind all day but I put it on the back burner because I was dealing with feelings of depression of not having any gifts for them. In all actuality, it didn't matter, they are all under the age of five. Over the course of my fatherhood, I have failed in being there for them and holding a job. That is right, I am a deadbeat dad.

I was always resentful toward my family because of my upbringing. It was hard. But I am 26 now. I had plenty time to take responsibility and build a better life for myself. I ran from that a lot.

I have always valued discipline and well rounded people who had themselves together. I have always wanted better for myself but for some reason, change always felt out of reach. I have feeling so hateful and guilty toward myself over the years that I suicide has been a constant thought haunting me since childhood. I struggle with mental illness (better said a bad heart).

I was baptized December 11 of this year hoping to make a change. I cannot deny our mighty Lord's existence in my life anymore. I decided to commit at the point where my life was (and still is) falling apart. I am having trouble holding on. I gave up drinking and smoking pot, but I still smoke cigarettes because of stress. I have an amazing new congregation, but do not know how to reach out to them about something like this. I live with my mother and it is time for me to leave. (we have already had the talk) my best option is probably Lafayette Louisiana.

I prayed for God to bring me spiritual teachers and a congregation. He did. He has given me the tools to start changing. With that being said, I think that leaving is a bad idea.

However, with all that is happening and all that I am and the way that I keep failing our Father I feel unworthy. I feel like one of his children that fell away. I want to be with him for I know that he is the only one that get heal me and get me through all of this but year after year, I fail and I fail. I feel lost. I feel that even though he has covered me with his Grace and wants me to come to him, that I have already fell and fallen away.

I never wanted to live life in the first place. I knew that it was too much as a child. For some reason, I knew that I would fall away.

I just want happiness, love, peace and joy. I want my family back and to have a clear mind. I want to know love. I feel like I have been in darkness my entire life. I finally want to know light.

Please,

HELP ME!!!

Go to see your daughters as soon as you can. YOU are the gift they are needing this Christmas. It isn't too late.

When you get there, realise that the pain you feel is yours either to hold, or to pass to them. Look at your daughters and think of the father that they deserve, and realise that that father is you; for all your faults, you are their father and they love and need you. Think of years to come and of time to be spent with them; those are gifts that money cannot buy and they are yours.

You cannot seek love and happiness for yourself; all you can do is seek to give it to those around you. By giving love away we find true contentment for ourselves. The light you seek is to be found in serving others and forgetting yourself; find where you can serve God in other people and you will find where you belong.

Lord, have mercy.

 

[isaiah15689]

Go to see your daughters as soon as you can. YOU are the gift they are needing this Christmas. It isn't too late.

When you get there, realise that the pain you feel is yours either to hold, or to pass to them. Look at your daughters and think of the father that they deserve, and realise that that father is you; for all your faults, you are their father and they love and need you. Think of years to come and of time to be spent with them; those are gifts that money cannot buy and they are yours.

You cannot seek love and happiness for yourself; all you can do is seek to give it to those around you. By giving love away we find true contentment for ourselves. The light you seek is to be found in serving others and forgetting yourself; find where you can serve God in other people and you will find where you belong.

Lord, have mercy.

Thank you for this. I have been looking for love and happiness for myself. I didn't give it freely to those around me because I was resentful. I did not give it to strangers because I was prideful. Thank you for your advice and your wisdom. You have explained this in a way that I can now understand with more clarity. Thank you for asking the Lord to have mercy for me. I know that I don't deserve it, but for the life of me, I need it.

 

[Catherineanne]

Thank you for this. I have been looking for love and happiness for myself. I didn't give it freely to those around me because I was resentful. I did not give it to strangers because I was prideful. Thank you for your advice and your wisdom. You have explained this in a way that I can now understand with more clarity. Thank you for asking the Lord to have mercy for me. I know that I don't deserve it, but for the life of me, I need it.

None of us deserves it, and all of us need it.

God be with you, Isaiah.

 

[Grace2022]

Isiah
I hope you are feeling better? I think the advice we have given you is your turning point. The devil will not like it as you truly become a follower of Jesus Christ. Beware there will be further attacks on you, pray and call upon Jesus name each time. You are on the safe road to light and joy now.

Having tried to help you yesyerday i found myself under a little attack as i went to sleep ladt night! I felt something horrible nearby. It sounds a bit mad i know. But i said the Lords Prayer and asked Jesus to help, it went away and i slept fine. Spiritual warfare is real, we cannot directly do anything. Always we must call on Christ to save our souls. He always does.
Let us know how you get on. Ask your pastor to help you. Xx

 

[nutsofacto]

Hi,

There is no easy way to say this. I am a sinner. I was a horrible sinner. I abused the love of those around me, I did whatever I wanted while believing that life was meaningless. I have always hated the fact of my existence and could never understand why God would put me here in such a place to face trial and then judgement. I feel like my life was predestined and I have seen and lived it before. I am having trouble escaping my old thinking and deja'vu is a daily occurrence.

I have three beautiful daughters who I forgot to visit yesterday (Christmas 2017). It was on my mind all day but I put it on the back burner because I was dealing with feelings of depression of not having any gifts for them. In all actuality, it didn't matter, they are all under the age of five. Over the course of my fatherhood, I have failed in being there for them and holding a job. That is right, I am a deadbeat dad.

I was always resentful toward my family because of my upbringing. It was hard. But I am 26 now. I had plenty time to take responsibility and build a better life for myself. I ran from that a lot.

I have always valued discipline and well rounded people who had themselves together. I have always wanted better for myself but for some reason, change always felt out of reach. I have feeling so hateful and guilty toward myself over the years that I suicide has been a constant thought haunting me since childhood. I struggle with mental illness (better said a bad heart).

I was baptized December 11 of this year hoping to make a change. I cannot deny our mighty Lord's existence in my life anymore. I decided to commit at the point where my life was (and still is) falling apart. I am having trouble holding on. I gave up drinking and smoking pot, but I still smoke cigarettes because of stress. I have an amazing new congregation, but do not know how to reach out to them about something like this. I live with my mother and it is time for me to leave. (we have already had the talk) my best option is probably Lafayette Louisiana.

I prayed for God to bring me spiritual teachers and a congregation. He did. He has given me the tools to start changing. With that being said, I think that leaving is a bad idea.

However, with all that is happening and all that I am and the way that I keep failing our Father I feel unworthy. I feel like one of his children that fell away. I want to be with him for I know that he is the only one that get heal me and get me through all of this but year after year, I fail and I fail. I feel lost. I feel that even though he has covered me with his Grace and wants me to come to him, that I have already fell and fallen away.

I never wanted to live life in the first place. I knew that it was too much as a child. For some reason, I knew that I would fall away.

I just want happiness, love, peace and joy. I want my family back and to have a clear mind. I want to know love. I feel like I have been in darkness my entire life. I finally want to know light.

Please,

HELP ME!!!

 

[nutsofacto]

At the end of the first year after my 'commitment' to Christ my life was still a basket-case - totally reprobate...it didn't get much better for years but I 'just barely' 'hung in there'. I was terribly abused in every way possible as a child and consequently lived a life of depression and anxiety but somehow was a very successful meteorologist in the Navy for 20 years and and a very, very successful career as a psychiatric social worker and meanwhile was ever so slowly learning about a God that loved me...and at 80 found out and believed that He LIKES me too. That's why He never gave up on me and why He'll never give up on you!!! So do whatever you can to 'hang in there' and be in touch as much as possible with believers - please find a welcoming bible-believing fellowship. And please don't forget that with God 'there is no shadow of turning' - He loves you incomprehensively and always will - ALWAYS. And I'll zsee you in Paradise.