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back on the rollercoaster...

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notworthknowing

notworthknowing

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Well... I guess this ride hasn't stopped. Just sat at the top of the hill for awhile... but now I've plummeted back down at break neck speed and here I sit, stuck once again. I really thought I had managed to put this behind me, but I guess not.

Yep, I'm back to looking in the mirror and seeing a huge blob. I'm back to hating to be around food. I'm back to physically feeling sick at the thought of putting something in my mouth and swallowing. It's been almost 4 days since I last ate. I'm back on the water, vitamin pills and one meal replacement drink a day diet. The guilt factor is enormous - feel guilty for not eating... even guiltier when I do.

I hate this ride... wanna get off... when does it end?

Love,
Kaitie
 
jen_soccer13

jen_soccer13

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Hey sweetie. I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I wish I had some advice....but the truth is that I am in your place too. I hope you realize what you are doing and stop. I don't wanna see you hurt...but then again who am I to tell you to stop? sorry for rambling...I care about you.
 
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goldenviolet

goldenviolet

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:angel: kaitie love .... spiritual war! fight to get back on track for you and maddie....:hug:... how about a small plan to fallow? like breakfast or brunch commitment. and light meals during the day? walking after you eat (sitting slows digestion) this is what is messing up your sleep i'll guess. lack of food = added stress... = lack of sleep + anxiety+ restlessness :( ... take care of lovely Kaitie. :hug: and maddie needs you honey. see the doc if you have too. :hug:

ED can be very taxing. focus on the things you are doing right. don't let this struggle tear you down from where God is taking you. overall this struggle is nothing compared to the lovely blessings you are learning and recieving in other recoveries. :angel: ..... love you sweet kaitie!:angel:
 
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PromiseSeeker

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Katie ~ (not going to call you "notworthknowing" because you are! ;) )

Sweetie, I KNOW about the spiral, or rollercoaster that you're on. First hand I know that it's a tough row to hoe, but I KNOW that you can take charge of this. You are not what your body looks like. You are not a number or a size.... you are Katie and God loves you! Keep your chin up!

I'm praying for you! :prayer:
 
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