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Attached people at singles functions

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, Aug 12, 2017.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    282
    +71
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I had met this woman at a Christian singles event that was scheduled via Facebook...and me, her and a few other people I had gotten to know over the course of the evening. I feel I actually connected with quite a few people as we had a fun time during out fellowship.

    I did kind of take a liking to a particular lady as her personality really got my attention. We took some photos and when I went to add her as a friend on Facebook, I had noticed that she had "in a relationship" on her profile.

    This was a first for me, as she wasn't involved with anyone from the church...she came stag, by herself w/o her boyfriend, which I found odd. Every person I have ever known that was involved with someone....was always out with their sig. other on a Sat. night and not around a bunch of unattached men, right?

    I spoke with the lead person of the group about this as me and him have a history.

    He said, "Well, she is single..as not being married...so she just probably would appreciate the fellowship and friendship of other singles. The group isn't really about dating, but about making friends and fellowship."

    I GUESS I get what he means, but still...every singles group I had ever been in, once someone got involved they at least brought their sig. other with them or they'd not be with us but spending time with their b/f or g/f.

    When I had gotten to know her, she never mentioned her boyfriend when I was getting to know her.

    I mean, it's just a first for me to have come across this in a singles group. I mean, she could be in a long dist. thing with him *shrug*. Who knows. But if I were her b/f, I don't think I'd even like her doing this as it may give other likely unattached single men the wrong idea, yes? no?
     
  2. PeachieKeen

    PeachieKeen Well-Known Member

    405
    +536
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Just one possibility- I used to list I was in a relationship on fb even though I wasn't just so creepy guys would leave me alone. Might be a thing.

    But I do agree- single until married.
     
  3. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +938
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    I can think of a few different reasons why it might be the case e.g maybe her boyfriend simply wasn't able to make it that evening, maybe he's not a Christian and so doesn't want to attend "Christian" events, maybe he's an introvert and she's an extrovert meaning that she might do a number of things without. It does seem a little peculiar that she didn't mention him if she is in fact in a relationship, but maybe there was just never anything in the conversation that would have led to her bringing him up.
     
  4. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +2,381
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    Perhaps she's looking for someone to replace her BF....

    May not be a bad thing since technically, she's not married to her BF and if they never had sex yet, no problem at all. she's completely untied and free and you can pursue a relationship with her if she's willing.
     
  5. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    282
    +71
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Yeah, she didn't have an "add friend" button on her FB page, so I had to message her....took pics because I wanted to tag her.lol She also doesn't even have the city which she lives in listed. So that kind of makes sense considering
    her FB privacy settings.

    Plus there's also no sign of her being with a man other than her brother, that would indicate any kind of couple-hood.

    Well, it would seem like it would like I'm prying asking "So, you have a boyfriend" upon first meeting her. Also,
    it's something I wouldn't have asked upon meeting someone in a singles group, because I would
    just surmise she's unattached.

    Well, she has a child, so...she's likely had sex. Not sure if it's HIS child though.

    Think I should confirm her status? Ask her?

    True, it may not be a bad thing...she could be looking to explore her options. :)

    Anyways, she was a first-timer like me, to the group. Hopefully she'll stick around.
     
  6. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +2,381
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    Oh boy....

    Her having a child complicates things.... If that was her BF's child then it might be bad to pursue a relationship with her. Since that makes them virtually like married couple and should work things out if they have problems for the sake of the child.
     
  7. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    282
    +71
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Well, what I do know from our conversation is the fact that the father is no longer in the picture. She has full custody, so her parents help out.

    Well, it's pretty much well known that staying together for the sake of the child is generally a bad idea. But since he's not in the picture, it's moot.

    This guy that she's "in a relationship' with, may not be even the same guy (the father).
     
  8. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +2,381
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    In this case, I'm not best person to give you advice.
     
  9. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    282
    +71
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Yeah, I guess. There's still some unknowns from her that I would need to find out.
     
  10. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +938
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    I wasn't talking about a direct mention, but rather ways that it could come up in general conversation such as "What did you do last weekend?", "I did [xyz] with my boyfriend". So there are things that could lead to a mention of her boyfriend, even if it's just a passing one, but maybe no such prompts occurred.

    I think you do need to tread carefully here, especially since it was her first time. Even if she doesn't have a boyfriend she probably didn't go there to be hit on, so you don't want to potentially chase her away by appearing to head in that direction. So it might be worth getting to know her a bit better first before you bring up the subject of her boyfriend,
     
  11. Cearbhall

    Cearbhall Unitarian Universalist

    +5,475
    United States
    Other Religion
    Single
    I wouldn't recommend condemning a parent to being single just because you think they should be with the parent of their child. You don't even know why they aren't together.
     
  12. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +2,381
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    No, I'm not condemning single parents to remain single, I'm just asking him to look into the matter more carefully.

    I've been introduced to someone with a child before. I didn't mind because they personally knew the woman quite well.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  13. Cearbhall

    Cearbhall Unitarian Universalist

    +5,475
    United States
    Other Religion
    Single
    That's not what I said.
     
  14. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

    +2,381
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    Sorry Cearball, I missed a word or two. I edited my post, you can check now. This usually what happens if I forgot to proof read my post... I have a bit of a problem perceiving the past, present, and the future, it's coincidental why I call myself 'timewerx'. :(
     
  15. Cearbhall

    Cearbhall Unitarian Universalist

    +5,475
    United States
    Other Religion
    Single
    I understand. Thanks.
     
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