Atheist girlfriend

[Kenny'sID]

I agree with ArmyMatt. There are some pieces of advice that are not accepted by the Orthodox Church that have been suggested here. Certainly the OP can post wherever he wants, but as the OP is Orthodox, I believe he chose the right place since it is advice that is specific to Orthodoxy.

I understand, and thanks for letting my last post ride, in case it is of interest to the OP.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I am sure that'd be fine, but the OP is an Orthodox Christian, so I am sure he is aware of where he posted.

I understand, and most likely that's a fact. I just see others on top of myself forget how the rules work at times, as they have here, so that was my reasoning for the reminder. And again, only just in case, not pushing anything.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I understand, and most likely that's a fact. I just see others on top of myself forget how the rules work at times, as they have here, so that was my reasoning for the reminder. And again, only just in case, not pushing anything.

I gotcha, you are good

 

[Constantine the Sinner]

To non-Orthodox: please, you're commenting without understanding the major issues. In Orthodoxy, fornication is a grave sin, and you cannot partake of Communion until you confess and repent of it. You lose good standing until doing so. We also absolutely forbid marriage to atheists, in fact we forbid marriage to all non-Christians (if you were married before becoming Orthodox, that's something else, but after you are Orthodox it's absolutely out of the question). We are very traditional, and the perspectives of wishy-washy Christianity are completely unhelpful.

OP, I will pray for you and your girlfriend. It's clear you realize the enormous issue here, and you know that either your girlfriend will consider Christ, or you'll be forced to choose between her and Christ. I will pray that Christ will come into her heart. You have to be strong, and that means absolutely no more fornication under any circumstances, otherwise she will understand your faith as something that can be compromised on. You must make it clear to her that you see fornication as highly immoral, and that it is wrong to demand it of you; how would she feel if you demanded her to do something she found highly immoral? "Passion," unless it is explicitly of a blameless nature, is not something the Church embraces, after all, it is something that draws you away from God.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

I am orthodox Christian 19 years old
who has been brought up in a strict Orthodox family and i am very faithful Christian.I believe the God and i go often to church.I hate the Christians who has relashionship with atheists but i have an atheist girlfriend who i love so much and she love me so much too.She is student in my college and she is 19 years old too.She said me thath she don't belive the God.but as God's children, I believe we are all equal in His eyes, even if all of us may not accept that he exists or that Christ is our Savior.
She is atheist, so we RARELY agree on religious issues. She COMPLETELY respects my religious views, and has never insulted me on my faith (except for when he's just teasing me - we like to tease each other on our faith differences). Also, I like discussing with him the difference of our beliefs because it has made me more confident about myself and my background. So these things aren't really a problem.

I have a two-part problem:

We had pre-marital sexual relations (which I know is a sin). As an atheist, she has no problem with pre-marital sex, and as things got more serious, I suddenly found myself not a virgin anymore. I don't regret that I had sex with her because I do love her, but I do feel bad that I have sinned (that I regret). I feel confused, especially since she always asks how sex could be a sin if we both love each other and aren't hurting anyone. What's worse is that though I know that it's a sin, I still feel tempted to do it again. I want to do it again, but I don't want to sin. This has caused many sleepless nights and worry.

But the worse part of this problem is what she said. She said that in a relationship, he believes in The Triangular Theory of Love, which states that a solid romantic relationship must have intimacy, passion, and commitment. She believes that passion includes having sex. I told her that I understand her belief in this, but I don't understand why he needs this to be fulfilled before marriage. She said that before marriage, she wanted to be sure that the marriage would work (she would be able to tell through this solid triangle). And when I told her that I might not be able to have sex with her again, I asked if she would stay with me. She said that loves me and will stay with me but told me that during my depth liked sex and does not see that it is evil

I love this girl so much, and I really don't want our relationship to end.Pleas pray for me....

Let me suggest a slightly different approach from some of the previous posters (and, as for some of you Evangelical posters here, I love you guys, but your advice is dreadful).

Run.

Literally, I suggest you run away from your atheist girlfriend. You will not be a coward; the angels in heaven will rejoice!

I don't say to run because I am legalistic. Rather, though I don't know you from Adam, I don't want you to get hurt like two of my best friends have been hurt and are currently suffering profoundly.

They both married seriously beautiful, model-like girls who were not Christians. The passionate pre-marital sexual bliss they experienced with these girls blinded them to the deep existential differences they have with their atheistic partners. They have beautiful children, but their wives want to divorce them, because their world views are totally different.

These are highly successful, smart, handsome Christian guys who have both confided to me in the past couple of months that their lives are now ruined.

Don't. Be. Like. Them.

If you are a serious Orthodox Christian, you do not want to marry an unbeliever. No matter how beautiful she is and attracted you are to her, your feelings of enchantment will subside. And in their wake, you will encounter profound differences about the most fundamental questions of life.

For the Orthodox Christian, we exist for theosis: to become Christlike. To become by grace what God is by nature. Atheists cannot understand this.

So your reason for existence will be incomprehensible to her. And vice versa.

If you cannot run, and I understand it is difficult, then I would pray fervently that she become a Christian and preferably an Orthodox one. I strongly suggest that you do yourself a favour by promising not to marry her unless she convert.

Sorry if I cannot be more encouraging.

Lord have mercy!

 

[~Anastasia~]

My apologies that I posted somewhat hastily earlier. i had only a few moments and no time to read the thread or give a longer reply.

I'm glad to see that you decided to ask here as well, Christian, and I hope the replies are helpful to you.

Btw, yes, God DOES love your girlfriend, and all atheists. But He loved them before Christians were instructed not to be unequally yoked, so that doesn't change anything.

Between what I posted in your other thread, and what others have added here, anything I could have said has been covered.

The only thing - not knowing your girlfriend or her thoughts or heart, I do wonder if she might be receptive. I think if there's any chance of that, you should take her to Church for the Liturgy, you should meet with the priest together (and maybe separately).

But if she is adamantly closed to faith, then please think about this. She probably will end up wanting to divorce you someday, and your children would very likely be atheists. Is this what your heart wants for your family? Or else you risk being drawn away from Christ yourself.

I hope you will seek out confession over what you have already done. If you are not participating in the Sacraments of the Church right now, all of this can be that much more difficult.

You both have my prayers.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm going to echo my good buddy Jesus4 above and quote the classic Iron Maiden tune....

RUN TO THE HILLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIFE!

No relationship, I repeat, NO relationship is worth losing the Savior of the World over. Jesus Christ, only Son of the Living God....the Eucharist, the sacramental life, the Divine Liturgy, the rich teachings, the hope of salvation. It's NOT worth losing for any chick or dude to go all vernacular here LOL.

Let's get Biblical here for a moment. Look at how God expected the Israelites to totally EXTERMINATE the gentile pagans from the land of Canaan. Why? He didn't want them intermarrying with Ba'al worshipers and muddying their faith with idolatry. Look what happens to King Solomon's faith thanks to marriage to pagan women. There are myriad examples in Scripture.

Jesus tells us He has not come to make things comfy in our families and relationships, but rather He brings a sword! He said this figurative sword will cleave relationships. I am sad to say it might be the case with your situation.

If she is willing to:

a) rethink her atheism SERIOUSLY
b) go with you to Divine Liturgy
c) meet with a priest
d) STOP HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX ASAP
e) Convert

Then go for it, stay.

But if she rejects any of those, it's time to move on. I know it's easier said than done, but no girlfriend or boyfriend is worth the loss of the Creator Himself. And don't kid yourself, if you get married (presuming a secular humanist atheist would even do so nowdays!) your children will be at risk spiritually as will you be.

I think Jesus4Madrid, my old friend, is right.....

to quote Pat Benatar---"You better run!...."

Yes, two classic rock references in one post.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

I'm going to echo my good buddy Jesus4 above and quote the classic Iron Maiden tune....

RUN TO THE HILLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIFE!

No relationship, I repeat, NO relationship is worth losing the Savior of the World over. Jesus Christ, only Son of the Living God....the Eucharist, the sacramental life, the Divine Liturgy, the rich teachings, the hope of salvation. It's NOT worth losing for any chick or dude to go all vernacular here LOL.

Let's get Biblical here for a moment. Look at how God expected the Israelites to totally EXTERMINATE the gentile pagans from the land of Canaan. Why? He didn't want them intermarrying with Ba'al worshipers and muddying their faith with idolatry. Look what happens to King Solomon's faith thanks to marriage to pagan women. There are myriad examples in Scripture.

Jesus tells us He has not come to make things comfy in our families and relationships, but rather He brings a sword! He said this figurative sword will cleave relationships. I am sad to say it might be the case with your situation.

If she is willing to:

a) rethink her atheism SERIOUSLY
b) go with you to Divine Liturgy
c) meet with a priest
d) STOP HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX ASAP
e) Convert

Then go for it, stay.

But if she rejects any of those, it's time to move on. I know it's easier said than done, but no girlfriend or boyfriend is worth the loss of the Creator Himself. And don't kid yourself, if you get married (presuming a secular humanist atheist would even do so nowdays!) your children will be at risk spiritually as will you be.

I think Jesus4Madrid, my old friend, is right.....

to quote Pat Benatar---"You better run!...."

Yes, two classic rock references in one post.

What a classic rock replete post! I just hope he holds the line; love isn't always on time. He seems to be running in empty.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

 

[christian6000]

I say to my girlfriend to come with me to church with me and i pleased her to talk with priest.She say ok but she say do this only for me.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I say to my girlfriend to come with me to church with me and i pleased her to talk with priest.She say ok but she say do this only for me.

Well, whatever happens, perhaps this will give you more information. That is good news though. My prayers for you both.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I say to my girlfriend to come with me to church with me and i pleased her to talk with priest.She say ok but she say do this only for me.

good, all we can do is plant the seeds and get out of God's way. may this bear good fruit! and there are many folk who were atheist before encountering Orthodoxy (and I know a few atheists who say if they would become Christian they would be Orthodox because it is the only Church that makes any sense), so she is in good company

 

[Anhelyna]

Take it very very slowly Christian - she has to do this at her speed.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

I say to my girlfriend to come with me to church with me and i pleased her to talk with priest.She say ok but she say do this only for me.

Glory to God! Keep calm and pray!

 

[Kenny'sID]

We are very traditional, and the perspectives of wishy-washy Christianity are completely unhelpful.

Let me suggest a slightly different approach from some of the previous posters (and, as for some of you Evangelical posters here, I love you guys, but your advice is dreadful).

In light of those posts that I assume are within the bounds of then thread regardless of how they may come off. And also on the point I brought up earlier where I was not positive that if it was or wasn't a sin for christian to marry Atheist, is it within bounds of where I'm posting to ask how we conclude it is sin to marry a non Christian?

I'm aware of the Biblical recommendations, but of no commandment in the 10 or later added by Christ, but it could easily be I missed it.

Also, for all who offered dreadful/unhelpful advice here, you should know they may be like me and not know, so it is also for them that I ask as I'm sure they would not be so wishy washy if they knew better, so I have to assume they are undecided for good reason and maybe the same reasons as me. So, if you would please, it might be a bit more helpful to just show us how we can draw a definitive conclusion on this, and hopefully be a bit more understanding of what I'll assume is innocent "ignorance" at this point.

If the post is out of bounds, please let me know and I'll remove it, and understand completely.

I

 

[Constantine the Sinner]

In light of those posts that I assume are within the bounds of then thread regardless of how they may come off. And also on the point I brought up earlier where I was not positive that if it was or wasn't a sin for christian to marry Atheist, is it within bounds of where I'm posting to ask how we conclude it is sin to marry a non Christian?

I'm aware of the Biblical recommendations, but of no commandment in the 10 or later added by Christ, but it could easily be I missed it.

Also, for all who offered dreadful/unhelpful advice here, you should know they may be like me and not know, so it is also for them that I ask as I'm sure they would not be so wishy washy if they knew better, so I have to assume they are undecided for good reason and maybe the same reasons as me. So, if you would please, it might be a bit more helpful to just show us how we can draw a definitive conclusion on this, and hopefully be a bit more understanding of what I'll assume is innocent "ignorance" at this point.

If the post is out of bounds, please let me know and I'll remove it, and understand completely.

I

Marriage is a joining of man and woman in God's grace. If you're not a Christian, you obviously aren't agreeing to this, because you deny the Christian God right off the bat.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Marriage is a joining of man and woman in God's grace. If you're not a Christian, you obviously aren't agreeing to this, because you deny the Christian God right off the bat.

OK, I see your reasoning for believing as you do, and thank you.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

You know I won't hold her back now, the love some people had just can't be found. Sometimes a woman just needs to learn you got your demons, you got desires, well, I got a few of my own and there is a gypsy, sittin' lookin' pretty...
the broken rose with laughin' eyes. A girl needs to be told you're a mystery, always runnin' wild...like a child without a home. It happens, man. You are Orthodox, the girl isn't. You don't understand what happened to our love. You tell yourself, baby, I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna show you what I'm made of.

What a classic rock replete post! I just hope he holds the line; love isn't always on time. He seems to be running in empty.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

 

[~Anastasia~]

Marriage is also a Sacrament, and if we participate in Sacraments outside of the Orthodox Church, we separate ourselves from the Church.

This is why we can't go to a Catholic mass and receive the Eucharist.

Wherever one might go to marry an atheist (a government official?) it wouldn't really be sacramental, but we are still not allowed to participate without separating ourselves from the Church.

Someone who does so can be restored to Communion through confession. But it is a serious matter to go against the Church in something like this, and very possibly would bar one from Communion and require a period of penance. I've only known one person to ever get a penance of any kind, and that was for marrying a non-Christian. It's not that the Church tries to control our lives so tightly, it's that this one area is extremely serious and important.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Marriage is also a Sacrament, and if we participate in Sacraments outside of the Orthodox Church, we separate ourselves from the Church.

This is why we can't go to a Catholic mass and receive the Eucharist.

Wherever one might go to marry an atheist (a government official?) it wouldn't really be sacramental, but we are still not allowed to participate without separating ourselves from the Church.

Someone who does so can be restored to Communion through confession. But it is a serious matter to go against the Church in something like this, and very possibly would bar one from Communion and require a period of penance. I've only known one person to ever get a penance of any kind, and that was for marrying a non-Christian. It's not that the Church tries to control our lives so tightly, it's that this one area is extremely serious and important.

Thank you Anastasia, and I do understand it is a problem, I guess I'm just looking for the biblical evidence on why it's defined absolutely a problem in Orthodox view, where others here don't seem to have good solid grasp of it is or if it isn't, and judging by some of the posts here, I assumed there was a good reason to believe it that we may not be aware of.

If it's just a matter of that's the way it is according to the Church, that's fine, and I'll accept you believe as you do for that reason, end of story, but if there is something more that might help others here, it would be helpful to me anyway. I'm always looking to resolve some of my "unknowns" when it comes to scripture.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I guess I'm just looking for the biblical evidence on why it's defined absolutely a problem in Orthodox view

Christ Himself tells us not to be unevenly yoked.