Hey, sk8brdkd, I won't try to act like I have l the answers. It is my prayer that you ubderstand God doesn't bring confusion about who He is. Confusion comes from the enemy. I would encourage you simply with the following:
Read His word. My favorite scripture is Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Know that all things are working together for YOUR good. You said that you went through a season where things got rocky. Two things to keep in mind: God brought you through it, and know God can and will do it again. Now is not the time to give up on God or yourself. I believe a testimony is going to come out of this. I know for myself that God shows up best in the deepest valleys and most discouraging times. It is not for your end, but for you to know Him and experience His love that much deeper.
Romans 8:18
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
You are going to make it, and not only that, you're coming out greater. I believe if you trust Him at His word, that He'll never leave you, nor forsake you. That there is no depth or height that will separate you from His love, but that you will be comforted. Then, from that place of peace, I believe God's voice will minister to you.
This trial is not for your defeat, beloved. You're going to come out of this with something greater than feeling God's love, and that's actively walking in it. When we don't feel we deserve His love, is when we can trust Him most that He'll never leave nor forsake us. Read Romans chapter 8 in its entirety please.
Finally, remember John 10:10
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
satan is upset that he didn't win last time, he will not win this time either. Realize Child of God that you've already won. satan wants to steal your joy and peace by thinking on circumstances and feelings that are temporary. Fight with the Word of God anytime the enemy tries to tell you what you're not or tries to confuse you. I would also encourage you to read Psalms 91.
Stand on His word. That is what will help you overcome feelings and develop your faith. I believe this is your season and moment where God wants to reveal Himself to you in a deeper, loving and rich way. Trust Him beloved and know He knows you and knows you intimately; fears, hurts, joys, frustrations, pains and all, yet loves you and sees you in your best. Don't give up now; your next days are going to be greater than your past.