Apologies to my Ex

[URA]

As soon as I post this, I'll be writing a long-needed apology note to my ex-girlfriend. I know now, two and a half years since our disastrous break-up, that this is something I need to do. Her dumping me is what led me to God (initially using religion as a coping mechanism), and I know my life would be so much different, for the worse, if everything that happened didn't happen.

I put this in the "Christian Advice" section because I know I'm not the only one to have considered sending an apology e-mail to an ex (I'd rather apologize in person, but I never see her since high school ended). I'd like to open up this thread to people's stories about apologies they've given, or received, so that anyone in this situation may go in with a better idea of what to do.

As for now, since I likely won't see any replies until after I've written the apology, I'm primarily looking for prayers for my ex, if and when she reads it (I don't know if she still uses the e-mail I have, or how often). She's always been devoutly Christian; may God truly reveal His loving spirit when she reads my note.

Thank you.

UPDATE: The e-mail has been sent. Writing that was one of the strangest feelings I've ever had; so much time has passed, so much change within me since & because of her & all surrounding circumstances, and this is dealing with my ex, so of course it's always worrying that I'll come across as a crying mess, asking for her back, but all this was overridden with trust that God will make something great happen. Even if she doesn't use that e-mail anymore and will never see my note, I feel lighter & happier for having written it & trusting in God. It's hard to explain, but I'm already glad I did it. Now comes the anticipation of what/when/if she'll write back...why does trust in God feel so strong one moment, but as soon as you look at the storm, you start to sink?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Best of luck ... but I have no advice for you. Just see how it goes.

 

[thecolorsblend]

I put this in the "Christian Advice" section because I know I'm not the only one to have considered sending an apology e-mail to an ex (I'd rather apologize in person, but I never see her since high school ended). I'd like to open up this thread to people's stories about apologies they've given, or received, so that anyone in this situation may go in with a better idea of what to do.

The thought's crossed my mind a few times.

But then I remember that I wasn't the only unstable person in that given relationship. In a few cases, I take absolutely no blame whatsoever even though I was out of line a few times.

Facebook makes some things (or people) inescapable. But the few ex's I've kept up with seem to be doing okay, better off for being apart from me. I'm certainly better off for being apart from them.

An apology letter almost seems like I would be second guessing what God has done.

Plus, one other reason I haven't sent an apology to them (apart from feeling absolutely no guilt in a few cases) is because I can't help thinking they might believe I was trying to get back or something. My sincerity might be mistaken for something else and it's just not worth it.

 

[maintenance man]

As soon as I post this, I'll be writing a long-needed apology note to my ex-girlfriend. I know now, two and a half years since our disastrous break-up, that this is something I need to do.

There's a lot of information we don't have here. It sounds pretty clear to me you're trying to get her back. I have no way to know if that's a good idea or a bad idea. I will say this, its always best to end relationships on a good note. The apology should have been delivered soon after the break up so you could walk away as friends. It does sound like you are a completely changed person and I would hope your ex will see that change (if she gets the email) and at least wish you well. I don't know how hurt she was. Some pain is difficult to overcome. My bottom line is an apology is only good if is has no expectations - no selfish motives. If that's the case, you've done the right thing.

 

[URA]

An apology letter almost seems like I would be second guessing what God has done.

There's a lot of information we don't have here. It sounds pretty clear to me you're trying to get her back. I have no way to know if that's a good idea or a bad idea. I will say this, its always best to end relationships on a good note. The apology should have been delivered soon after the break up so you could walk away as friends. It does sound like you are a completely changed person and I would hope your ex will see that change (if she gets the email) and at least wish you well. I don't know how hurt she was. Some pain is difficult to overcome. My bottom line is an apology is only good if is has no expectations - no selfish motives. If that's the case, you've done the right thing.

I'm not interested in getting her back; if nothing else, we're going to different colleges that are 2 hours apart, I don't have a car, and we never see each other anyway; it just wouldn't be practical. Besides, I've learned a lot from my one and only relationship, and I wouldn't want to date her now, anyway.

This is honestly just for sake of apologizing, trying to do things in an honorable, God-pleasing manner. I suppose I should've apologized much sooner, but I was hurt & confused & selfish and so many other things; it's a weird situation, but today I feel so much better, just knowing that I did it. No reply yet; even if she did read it already, I wouldn't expect a reply until she's had at least a few days to process it.

And by the way: Welcome to CF, Maintenance Man!

 

[maintenance man]

And by the way: Welcome to CF, Maintenance Man!

Thanks! It's a good place to hang out.

I hope your broken past gets mended in a way that benefits both of you. Blessings!

 

[ilovejcsog]

This reminds me of asking for forgiveness. It might not do anything for the receiver but it does a world of good for the person asking for it. You've done your part in sincerity and that is all you can do. Be of good cheer! I agree with one of the posters. Don't expect anything from the person. You have done the right thing. Now you can move on.

 

[usexpat97]

I let go of a girl because she wasn't Christian. I never needed an apology note from her. And if I got one, I would think it was more for her own sake than mine. But then, we didn't have a disastrous breakup. Amazingly painful, but not disastrous.

But since it has already been written, the only thing I would say is, if a cordial "Thank you" is all you get back, be okay with that.

 

[URA]

Plus, one other reason I haven't sent an apology to them (apart from feeling absolutely no guilt in a few cases) is because I can't help thinking they might believe I was trying to get back or something. My sincerity might be mistaken for something else and it's just not worth it.

I hope your broken past gets mended in a way that benefits both of you. Blessings!

This reminds me of asking for forgiveness. It might not do anything for the receiver but it does a world of good for the person asking for it. You've done your part in sincerity and that is all you can do. Be of good cheer! I agree with one of the posters. Don't expect anything from the person. You have done the right thing. Now you can move on.

But since it has already been written, the only thing I would say is, if a cordial "Thank you" is all you get back, be okay with that.

It took quite awhile for her to respond (months, I believe). She said this was largely because she had no clue how to respond. She was happy to accept friendship,And read had several email conversations ever since. We actually met for the 1st time since high school a couple weeks ago, along with many other friends we hadn't seen since high school, at another friend's bonfire.

We now consider each other to be one of our best friends. She has another boyfriend, with a very happy relationship, though she requests for him to become Christian (he's back & forth about the faith). I'm very happy to have her as a friend again, and even if she was single, I wouldn't be looking to restart a relationship. We have become prayer partners, and all through God's grace, we've been able to come to peace & a relationship that is mutually beneficial.

Thank you for your advice & prayers from 2018; they really paid off in 2020!