Anyone up for a chat thread?

seeking.IAM · 2025-11-16T13:42:16-0600

Shane R said:
I occasionally like to indulge in some chili dogs after church.

It seems like if you had a really good sermon, you ought to reward yourself.

Paidiske · 2025-11-16T15:28:59-0600

And, on the other side, if you had a really bad morning, you ought to console yourself.

No? Just me?

seeking.IAM · 2025-11-16T17:24:33-0600

seeking.IAM said:
It seems like if you had a really good sermon, you ought to reward yourself.

Paidiske said:
And, on the other side, if you had a really bad morning, you ought to console yourself.

Win-win!

Paidiske · 2025-11-16T17:30:24-0600

Here is something I have found very unexpected in my new role.

So; I'm spending a lot of time visiting practicing Anglicans who are in hospital. And I would have thought I'd be listening to them talk about their health, their emotions, their relationships (etc). But I reckon about 80% of the conversations I'm having with these folk are about their problems in their parish. What they don't like about their rector, struggling with change, parish conflict, whatever.

It's like... I'm of their world enough for them to think I'll get where they're coming from, but far enough from their particular parish to be an impartial listener.

What it's actually making me think, though, is that we've obviously done a terrible job equipping people with the skills, the character, and the wisdom to navigate conflict and interpersonal issues in the church. And I am wondering whether there might be something that we could be doing better...

seeking.IAM · 2025-11-16T17:38:59-0600

Are there any common themes to learn from?

Paidiske · 2025-11-16T17:43:12-0600

It's early days, but I'd say the over-arching common theme would probably be, we are utterly lousy at communication and healthy conflict. (By which I mean, actually working through issues rather than all the games we see played in parishes rather than dealing with the underlying problem).

Shane R · 2025-11-16T19:08:32-0600

Paidiske said:
And, on the other side, if you had a really bad morning, you ought to console yourself.

No? Just me?

That's what the ice cream stands are for. Although they'll be closing for the winter soon. One already did.

RamiC · 2025-11-17T03:20:23-0600

Paidiske said:
It's early days, but I'd say the over-arching common theme would probably be, we are utterly lousy at communication and healthy conflict. (By which I mean, actually working through issues rather than all the games we see played in parishes rather than dealing with the underlying problem).

What would working through issues consist of? I am asking because I see a shortage of conflict resolution everywhere, not just the church. Right now there is simply none in the Church of England.

Paidiske · 2025-11-17T03:33:55-0600

Well, I mean, you can go as big and formal and complex as you like, I suppose. But it can just start with some basic things:
- Is this objectively an issue? (Is it interfering with the church's mission, are people being hurt/harmed/unsafe, are laws being broken, etc ?)
- If no, what's the button that's being pushed for me? (Why am I sad/angry/hurt/disappointed etc?)
- What's the proper approach to take in raising the issue (if it's not my issue), or getting help to deal with the issue (if it is my issue)?
- How might I communicate with the relevant person or persons concerned? (Eg: chat to vicar, letter to secretary of parish council, or so on)
- What's the right thing to do if the outcome I want doesn't happen?

I mean, to give you an example of one situation I'm aware of (and I've heard versions of it from both the vicar concerned, who is a friend, and a parish council member, whom I visited in hospital), there was conflict over what colour to paint the interior of the church. The person who was upset by the decision did not use appropriate channels/processes to attempt to resolve the issue, did not accept the outcome when they essentially lost the vote, and ended up behaving very inappropriately towards others, such that he has had to be removed from his lay leadership position due to breaches of the relevant code of conduct.

All because he couldn't figure out how to cope with not liking the colour of paint that parish council chose!

RamiC · 2025-11-17T03:52:35-0600

Paidiske said:
All because he couldn't figure out how to cope with not liking the colour of paint that parish council chose!

That does look like simple clear communication and acceptance of the priorities should have solved it.

Paidiske · 2025-11-17T03:56:07-0600

And, perhaps, also, acceptance that in community life, you don't always get your own way. But for some people, that's a real struggle!

seeking.IAM · 2025-11-17T07:23:53-0600

Paidiske said:
All because he couldn't figure out how to cope with not liking the colour of paint that parish council chose!

There are some problems improved communication is not going to solve. Things like this may be one of them.

Paidiske · 2025-11-17T15:34:50-0600

True, but this sort of problem is endemic in our churches. So what would help improve them?

Philip_B · 2025-11-17T16:32:24-0600

And one wonders why some people are so invested in the minor issues. I created a storm in resolving the frantic problem when the Guild and the Mothers Union each had their own cupboards with their own cutlery and crockery. I resolved to declare it all Parish Crockery and Cutlery and Parish Cupboards, and that we would use as we needed and replace as required. The opposition was immense, and I finally asked, "Why are you so invested in this issue?" I was met with silence, and after a week, Peace. I still celebrate that little victory in my heart.

seeking.IAM · 2025-11-17T17:09:46-0600

Paidiske said:
True, but this sort of problem is endemic in our churches. So what would help improve them?

A long time ago a colleague once told me, "Some people are just malcontents." (colorful adjective omitted). Others are just determined to have their own way. Communication to navigate differences assumes both parties are at least semi-reasonable. Not everyone is.

Paidiske · 2025-11-17T20:06:18-0600

seeking.IAM said:
A long time ago a colleague once told me, "Some people are just malcontents." (colorful adjective omitted). Others are just determined to have their own way. Communication to navigate differences assumes both parties are at least semi-reasonable. Not everyone is.

That is true (that not everyone is at least semi-reasonable). But my question then becomes, being a malcontent, or determined to have one's own way, are surely not signs of Christian maturity? How then do we address such immaturity in our communities?

Anyone up for a chat thread?

A View From The Pew

Clara bonam audax

A View From The Pew

Clara bonam audax

A View From The Pew

Clara bonam audax

Priest

Well-Known Member

Clara bonam audax

Well-Known Member

Clara bonam audax

A View From The Pew

Clara bonam audax

Bread is Blessed & Broken Wine is Blessed & Poured

A View From The Pew

Clara bonam audax

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency