anyone know any good christian jokes?

[JackRT]

A Jesuit and a Dominican were arguing about which order of priests God loved the most. The argument became heated and was verging on fisticuffs when a nun intervened and said "Shame on you fathers! Your behaviour as atrocious! I suggest you retire to the chapel and pray in silence for an hour, perhaps then you will have an answer." After the hour in the chapel they noticed a note pinned to the chapel door. It read "Dear fathers, I love all orders of priests equally well" --- it was signed "God S.J."

 

[Francis Drake]

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman,

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said,

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied

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[Bob Crowley]

Two friends went on a hunting trip. They were walking through the bush, when suddenly one of them just keeled right over. His mate went running over to him, took one look and went sprinting back to the car with the two-way.

He called the Paramedic service. "Listen!" he cried out, "My mate and I are on a hunting trip, and he just fell down! I think he's had a heart attack, and he might even be dead! What am I gonna do??"

The lady on the other end, well versed in these procedures, replied "Calm down Sir. It may not be as serious as that. Why don't you make absolutely sure he really is dead before we go any further?"

He answered, "Yeah, well, all right!" Off he went.

A couple of minutes later the woman on the other end of the two-way heard a single rifle shot ring out. Then a couple of minutes later, the bloke was back.

He picked up the two way and said, "OK. Now what?"

 

[Bob Crowley]

A new father went to a wise old priest to get advice about his infant son's future. The priest thought for a moment, and then put a Bible, a purse with money inside it, and a bottle of wine on the table. Then he said to the father, "Put your son where he can reach these things".

The father did so. Then the old priest said, "If your son reaches for the Bible, he'll become a religious, a holy man. If he reaches for the purse, he'll be a man of the world, wealthy, maybe even a banker. But if he reaches for the bottle of wine, I'm sorry, but he'll be a drunkard, a wastrel, someone who likes too much wine."

They waited. But to their surprise the kid reached out and grabbed the whole lot - Bible, bounty and bottle.

"Glory be, just look at that!" cried the old priest to the mystified father, "the boy's going to be a Jesuit!"

 

[Bob Crowley]

Similarities and Differences:

What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?
Well, they were both founded by Spaniards, St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits.
They were also both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.

What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?
Well, have you met any Albigensians lately?

[Note: This joke is obviously told from a Dominican perspective. The Jesuit response would be: "That's because we didn't use swords!"]

PS - In case anybody thinks I'm anti-Jesuit, I lifted this off a Catholic site - Jesuit Jokes - compiled by Felix Just, S.J.