anyone have any insight?

[razzelflabben]

yes, my cousin is physically fine, still not talking about what he saw and heard, took about 3 hours to get word to his family that he was okay.

 

[artqween]

yes, my cousin is physically fine, still not talking about what he saw and heard, took about 3 hours to get word to his family that he was okay.

It may take some time.. he is still in the shock stage.. how old is he? He'll start talking when he is ready.. and calmd down.. that was a horrible situation.

I feel for all of those victims and their families involved wheither they were there or not. alot of devastation .
May they quickly ... My heart goes to families who lost people there and the bodily injuried and mentally injuried there..
hey btw razz may u have a great day today and on....

 

[Catherineanne]

A little over a year ago, we lost our son in a swimming accident. I honestly feel like my heart was torn from my chest and shredded.

I am so, so sorry. I did not know this, R.

But since then, we have been told about some evil things that were said, but they refuse to say what was said. Plus we have three people in our lives that continue to use our sons death as a weapon. One is family who wants control over us, is jealous and many years ago admitted so. She has said things like how jealous she is of our loosing a son, reducing our son to money, and etc. Another, a young man, seeks attention, and has said things like he (the young man) is so special to God that satan sent a demon to kill him but the demon made a mistake and killed our son instead. He has also said things like he is taking our sons place...(I'll restrain from too many details in all these cases, because honestly it hurts too bad). A third person blamed my husband and pastor of bringing judgment down on us, thus our sons death, because we believe in the trinity.

Good Lord; words fail me. What terrible, terrible people.

Bottom line, it's hard enough loosing a child, our son was 18, getting ready for college, so beautiful...it was a freak accident. So why do people have to try to make it harder? Why can't people just leave him alone and us along with him? Why do people feel it necessary to say and do hateful and painful things? I'm so very tired of people bringing it up time and time agian, I just want to rest in knowing he is with our Lord. That is hard enough, but I know he is happy with God, why not allow him to stay there?

I hope you have some good friends around you, R. I would say, be careful who you spend time with, and avoid those poisonous people as much as you possibly can. You do not deserve to have to deal with people like that.

Please accept my condolences; all any of us can do is to trust in the Lord. God be with you, R.

 

[razzelflabben]

I am so, so sorry. I did not know this, R.



Good Lord; words fail me. What terrible, terrible people.



I hope you have some good friends around you, R. I would say, be careful who you spend time with, and avoid those poisonous people as much as you possibly can. You do not deserve to have to deal with people like that.

since the time I wrote the post you are referencing, most of those people have left our lives or at least mostly left. One remains and is family, so hard to avoid. It will be 3 years in June this year, in some ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in others like it was yesterday. If we keep our minds from the memories of that day, from reliving the events, we are pretty stable, the trick as we discovered is taking our thoughts captive and putting those thoughts on Godly things. Still don't know some of what went down and still don't want to know, just want to focus on today and all that today holds. Am still a bit worried for our eldest, he and his brother were extremely close, and he left for war the day after the funeral. Today I still see evidence that he isn't always dealing with it well, but that goes back to the loss and war both, I'm sure. Thanks

Please accept my condolences; all any of us can do is to trust in the Lord. God be with you, R.[/quote]

 

[Catherineanne]

since the time I wrote the post you are referencing, most of those people have left our lives or at least mostly left. One remains and is family, so hard to avoid. It will be 3 years in June this year, in some ways it seems like a lifetime ago and in others like it was yesterday. If we keep our minds from the memories of that day, from reliving the events, we are pretty stable, the trick as we discovered is taking our thoughts captive and putting those thoughts on Godly things. Still don't know some of what went down and still don't want to know, just want to focus on today and all that today holds. Am still a bit worried for our eldest, he and his brother were extremely close, and he left for war the day after the funeral. Today I still see evidence that he isn't always dealing with it well, but that goes back to the loss and war both, I'm sure. Thanks

I understand what you mean. In my own life I describe it as like walking a tightrope; as long as we keep our eyes forwards, looking towards our destination, then we will be fine. The moment we start to look down, or to wonder whether we can actually make it, we will begin to wobble.

I am happy that your cousin is safe after yesterday, and I hope that he finds a way to recover from the terrible traumas.

You are right to be concerned about your eldest son; the loss of his brother compounded by experiences of war may well make him susceptible to ptsd or other problems. I hope he has the support he needs, whether professionally or from close friends. Personally I think good friends are better than anything else at helping us to deal with the very darkest days and the most difficult times.

God be with you and your family.

 

[razzelflabben]

I understand what you mean. In my own life I describe it as like walking a tightrope; as long as we keep our eyes forwards, looking towards our destination, then we will be fine. The moment we start to look down, or to wonder whether we can actually make it, we will begin to wobble.

I am happy that your cousin is safe after yesterday, and I hope that he finds a way to recover from the terrible traumas.

You are right to be concerned about your eldest son; the loss of his brother compounded by experiences of war may well make him susceptible to ptsd or other problems. I hope he has the support he needs, whether professionally or from close friends. Personally I think good friends are better than anything else at helping us to deal with the very darkest days and the most difficult times.

God be with you and your family.

your words show understanding and in that provide comfort. As to our son, one of his other brothers is living with him (we have 5 kids, 4 boys, 1 girl) I think that helps him, but they don't get to see each other much because of work schedules.

 

[artqween]

A little over a year ago, we lost our son in a swimming accident. I honestly feel like my heart was torn from my chest and shredded. But since then, we have been told about some evil things that were said, but they refuse to say what was said. Plus we have three people in our lives that continue to use our sons death as a weapon. One is family who wants control over us, is jealous and many years ago admitted so. She has said things like how jealous she is of our loosing a son, reducing our son to money, and etc. Another, a young man, seeks attention, and has said things like he (the young man) is so special to God that satan sent a demon to kill him but the demon made a mistake and killed our son instead. He has also said things like he is taking our sons place...(I'll restrain from too many details in all these cases, because honestly it hurts too bad). A third person blamed my husband and pastor of bringing judgment down on us, thus our sons death, because we believe in the trinity.

Bottom line, it's hard enough loosing a child, our son was 18, getting ready for college, so beautiful...it was a freak accident. So why do people have to try to make it harder? Why can't people just leave him alone and us along with him? Why do people feel it necessary to say and do hateful and painful things? I'm so very tired of people bringing it up time and time agian, I just want to rest in knowing he is with our Lord. That is hard enough, but I know he is happy with God, why not allow him to stay there?

Awww who r saying horrible things and rehashing painful memories,.. ??
Sis how painful this is for u.

 

[razzelflabben]

Awww who r saying horrible things and rehashing painful memories,.. ??
Sis how painful this is for u.

it's all laid out in the totality of the thread.

 

[artqween]

it's all laid out in the totality of the thread.

O... sorry... I re read it

its a shame they have to be so saddening to u both. sugar speaking is always far better than a vinegar attitude i think :-/..
did u speak up about it? To them?
Razz

 

[Catherineanne]

your words show understanding and in that provide comfort. As to our son, one of his other brothers is living with him (we have 5 kids, 4 boys, 1 girl) I think that helps him, but they don't get to see each other much because of work schedules.

I have complex ptsd myself. When it is at its worst the tendency is for me to cut off from other people; I stay home, close the blinds and don't go out or see anyone. I call it agoraphobia but it is not really fear of being in the open; it is fear of being seen by anyone. Being seen is not safe for me.

I have to fight against this tendency all the time. I spent seven years without a church when something happened that made my former church impossible for me. I have been with my present church for more than two years now, because the priest there is so kind and caring, but there is still a compulsion to leave and stay at home. I have to battle this compulsion all the time, and it can be exhausting.

Ptsd can lead to severe depression, and that will cause social and emotional isolation. I think any way you can find to counter this, even if it is just a regular phone call every week, or a visit once a month, will help. Trauma disconnects us from other people and leaves us emotionally isolated; the antidote is contact with people who love us and are not afraid to show it, but it takes a long time to recover and calls for a lot of patience from family and friends.

The danger signs to look for are marked changes of character, whether in anti social behaviour, explosive anger, social withdrawal or isolation, or maybe something else entirely. This can be indicative that the person has lost his emotional connections with those around him and is struggling to cope.

God be with you.

 

[artqween]

I have complex ptsd myself. When it is at its worst the tendency is for me to cut off from other people; I stay home, close the blinds and don't go out or see anyone. I call it agoraphobia but it is not really fear of being in the open; it is fear of being seen by anyone. Being seen is not safe for me.

I have to fight against this tendency all the time. I spent seven years without a church when something happened that made my former church impossible for me. I have been with my present church for more than two years now, because the priest there is so kind and caring, but there is still a compulsion to leave and stay at home. I have to battle this compulsion all the time, and it can be exhausting.

Ptsd can lead to severe depression, and that will cause social and emotional isolation. I think any way you can find to counter this, even if it is just a regular phone call every week, or a visit once a month, will help. Trauma disconnects us from other people and leaves us emotionally isolated; the antidote is contact with people who love us and are not afraid to show it, but it takes a long time to recover and calls for a lot of patience from family and friends.

The danger signs to look for are marked changes of character, whether in anti social behaviour, explosive anger, social withdrawal or isolation,ou or maybe something else entirely. This can be indicative that the person has lost his emotional connections with those around him and is struggling to cope.

God be with you.

Awww have you seen a Dr. about how you are feeling? You are on disability?
Have you discussed your symptoms with your family? They must be worried? May you have strength willpower and peace... to be with outside people
Isolating yourself like this is not a good sign. God gave us social skills..
He and his son suffers when you suffer like this.. may you feel better now ..
Hey btw

I hope this helps... the way you are feeling is possibly fear? Did anything happen to you when you were a child and in the public/..? Such as how you are feeling now? ...

 

[Catherineanne]

Awww have you seen a Dr. about how you are feeling? You are on disability?
Have you discussed your symptoms with your family? They must be worried? May you have strength willpower and peace... to be with putside people
Isolating yourself like this is not a good sign. God gave us social skills..
He and his son suffers when you suffer like this.. may you feel better now ..
Hey btw

You have a very pure heart, artqween. Thank you for your compassion.



Yes, I am on disability. Other than that, I think may be for another thread rather than this one. Thanks again.

 

[artqween]

You have a very pure heart, artqween. Thank you for your compassion.



Yes, I am on disability. Other than that, I think may be for another thread rather than this one. Thanks again.

Thank you for your compliment i am flattered and humbled as well..

What does your dr. say about this? Did you have a some scarey experince much like how you are feeling as a child? What med.s helped you with this do you know?

hey sis

 

[razzelflabben]

Well, I survived another mother's day. I only cried once, and my husband was the only one who knew about that. Which is kind of good, cause everyone worries, rather than just understanding it's a nature part of missing our son. One of the boys called, the other texted, and today we are bringing one of the boys home for a season, the other is moving to another state, hope to see him before he leaves, but not looking to promising. So all in all, it wasn't a terrible day, but missed the boys, all of them, had to wait for my husband to fix the car before I could spend time with him, our daughter had a ton of homework, so didn't spend much time with her, and our youngest was running between helping my husband with the car and being on the computer for free time.

Father's day is fast approaching, that is the harder day, our son died on father's day weekend. My husband really struggles. One year, he gave his testimony on father's day, (of how our sons death speaks to him) I don't think there was a dry eye in the church, even the "stoic" don't cry guys were tearing up. Well, today isn't father's day weekend, and mothers day is past.

One of the things that surprises me a bit, is my lack of desire to celebrate anything. I guess I can understand it, it still seems almost like a betrayal of our son, and him not being here, but even more, is that our other son still struggles with coming home and his brother not being here. So we don't see him much either. I don't think we will totally loose him, but to a degree, we did loose him, when we lost his brother. Makes it hard to celebrate any event, any day. It isn't that I don't want the days to come, but more like celebrating is hollow and empty, hope that makes sense to someone. Like there is a part of the most precious celebration, missing from our midst. A celebration missing one of the most important elements of our joy. (not no joy, just part of it missing)...man I hope this is making some kind of sense! lol

Anyway, we get through fathers day weekend and the anniversary date, any graduations and wedding for the year, and it should be clear sailing for a while....

Miss you my son, give Christ a hug from me, and receive one from Him from me as well. My eternal love to you both.

 

[Catherineanne]

Well, I survived another mother's day. I only cried once, and my husband was the only one who knew about that. Which is kind of good, cause everyone worries, rather than just understanding it's a nature part of missing our son. One of the boys called, the other texted, and today we are bringing one of the boys home for a season, the other is moving to another state, hope to see him before he leaves, but not looking to promising. So all in all, it wasn't a terrible day, but missed the boys, all of them, had to wait for my husband to fix the car before I could spend time with him, our daughter had a ton of homework, so didn't spend much time with her, and our youngest was running between helping my husband with the car and being on the computer for free time.

Father's day is fast approaching, that is the harder day, our son died on father's day weekend. My husband really struggles. One year, he gave his testimony on father's day, (of how our sons death speaks to him) I don't think there was a dry eye in the church, even the "stoic" don't cry guys were tearing up. Well, today isn't father's day weekend, and mothers day is past.

One of the things that surprises me a bit, is my lack of desire to celebrate anything. I guess I can understand it, it still seems almost like a betrayal of our son, and him not being here, but even more, is that our other son still struggles with coming home and his brother not being here. So we don't see him much either. I don't think we will totally loose him, but to a degree, we did loose him, when we lost his brother. Makes it hard to celebrate any event, any day. It isn't that I don't want the days to come, but more like celebrating is hollow and empty, hope that makes sense to someone. Like there is a part of the most precious celebration, missing from our midst. A celebration missing one of the most important elements of our joy. (not no joy, just part of it missing)...man I hope this is making some kind of sense! lol

Anyway, we get through fathers day weekend and the anniversary date, any graduations and wedding for the year, and it should be clear sailing for a while....

Miss you my son, give Christ a hug from me, and receive one from Him from me as well. My eternal love to you both.

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you, R. I only have one daughter, but she is my whole world; everything.

I can understand celebrating being hard for you; is there some way you could include your son in the celebrations? Even if you have his photograph beside you, and put a glass of wine next to him when you have one; any way you can find to include him in your thoughts.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[razzelflabben]

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you, R. I only have one daughter, but she is my whole world; everything.

I can understand celebrating being hard for you; is there some way you could include your son in the celebrations? Even if you have his photograph beside you, and put a glass of wine next to him when you have one; any way you can find to include him in your thoughts.

You will be in my prayers.

He is always here with us, small reminders dot our house, though most people would never recognize them. We don't want our home to become a shrine for him, nor do we want to remove him from our presence, so we work hard on a compromise. Doesn't change the pain. We rejoice in the honor God showed him, and struggle with being jealous of God for getting to spend time with him, but, how could we ever ask him to leave the castle of the King, the wealth of the Kings table. None the less, we miss him, and cry that he is away from us.

Sat. night, we fellowshiped with the young woman and her mother, whose party we were at when our son died. A reminder of our loss and a rejoicing at her health and safety and treasures of life she will hold in her heart.

Now, it's just me dribbling...lol...missing him is a natural thing, longing to have him here, just part of life. Mingled with the sorrow is a joy that the world cannot take away. Mingled with the tears are smiles that are granted to us by a God whose love is beyond compare, even in this.

May you find treasure each day in your child, even in the difficult moments, may you know the joy that is not hampered by sorrow, the beauty that is found in every storm. Thanks!!!!

 

[Catherineanne]

He is always here with us, small reminders dot our house, though most people would never recognize them. We don't want our home to become a shrine for him, nor do we want to remove him from our presence, so we work hard on a compromise. Doesn't change the pain. We rejoice in the honor God showed him, and struggle with being jealous of God for getting to spend time with him, but, how could we ever ask him to leave the castle of the King, the wealth of the Kings table. None the less, we miss him, and cry that he is away from us.

I have my daughter's picture all over my house, even though she is still with me. She has her own life and is not always here, but the reminders are.

It is certainly true that the Lord takes the very best to himself. We can trust that he is in good hands.

Sat. night, we fellowshiped with the young woman and her mother, whose party we were at when our son died. A reminder of our loss and a rejoicing at her health and safety and treasures of life she will hold in her heart.

That must have been so difficult for you. But I am glad you have good friends to support you.

Now, it's just me dribbling...lol...missing him is a natural thing, longing to have him here, just part of life. Mingled with the sorrow is a joy that the world cannot take away. Mingled with the tears are smiles that are granted to us by a God whose love is beyond compare, even in this.

God is good. And I understand the tears mixed with smiles. I know it is not the same as losing a child, but my daughter lost her father just over 2 years ago. That was not easy for her. Well, not either of us.

May you find treasure each day in your child, even in the difficult moments, may you know the joy that is not hampered by sorrow, the beauty that is found in every storm. Thanks!!!!

Thank you so much. My daughter is my whole world, but I know she is not mine; she is on loan to me and I to her for as long as the good Lord chooses us to remain together. When she was very small I used to say to her, 'Thank you for coming from the angels to live with me.' I don't say that any more (she is an undergraduate now!) but I still think it sometimes. I can't imagine what my life would have been without her.

 

[razzelflabben]

I have my daughter's picture all over my house, even though she is still with me. She has her own life and is not always here, but the reminders are.

It is certainly true that the Lord takes the very best to himself. We can trust that he is in good hands.



That must have been so difficult for you. But I am glad you have good friends to support you.



God is good. And I understand the tears mixed with smiles. I know it is not the same as losing a child, but my daughter lost her father just over 2 years ago. That was not easy for her. Well, not either of us.



Thank you so much. My daughter is my whole world, but I know she is not mine; she is on loan to me and I to her for as long as the good Lord chooses us to remain together. When she was very small I used to say to her, 'Thank you for coming from the angels to live with me.' I don't say that any more (she is an undergraduate now!) but I still think it sometimes. I can't imagine what my life would have been without her.

amen....actually...we were at a graduation party of the young woman I mentioned. There is a pond at their house, and all the kids were swimming. Accident...death (don't talk about it, cause of the memories it stirs) anyway, the first year of college, the young woman had to write a paper for one of her classes. She let me read it, hardest thing and most cherished thing I have read so far (apart from scripture of course). She wrote about that day, and in the midst of our pain so deep words cannot even express, she told of a love that we showed her, that she didn't know was possible on this earth. She told of having an eternal connection to us because of the tradgity and the love we showed her in the midst of the most unbelievable pain. We still see her regularly, in fact, I am helping her mother through a very difficult divorce. Every day, is a reminder of both the sad and the amazing, a reminder of how God could use us in the midst of that pain to touch someone so deeply is a miracle that is hard for me to fathom.

 

[Catherineanne]

amen....actually...we were at a graduation party of the young woman I mentioned. There is a pond at their house, and all the kids were swimming. Accident...death (don't talk about it, cause of the memories it stirs) anyway, the first year of college, the young woman had to write a paper for one of her classes. She let me read it, hardest thing and most cherished thing I have read so far (apart from scripture of course). She wrote about that day, and in the midst of our pain so deep words cannot even express, she told of a love that we showed her, that she didn't know was possible on this earth. She told of having an eternal connection to us because of the tradgity and the love we showed her in the midst of the most unbelievable pain. We still see her regularly, in fact, I am helping her mother through a very difficult divorce. Every day, is a reminder of both the sad and the amazing, a reminder of how God could use us in the midst of that pain to touch someone so deeply is a miracle that is hard for me to fathom.

It sounds as if you deserve your friends every bit as much as they deserve you. I can say nothing finer than that about either of you. Your story is very moving indeed.

God bless you, Razzel.

 

[razzelflabben]

It sounds as if you deserve your friends every bit as much as they deserve you. I can say nothing finer than that about either of you. Your story is very moving indeed.

God bless you, Razzel.

not sure how to respond to that...thanks