Any Advice is appreciated.

[Proverb_31]

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We have been separated 3 times and currently separated at this time.

He feels as if my daughter (she's 16 from a previous relationship) doesn't respect him. He has also mentioned this to me in the past and I've been working on it but he feels I'm passive and not getting results fast enough.

When I asked him exactly what it is that she does that disrespects him and he said "if I ask her to clean the kitchen or her room, she doesn't do it immediately." I'll be honest, I myself have to tell her more than one time as well before she gets it done. I told my husband that I felt all teens were this way and he said "No, only she is because she is disrepectful and rebellious." He tells me I'm passive for thinking this way and that I should implement "old time good spankings."

I don't agree with him and so he says I'm a wayward rebellious wife and because of this, he doesn't want to live in a home with me or my daughter. We are currently not living together. When I asked him what does he expect for us to do with the marriage if he doesn't want to live in home with me or my daughter and his response "give her to her father, grandparents or anybody....I don't want her living in the home with me".

I am heartbroken by his response and I don't know what to do. My daughters father and I split up when she was 3 years old and they do not have a relationship to this day. My mother is the only grandparent she has and my mother travels with her job and she is away from home 10 to 11 months out of the year. I feel his request is very selfish, unloving and just not fair.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my marriage and I don't want to give my daughter away.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

"old time good spankings."

no and especially not for teenagers.
I agree with you. patience and respect are best. If her behaviour continues to get worse, privileges can be withdrawn like pocket money or grounding perhaps? I don't know really never having had kids.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We have been separated 3 times and currently separated at this time.

He feels as if my daughter (she's 16 from a previous relationship) doesn't respect him. He has also mentioned this to me in the past and I've been working on it but he feels I'm passive and not getting results fast enough.

When I asked him exactly what it is that she does that disrespects him and he said "if I ask her to clean the kitchen or her room, she doesn't do it immediately." I'll be honest, I myself have to tell her more than one time as well before she gets it done. I told my husband that I felt all teens were this way and he said "No, only she is because she is disrepectful and rebellious." He tells me I'm passive for thinking this way and that I should implement "old time good spankings."

I don't agree with him and so he says I'm a wayward rebellious wife and because of this, he doesn't want to live in a home with me or my daughter. We are currently not living together. When I asked him what does he expect for us to do with the marriage if he doesn't want to live in home with me or my daughter and his response "give her to her father, grandparents or anybody....I don't want her living in the home with me".

I am heartbroken by his response and I don't know what to do. My daughters father and I split up when she was 3 years old and they do not have a relationship to this day. My mother is the only grandparent she has and my mother travels with her job and she is away from home 10 to 11 months out of the year. I feel his request is very selfish, unloving and just not fair.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my marriage and I don't want to give my daughter away.

He's an idiot. Good that he moved out. It's a blessing.

 

[Goodbook]

Thats horrible. Is he a christian? Some people expect respect when they havent earned it.

If theres cleaning jobs to be done make a roster.
Does he ever clean the kitchen himself? If not then hes a hypocrite.

As for room if its her own room she can do what she likes with it.
Have a cleaning day when all pitch in together. You get it done faster and put some music on and enjoy it. Make it fun and have all your cleaning kit in one place. Use special fragrance or essential oils and natural cleaners.

Theres no point arguing about something basic. If your husband cant handle a bit of mess then he should learn how to wash someone elses stinky feet like Jesus did.

 

[now faith]

A teenager can divide a couple,if they allow it to happen.
Unless your child is a wild child and uncontrolled, then it is somthing He should work together with you on if there is discord.
Cleaning a room is not a deal breaker.
If you are not showing favoritism toward your daughter or allowing her to make decisions for your home,then He needs to get a grip.
The idea of kicking out your daughter for not living up to his housecleaning standards,well I would have to say don't let the door hit you on your way out because my kid stays.
That being said I hope and pray you and your Husband can work with your daughter as a normal family would God Bless.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We have been separated 3 times and currently separated at this time.

He feels as if my daughter (she's 16 from a previous relationship) doesn't respect him. He has also mentioned this to me in the past and I've been working on it but he feels I'm passive and not getting results fast enough.

When I asked him exactly what it is that she does that disrespects him and he said "if I ask her to clean the kitchen or her room, she doesn't do it immediately." I'll be honest, I myself have to tell her more than one time as well before she gets it done. I told my husband that I felt all teens were this way and he said "No, only she is because she is disrepectful and rebellious." He tells me I'm passive for thinking this way and that I should implement "old time good spankings."
Sounds like me and practically every teen I've been around... when I was a teen I behaved like that...I did the work but it wasn't done "immediately"...I don't like cleaning house, still don't but I do it.

I don't agree with him and so he says I'm a wayward rebellious wife and because of this, he doesn't want to live in a home with me or my daughter. We are currently not living together. When I asked him what does he expect for us to do with the marriage if he doesn't want to live in home with me or my daughter and his response "give her to her father, grandparents or anybody....I don't want her living in the home with me".
Question: Does he have any children of his own?

I am heartbroken by his response and I don't know what to do. My daughters father and I split up when she was 3 years old and they do not have a relationship to this day. My mother is the only grandparent she has and my mother travels with her job and she is away from home 10 to 11 months out of the year. I feel his request is very selfish, unloving and just not fair.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my marriage and I don't want to give my daughter away.

You know what to do and you already be doing it...keep your daughter with you and be patient, pray often and lean heavily on the Lord.
Reality is, the marriage was troubled long before he advised you to send your daughter to live somewhere else. Honestly, It doesn't sound like he was forthcoming in telling that he doesn't want to parent someone else's child before you two got married...I've seen this happen many times around where I lived and the results are the same, the couple part ways.

 

[Phil 1:21]

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my marriage and I don't want to give my daughter away.

Your daughter comes first. End of discussion.

 

[Proverb_31]

You know what to do and you already be doing it...keep your daughter with you and be patient, pray often and lean heavily on the Lord.
Reality is, the marriage was troubled long before he advised you to send your daughter to live somewhere else. Honestly, It doesn't sound like he was forthcoming in telling that he doesn't want to parent someone else's child before you two got married...I've seen this happen many times around where I lived and the results are the same, the couple part ways.

He has 3 children from a previous marriage and 1 child as well from previous relationship but he isn't apart of their lives. In the beginning, when we were dating, his youngest son (the one child from the previous relationship) was apart of our lives. He even lived with us during the first two years of our marriage but decided to move back with his mother. His father was hurt and has pretty much distant the relationship.

I sometimes feel as if he feels the way he does about my daughter because he doesn't have close relationships with his children.

 

[Goodbook]

Sounds like he doesnt have a close relationship with God.

 

[mina]

Asking you to give away your daughter is not right. There is probably more trouble in the marriage than just his reaction to your daughter. Ask him to go to counseling with you. If he will not go; then go by yourself so you can receive Godly advice on what to do on your own. If he is trying to come between you and your child; a separation is probably best at this time until he is willing to try and work things out with you and with her in counseling. He should not be trying to force you to pick him or her. That is very destructive and unloving. Asking you to kick out your minor child b/c she doesn't clean her room the exact second he asks her is an extreme over-reaction on his part. If he is unwilling to try and work with you and her; then as hard as it is, I would stay separated. Tell him you are there when he wants to try and resolve things and work through things together. Marriage with parenting takes both partners working together. In light of your other thread and this one, he may have some mental illness issues as well. If he will not get help......I don't know what to tell you. It's hard to walk together in marriage if one partner is going their own way. Pray for him, let him know that you are there and willing when he wants to do the work to be a better husband and stepfather. He may not choose you or your marriage and you need to prepare yourself for that.

 

[Proverb_31]

Asking you to give away your daughter is not right. There is probably more trouble in the marriage than just his reaction to your daughter. Ask him to go to counseling with you. If he will not go; then go by yourself so you can receive Godly advice on what to do on your own. If he is trying to come between you and your child; a separation is probably best at this time until he is willing to try and work things out with you and with her in counseling. He should not be trying to force you to pick him or her. That is very destructive and unloving. Asking you to kick out your minor child b/c she doesn't clean her room the exact second he asks her is an extreme over-reaction on his part. If he is unwilling to try and work with you and her; then as hard as it is, I would stay separated. Tell him you are there when he wants to try and resolve things and work through things together. Marriage with parenting takes both partners working together. In light of your other thread and this one, he may have some mental illness issues as well. If he will not get help......I don't know what to tell you. It's hard to walk together in marriage if one partner is going their own way. Pray for him, let him know that you are there and willing when he wants to do the work to be a better husband and stepfather. He may not choose you or your marriage and you need to prepare yourself for that.

Thank you very much for your reply.

 

[LoricaLady]

Quite frankly I think that no matter what you do with your daughter, your husband is eventually going to take off - unless he can abuse and control you all he wants, maybe. He is, indeed, being abusive and demanding. From what I can see he has no interest in trying to work out some kind of solution. He should be trying to help you instead of saying "Ditch your daughter."

One thing occurs to me. With all the troubled teens out there, drinking, doing drugs, sleeping around etc. etc., he wants to leave you because your child doesn't snap to it every time he barks a command? I am wondering if he is maybe being abusive to you, too, in other ways. Part of the pattern of domestic abuse is to isolate the wife. Just wondering. If so, please get out as soon as possible. Statistics show domestic abuse - even if it's "just" verbal - almost always escalates. And I would say, from the little I've seen, that this guy is verbally abusive.