Hello Everyone,
I know you guys get these types of stories all the time but I wanna tell mine too cause everyday now I get concerned of what I thought I said. In January i was getting blasphemous thoughts and I was filled with anxiety from them that everyday I would be so scared from those thoughts. I kept praying to God to help me and I believe he did help me overcome these thoughts. I didn't believe the blasphemous thoughts at all. Those thoughts just frightened me.
I got better around the end of January. I kept researching on the computer about the unforgivable sin and that scared me to. February came and the thoughts were on and off now and I wasn't nervous about them as much as when i first got them. It was after I read about the unpardonable sin when these thoughts came. I was happy to know that I learned I didn't commit that sin. I was so relieved to know that. Then when February came everything was good until Feb. 11 when I said something that gave me anxiety for a week. I was so happy that I was talking good about God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit. I then got back to talking about the blasphemous thoughts after that. I'm scared to type the sentence I said because I don't know if typing it is a sin too. I was talking about how the devil put all those blasphemous thoughts in my head. I got so scared after I said that because the last sentence before I said that I was talking about how I love the Holy Spirit and then I said "THAT" sentence afterwards.
It was not my intention to commit any sort of blasphemy. I said the sentences separate, They weren't in the same sentence. I don't know if I have OCD but I was so scared that I wasn't eating right at times, like all that anxiety was so bad it was hard to swallow food at times. I got better though after a week. Then last Wednesday I found out that I would have to knowingly, deliberately, and mean it to commit the sin but I absolutely did not mean to commit any sort of blasphemy like I said. Then last Wednesday while I reading on some websites about this sin, I was rebuking the devil. You know telling him to go away cause for the past month I don't know if I was in spiritual warfare or OCD and i still have no idea yet. I then said that I belong to God and that I love Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I don't remember everything that I said but after I said that I was talking to myself again. AND again I said another sentence that sounded wrong but I didn't mean for it to sound wrong. I'm still bothered by it and concerned. By the way I still love God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I pray daily now and I repented about 9 times since Feb 12. I ask God for forgiveness everyday now but I still get anxiety at times and I start to get sad. It's like Every time I get better, something worse comes up and I keep suffering.
The blasphemous thoughts are back but I don't believe them and I say the opposite of the thoughts out of my mouth. I'm a true Christian and I believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I still get nervous and concerned at times. I try to calm down by looking at Bible verses and saying ones out loud like John 3:16, Romans 8:1, 1 John 1:9, and more. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord multiple times and I believe with all my heart that God raised him from the dead on the third day. I think about the unforgivable sin everyday and get nervous thinking I committed it but I know I didn't. I will always keep the commandments and do the best i possibly can because I love God and Jesus. I don't wanna go to hell. This one time I opened up the Bible and it brought me to John 3:16 and that felt good to see. I keep reading that if I'm worried about this sin then I haven't committed it. My feelings are up and down. When there up I think of what I said and the anxiety builds up again. I keep asking God for forgiveness and I know I'm forgiven. I believe I'm in spiritual warfare or OCD. I'm not so sure but I would think Spiritual Warfare. I feel better while typing this cause I know there are so many kind and loving people that know my pain. I'm sure most of you were in the same situation I'm in now or were in it. I will never commit blasphemy on purpose. After those 2 incidents I was so scared. I'm being EXTRA careful what I say out of my mouth.
There are sometimes that when I wake up in the morning I get anxiety sometimes but it goes away quickly and then it's on and off during the day cause I just can't forget about those sentences I said. I love the Holy Spirit and i know he's my helper. I try to be the nicest boy that I could possibly be. I feel like I got the fruits of the Spirit. I'm a new creation and i feel the same as i was back then before all this started. It's just all these Blasphemous Thoughts and the memories of Feb 11 and Feb 20 still scare me. Whatever happened on Feb 11 does not scare me as much anymore cause i know God knows my heart very well. I wasn't into all this before 2014 Then I said now look at me, I listen to Christian Music, read Bible verses, getting closer to God, etc. I'm trying to learn new things everyday. I don't have a hardened heart towards anyone. I'm still getting blasphemous Thoughts from time to time but they don't bother me much anymore like back in January. I'm also getting doubts that i don't want as well that bother me. I trust that God knows my heart very well and knows that if i did say anything bad that i didn't mean it. I'm getting better though each day but i still get nervousness in my stomach at times.
Anyway that's my story and I thank to all of you to take the time to read it and i hope you all enjoyed it and i'll be glad to hear from all of you.
God loves you very much