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Anxiety and future mother-in-law

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by Heartofsilver, Sep 18, 2020.

  1. Heartofsilver

    Heartofsilver Bride of Christ 4/8/17 Isaiah 54:5 Supporter

    United States
    Hello everyone,

    My future mother-in-law isn't very compassionate when it comes to people with ADHD more particularly me.

    Over the summer she offered to help us budget our wedding which was very sweet of her. The three of us for saying they're discussing what we wanted in our wedding that was essential to it and I had added that there is some particular things that I wanted for the the wedding and she just snapped at me about rabbit holing which I am seeing more and more is what she's referring to as something that has to do with my ADHD when it comes to me changing the subject though at the time I may not have been changing the subject and she still accused me of doing that which is a habit that comes along with having ADHD which she already knew, becauseI explained it to her before. What I didn't understand was why she was lashing out at me about my disability in the first place. So, the next time I came over there while we are budgeting at the wedding and talking about ideas for the wedding I decided not to really say much and agree with everything she was saying but, at the same time I was writing down notes of things that I wanted. At the end, I told her that I do have some notes that I wrote down of things I would like so that I didn't upset her interrupt her, and start rabbit holing again. It turned out that she did not take this very well. My fiancee later came to me and told me that she did not think it was a good idea for us to budget together. I told him that I agreed because I felt she was acting very prideful and she didn't even come to apologize even after I had been trying be nice to her while also not being walked all over.

    We are trying again a second time now to budget with her. She offered again to help us to budget. We were discussing all sorts of different subjects and categories when it came to our wedding and budgeting we eventually came upon the subject of florists and what we can do to cut the cost of that and I brought up that I have myself as the bride one I to have a particular boutique and the his mom snapped at me and said and accused me a rabbit holing again while I was actually still on the subject of talking about the bouquets boutonniaries and florists and at some point I mentioned during the conversation that my "rabbit holing" actually ended up saving us money. I told my fiancee after this that I really did not appreciate the way she was treating me when while actually knowing that she was taking a jab yet again at my ADHD.

    Now, I'm trying to figure out, what is it that I can do differently this time in dealing with his mom?

    What also confuses me is that her husband and daughter are bipolar and my fiancee, her son has aspergers yet, she does not have compassion and patience for someone who has ADHD and for someone who has tried explain to talk to her about what ADHD is like and yet she still chooses to take jabs at me and lash out at me for my disability. It's not like I sit there and lash out of her son for having a disability because, that's wrong so, I don't understand why she does it to me when it is obviously wrong.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Richard T

    Richard T Well-Known Member

    United States
    No she does not sound too compassionate, but it might be hard to give up her son and so it is not compassion but other things causing her to get so upset. All I can think of that you can do is ask the Lord to bring peace to the circumstances. That He would prepare the way every time you meet with her. Hopefully you will get other ideas as well. Congrats on getting married too
  3. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc We are saved purely by the work and grace of God. Supporter

    United States
    I think we all don't get along with one of our inlaws. My father in law wants to and has threatened several times to shoot me dead. He doesn't like me because I'm bipolar "he has no idea I'm schizophrenic either or he would have shot me a long time ago) and he just doesn't like or get along with bipolar people.

    And, I took his daughter away from him. Oh well, it's a good thing he lives in Ohio and I'll probably never meet him. I'm staying the heck away from that psycho just like you should stay away from your mother in law. There's no way around it, and you would be a lot happier for it. Some people you're just not meant to be close or to get along with and one of your inlaws is one of them.

    My wife doesn't get along with my mom either. It bugs the crap out of her too, I keep telling her don't worry about it and there literally is no making my mother happy anymore. My mother is a lost cause.
  4. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    Sometimes people are just mean, and this sounds like one of those times.

    Sorry you have to deal with such a person, but remember, such people have to live with themselves, and in my view, they get just what they deserve.