Angry Husband - I need advice please

[Bacey92]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this website and it is my first time posting.

I need some advice on my marriage.

We are both saved, but my husband is backsliding...we belonged to a small congregation that went through a hard time finding a pastor, we had multiple missionary pastors. Eventually, the Church closed down, since then we both backslid, especially my husband. We have been married two years and it's been tough, I struggle with social anxiety, OCD and I also have major trust issues. which I am trying to work on, because of this toxic combination my husband resents me and is constantly angry due to all the fights, insecurities and lack of a normal social life. It has taken a toll on him and i completely understand. I would like to overcome my trust issues and anxiety problems I just don't know how?

How do I deal every day with an angry husband, who snaps at me and resents me all the time even when I try to be kind and gentle? it's difficult to be the gentle one when he just snaps at me, is it possible for me to change things around? I would also like everyone to please pray for my OCD, anxiety and lack of trust. I would like to not be controlled by my social anxiety that prevents me from leading a normal life with my husband.

Is there hope for us, will he ever love me again? I would also like to know if a separation is a good idea?

Thank you very much

 

[Carl Emerson]

Welcome to CF... Sorry to hear about your struggles.

Can you put effort into finding fellowship?

Praying together with others will be a great help.

Would your husband agree to getting pastoral help?

 

[joshua 1 9]

How do I deal every day with an angry husband

Through prayer and the Blood of Jesus. Actually the husband is supposed to provide this sort of umbrella protection for the wife. But it works both ways.

 

[Paidiske]

I think you need to start with your doctor, and a plan to support your mental health.

 

[Bacey92]

Welcome to CF... Sorry to hear about your struggles.

Can you put effort into finding fellowship?

Praying together with others will be a great help.

Would your husband agree to getting pastoral help?

My husband used to be very close to the Lord, I have mentioned to him that we need to find another church and partake in fellowship. we are currently very distant. I don't think he would be interested at this time. He did say to me that I shouldn't wait on him to get close to the Lord instead I need to focus on my own relationship with Him.

He had such a beautiful relationship with God and that is why I fell in love with him, I am afraid that he might not get close to God again, All I can do is Pray for him.

 

[Bacey92]

Through prayer and the Blood of Jesus. Actually the husband is supposed to provide this sort of umbrella protection for the wife. But it works both ways.

Thank you for your response, I am aware that this is something he needs to do but he is currently not in that frame of mind at all. I hope that he will find the Lord again and that our marriage will be restored.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Pray for the right doors for fellowship to open.

Be in the Word and prayer and take every opportunity to find fellowship and pray with others. As you make progress He will follow.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Would your husband agree to getting pastoral help?

Sounds like the last shot
and has worked for many.
M-Bob

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I pray to the Father for you both.
Dear Father, bless and restore this couple,
draw them together with strong ties of love and grant them the rich experience of knowing you with real certainty and clear understanding. In Jesus precious name

 

[Bacey92]

I pray to the Father for you both.
Dear Father, bless and restore this couple,
draw them together with strong ties of love and grant them the rich experience of knowing you with real certainty and clear understanding. In Jesus precious name

Thank you so much

 

[createdtoworship]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this website and it is my first time posting.

I need some advice on my marriage.

We are both saved, but my husband is backsliding...we belonged to a small congregation that went through a hard time finding a pastor, we had multiple missionary pastors. Eventually, the Church closed down, since then we both backslid, especially my husband. We have been married two years and it's been tough, I struggle with social anxiety, OCD and I also have major trust issues. which I am trying to work on, because of this toxic combination my husband resents me and is constantly angry due to all the fights, insecurities and lack of a normal social life. It has taken a toll on him and i completely understand. I would like to overcome my trust issues and anxiety problems I just don't know how?

How do I deal every day with an angry husband, who snaps at me and resents me all the time even when I try to be kind and gentle? it's difficult to be the gentle one when he just snaps at me, is it possible for me to change things around? I would also like everyone to please pray for my OCD, anxiety and lack of trust. I would like to not be controlled by my social anxiety that prevents me from leading a normal life with my husband.

Is there hope for us, will he ever love me again? I would also like to know if a separation is a good idea?

Thank you very much

https://www.amazon.com/Abolish-Soci...p_lbr_one_browse-bin:June+Hunt&s=books&sr=1-1

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi everyone,
I am new to this website and it is my first time posting.I need some advice on my marriage.We are both saved, but my husband is backsliding...we belonged to a small congregation that went through a hard time finding a pastor, we had multiple missionary pastors. Eventually, the Church closed down, since then we both backslid, especially my husband. We have been married two years and it's been tough, I struggle with social anxiety, OCD and I also have major trust issues. which I am trying to work on, because of this toxic combination my husband resents me and is constantly angry due to all the fights, insecurities and lack of a normal social life. It has taken a toll on him and i completely understand. I would like to overcome my trust issues and anxiety problems I just don't know how?How do I deal every day with an angry husband, who snaps at me and resents me all the time even when I try to be kind and gentle? it's difficult to be the gentle one when he just snaps at me, is it possible for me to change things around? I would also like everyone to please pray for my OCD, anxiety and lack of trust. I would like to not be controlled by my social anxiety that prevents me from leading a normal life with my husband.Is there hope for us, will he ever love me again? I would also like to know if a separation is a good idea?Thank you very much

"Backsliders" are people that have left the spirit of grace given by Jesus and returned to the first covenant and rely on works of the flesh to be saved.

The reason backsliders can be saved, is that they still love God, they are just not "believing they are good enough" to be forgiven. They also point fingers at the sinful works of others to justify they are "better practicers of the faith"

Hebrews 10:26-31
For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has spurned the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.”

 

[SkyWriting]

How do I deal every day with an angry husband, who snaps at me and resents me all the time even when I try to be kind and gentle? it's difficult to be the gentle one when he just snaps at me, is it possible for me to change things around?

Yes. You don't need to be gentle and kind. This is making him angry.
You need to be strong and secure in your own life. You can be compassionate
in your strength and in charge of your own life. He is resentful that you depend
on him, and if he feels out of control, then he is mad that you will follow his
lead. You need to be more of a mother, possibly his mother, or a mother
he never had. Strong and willing to stand with him, but not behind him.

If you have insecurities, then you need to work on those and take charge of your
own life. He resents that you are depending on him while he is insecure.

 

[tturt]

Yes sorry to hear about your struggles. Wish my husband and I had realized these much earlier but here's some Biblical advice.

Very important -Eph 5:33 says for husbands to love your wives and wives respect your husbands. What does being given respect look like to your husband?

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Pro 15:1 I know women want to talk and often men dont. Timing is everything so asks God to lead you.

Ask him for forgiveness Continue to work on yourself and pray for him. Let God work on him. The enemy is our accuser Rev 12 So when the thoughts come about all your shortcomings and his, immediately turn to Scriptures that states who you (both) really are such as "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." PSA 139

A couple we know BOTH apologize before 10 PM whenever they have any typr of disagreement. That's how they apply that Scripture about not letting the sun go down on your wrath. Eph 4 For now you might want to apply this one.

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

There's hundreds on youtube.

Jehovah Rapha is our healer.

 

[Bacey92]

https://www.amazon.com/Abolish-Social-Anxiety-Ultimate-Overcome-ebook/dp/B015I3JEUK/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1580461440&refinements=p_lbr_one_browse-bin:June+Hunt&s=books&sr=1-1

Yes sorry to hear about your struggles. Wish my husband and I had realized these much earlier but here's some Biblical advice.

Very important -Eph 5:33 says for husbands to love your wives and wives respect your husbands. What does being given respect look like to your husband?

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Pro 15:1

Ask him for forgiveness Continue to work on yourself and pray for him. Let God work on him. The enemy is our accuser Rev 12 So when the thoughts come about all your shortcomings and his, immediately turn to Scriptures that states who you really are such as "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." PSA 139

A couple we know BOTH apologize before 10 PM whenever they have any typr of disagreement. That's how they apply that Scripture about not letting the sun go down on your wrath. Eph 4 For now you might want to apply this one.

Encourage you to watch MarriagevToday marriagetoday,com/latest-tv-episodes/
It includes "What a man really needs" Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based.

Lastly, Jehovah Rapha is our healer.

Thank you for your response, I will have a look at that video

 

[Bacey92]

Yes. You don't need to be gentle and kind. This is making him angry.
You need to be strong and secure in your own life. You can be compassionate
in your strength and in charge of your own life. He is resentful that you depend
on him, and if he feels out of control, then he is mad that you will follow his
lead. You need to be more of a mother, possibly his mother, or a mother
he never had. Strong and willing to stand with him, but not behind him.

If you have insecurities, then you need to work on those and take charge of your
own life. He resents that you are depending on him while he is insecure.

Thank you for responding to my thread, It is funny you say that because he has told me that he has never really had a real mother figure or relationship with his mother. I do feel he lacked that growing up as his parents got divorced when he was young and he always stayed with his dad. His dad was abusive and he never had that motherly affection or love, or the strength as you mentioned.

I am not too sure how to be that for him, I want to but I just need to figure out how.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Thank you for your response, I am aware that this is something he needs to do but he is currently not in that frame of mind at all. I hope that he will find the Lord again and that our marriage will be restored.

Marriage can be difficult but as Christians we are still supposed to be brothers and sisters in the Lord. I tell my wife I expect her to treat me at least as good as she would treat her brother. Of course she comes from a loving family and she has a very good relationship with her brothers.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Yes. You don't need to be gentle and kind. This is making him angry.
You need to be strong and secure in your own life. You can be compassionate
in your strength and in charge of your own life.

Can we explore this a bit more...

How does this relate to "A gentle answer turns away wrath ??

 

[createdtoworship]

Thank you for your response, I will have a look at that video

Here is the first five points of the book on how to abolish social anxiety:

"
Techniques to Battle Social Anxiety (Part 1)

So you have social anxiety? You don’t have to let it become a part of your system forever. With all things, social anxiety can be remedied, although it would remain. The trick is to lessen the degree by which you feel anxious until the time that you become so used to speaking to other people.

1. Observe the times when you feel anxious.

It is important to know when you feel tense. The extent would differ from person to person, as there are two types of social anxiety. Observe yourself. Do you feel anxious only when there are strangers around? Does it happen only when you are going to perform? Write down your observations to see a pattern. Also, it is important to note that social anxiety might occur in intervals, so if it happens for only one time, do not be quick to misjudge it as social anxiety.

2. Learn relaxation techniques.

Breathing deeply and massaging your muscles would help relieve tension. Inhale slowly and count until your mind relaxes.

3. Kill those ANTs.

ANT refers to Automatic Negative Thoughts, which derail your attempts at relaxing during conversations or performances. Kill the ideas before they even start. Once you entertain a negative thought, they would multiply block positive vibes from forming.

What you can do is to combat these ANTs out loud. Say something to make you feel better. It could be as simple as “I don’t want these negative thoughts. Go away” or “Stop!” These are equally powerful statements that could help you get back on track. You likewise have to know when to spot them. For instance, sentences in negation might elicit ANTs, such as “She will not like your answer” or “The idea is not going to work.” The moment you hear these words in your head, stop and make a detour. Redirect your thoughts to something positive right then and there.

4. Be realistic.

There are a lot of cognitive biases and illusions that man is capable of. An example would be thinking the other person is better (a better man, a better conversationalist, a better employee, etc.) than you are. Other times, irrational thinking verges into unnecessary worries, i.e. no one will like you, you’re going to say the wrong thing, or you don’t know what to say.

Here’s the deal: It doesn’t matter if people do not like you. What you say is as equally important as what the other person says, and if he does not listen to you, that is his problem and not yours. Avoid spending your time into thinking you’re no better than others because there are things which you can do, which they cannot.

You can also mentally tell yourself the following: a) Anxiety is just an uncomfortable feeling, nothing more. People experience it; b) It’s going to be all right. Things will be fine. If ever you feel that these negative thoughts start creeping up again, say “So what?” and move on.

5. Provide positive distractions.

Whenever you feel negative thoughts coming, distract yourself by humming a favorite tune, exercising, doing household chores, painting, writing – basically anything that makes you feel good.

There are another 10 points to this chapter, the book is pretty cheap on amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Abolish-Soci...p_lbr_one_browse-bin:June+Hunt&s=books&sr=1-1

 

[joshua 1 9]

How does this relate to "A gentle answer turns away wrath ??

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)