Am i turning into a pervert?

[ascribe2thelord]

I agree, that was a pretty darn far-fetched assumption. The fact that we don't want you creeps undressing us with your eyes with a drop of drool rolling down your chin does not make us strippers or harlots or whatever. The leering sure makes us think none too kindly of you, however.

Seriously guys, most of us don't mind an appreciative glance. We don't mind being able to tell when you're thinking "Wow. I'd tap that." Most of us can understand it. But when the look on your face says "I'd date-rape you if I could afford the rufies" rather than "Yeah, I'd hit it, but I know it'll never happen so I'm just gonna go back to what I was doing" we tend to get a little offended or creeped out. Sheesh.

That is also a far-fetched assumption to make. We don't look at women and suddenly decide we want to rape them. That's another lie the TV probably told you ... something about evolution and rape being a way for man to be sure that his offspring is created. Blah!!!!!

Consider that the guy who posted this is probably a Christian, and for all you know he might have never even had sex. Myself I haven't even. So how do you expect all guys to be like that? It's attitudes like that ... that make guys feel so dirty and unworthy of any female company whatsoever!

 

[InTheFlame]

Okay, okay sorry. I was under the impression that he was in a busy city street, in the middle of traffic, and there was this really hot girl ... okay I was creating a scenario in my mind, and that ended up in her being someone ungodly. I confess I did jump to conclusions. Personally, I consider man and woman made for one another. The tendency to find someone of the opposite sex attractive is not the only part in that, but it does take up a lot of attention ... and tends to make a few people feel especially guilty, if they even look twice.

Forgiven

A small part of the reason my blood was starting to boil (and smoke wisp out of my ears) is because I've often heard idiot men decide a woman's a lesbian if she's not interested in them. As opposed to having good taste, etc

I'm not sure if most men realise this, but a lot of women will instinctively distinguish between, 'hey, she's cute!' and 'wow, I'd like to get her into bed!' looks from men.

 

[D'Ann]

Forgiven

I'm not sure if most men realise this, but a lot of women will instinctively distinguish between, 'hey, she's cute!' and 'wow, I'd like to get her into bed!' looks from men.

Either look, I find intrusive and I'm uncomfortable either way. lol

 

[Hope_0004]

 

[Chajara]

That is also a far-fetched assumption to make. We don't look at women and suddenly decide we want to rape them. That's another lie the TV probably told you ... something about evolution and rape being a way for man to be sure that his offspring is created. Blah!!!!!

Consider that the guy who posted this is probably a Christian, and for all you know he might have never even had sex. Myself I haven't even. So how do you expect all guys to be like that? It's attitudes like that ... that make guys feel so dirty and unworthy of any female company whatsoever!

Oh no, I didn't mean all men think this way. Or even many. It just creeps a lot of girls out when we're being stared at and some of the guys I've seen staring seriously do give off the "rapist" vibe even if they totally don't mean to.

On that note, catcalls and leering is also a no-no if you want any sort of woman who respects herself. That's another thing I hate.

 

[DaNorthernLight]

"wonder if he likes techno like I do?"

What kind of techno?

 

[BOJAX]

argh i have this problem too

 

[Chajara]

What kind of techno?

Annoying, obnoxious, ear-raping techno.

I also like darkwave, trance, and other forms of electronic music.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Oh no, I didn't mean all men think this way. Or even many. It just creeps a lot of girls out when we're being stared at and some of the guys I've seen staring seriously do give off the "rapist" vibe even if they totally don't mean to.

On that note, catcalls and leering is also a no-no if you want any sort of woman who respects herself. That's another thing I hate.

I don't make catcalls. And a few seconds is usually a long enough look for me, sometimes I add a little polite smile in at the end so she won't think I'm that "rapist" type. I can only hope that someday such a look would be followed by talking and an invitation to eat dinner somewhere.

 

[nate2705]

Am i turning into a pervert?

Hi all, I think I am turning into a serious pervert, I just cant help looking at nice bodies as they walk the street or nice and sometimes stunning females at university or church. Am I the only one who struggles with this? I heard somewhere “the first time you look is innocent but the second look is evil”

I must confess that I enjoy looking at females, especially those who dress to be looked at, if everyone was to wear modest clothes it probably wouldn’t be a problem but we all know what goes on in our universities, churches and streets; tight jeans, tight tops and/or miniscule clothes don’t help.

Today as i was driving back home, i saw this stunning brunette wearing one of those nice but totally evil skirts (if you know what i mean by evil) well, traffic was moving slow and I thought I’d look, then it turned into staring and she caught me staring at her and gave me a funny look, (maybe I should have given her my number- lol) but seriously tho I felt really bad bacause I saw her as an object and not as a person.

It is so hard to stay physically pure and even harder to be psychologically pure. Is this the lesser of two evils? Any thoughts from gals or guys?

Sydney, I know that you have had some encouragement already but I want to let you know something anyway. What you have is a minor issue compared to the one that I once had.
I will admit this freely as a powerful testimony even though it is a bit embarassing. I had an actual sexual addiction. I could not stop masterbating. It broke my heart that I couldn't stop. I just kept trying to stop myself on my own. I asked God to help, still no luck.
A few months ago, something happened. It is kind of fuzzy but I'll try to tell everything.
It started when I went up to a prayer team at church. I can't rememeber what I asked for (perhaps purity?) but I do remember them saying this. "When you're just learning to walk, you fall often. You can do two things. Lay there crying or actually try to walk." That had a huge impact on me because I finally realized what I was doing wrong. I was just crying about not being able to do it while just giving half-hearted attempts to get up!

This is what I did and am doing, I read my Bible regularly, prayed regularly for the fruit of the Spirit of self-control, put my foot down and determined that I no longer would let myself stay in this trap. Since then (remember this is in a few months) I've only relapsed once! Even then I had chances to stop myself.
Don't get me wrong, I still get tempted. I just don't give in. I won't give the enemy an inch. I've also been successful at stopping myself from staring at women.
Sydney, let me give you some advice from someone who's been in the same place you were. It's okay to look for a mate. It's when you stare at a woman as an object that gets you in danger. That is the "hint of sexual immorality" that the Bible mentions I believe.
If you want to stop staring at women, pray about this every day. Pray for the fruit of the spirit of self-control. Ask to be free and put your foot down completely. Ask for the ability to crucify your flesh. Read the Bible. Remember, you have the "Mind of Christ." Don't be afraid to use it. It also helps to realize how you may rationalize staring at that woman. You've got to really want it though, not "think" you want it. There is a difference.
Hope this helps you Sydney.

 

[Chajara]

I don't make catcalls. And a few seconds is usually a long enough look for me, sometimes I add a little polite smile in at the end so she won't think I'm that "rapist" type. I can only hope that someday such a look would be followed by talking and an invitation to eat dinner somewhere.

It just might. Making eye contact and maybe smirking a bit is usually my way of flirting. Once the guy gets a clue that hey, I'm making lots of eye contact for a reason, either he'll find an excuse to come talk, I'll find an excuse to go talk to him, or he'll ignore me at which point I sigh and move on.

It's a good way to flirt without making a total fool of yourself walking up and using a lame pickup line or something.

 

[superbear02]

You're not a pervert. I'm glad to see that you're concerned with it. Keep on Keepin on is all you can do. Work on it, don't give up but don't think you're a horrible person if you slip. Sometimes us girls, unfortunately, dress to be looked at...I apologize to you for this.

 

[Wroth]

It just might. Making eye contact and maybe smirking a bit is usually my way of flirting. Once the guy gets a clue that hey, I'm making lots of eye contact for a reason, either he'll find an excuse to come talk, I'll find an excuse to go talk to him, or he'll ignore me at which point I sigh and move on.

It's a good way to flirt without making a total fool of yourself walking up and using a lame pickup line or something.

We don't take clues well... just come up and say "Hi!" Skip the waiting/hoping he notices and do something

 

[Ave Maria]

No, you're not the only one experiencing this and this is pretty normal for guys in their twenties. However, just because it is normal doesn't mean it is right. You must try your hardest to avoid temptation and lust and masturbation. When you notice yourself doing this, a good idea is to simply pray to God and God will give you an escape.

 

[LauraCristinaD]

you are not a perv trust me on that, honey you are just a male and it's normal to look i mean i will admit i've looked at a few men like that too. but then i look away and think i wouldn't like to be looked at in that way. dont fret your totally normal. just ask god to let your mind focus on their inner beauty and force yourself to look away.

 

[DaNorthernLight]

There's some T-Shirt that reads:

"Stop staring at my eyes with your boobs."

It's a bit, well, incorrect... but just correct enough to give a few laughs.

 

[TriptychR]

We don't take clues well... just come up and say "Hi!" Skip the waiting/hoping he notices and do something

Bingo! Besides, flirting from across the room just makes one think that you're only interested in them for their looks. Go up and actually talk to someone first! I'm talking to both genders, here.

 

[Johnnz]

you are not a perv trust me on that, honey you are just a male and it's normal to look i mean i will admit i've looked at a few men like that too. but then i look away and think i wouldn't like to be looked at in that way. dont fret your totally normal. just ask god to let your mind focus on their inner beauty and force yourself to look away.

Very sensible.

Nevertheless, we should not be too hung up about this issue. Something, or someone attractive is just that, and is deserving of being appreciated. There is nothing wrong in noting any 'good points'. It only becomes wrong when thinking goes beyond a moral boundary. For example "What a lucky guy to have a wife like that" is very different from "And I would like to have sex with her".

And, lets face it. What woman dresses to be deliberatly unattractive just to help put us poor guys?

John
NZ

 

[eh7]

What if when you just look at them for quite a while without any thoughts? It is like you just can't shift your eyes elsewhere because you feel attracted to them?

 

[mikeforjesus]

well God is more beautiful

I think this is a good post to read

http://www.christianforums.com/t2388089-i-have-fallen-away-from-god.html