Am I doing the right thing?

[Neostarwcc]

So the Head Elder at my church Emailed me a few minutes ago. It made me cry because he has just been so understanding my whole episode. He emailed me because he was thinking about me and wanted to know if my wife and I could start attending church again. We've been out of Church since the end of June when I found out my episode had started.

But Larry and I are like inseparable friends. And it really touched me that our congregation cares so much about me.

I feel horrible it's been months now and I'm not close to getting better. The episode could even last a year or more. Larry is just really concerned about how it's important for us to socialize with other Christians. Why, I don't know. Because despite the whole congregation loving and caring about us? Larry and his wife are really the only people there were super close to. I don't really know anybody else, and I don't get why he doesnt consider us talking on the phone or emailing "fellowship" or how talking to my family on CF isnt fellowship. I've heard all of his sermons and they send me his sermons in the mail that we missed and I've grown pretty much as much as I'm going to grow theologically.

I'm not dismissing church, I wouldn't be a Presbyterian If I rejected that church isn't necessary for a Christians growth. Ive mentioned before how much i miss Larry and his sermons and the children singing..etc. I'm just really afraid to attend. What if I hurt myself or someone else? What if I go insane due to religion like all schizophrenics do? It wouldn't be the first time this happened in my life nor will it probably be the last. I just can't get over the last time religion and my psychotic episode mixed. I physically assaulted my wife, tried to escape for both a regular hospital and the mental hospital I was placed involuntarily in several times. I can just get... psychotic sometimes. I don't want to get like that in church. I traumatized my nieces when they were little with it, I'm not doing it again.

But I'm also afraid maybe he won't like me anymore if I don't start attending soon. Yes, I know he loves and cares about me, I love and care about him too. But I've lost people close to me before by disappointing them too.

If this does take a year to end I can't not attend for a year, I'd go insane. So how long can this go on for? Am I doing the right thing and have the right idea staying away? Or... idk... maybe I should just go tomorrow if I sleep good tonight. I just... don't know how to respond to him. If I say I'm not going tomorrow but understand his concerns would he hate me? Obviously nobody can answer this, I just don't know what to do. I'd like to be safe but at the same time, I can't not attend for forever.

I don't think this Lithium is working or if it is, it's very slow acting. I'm just as manic and stupid as ever.

 

[Unqualified]

It sounds like Larry doesn’t understand how serious it is. And like my pastor he wants Jesus to overcome all indisputably. And he might be thinking there is no reason anybody should be out of church- the idealist. He might change his tune toward you and go on to more fruitful concerns. In my case the then faithfulness when you return will win him again.

But you have to remember that your flesh may get used to the idea of not going and becoming a statistic of the apostasy. But if I was in your shoes I would not go either. Can you get therapy maybe from a Christian couns ellor while your off church. He might be pleased to hear of progress. Maybe keep tithing. Maybe go after awhile just to see how you feel about entering and then go home.

If you are depending on him for counseling he wants to see results. But in the end it might be just sitting and enduring when you get a little better. I go, but I have gone when I felt better and then just toughed it out putting Gods word into practice. It’s a little trying at times but it conditions you and your body to what you have to do to be there. It will get easier. Just step out when you are ready.

 

[BobRyan]

David Wood is an example of a true sociopath (which is not supposed to be curable) and also he was an atheist, that converted to Christianity - and found in Christ a power stronger than his mind's bent toward wrong thinking. His testimony is very powerful - well worth watching.

You are sensing that you are still suffering from your illness which is a sign you are right to be sure others are safe. But at the same time - look for ways to become full on immersed in the mind of Christ -- like a soldier in boot camp - a full time job.

It takes determination to keep the mind fixed on Christ. Here is a great spiritual aide in the form of a fantastic easy-to-read world-class commentary on the life of Christ - it will change your life.

The Desire of Ages

 

[pdudgeon]

What might be wise to do is to go with a friend, whom you have prepared beforehand. Someone who knows the signs to look for, and who is capable of getting you out and away before something happens.
Be sure to take any meds before you go, and carry them with you in case of need.
Also be sure to pray before you and your friend set out that day.
Pray again before you enter the church, and let the pastor know that you will be there, so that he can pray for you privately in his preparation that day.
Then rest assured that the shield of God is covering you, praise Him, and rest in that covering.
Best wishes!

 

[Albion]

Don't "over-think" Larry's message. He seems to me to have sent a note saying, essentially that he's been thinking of you, that others care also, and that he hopes you will be able to return to church.

None of that is out of the ordinary for an elder looking after his people...but, on the other hand, it DOES show you that he and the others do care.

You probably should get back to him and thank him for his kindness, explain that you miss church and will be back as soon as your condition allows, that it's coming along but slower than you'd hoped. Don't add much more than that.

 

[Neostarwcc]

It sounds like Larry doesn’t understand how serious it is. And like my pastor he wants Jesus to overcome all indisputably. And he might be thinking there is no reason anybody should be out of church- the idealist. He might change his tune toward you and go on to more fruitful concerns. In my case the then faithfulness when you return will win him again.

But you have to remember that your flesh may get used to the idea of not going and becoming a statistic of the apostasy. But if I was in your shoes I would not go either. Can you get therapy maybe from a Christian couns ellor while your off church. He might be pleased to hear of progress. Maybe keep tithing. Maybe go after awhile just to see how you feel about entering and then go home.

If you are depending on him for counseling he wants to see results. But in the end it might be just sitting and enduring when you get a little better. I go, but I have gone when I felt better and then just toughed it out putting Gods word into practice. It’s a little trying at times but it conditions you and your body to what you have to do to be there. It will get easier. Just step out when you are ready.

Well the PCA do think that church is very important and I do agree we are supposed to be fellowshipping with other believers in a way that thederstood at the beginning but now that it's been months

Christian counselors are quite expensive. I think the last time I saw one for a few months I had to pay $350 a month and that was with a disability discount. I had to terminate our counseling because I couldn't afford it anymore. He understood and gave me a few sessions free.

I think Larry just doesn't understand mental illnesses. He's only had general anxiety, cancer, and physical illnesses to deal with. He's used to having his members get better in a month max. And like I said I have PTSD and two serious mental illnesses for him to try to help with and I'm a challenge to him.

I still have a few hours to decide its 7:40 and I have until 9:00 to decide. I'll check out the other replies.

 

[Neostarwcc]

David Wood is an example of a true sociopath (which is not supposed to be curable) and also he was an atheist, that converted to Christianity - and found in Christ a power stronger than his mind's bent toward wrong thinking. His testimony is very powerful - well worth watching.

You are sensing that you are still suffering from your illness which is a sign you are right to be sure others are safe. But at the same time - look for ways to become full on immersed in the mind of Christ -- like a soldier in boot camp - a full time job.

It takes determination to keep the mind fixed on Christ. Here is a great spiritual aide in the form of a fantastic easy-to-read world-class commentary on the life of Christ - it will change your life.

The Desire of Ages

Thank you! I will look into those.

 

[Neostarwcc]

What might be wise to do is to go with a friend, whom you have prepared beforehand. Someone who knows the signs to look for, and who is capable of getting you out and away before something happens.
Be sure to take any meds before you go, and carry them with you in case of need.
Also be sure to pray before you and your friend set out that day.
Pray again before you enter the church, and let the pastor know that you will be there, so that he can pray for you privately in his preparation that day.
Then rest assured that the shield of God is covering you, praise Him, and rest in that covering.
Best wishes!

There's my wife that I go with and always go with. She drives us to church because, it's an hour away from where I live and i don't know how to drive.. If I'm not going, my wife is going this morning and Larry will at least get to see her you know?

I did email him last night saying how much we miss him and explained a little about why I havent been attending. I mean, honestly I think the main reason he wants me to attend is that he misses me. Like I said, we are really close and I think this is his first time having to deal with a mentally ill person.

He's been praying for me pretty much nonstop since I started attending. Like I said, I have an hour to decide I'll wake up my wife at any rate, she has to yet ready for church and I have to decide whether or not I'm going.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Don't "over-think" Larry's message. He seems to me to have sent a note saying, essentially that he's been thinking of you, that others care also, and that he hopes you will be able to return to church.

None of that is out of the ordinary for an elder looking after his people...but, on the other hand, it DOES show you that he and the others do care.

You probably should get back to him and thank him for his kindness, explain that you miss church and will be back as soon as your condition allows, that it's coming along but slower than you'd hoped. Don't add much more than that.

Thank you! Hopefully I do get better soon because, I don't want to miss church forever. My Psychiatrist is working on it because he says it's not normal to experience so many manic episodes. I see him this Wednesday so hopefully I get good news about my lithium levels.