Am I Being Set Up To Fail?

[timewerx]

Thanks, I never considered that.

No problem. Fatherhood isn't exclusive to reproduction only.

It is also through sharing and teaching valuable things like Jesus did.

 

[exitstageright]

I feel for you. I'm about your age, and have been single my whole life. It was about 10 years ago that I finally gave up hope of getting a woman. Well, since I've never been married, I lack the experience of it. Maybe it is like the one who doesn't know alcoholism because he's never been drunk. But I have lost all desire to have a woman in my life (finally), so I have been satisfied with what God has me doing.

About 15 years ago I heard a singles pastor say "stop the hunt." It was in context of "how to fall into the arms of God's right man or woman for you." What was being conveyed is that if we continue in a dire need for romantic companionship, then our "needy" attitude will defeat the very thing we're trying to obtain. In order to have godly relationships, we must have our satisfaction in God, then we can give unconditionally to others. Unconditional giving is godly love, and this is the very thing women are looking for. When we no longer need a woman to satisfy our "manly needs," then we're ready to love unconditionally. As long as we are "hunting," we're not allowing God to surprise us with His best gift.
TD

Married women, generally, treat me better, and are friendlier to me than single women are to me. I know there is such a thing called a woman's intuition. What I would like to know is what do married women see in me, that single women cannot see in me?

 

[tdidymas]

Married women, generally, treat me better, and are friendlier to me than single women are to me. I know there is such a thing called a woman's intuition. What I would like to know is what do married women see in me, that single women cannot see in me?

It might not be what they see in you, but rather what they see in themselves. Married women in general may feel safe with you because they have a commitment to love their husband (no chance of adultery, in their minds). Whereas, single women may feel unsafe because of their own desires to marry. But if single women are looking for a "look" of desire in a man, then they may also see a desire in you that they don't want (for whatever reason), maybe because they want that look of desire only in one they feel desire toward - sort of a "love at first sight" fantasy.
TD

 

[exitstageright]

It might not be what they see in you, but rather what they see in themselves. Married women in general may feel safe with you because they have a commitment to love their husband (no chance of adultery, in their minds). Whereas, single women may feel unsafe because of their own desires to marry. But if single women are looking for a "look" of desire in a man, then they may also see a desire in you that they don't want (for whatever reason), maybe because they want that look of desire only in one they feel desire toward - sort of a "love at first sight" fantasy.
TD

The fantasy may mean. Becuase, I am not over six feet tall,I do not meet their physical requirements. I can understand that .Because,I am an actor. And,as everyone knows,actors face plenty of rejections.In an audition class,I was told,"If,out of 10 auditions,you get 1 acting job,then consider yourself lucky.The reason, that you did not get picked,was not that you are a bad actor.You did not get picked,because you were not the type the Casting Director(the one who hires the actors and actresses) was looking for.
Therefore,the only logical conclusion is that I am not being accepted, by my type of woman, is not that I am a bad,unattractive person. I just have to realize that it is that fact that I am not the type of man that most women do not dream about and/or looking for.

 

[exitstageright]

If there is anything in your actions even if ever so subtle that women see you as pursuing a woman , it can have the opposite effect you desire . Confidence has a better effect , you don't want to be seen as someone who is needy .
You may be setting yourself up for failure by having too high of expectations . Women who make a decision on who they want to be with based on how well they like dancing is not a good indicator of good character .
There are many good women that don't go out on cruises or singles scenes as they are likely to stay home with their pets and books . There are many women who will spend their time in a volunteer group helping people and they know a friend or a friend of a friend or a co-worker that would like to meet a good man and if you were friends with them , they would introduce you , and they would be local

Maybe the subtle thing,that women see in me,is in my eyes.At one dance,it which I was having a good time.I was not feeling sad.A woman asked me,"You have been hurt before,haven't you?" I replied,"Yes,of course,who hasn't been hurt before? I am curious,why did you asked me that?" She replied,"I can see it ( the hurt) in your eyes".
Now,I am not saying that no one wants me. There was one lady,at my church,that I went out with,died of lung cancer in 2013.She was not a smoker. In 2015,another lady,of my church,that worked with me in our Drama Ministry,that I was fond of,that accepted me,died of breast cancer.While visiting her in the hospital,she told me of her plans to after she gets well,that we can go dancing again.We even talked of going on a cruise together. But,as the saying goes,"The best laid plans of Mice and Men." After my divorce,from my second wife,my second wife got cervical cancer. So,now, I am afraid,that if I do find someone else,she may die of cancer.Before I met the two women, after my divorce,from my second wife,I had dream that I was walking along a beach.(I love beaches)This female angle asked me,"How is your wife?" I answered,"Which one? I have had three wives". Well,after I woke up,I said,"Why did I say three wives,when I have only been married and divorced two times?" Maybe,just maybe,I was never meant to have a companion.

 

[Sir Robbins]

reading stuff like this depresses me..... doesn't make my future look bright lol

 

[exitstageright]

reading stuff like this depresses me..... doesn't make my future look bright lol

It was not my intention to depress you and/or any other single Christian man who reads my threads. As ,I always say,"I do not make the news.I just report the news. " I have a christain male friend,whom I feel for.He,next month,will be 55 years old.He says that he wants to remain a virgin until he gets married. Because, he wants to please GOD. I do admire him for keeping his promise. He has never been married,never had a girlfriend,and has never kissed a female human. Some people,have asked him,"Are you gay?"
So,here is a single Christian man,who never smoked, never,drank, never got high,never been arrested, and has never been in jail, Yet,he has never been "awarded" with a good Christian lady. Yet,I have heard many men,who have dranked ,got high,smoked weed,did drugs,and were jailed, say "But, after doing all of those things,GOD brought a good Christian young lady into my life. And, I have been living right ever since." Something about this scene does not make any sense ,or seems fair. But,no one was ever quoted as saying that life is fair .So, I feel for all of the single Christian men that have had no experience with a woman.
Therefore,in order to encourage him, you brother, and yes, even myself, I quote John 16:33.

John 16:33 says:"(New Living Translation)
" Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
Take Care,Brother
And,may GOD"S peace be with you.

 

[Sir Robbins]

^ I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis. Makes life hard sometimes and I am no longer suitable to be with someone because of it. It would bring humiliation and disappointment to certain activities and I just don't want that. I went celibate at 25 because of it and though I'm fine, I'm not thrilled. I feel cheated to a degree. I am also in the drug free, alcohol free, never touched a girl, ect… category but heck, it just stinks for some of us. Makes Heaven more appealing and with my disease being somewhat terminal, I won't have to wait as long...

I just hate seeing others go through it and especially those who have been faithful and often medically free of significant issues

 

[exitstageright]

reading stuff like this depresses me..... doesn't make my future look bright lol

Well,Sir Robbins,here is some encouraging news. On today, Sunday, March 3,2019,at 8:18 PM( PST),I received this email from the same woman.

"That was the kindest thing that you ever did was to ask me if you could come ( to ) Morro Bay and take me out to dinner. I just wanted tell you I thank you... and that I am so sorry that I was unkind. It was not meant to be it was a text that I was Texting my sister. I was having my doubts about meeting up with you because I live in a trailer park I don't have a lot of money and i was scared Because I have not dated for 14 years since my husband died... I pray for you every day that God would let you find a woman who is perfect for you. I can see the kindness in you and the kind of man that you are. you are very sweet and kind and would never hurt anybody...i Find myself praying for you a lot it's because God cares for you . He will not let you down he will find a Good wife for you who will treat you kindly and love you. Please forgive me. Love ...in Christ.. M"


I have forgiven her. And, I have accepted her apology.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

 

[Lost4words]

I have met some right 'dogs' in my time! Lol

 

[timewerx]

^ I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis. Makes life hard sometimes and I am no longer suitable to be with someone because of it. It would bring humiliation and disappointment to certain activities and I just don't want that. I went celibate at 25 because of it and though I'm fine, I'm not thrilled. I feel cheated to a degree. I am also in the drug free, alcohol free, never touched a girl, ect… category but heck, it just stinks for some of us. Makes Heaven more appealing and with my disease being somewhat terminal, I won't have to wait as long...

I just hate seeing others go through it and especially those who have been faithful and often medically free of significant issues

Sorry to hear. Most of the things you hear from Christians say you need to have faith and all your problems will disappear.

Well most of that is untrue. Teachings in the Bible taken out of context. We're all simply playing the odds.

Only thing I can say is there's great opportunity in being single. It gives you the opportunity to focus on seeking the Truth, not for anything else, the Truth is a reward in itself.

Searching for the Truth in this world of lies takes a lifetime.

 

[Sir Robbins]

^ great news Exitstageright

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Intellectually, I know the answer is "no". But, emotionally, I feel that the answer is "yes".Yes ,we men do have feelings.Therapists mention that we men are to validate a woman's feelings. However,I never hear of anyone validating a man's feelings. Sometimes,I feel that it is not the most important thing,to GOD,that we single Christians find a
'helpmate" Yet,he made our bodies to have these great desires to have someone in our lives.

Well,I have been "doing the right thing" by pursuing only single Christian women ,in order to be "equally yoked", Instead of going on a regular singles cruise, Last May, I went on a Christian singles' cruise. While dancing, this lady kept bumping into me. I danced with her .On the last night of the cruise, she gave me her number. Even though I did not ask for her number. She lives in the same state that I do. On many occasions, I always meet someone on a cruise that lives across the country from me. Therefore, I thought that maybe GOD sent her into my life.She is a single Christian woman.
Well, we made plans to see each other in July. She texted me saying, "I just cannot wait to see you!" She accepted my invitation to take her out to dinner and dancing. I told her of the dates that I was to visit her. She even offered to pick me up from the Amtrak Train Station.I have already bought the round trip train tickets.
Today,I received a text from her. But, this text was meant for her sister J. The text read, "J..I want u 2 know that I made this decision about S....(me).After we went dancing last week, and that guy dance so beautifully with me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. And ,I feel more that I could see myself more with him, than with S.(me) I texted him(me)and told him that I'm not
meeting with him."(me)
Therefore,since I am so much into music, I texted this back to her.

"Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name (bad name)
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name (bad name)"

She was inspired by Larry David's "Accidental Text On Purpose" obviously...

Nice move on her part.