Alcoholics and Addicts Discussion/Support Thread

[SOTK]

Hi, I am new to this site. I thought I would start a thread for Alcoholic/Addict Discussion topics. This thread could also be used for general support and encouragement.

I am a recovered alcoholic of nine years. Seven of these years has been spent as a Blood Bought Son of the King. Praise God! I got sober through AA and spent the majority of my sobriety in that program. I really bought into the practical applications of the 12 steps. In a sense, I still agree with some of the philosophy of AA, however, as a Christian I look at my past addiction to alcohol differently than I once did. I have different opinions on this subject today and this is one thing that we could talk about in this thread (one of many topics).

I hope this thread will spark some very helpful and beneficial discussion. As I said, it's meant to be supportive as well.

SOTK

 

[TheMainException]

Great idea to start this SOTK...by the way...what does "SOTK" mean?

I am struggling with drugs....as much as people tell me that they are gonna leave me in bad shape....I still think that I can do better than they did and not fall so deep into addiction like they did....I claim to know myself well...but I'm not sure. The good thing is...I haven't done any drugs as of yet....(yay?)....but I've got stashes of stuff (nothing illegal...nothing prescription....just some stuff that few people know about but is very similiar to pot in its effects and such)....I've researched everything on how to make bongs and how to prepare the drugs....At least I'm doing it right...right? Ugh....I'm so messed up.

 

[SOTK]

Great idea to start this SOTK...by the way...what does "SOTK" mean?

I am struggling with drugs....as much as people tell me that they are gonna leave me in bad shape....I still think that I can do better than they did and not fall so deep into addiction like they did....I claim to know myself well...but I'm not sure. The good thing is...I haven't done any drugs as of yet....(yay?)....but I've got stashes of stuff (nothing illegal...nothing prescription....just some stuff that few people know about but is very similiar to pot in its effects and such)....I've researched everything on how to make bongs and how to prepare the drugs....At least I'm doing it right...right? Ugh....I'm so messed up.

Hi, if you put your mouse pointer on my avatar it says what SOTK means.

If I am not mistaken, you are a Christian, correct? What do you need drugs for?

 

[amyjs]

I'm so excited to see a thread like this, I've been looking for some alcohol/addiction support that streesed the importance of God in recovery rather than just steps and meetings.

My main addiction is alcohol, and today I have 122 days sober I tried AA on and off for over a year and a half, as well as rehab and outpatient therapy, and never got even close to recovery. Then about 4 months ago things were at their worse, I'd started using some pretty heavy drugs, and I woke up one day having lost family and friends, I'd quit college and my job, was over $7,000 in debt, was constantly being taken advantage of by guys, and had been to the ER for ODs more times than I could count. I knew that I was at my bottom, and that I would die if I kept going on the way I was.

A close friend of the family took care of me the first couple of days while I was detoxing and brought me to her church (kind of Charasmatic). I was introduced to the pastor who shared that he'd has his own battle with addiction, as well as others in the church, who've all had years of recovery through God. They told me that no matter what I'd been through, how bad it was, God would heal me. I let a few people pray over me and surrendered completely to the Lord. I've stayed close with Him and other Christians and have been sober ever since.

I do some AA, meetings and a sponsor, and we're working the steps, but we both feel the same way about recovery: God has healed us, and he is what keeps us sober every day, and that AA is a good supplement recovery, but not the answer.

Sorry that was so long, I just figured I'd get my story out there so people know where I'm coming from.

For LAWise520 - I've absolutely been where you're at, having people tell me how bad it will get and thinking that I'd be the exception, I would keep it under control. But using any drugs, legal or not, almost always lead to addiction. You said "at least I'm doing it right," but there's no way to do drugs the "right" way, and I think you know that but don't want to admit it yet.
Also, there are many Christians who use drugs and alcohol, you're not alone in that. The ones who either don't drink/use, or are able to recover, are the ones who really surrender to God, let Him into their lives and let their will become His.

Keep talking about it, here or with other supportive people, and feel free to write or message me anytime.

Love, Amy

 

[SOTK]

I'm so excited to see a thread like this, I've been looking for some alcohol/addiction support that streesed the importance of God in recovery rather than just steps and meetings.

My main addiction is alcohol, and today I have 122 days sober I tried AA on and off for over a year and a half, as well as rehab and outpatient therapy, and never got even close to recovery. Then about 4 months ago things were at their worse, I'd started using some pretty heavy drugs, and I woke up one day having lost family and friends, I'd quit college and my job, was over $7,000 in debt, was constantly being taken advantage of by guys, and had been to the ER for ODs more times than I could count. I knew that I was at my bottom, and that I would die if I kept going on the way I was.

A close friend of the family took care of me the first couple of days while I was detoxing and brought me to her church (kind of Charasmatic). I was introduced to the pastor who shared that he'd has his own battle with addiction, as well as others in the church, who've all had years of recovery through God. They told me that no matter what I'd been through, how bad it was, God would heal me. I let a few people pray over me and surrendered completely to the Lord. I've stayed close with Him and other Christians and have been sober ever since.

I do some AA, meetings and a sponsor, and we're working the steps, but we both feel the same way about recovery: God has healed us, and he is what keeps us sober every day, and that AA is a good supplement recovery, but not the answer.

Sorry that was so long, I just figured I'd get my story out there so people know where I'm coming from.

For LAWise520 - I've absolutely been where you're at, having people tell me how bad it will get and thinking that I'd be the exception, I would keep it under control. But using any drugs, legal or not, almost always lead to addiction. You said "at least I'm doing it right," but there's no way to do drugs the "right" way, and I think you know that but don't want to admit it yet.
Also, there are many Christians who use drugs and alcohol, you're not alone in that. The ones who either don't drink/use, or are able to recover, are the ones who really surrender to God, let Him into their lives and let their will become His.

Keep talking about it, here or with other supportive people, and feel free to write or message me anytime.

Love, Amy

Hi, Amy! I am so glad you are sober! Praise God! You have indeed found the answer to your addiction: God!

As I said, I got sober in AA, and I praise God for AA. I believe that the 12 Steps of AA are the practical application of prinicples which can be found in the Bible. The 12 Steps did a lot of good for me, and I would recommend them to anybody.

I still have a lot of respect and love for AA, however, there are some things about AA which I do not completely agree with anymore. This does not mean that I think AA does not work. I believe AA still has the highest precentage of recovered alcoholics than any other recovery program in the world. My disagreement with some of AA's principles has to do with God, spirituality, and the concept of the disease.

While I agree that an alcoholic must take action (the 12 Steps) in order to become sober, I feel that it is God who works in me and causes me to take action. I feel that by recognizing my freedom as a true Child of God I am not a slave to the disease of alcoholism. In other words, how could a child of God be afflicted with this type of thing? This is why I call myself a "recovered" or "healed" alcoholic. Christ has completely wiped this out! I think the key to freedom from addictions is recognizing this. Since Christ perseveres and Christ is in me, I persevere! We need to recognize our identity in Christ!

As I stayed in AA, it became increasingly hard for me to identify with other alcoholics because the majority of them were not Christian and did not feel as I did. Today, I use Christianity (my Church and all that I do therre) as well as AA to continue to remind myself that I am a Child of God!

In Christ,

SOTK

 

[TheMainException]

Ah...yes..I see SOTK...nice

Why do I need drugs? I don't...why do I "need" TV? I don't....why do I "need" the internet...I don't...there are few things a human really needs.......you see?

I like rollercoasters...I didn't until about a year ago when a good friend of mine (my best friend, also my youth pastor) forced me onto a roller coaster (hyperventilated the whole way and then almost passed out...but after I got off...I wanted to do it again)....but here's the thing....I like thrills...I like fun....gimme a fun game and I'll play it for a while....gimme a drug...I'll try it for a while....I overcame cutting....so...try it and go on....I believe in an occassional thrill...and I'm interested in doing just that....but deep down....where I don't even know it...I know it's wrong, I know it won't work....and I guess that's why I'm even on here posting anything...or maybe it's the HS trying to get something into my head...whatever...here I am.

 

[SOTK]

Ah...yes..I see SOTK...nice

Why do I need drugs? I don't...why do I "need" TV? I don't....why do I "need" the internet...I don't...there are few things a human really needs.......you see?

I like rollercoasters...I didn't until about a year ago when a good friend of mine (my best friend, also my youth pastor) forced me onto a roller coaster (hyperventilated the whole way and then almost passed out...but after I got off...I wanted to do it again)....but here's the thing....I like thrills...I like fun....gimme a fun game and I'll play it for a while....gimme a drug...I'll try it for a while....I overcame cutting....so...try it and go on....I believe in an occassional thrill...and I'm interested in doing just that....but deep down....where I don't even know it...I know it's wrong, I know it won't work....and I guess that's why I'm even on here posting anything...or maybe it's the HS trying to get something into my head...whatever...here I am.

Well, I'm glad you're here! Most people abuse drugs or alcohol because of something missing in their life. Either that or they are attempting to cover something up about themselves or their life. I think you would find that most alcoholics and addicts will admit this.

I work with juvenile delinquents and the majority of them started abusing drugs because they were lost, hurting inside, full of guilt, or all of the above. If you identify yourself as a Child of God, you are no longer lost, hurting inside, or full of guilt. As a Child of God, the idea of putting poison into your body to cope with life or just for the "thrill of it" should be foreign to you. It shouldn't even enter your head. You should ask yourself why you feel the way you do.

 

[TheMainException]

Well....it could be because I've had depression for a long time...haven't felt bad in such a long time though...my meds are really working well..I have normal ups and downs now....and don't stay down very long.....um....I don't really have a good relationship with either my dad or God.....I cut a few times in the past.....burned....I've run the gammot... any of those reasons....roller coasters are fun...pot....fun....very little evidence says that I will have problems if I do pot a few times.

 

[The Julikenz]

Dear Lauren

Grace and Peace to you sister.
I have a story of someone very very close to my heart who tried pot a few times. He knew that trying it just a few times wouldn't kill him, or make him sick whatever too. He also had very good self control and knew how much he could take. It looked pretty good to him, a nice way to escape his depression for a few hours, a few times, heh. Untill one day the thrill was just enough not to really want to give up - why should he? He had such a good time with it, it wasn't hurting him, wasn't hurting anyone else, why not? It hadn't medically screwed him yet, why would it later? He's been a pot and various other drug addict for four years now. He can no longer read or sleep without shaking and breaking out in a sweat. He has been having a hard time writing the last 12 months, he used to be the best writer of his year (hes 18) and he stuggles to sit still long enough to get his throughts together and string out two paragraphs.

This is not to scare you into not doing it - you are a smart independant girl, and i know you will make your decisions regaurdless of anyone else. However you never really know how satan is going to attack you through something just because scientists tell you it might not to be too bad. Every 10 years or so we look back on the previous generation, and go "Wow. i didn't think that drug could be that bad. Back then it wasn't bad - hmmm maybe it was, but we didn't know?"

I wish he had iof told me 4 years ago what was really going on, so i could have supported him, rather than looking onwards, advising strongly he didn't do whatever - i realise now that doesn't achieve anything - sweetie, confront the real reasons behind the desire for the drug - and seek to deal with the pain that is causing the reactions instead of the reactions caused by the pain. God wants to heal your heart, and give you ABUNDANT life, He wants to bind up the brokeness you feel, and restore a contrite healthy spirit to you. He wants to nurse and carry your broken heart, and peice it back together with His gentle embrace. Seek a healing of the pain - bandaid solutions will just push you from one rollercoaster to another.

 

[TheMainException]

Didn't you hear? I like rollercoasters!!!! But no matter, I read you loud and clear....and you know something else....I just don't care. I don't care what happens to me, I don't care about being in pain, dying early, throwing up the last three meals with the booze, I don't care if I can't read, write, sleep or think....I don't care if I'm flat broke, in debt and running for my life, I don't care if I cause people.......pain.......oh gosh.....yeah....yeah I do care about that...........oh gosh.....oh no.....oh....gosh...no.......freak..............oh come on!!!!!!!! Whatever....I'll be back.....I just have to...to come to grips.....with...with all this....cause....I can't cause my brother from another mother pain...he's one of the few I care about and I know truly cares about me....my parents...bah...I don't really care....but him...no...not him.....my dear friend.....oh gosh oh goshohgoshohgosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[The Julikenz]

If you don't care for recovering/getting help/healing/changing, may i ask you why you post in recovery?

 

[TheMainException]

....but deep down....where I don't even know it...I know it's wrong, I know it won't work....and I guess that's why I'm even on here posting anything...or maybe it's the HS trying to get something into my head...whatever...here I am.

That's why....cause I can't get this feeling out of me....this feeling of "it's wrong you idiot! What the heck are you doing?!" But I just don't see much reason...and I gues...I'm just looking for a reason.....and please...forgive me if I get defensive.....I just...eh....don't know....I do that sometimes.

 

[EdtheJesusfreak]

Didn't you hear? I like rollercoasters!!!! But no matter, I read you loud and clear....and you know something else....I just don't care. I don't care what happens to me, I don't care about being in pain, dying early, throwing up the last three meals with the booze, I don't care if I can't read, write, sleep or think....I don't care if I'm flat broke, in debt and running for my life, I don't care if I cause people.......pain.......oh gosh.....yeah....yeah I do care about that...........oh gosh.....oh no.....oh....gosh...no.......freak..............oh come on!!!!!!!! Whatever....I'll be back.....I just have to...to come to grips.....with...with all this....cause....I can't cause my brother from another mother pain...he's one of the few I care about and I know truly cares about me....my parents...bah...I don't really care....but him...no...not him.....my dear friend.....oh gosh oh goshohgoshohgosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a thought... if you like rollercoasters, life is a rollercoaster. I'm sure you've heard everything ther is to hear about drugs. I can say from experience that drugs are not the best ride in the park. I first tried pot and cigerettes when i was 13 , got drunk the first time when i was 15, and tried crank when I was 16. Beer and crank seemed to be my favorites but I wasn't beyond trying others like cocaine and extecy. I was looking at myself in the mirror one night when I was 21, and I didn't like the man I was looking at. I saw one of the most evil looking people I've ever seen. Sure, I would admit that I felt like I was having fun. I also thought it was an aceptable escape from the world I lived in. But, what I found out later was that God was showing me who I was in that mirror that night. I quit the drugs and went searching, and what I found was Jesus. You talk about a roller coaster...one of the best. I went several years figuring the cigerettes and beer were alright (dispite my salvation) I quit drinking a few years ago (I started getting migranes from one beer.. probably a message from God) and I quit smoking just over a year ago. I've since come up with a wife and 4 kids. Now I have as many as 10 rollercoaster rides a day. If anyone cares I have plenty of reasons not to do drugs or drink or smoke but this is long already and i have a 3 year old "rollercoaster" that won't stay in bed.

May God bless you.

 

[The Julikenz]

That's why....cause I can't get this feeling out of me....this feeling of "it's wrong you idiot! What the heck are you doing?!" But I just don't see much reason...and I gues...I'm just looking for a reason.....and please...forgive me if I get defensive.....I just...eh....don't know....I do that sometimes.

Don't worry about it, babe. I know what we can see on a message board doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, so i figured requesting clarification is usually a good idea, lol. Thankyou for being kind enough to explain, it is a blessing to understand others, even if it's a limited and minimumal.

 

[TheMainException]

Don't worry about it, babe. I know what we can see on a message board doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, so i figured requesting clarification is usually a good idea, lol. Thankyou for being kind enough to explain, it is a blessing to understand others, even if it's a limited and minimumal.

You made me smile....caring, loving, understanding people make me happy...all warm and fuzzy inside.

Ed....with the whole evil thing....I like being evil....ugh!!!!!!!! And that makes me feel evil...I mean...I'm never ever ever ever ever ever gonna try any drugs bigger or better than pot, no inhalants, X, any Coke products, or heroin.....and I know pot is a drug....but it doesn't kill and it works slower than those...I like wearing black....I like creeping around....I like being evil.....and then that makes me feel sinful...great....what do you do when you like EVIL? This started a long time ago with the hit series "Angel" that came from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"...the good guy happened to be a vamp....oh great....he wore all black too...but he was celebate! Haha...just thought I'd add that...but he was cursed...so he couldn't do anything fun or have pleasure in his life....(and vampires live forever)...and he had a soul....so...he seemed good to me...since he saved people...but I've always liked the bad guys....oh...what to do...what to do!

 

[SOTK]

LAWise520,

It kinda seems like you have already made up your mind to me. It seems like you think you know what the consequences may be if you go down the road of drug abuse. I could spend all day telling you where substance abuse/addiction got me, but if you don't care, there's not much I can say to you. You are a Christian and should know how God wants you to live your life. If you want to continue to entertain your old sin nature instead of your new reborn nature, that's your choice.

It's very sad and unfortunate that you feel the way you do. If you have questions about addiction, please continue to ask. If it is your intention to continue to assert that marijuana usage is okay, I'm not going to help you justify it nor do I think it's appropriate for this thread.

SOTK

 

[TheMainException]

Fine then. Good bye.

 

[amyjs]

Sorry if anyone read what I had posted here originally, I've been depressed and miserable for a few days and subconsciously I think I've been trying to make everybody else miserable too

I'm really getting bored and complacent in recovery, I'm sick of meetings and not being able to hang out with people I used to and having no way to relieve stress... Lately I've felt so disconnected from God, having a lot of doubts about who he is and what that means to me. I better start talking about it with my sponsor and homegroup before I do something I'll regret.

 

[SOTK]

Sorry if anyone read what I had posted here originally, I've been depressed and miserable for a few days and subconsciously I think I've been trying to make everybody else miserable too

I'm really getting bored and complacent in recovery, I'm sick of meetings and not being able to hang out with people I used to and having no way to relieve stress... Lately I've felt so disconnected from God, having a lot of doubts about who he is and what that means to me. I better start talking about it with my sponsor and homegroup before I do something I'll regret.

I'm sorry you're going through that, Amy. I relate. I once had problems feeling that way myself. My suggestion is that you should definitely talk with your homegroup and sponsor. Also, exercise is great for relieving and dealing with stress. I exercised a lot when I was new to sobriety and it helped a lot. I also did lots of service work. I often went down to the local detox centers and recovery centers in my city and met with very new alcoholics and addicts. That helped me tremendously. I always walked away feeling much better about myself and my own recovery.

More important than the other suggestions I mentioned is your relationship with Christ. When you are feeling down and complacent, you really need to get on your knees and ask Him for help.

I'll be praying for you!

In Christ,

SOTK

 

[greenonion]

LAWIse- I see sooooo much of myself in your posts, it's scary. When I was about your age I went through the same kind of issues. I've re-written, edited and added onto this post several times, because I really want to convey to you my thoughts on the subject and my experiences. I was in your shoes 10 years ago, and I am being moved to share my story. I want to help you in any way I can, because I remember feeling like you do now. I remember feeling torn.

My freshman year of high school I did a lot of drugs and partied a lot. Looking back I made a lot of bad choices, and I narrowly avoided some disasterous consequences. I was also very interested in the occult. I was obsessed with vampires- the whole idea of them is so romantic, mysterious and beautiful.

It's human nature to root for the bad guys, to be attracted to the dark and mysterious. The dark is very seductive, very inviting. That's what's so dangerous about it. The devil uses that to trick us. He makes what's dark and evil appealing. It's a trick, a deception, to draw us away from the Lord. Same with drugs- yes, sometimes they are fun. But they take our focus away from what really matters. Trust me, it's hard to be high or drunk and study the bible and commit to prayer time.

Before coming to Christ I found my identity in being anti-establishment. I was a punk- I ran around with a lot of guys, drank, smoked pot, did speed, wore black (even in the Arizona summer ) That is who I was and how I wanted to be defined. I think a lot of young people try to find themselves in that place, mainly because it is so seductive- drugs are fun, being spooky and focusing on the dark side of life is exciting and mysterious.

But now I have a new identity- a new life in the Lord. Sometimes it's tough to remember it and I need reminders. I am a young, weak Christian. But the Holy Spirit is with me and I receive His guidance daily. I see it as all about choices. Either you are with God or against Him. In my previous life I was against Him. I chose to focus on things of man/Satan, rather than on Him. My attitude, dress, habits everything reflected that. The fact that I was obsessed with vampires, wanted to associate myself with the dark side and evil reflected my fallen nature. Now all I want to be associated with is God and His goodness. I still mess up though. Things like songs or smells (like bidi smoke) really bring me back and pull at me, tempt me and sometimes I give in. But my choice has been made- I am for God. He is who I want. I want Him, I want to glorify Him. When I fall I repent and pray for deliverence. But the Holy Spirit is always with me, convicting me then supporting me in repentance. But first I had to make the choice for Christ over a fun, but destructive and evil series of choices.

That's why....cause I can't get this feeling out of me....this feeling of "it's wrong you idiot! What the heck are you doing?!" But I just don't see much reason...and I gues...I'm just looking for a reason.....and please...forgive me if I get defensive.....I just...eh....don't know....I do that sometimes.

That's wonderful! That feeling is indeed the Holy Spirit, convicting you. That is a great reason to stop and re-evaluate what you are doing and what you are focusing on. Is this similar to what you are experiencing?
http://www.carm.org/devotions/conviction.htm

You are a Christian and should know how God wants you to live your life. If you want to continue to entertain your old sin nature instead of your new reborn nature, that's your choice.

That is awesome, SOTK! You're completely right! If we are truly born again, we are brand new creatures. You're no longer a slave to sin, alcohol, drugs, sex, abuse, self mutilation. We are not merely changed people, we are born again, fresh clean and new.

I have some issues with alcohol misuse. I think remembering and focusing on the fact that I am a new creature is a very important part of recovery.