Neverstop said:
How are people "reviling" you? I haven't seen abusive language towards you...but maybe we are reading the tone of some posts a little differently?
Just because people refute an argument with valid points doesn't mean people aren't being "open minded."
We must not give up so easily. More important, whenever we enter into discussion we must do so with the ability to change one's position based on new information. We are here to learn from each other.
Forgive me, Neverstop, you have been rather graceous to my thoughts.
It's not that electric was refuting it, he was saying something I had even said about "the police" because even I said a woman can get help before a divorce comes about, whether human help or Godly.
That is what ticked me off.
As far as having the ability to change ones beliefes, I have already been on both sides of the spectrum.
Jesusfreak, I want you to be aware that all else I say may or may not affect you, but I am speaking on research I have done and personal experiances.
Abuse, just like, is not justified. No "desirves" to be abused. I think we can all agree on that with the amount of senstivity everyone is putting into this discussion.
However, I am willing to say that abuse can be prevented or reduced. In studies of women who were abused had crappy history with thier father (go figure) and also had "issues" sexually, such as shyness or even hesistance to it, or hardly wanting it all. Also the opposite is instated. Women have security issues. If a wife beleives she is not as secure with her husband as much as she should, it is her natural instinct to seek it elsewhere sexually, emotional, and mentally. NOTE: Jesusfreak, this sounds very much like your situation with the other man you fell in love with (just an observation, not saying it's true cause I don't know you). With men who are abusive, like women who also have been abused by men ironically also had a bad past with their father. With men, thier hormons are very extreme in most cases. Lack of habbitual sex literally causes anger and frustration. Now, these are not excuses, just observations. Just keep this in mind, I am not saying the wife has to give sex to her husband just so HEE MIGHT NOT hit her.
Amongst other things, it is also mans instinct to be physical and violent. Once again, does not make it right nor does it justify it. Men are territorial and this is included with wives. When a territory is threatened, men will normally act violently or physical to fix it or keep it. It is literally a battle between the emotional and physical. Most men cannot handle a great amount of emotional stress... and just with my history of girlfriends, I for one know they can put on a great deal of that emotional stress. Unfortunatly, most men, likemyself, tend to surpress it and forget about it. Other men can sometimes turn it into anger due to frustration, especially when it comes to sex.
My ex g/f who was also married and divorced (which is the time period I came to have a better understanding of the scripture everyone is using against me about divorce) due to unfaithfulness; he cheated on her. I found it interesting that if he ever did a slight thing to tick her off, she would stop cleaning, cooking, and go out and spend money on clothes and jewlry. I beleive this is also a natural thing for women to do to ease stress, though I cannot connect natural instincts too it (since I am male, I know less about women, go figure). Her husband, from what I could tell, gave up on this relationship simply because this had gone of for a year. This is getting graphic, but she would also hardly have sex with him, and often told him to just touch. As you can tell, her and I had an open relationship.
Is abuse justified? I still say no to worldy standards. I beleive her actions in the relationship would also be considered marital unfaithfulness. Whatever did not make her happy, caused huge problems.
There are many statistics saying that often wives who are abused also acted similar to my ex g/f.
For those who are only skimming, I will repeat: THIS IS NOT TRUE FOR EVERYONE WHO IS ABUSED, NOR AM I SAYING JESUSFREAK WAS IN THIS SITUATION.
Once again, my whole claim to the original OP is that if one need to marry another christian, of maturity, both physical and spiritual, financially, and mental stability wise. If both couples are seeking God as strong young men and women in the Lord, chances are the relationship will not become abusive.
To carry some weight with what I say, I am a chaplain asistant for the army (help counseling soldiers and their families). Granted it is not nearly as in depth as what a chaplain has, but I do also study religion and psychology.
For better understandings all around.
