Age gaps

[Goodbook]

Infertility is also an issue.
In biblical times and its also been for women, there was no widespread birth control, but God still did miracles if you were barren. Nowadays people tend to rely on artificial means.

In my bible study there was one girl younger than me, married, SO STRESSED out because children werent coming along like she expected.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Well I just don't judge people as much as some others might. I come from a very accepting family of people.


This is one reason I am actually getting farther away from this faith sadly. It comes off as someone telling you what you should do even though you don't even know them. Sorry I don't mean to be rude.

If I speak just from my opinion, you would be right to say that I don't know enough about you. But it is different when I am point out biblical truth.

I can point out that stealing is wrong to anyone, without knowing anything about them. Reasons: Because God said so in the bible.

As for being judgmental, that would only be the case if I say (read: I didn't) any Christian who marries a non-believer should get excommunicate from the church. But if you read my posts I often say the opposite when it comes to this kind of things.

In the case of a Christian and non-Christian marriage, I say the church must love that brother or sister even more. The church must continue to wash his/her feet and serve that person out of love. The person will be under the heavy influence of a non-believer from now on, and the risk of that person losing faith is very likely.

The church speaks the truth, but never to condemn. The church must practice unfailing love, just as Jesus' love never fails.

Am I saying all non-Christians are bad and will make bad spouses? No I am not. I am from an Asian background and both my parents are Buddhist/atheists. And they had been happily married for over 30 years.

And yes I know Christians who married non-Christians, and their marriage survived for decades too. So if your question is "Can it work?", the answer is yes it can work. But we have to keep in mind that things isn't right or wrong just because something works. Things are right or wrong dependent solely on what God said about it.

At the core of it Christian do not do anything for themselves, but for the glory of God. Christians do not get into a marriage just for a good marriage. We want much more than that. We want Christian marriages where husbands are so Christ like, he is willing to gave himself up for his wife out of love. And we want wives that are so Christ like, she is willing to submit herself to her husband out of love. Jesus gave up himself and submitted to the church. Christians want to learn to do the same.

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

It sounds like she is at least 32 (18+14) years old. And you are probably 52 or more. Since you are both older and are full adults, the answer is yes.

There is a 25 year age gap. She looks younger than her years, and i look older than mine. Yes, we're both adults, and both have lived a life.

It will be interesting to try and adjust after both of us have been alone for most of our lives (neither one of us married before).

Physically, i'm in pretty good shape for a man my age, and i don't anticipate that becoming an issue.

However, neither one of us went into this with our eyes closed. Moreso than her, i'm a realist and probably a bit more reserved. This may just be a function of greater age and more experience in dealing with what can go wrong.

 

[GQ Chris]

You Sir will probably be Mehguy's hero with that 25 year age gap.

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

You Sir will probably be Mehguy's hero with that 25 year age gap.

i can't speak for Mehguy, but i'm nobody's hero. Just a guy getting by growing in the Grace of God.

 

[GQ Chris]

i can't speak for Mehguy, but i'm nobody's hero. Just a guy getting by growing in the Grace of God.

At least get a free beer out of him.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Lol, Chris...

 

[Calvinist Dark Lord]

At least get a free beer out of him.

Only if it's a good Pilsner or unfiltered Wheat bier. Even though some of them are pretty good, i'm getting tired of Lagar bier that seems to be the standard here. Can't wait to get back home to Pittsburgh to have some Penn Pilsner.

Lived in Germany too long when i was a much younger man and as a result i've become somewhat of a snob on bier.

 

[Julie.S]

If I speak just from my opinion, you would be right to say that I don't know enough about you. But it is different when I am point out biblical truth.

I can point out that stealing is wrong to anyone, without knowing anything about them. Reasons: Because God said so in the bible.

As for being judgmental, that would only be the case if I say (read: I didn't) any Christian who marries a non-believer should get excommunicate from the church. But if you read my posts I often say the opposite when it comes to this kind of things.

In the case of a Christian and non-Christian marriage, I say the church must love that brother or sister even more. The church must continue to wash his/her feet and serve that person out of love. The person will be under the heavy influence of a non-believer from now on, and the risk of that person losing faith is very likely.

The church speaks the truth, but never to condemn. The church must practice unfailing love, just as Jesus' love never fails.

Am I saying all non-Christians are bad and will make bad spouses? No I am not. I am from an Asian background and both my parents are Buddhist/atheists. And they had been happily married for over 30 years.

And yes I know Christians who married non-Christians, and their marriage survived for decades too. So if your question is "Can it work?", the answer is yes it can work. But we have to keep in mind that things isn't right or wrong just because something works. Things are right or wrong dependent solely on what God said about it.

At the core of it Christian do not do anything for themselves, but for the glory of God. Christians do not get into a marriage just for a good marriage. We want much more than that. We want Christian marriages where husbands are so Christ like, he is willing to gave himself up for his wife out of love. And we want wives that are so Christ like, she is willing to submit herself to her husband out of love. Jesus gave up himself and submitted to the church. Christians want to learn to do the same.

I'm sorry to say not all Christians are the way you have said they are in the last part. That point of view does not work for me or apply to my life I'm sorry if that's not normal.

 

[timewerx]

lol; then maybe she likes your gray beard?

No gray beard yet. But it seems to be along that line. People often see as someone who is very mysterious in a good way.

If it were my choice, rather if I could get the attention of women around my age, women who are in their 30s, then I'd rather have a relationship with them. However, my reasons are more superficial. I like the maturity of women in their 30s and I find them more physically attractive. I'm NOT a big fan of teen'ish / cheerleader / supermodel looks, but if God sends me one, there must be a real purpose behind it and it's for the best, and in a couple of years anyway, they'd be in their 30's!

 

[Goodbook]

Depends on what kind church you were raised in and what variety of christian you are. Some churches teach things contrary to the bible. A believer in some churches just means you believe what a leader says, not necessarily the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Some churches wouldnt want you to marry or date outside of their specific section or denom. Im not going to name any churches here but OP mentioned religion, so it could be any.

 

[Goodbook]

I was thinkig of this couple I know and they a lovely couple both christians and the age gap is about 20 years.

Why.
Well, the husband was divorced and already had a daughter. Not sure where the ex wife is if shes still in the country or what.
The new wife or the second wife cant have children. I think its some kind of fertility issue, but she met him in her 30s..? Before she was a christian she concentrated on work and study till she reached phd level.
im not sure when he became a christian, possibly turned to the Lord after the divorce and was single for few years before meeting his new wife. I think what happened was he was unequally yoked i.e married an unbeliever.

I think it depends on spiritual maturity. Also this marriage is sort of unconventional because the husband is more supporting the goals and aspitarations of his wife than most men would. For example, she found work and they moved where it was closer for her work. He had his own business, but recently gave it up. They also moved for other reasons to be closer to his parents but i think most husbands that I know would not move to accomodate their wife or be so supportive of them. It could be her youth makes him feel young again.

They have fostered some children. She told me she had prayed for a husband and this was the one. I think for some women men arent really on their radar in their 20s and so this was a relatively late marriage for a woman. She said she met him at church. I know some people wouldnt approve and see it as unusual particularly marrying a divorcee but God does have mercy on those who repent on ill advised marriages. Also it seems both in-laws approved of the match.

I have met his daughter-her step daughter...and i remember they asked us to pray for her when they held bible studies, so its not like they dont get along as she came back to stay with them a while. She also came back to the Lord. I think in some circumstances God sees the children of these early ill advised marriages and has compassion and provides these children with believing step-parents, because their own birth mum and dad were not.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Well shucks...I guess this means I'll be single forever since I'm fast approaching my later twenties. Lol. I better go get myself another cat.

Anyway, not sure how I view that chart, but it was an interesting post to read nonetheless.

 

[Goodbook]

For the couple I mentioned the wife still has to face reality of caring for her husband as he ages...so even if hes grey haired noww and she isnt (Well most women these days dye their hair) that is something shes willing to do. Remember many of these matches with age gaps people enter willingly. I think many women do this if they dont have children of their own already than men would.

Well some men do but many wives in that solo parent situation end up with absuive husbands as the step dad preys on the children who are not his own. A man isnt so willing to marry a woman with her own children, and if he does usually they go on to have their own children together.

But financially a man who is stable is more eligible for marriage than someone who is young and still finding their feet. So that also makes older men more attractive to women thinking of settling down. Anybody read pride and prejudice?

It was a satire on marriage among the regency middle class in .england. Anyway. Maybe mr darcy comes across as arrogant to lizzie. But, notice she changes her mind when she sees Pemberley estate. If she refuses his overtures, what will she give up, she could be mistress of pemberly! Lol. I cant remember what the age gap is for that couple in the novel but some other characters you see marry someone much older...so the wife can have somewhere to live. Even if its with a pensioner.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Well shucks...I guess this means I'll be single forever since I'm fast approaching my later twenties. Lol. I better go get myself another cat.

Anyway, not sure how I view that chart, but it was an interesting post to read nonetheless.

Well isn't that the case if we just look at appearance? A girl in her early 20's looks the best. That's as beautiful as she will get. That chart is pretty accurate.

But Christians shouldn't just look at appearances. God warned us in Proverbs 31:30 that looks are deceptive. Now appearances are important too. However a Christian should focus on the heart. Does she fear the Lord? Does she displayed fruits of the spirit? etc.

I do find it interesting that as the ladies grow older, they find older man to have better appearance. Is this really the case? I just don't see how a lady can honestly look at the same man in his 20's and then his 40's, and say he literally looks better in his 40's. Does she see that beer belly?

 

[MehGuy]

Well isn't that the case if we just look at appearance? A girl in her early 20's looks the best. That's as beautiful as she will get. That chart is pretty accurate.

But Christians shouldn't just look at appearances. God warned us in Proverbs 31:30 that looks are deceptive. Now appearances are important too. However a Christian should focus on the heart. Does she fear the Lord? Does she displayed fruits of the spirit? etc.

I do find it interesting that as the ladies grow older, they find older man to have better appearance. Is this really the case? I just don't see how a lady can honestly look at the same man in his 20's and then his 40's, and say he literally looks better in his 40's. Does she see that beer belly?

If a man keeps fit, rougher skin can make him look more manly. Honestly I know plenty of older women who think younger guys look gross and a little feminine.

 

[MehGuy]

I know its true for me. When I look at women who are dominant older age is attractive, yet when I look at submissive women, youger age is very attractive. In fact the idea of a submissive women in her 40s makes me sick, yet a dominant women in her 40s can still be attractive.

Sure most people are not in the D/s community, but the concepts found in these communities to some extent are pretty universal.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Well isn't that the case if we just look at appearance? A girl in her early 20's looks the best. That's as beautiful as she will get. That chart is pretty accurate.

I do find it interesting that as the ladies grow older, they find older man to have better appearance. Is this really the case? I just don't see how a lady can honestly look at the same man in his 20's and then his 40's, and say he literally looks better in his 40's. Does she see that beer belly?

Actually, no, many women look either just as good or even better once they surpass 30 years of age. Probably has to do with good genes.

Same goes for men. But there are thousands of men who reach their 40s and beyond without acquiring a 'beer belly', as you put it. And many times it doesn't even have to do with them being super in shape. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and for me...I find men ranging between 40-50 are far more appealing than most men around my own age. Maybe for most, it's the air of maturity, experience, and groundedness that they possess that draws many women in. It does for me.

Anyway, to just throw out there: Whether a man is 25 or 55...I personally don't go for a rock solid, uber flat stomach, giant muscles look in men anyway. Never have. Never will.

 

[GQ Chris]

Bodybuilding is for gay men.

 

[GQ Chris]

If it were just about the sex, then I can understand those Stats that papias posted. However, if someone is looking for a real relationship to include marriage and possible kids in the future, then physical attractiveness is just one aspect. Almost every woman looks good in her early 20's, but will she age well in the future?