Advice to feel less lonely after getting dumped

[Yoan]

I have always felt lonely even before I met my bf, I didn't have many friends and I usually got bored and tried to talk to strangers online or just try to entertain myself with movies or TV or YouTube, but after my bf broke up with me the loneliness hit me like no other. This once, I have a comparison as to how happy and unlonesome I can be. Especially on Sundays, I don't know why, but I miss him a lot. A whole lot.

Any advice?

 

[ReesePiece23]

As I've said to everyone else who has posted a thread like this, you need to establish a solid relationship with YOURSELF before even entertaining the prospect of a relationship with someone else - or, this will happen. You'll break up with them and then you'll be like a fart in a trance, not knowing where to go with life after they've gone.

So, don't focus on him any more, and instead put all of that attention and energy into self-improvement. What is it that YOU would want out of life? If you had no boyfriends to worry about and no emotional ties, what would you do? Because now is the perfect time to get out there and go after it all. This isn't a break up, it's a break through - you feeling me?

Become your own best friend. Love yourself for who and what you are, so that next time, you're not looking for someone to complete you. You're perfectly complete just as you are.

Get your nose stuck into a bible too. That would say more than an idiot like me ever could!

 

[Yoan]

As I've said to everyone else who has posted a thread like this, you need to establish a solid relationship with YOURSELF before even entertaining the prospect of a relationship with someone else - or, this will happen. You'll break up with them and then you'll be like a fart in a trance, not knowing where to go with life after they've gone.

So, don't focus on him any more, and instead put all of that attention and energy into self-improvement. What is it that YOU would want out of life? If you had no boyfriends to worry about and no emotional ties, what would you do? Because now is the perfect time to get out there and go after it all. This isn't a break up, it's a break through - you feeling me?

Become your own best friend. Love yourself for who and what you are, so that next time, you're not looking for someone to complete you. You're perfectly complete just as you are.

Get your nose stuck into a bible too. That would say more than an idiot like me ever could!

Well, I guess you don't know the full story, so I know it's probably something you can't really understand. But thank you. it's all easier said than done, unless you're walking in my shoes and been where I've been through. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated

 

[ReesePiece23]

I read your initial prayer thread. It's not my place to mention the content here mind, but I have enough of a picture to form some sort of an opinion.

I just know what I would do. And possibly the only thing you can do, without drawing out the pain for longer than is healthy. If you relied on him a bit too much, then you've got some work to do now to reverse that mindset. Because it's not good or in any way productive to cling on to it.

Maybe it's because I became fiercely independent after me and my last girlfriend split, I don't know. But looking back over the years and seeing the growth within myself and how much I've achieved, I know that I wouldn't have changed a thing. The heartbreak soon dissipates once you start seeing a return on your personal efforts. You won't see it now, but trust me. You will.

Plus, it's only been a few weeks since the split. The first month or two is always the worst.

 

[MotherFirefly]

Well, I guess you don't know the full story, so I know it's probably something you can't really understand. But thank you. it's all easier said than done, unless you're walking in my shoes and been where I've been through. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated

Regardless of your situation, he has offered you very good advice. Dwelling on 'what could have been' will only ever be a waste of time.
I understand it is painful when someone who you would have died for ends up leaving... the crushing feeling of a broken heart. It sucks.

But, take it from someone who has made those mistakes - you are worth so much more than that. If you let him break you, even after he is gone, you will never forgive yourself for all the that time lost. All that time feeling sorry for yourself... it is unhealthy and frankly pointless.

I will say a prayer for you...... but my good thoughts will only do so much if you don't do your part in this as well. You got to spend as minimal time grieving, and move on.
Join a gym, read books, indulge a passion for a hobby, work another job, heck buy some animals! Whatever YOU enjoy, whatever YOU want to focus your time on. It is all about bettering yourself from here on out.

I promise, being single is pretty great if you know what to do with it.

 

[Near]

Life is tough. I've basically had no friends throughout my life. I was a loner from kindergarten and even now.
Sometimes I imagine what it's like to be in a relationship. Sometimes I pretend I have a girlfriend, and I have conversations with her... ( forever alone )

Oh, but specifically, I like to make jokes and laugh to get my mind off things like loneliness. For example, the above is a joke. It's sad because it's true. Gee it would be social suicide if anyone knew my real identity on here.... Oh wait...

About feelings, that's probably just biological, acknowledging it as so could potentially help. Sometimes people like to find meaning in such feelings in order to say it's not over, but really it's just a type of feeling.

 

[redblue22]

@Yoan

sorry to hear how you are feeling. Your feelings are important. You are in my thoughts.

 

[Yoan]

I read your initial prayer thread. It's not my place to mention the content here mind, but I have enough of a picture to form some sort of an opinion.

I just know what I would do. And possibly the only thing you can do, without drawing out the pain for longer than is healthy. If you relied on him a bit too much, then you've got some work to do now to reverse that mindset. Because it's not good or in any way productive to cling on to it.

Maybe it's because I became fiercely independent after me and my last girlfriend split, I don't know. But looking back over the years and seeing the growth within myself and how much I've achieved, I know that I wouldn't have changed a thing. The heartbreak soon dissipates once you start seeing a return on your personal efforts. You won't see it now, but trust me. You will.

Plus, it's only been a few weeks since the split. The first month or two is always the worst.

Yeah i know. Thanks. I'm trying. Prayers please

 

[Yoan]

Regardless of your situation, he has offered you very good advice. Dwelling on 'what could have been' will only ever be a waste of time.
I understand it is painful when someone who you would have died for ends up leaving... the crushing feeling of a broken heart. It sucks.

But, take it from someone who has made those mistakes - you are worth so much more than that. If you let him break you, even after he is gone, you will never forgive yourself for all the that time lost. All that time feeling sorry for yourself... it is unhealthy and frankly pointless.

I will say a prayer for you...... but my good thoughts will only do so much if you don't do your part in this as well. You got to spend as minimal time grieving, and move on.
Join a gym, read books, indulge a passion for a hobby, work another job, heck buy some animals! Whatever YOU enjoy, whatever YOU want to focus your time on. It is all about bettering yourself from here on out.

I promise, being single is pretty great if you know what to do with it.

Yeah I'm trying. Thanks for the prayer

 

[Yoan]

Life is tough. I've basically had no friends throughout my life. I was a loner from kindergarten and even now.
Sometimes I imagine what it's like to be in a relationship. Sometimes I pretend I have a girlfriend, and I have conversations with her... ( forever alone )

Oh, but specifically, I like to make jokes and laugh to get my mind off things like loneliness. For example, the above is a joke. It's sad because it's true. Gee it would be social suicide if anyone knew my real identity on here.... Oh wait...

About feelings, that's probably just biological, acknowledging it as so could potentially help. Sometimes people like to find meaning in such feelings in order to say it's not over, but really it's just a type of feeling.

Yeah i know how it feels. I always feel lonely as I grew up which is why having him was great though he was faraway most of the time. We planned a lot of our lives together which is why it's a lot harder to bounce back. I never truly had a dream to be a billionare or anything. Just wanted to settle down with the man i love and i think i've had that in my head for a while and now it's gone. It sucks. But thanks for the comment

 

[Yoan]

@Yoan

sorry to hear how you are feeling. Your feelings are important. You are in my thoughts.

Thanks so much!!!!

 

[MotherFirefly]

Yeah I'm trying. Thanks for the prayer

You'll get there.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Yeah i know. Thanks. I'm trying. Prayers please

You'll be okay, it's just VERY raw now. But know that a heartbreak in your 20's is a very positive thing. It won't feel like it, but right now you're actively building character for later on. I always equate pain with growth, which is why I don't shy away from anything any more. What's the point when even the worst pain can be the most fruitful? I pray that if nothing else, you see that.

But anyway, you have to get your heartbroken when you're young really, it's a very important part of a person's development. Trust me, I've been shot down by women more times than you've had hot dinners! Even those who spoke of a real future with me would go on to twist the knife in.

I just laugh about it now, just like you will. You can't take life too seriously or else you'll go insane.

 

[Yoan]

You'll be okay, it's just VERY raw now. But know that a heartbreak in your 20's is a very positive thing. It won't feel like it, but right now you're actively building character for later on. I always equate pain with growth, which is why I don't shy away from anything any more. What's the point when even the worst pain can be the most fruitful? I pray that if nothing else, you see that.

But anyway, you have to get your heartbroken when you're young really, it's a very important part of a person's development. Trust me, I've been shot down by women more times than you've had hot dinners! Even those who spoke of a real future with me would go on to twist the knife in.

I just laugh about it now, just like you will. You can't take life too seriously or else you'll go insane.

Thanks. I wish i have your presepective on life and i'd be okay. I'm actually a very positive person and uni changed me into cynical and idk i guess cynical isn't great but sometimes I hope i can just be emotionless so I'll be okay. Sigh. It just sucks. My mind won't stop thinking.

I know i just need to pray. Pray hard. And hope for the best. But sometimes a girl can only cry and wish for the suffering to end.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Thanks. I wish i have your presepective on life and i'd be okay. I'm actually a very positive person and uni changed me into cynical and idk i guess cynical isn't great but sometimes I hope i can just be emotionless so I'll be okay. Sigh. It just sucks. My mind won't stop thinking.

I know i just need to pray. Pray hard. And hope for the best. But sometimes a girl can only cry and wish for the suffering to end.

Don't criticise yourself for crying - acknowledge how much this all hurts, and know that it's okay. The worst thing you can do is bottle it all up. Tears are nothing more than weakness leaving the body, after all.

Oh boy, do I hate it when I get all deep and philosophical like this. I honestly nauseate myself.

But anyway, when I lost my girlfriend to an arranged marriage years ago (she was Hindu) I honestly thought that I'd never be able to live with the pain. Knowing that she still loved me and wanted to be with me made it that much worse, but, hey, life throws you continuous curve balls. Since then I've had best friends pass away, family commit suicide, and dealt with personal poverty. But, I survived, not only that, but I'm now coming into my prime and loving life. I'm travelling, doing a job I love and making good money from it, meeting new people all of the time, and continuously forming new friendships. The past stays the same, but we are all forever changing. What hurts you now, will only be a point of reference in time - just something that you'll look back on to compare with where you are at that point, to show you how far you have travelled.

Read this thread back in a year or two, and tell me that I was wrong. Like I say, you'll feel un-optimistic and crappy now, but you're young, with so many miles yet to travel. And in time you'll see the bigger picture. All you can see now is what you have lost, you haven't even begun to see what you're about to gain.

Right, I need to go and troll in a few threads to balance myself out a bit. I feel ill.

 

[Yoan]

Don't criticise yourself for crying - acknowledge how much this all hurts, and know that it's okay. The worst thing you can do is bottle it all up. Tears are nothing more than weakness leaving the body, after all.

Oh boy, do I hate it when I get all deep and philosophical like this. I honestly nauseate myself.

But anyway, when I lost my girlfriend to an arranged marriage years ago (she was Hindu) I honestly thought that I'd never be able to live with the pain. Knowing that she still loved me and wanted to be with me made it that much worse, but, hey, life throws you continuous curve balls. Since then I've had best friends pass away, family commit suicide, and dealt with personal poverty. But, I survived, not only that, but I'm now coming into my prime and loving life. I'm travelling, doing a job I love and making good money from it, meeting new people all of the time, and continuously forming new friendships. The past stays the same, but we are all forever changing. What hurts you now, will only be a point of reference in time - just something that you'll look back on to compare with where you are at that point, to show you how far you have travelled.

Read this thread back in a year or two, and tell me that I was wrong. Like I say, you'll feel un-optimistic and crappy now, but you're young, with so many miles yet to travel. And in time you'll see the bigger picture. All you can see now is what you have lost, you haven't even begun to see what you're about to gain.

Right, I need to go and troll in a few threads to balance myself out a bit. I feel ill.

Hahaha thanks again you weird yet awesome stranger!

 

[timewerx]

uni changed me into cynical

There's really nothing to do but pull yourself together, wait, and think like a crazy person! Just don't hurt or put yourself in danger and don't let anything else in your life suffer!

Also count your blessings! A lot of people would die trying to get to a uni. I myself got things worse than a sorrowful breakup. I'd be "happy" if my problem is just a sorrowful breakup, speaking in relative terms.

I also had a sorrowful breakup once. A long time ago. I let it ruin my life and now I wish, I hadn't. The wrong way I handled it badly affect my future and my present.

It will hurt but don't let the hurt, hurt anything else in your life.

 

[Near]

Life is tough. I've basically had no friends throughout my life. I was a loner from kindergarten and even now.
Sometimes I imagine what it's like to be in a relationship. Sometimes I pretend I have a girlfriend, and I have conversations with her... ( forever alone )

Oh, but specifically, I like to make jokes and laugh to get my mind off things like loneliness. For example, the above is a joke. It's sad because it's true. Gee it would be social suicide if anyone knew my real identity on here.... Oh wait...

About feelings, that's probably just biological, acknowledging it as so could potentially help. Sometimes people like to find meaning in such feelings in order to say it's not over, but really it's just a type of feeling.

WOAH, I sent this post through my phone, I had no idea the picture would be that giant!

 

[Yoan]

There's really nothing to do but pull yourself together, wait, and think like a crazy person! Just don't hurt or put yourself in danger and don't let anything else in your life suffer!

Also count your blessings! A lot of people would die trying to get to a uni. I myself got things worse than a sorrowful breakup. I'd be "happy" if my problem is just a sorrowful breakup, speaking in relative terms.

I also had a sorrowful breakup once. A long time ago. I let it ruin my life and now I wish, I hadn't. The wrong way I handled it badly affect my future and my present.

It will hurt but don't let the hurt, hurt anything else in your life.

Yeah I'm trying to get a job and everything now. It's just very difficult to get on without any distractions really. If you read my previous thread posts you'll know what's going on. I'll not force you to. But prayers for healing, guidance, and strength please! Thanks

 

[GQ Chris]

Just move on with your life and start working on things in your life that you would like to accomplish.