Advice needed on waiting for marriage

[Loyce KG]

This was very helpful..thanks

At ny church, we have youth camps where teenagers go away for 2 weeks and are taught about such issues by peers. The struggle I see here with your daughter is a lack of identity. The world is telling her so much and you are on the other side of reason/truth based on the Word of God. She needs to be around Christian peers who are walking the same path. Might help!
P.s we have students who come from the USA to our local church for a 12-week youth discipleship program.check out the website www.watotochurch.com.
If you could afford to send her here,please do.

 

[Loyce KG]

Also wanted to add, my younger sister (she is 24) is still waiting for marriage. She is not terribly happy though, she has never been in a serious relationship and is finding it hard to meet single men that are marriage material. It can be done, but it is hard on her. She hasn't told me, but I think she feels kind of like your daughter, feeling like she may never be married and may never get the chance.

My older sister waited till 38 and got married last year to a reverend. She was the happiest bride I know. My best friend is still waiting at 33yrs. They are in good company with your sister. Encourage her to wait.

 

[timewerx]

Also she wants to go on birth control so she doesn't get pregnant. Even though its not 100% effective. I want to give her a moral reason that she is set apart, our bodies are to honor God but I cant compete with the message of the world

Birth control increases the risk of breast cancer as I've read. Not a good idea.

Sorry to hear about your problem.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I'd be blunt.

Most guys will do anything to get her to have sex then dump her. Even more so if she's a virgin. Shes just a prize to be conquered for some men. Why buy the cow when the milk is free. On top of that sex can lead to STDs, pregnancy and who knows what else. She thinks life is hard now, wait until you have a baby and the dad leaves you. You may love your baby but you will have a hard life from early on and regret having sex.

You could also go the route of "If you are a light to others who are not saved, what does it tell them if they see you have sex outside of marriage?". And if she goes to church and lets say is pregnant, some will shun her. She has to wait until someone who truly loves her comes into her life and wants marriage before sex.

 

[Mary Meg]

Hi... I am about your daughter's age. You and she have my prayers. Even though I've been raised in a godly Christian home and pretty sheltered from the world -- I understand her temptation. Our culture today sends the message that "sex is freedom" and purity is just denying yourself something good and marriage is not something worth waiting for... and those messages can be really enticing. Happiness, pleasure, self-fulfillment NOW! But as Christians, we have to believe that true fulfillment can only come through Christ and His plan for us.

She's 19. She has to make her own decisions. But you should pray for her and be sure she knows how you feel about it -- it sounds like you are letting her know. Sadly, a lot of people have to make mistakes before they learn... And some mistakes you can't take back. Having a baby would change her life forever. Diseases could really mess her up too. And society's message that sex is free and casual and having sex should be about as meaningful as shaking hands -- that's really, really horrific and dangerous and devastating. At the very least -- she should wait for something meaningful, for somebody who really loves her, for somebody who won't hurt her. That's not a morality thing, that's a taking-care-of-yourself thing.

 

[timothyu]

It is a natural instinct of the flesh, any flesh, to succumb to the breeding instinct. It is the nature of the spirit to rise above our animal nature and be separate from our fellow creatures who are restricted to the flesh. We all have that dual nature. The choice is hers as to which she sees herself as, but may find the spirit leads her to greener pastures.

 

[Mathetes66]

Here are several videos that might help.

Part 1

Part 2

Mark Gungor - # 1 Key to Incredible Sex 3 of 3 Part 3

Mark Gungor Key To Incredible Sex Part 4 Part 4

Your daughter is at the age of being an adult 'legally' according to society standards. She is at college away from normal family & friends influence. She is on her own.

The examples she gave are her justifications for choosing to have sex before marriage. She has no clue what will happen to her & most likely change her for the rest of her life.

I worked with adolescents for many years in teaching & counseling. I learned several things. Ultimately young adults want to do the right thing that will make their lives happy & productive.

Another thing is that they will accept a challenge, if for no other reason to prove you wrong.

A final thing is to put them in the REALITY of being an adult. If you want to act like an adult & make your own decisions, then the freedom to make your own decisions has on the flip side responsibilities that come with that freedom to do whatever you want to do.

I always said you can choose to do whatever you want, but you cannot always control the consequences of what you may receive by those choices.

Since she wants to be an adult going contrary to your wishes that are BASED upon love, protection & provision, then let her feel the full weight of adult responsibility.

If she is going to choose contrary to your desires on waiting until marriage, though you love her dearly, let her know that you are going to let her be an adult & live with her own choices.

Don't buy contraceptives for her. That is now her adult responsibility to buy her own if she chooses. Remind her of the failure rate of condoms, using old ones that many do & in the 'haste' of having sex condoms are often not used. One episode of unprotected lustful sex can result in pregnancy.

The possibility for getting an STD (sexually transmitted disease) & ruining your body, including sterility, is getting higher & higher. More than 30 different bacteria, viruses and parasites are known to be transmitted through sexual contact. More than 1 million sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are acquired EVERY DAY worldwide.

If she is going to make decisions that can put her life at risk or risk other's lives, then she needs to be an adult & seek to provide her own health insurance because of such risks.

She needs to know also that, if you are paying for her college education primarily, then if she chooses to do so, one of the requirements is that she will need to find employment while she is going to school, in order to help her recognize that it COSTS someone their blood, sweat & tears to pay for that.

If she makes her own decisions as an adult, then she will have to live with them. Most likely getting pregnant & raising a child will stop her college education. She will need to find her own housing if this happens & that costs money. She needs to have this 'adult' talk with you, that if she wants to have this freedom, which is contrary to God's declared will, then she will need to be prepared to take on the responsibilities of adulthood.

I have seen the difficulties of this in my own siblings, relatives & their children, of not waiting to have sex before marriage, of having to forgo or stop going to college, one working two jobs & unmarried with several children & ending up in jail for check fraud, because of not enough money to pay for her adult choices. Parents & others have to change their own lives to try & assist in the irresponsible behaviors. Who is going to babysit the children when the mother has to work & is unmarried?

These are all things that need to be talked about ahead of time. You love her as her mother & are praying for her but you will not take care of her or support her decisions to go contrary to the will of God & put her own life at risk. These come with natural consequences.









Is she does get pregnant, let her now know that she is the adult & needs to be responsible for her pregnancy. You will be a loving support & help as much as you can, but she will need to find medical insurance

 

[mama2one]

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[Tropical Wilds]

You know, I think when one paints a hysterical argument against sex, it’s hard to take the message seriously. Telling her that old, tired “why buy the cow” line will get you nowhere because it’s clearly not true. Saying that she is less fit for marriage, she’s giving part of herself away she won’t ever get back, she will become cold and desensitized, sex won’t be as special with her spouse... It will have zero impact because she will recognize it for being overly-dramatic, but also because she knows it’s blatantly untrue in an overwhelming majority of cases.

Sure, warn of STDs and pregnancy and consequences of not using birth control and STD protection correctly... But do so realistically. Making it sound like the pill will give her breast cancer, fail and make her pregnant, causing the guy to dump her and the baby, get her shunned from church, rejected by potential husbands, and a general social pariah isn’t exactly true. Could any combination of those things happen? Sure. But making it sound like these things are unavoidable isn’t true and she knows that. Hopefully by 19 school and family and friends will have taught her how to be safer, but maybe give a recap just in case, and understand that as an adult, she’s now going to be making choices like that.

 

[kdm1984]

Lots of advice given, and yet no Scriptures. Are we the individual arbiters of morality, or is God's Word?

No one ever likes to quote the Pauline passages on sexual immorality anymore, but they hold if we are to consider ourselves faithful followers of Scripture.

Like many, I tried for years to find loopholes around the premartial sex=fornication interpretation, and for awhile, I convinced myself of it.

But if you read the Pauline passages in their proper context, any sexual consummation outside of marriage is plainly stated to be wrong. That may not be the popular cultural view these days, but it's the Biblical truth, and Christians are supposed to follow Biblical truth if they claim to be Christian at all.

19 is admittedly a very hormonal age, and it doesn't get much better from there on out, sad to say. The mere sight of a hot and physically attractive topless guy can sometimes be enough to make me run to my room and do bad things, and I lost my own virginity at that age accordingly. My own parents were theologically lax, so they weren't too concerned as long as protection was used, and the guy didn't have a record.

But she is to diligently search the Scriptures, not the influence of the world, not even the influence of you or her father, for parents are not infallible authorities, either (mine certainly weren't regarding this topic!). Only God's Word and His Spirit can work in the minds of hormonal adolescents. Our natural instinct is to lust, breed, lust, breed, lust, breed, and find loopholes to God's laws in this realm (and not just the men, though it's more common for them to justify or rationalize sin here).

 

[.Mikha'el.]

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[Joy]

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