A reflection on why I find it hard to date fellow Christians

[rimbella]

A recent Whatsapp conversation with a Christian acquaintance I met online has just ticked me off. So much that I decided to myself that I am going to write this openly to see whether some people do think the same.

THIS

if you can't see the picture, it's basically a conversation that goes like this:
The Guy (G): Good morning!
Me (M): Hey morning
G: Hey What are you up to? I'm on the train
M: Anxiety. Lots of demands from family.
G: Wow. Sorry to hear
Rest in Jesus and He'll work thing out for you.

Did you notice what's wrong with the conversation?
This person, what using JESUS to deal with what supposed to be a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Like many people before him did. Like every body at church always does. And that is why some of us go to church for years and does not develop real connections.

It has been few weeks since I got lots of Bible verse regurgitation instead of knowing each other better. Makes me wonder if Christians tend to resort everything under the feet of Jesus.
M: So what's your future plan? I want to start a PhD next year. I am trying to secure the funding and find myself a supervisor.
G: I am waiting for where God would lead me.

YEAH. NOT COOL.

M: So why are you doing your job / degree? I am a medical doctor, it pays okay, good social standing, even though it's stressful and hampered my social life.
G: I felt like this is this is my calling to be (insert job / degree here). Jesus is the centre of my life. Without Him we are nothing.
M: so what do you think of unbelievers? They achieved something too. And some discoveries are phenomenal.
G: but they do not have the salvation.

I am not sure if this person has the inferiority complex of being a Christian but less successful than his non-believer counterparts (according to our society standard) that he referred to the eternal when I actually asked about his work on earth.

Conclusion: deluded guy. BLOCKED.

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

 

[redblue22]

All of them are like that?

Ì think if someone talked to me like that I would feel he or she was being contentless. I might feel frustrated and wonder if he or she was looking down on me or avoiding intimacy. But that is how I would feel. But in general it is no fun if someone is not willing to listen.

 

[Gnarwhal]

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

A few, but not all. Not even most.

 

[timewerx]

I don't behave like that at all. I even sometimes look at spiritual issues from a more scientific perspective.

There are a lot of things we can do, think, and decide for ourselves. After all, what's the purpose of God giving us a "supercomputer" brain?

 

[Wolfe]

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

I think more or less there should be a healthy mix.

I don't feel the lot of them do it to be harmful, or disengaging. It's simply something that is very important to them.

To me it seems the guy was being genuine, I mean, if you believe in Christ, you've gotta know that he's the single most important thing that you could ever think about.
Where you end up when you die, is extremely important.

However, I don't subscribe to the, sit back, God'll do it. I find it lazy, stupid, and actually disrespectful to God.
He gave us bodies for a reason after all.
Noah didn't sit back and go, Ehhh God'll make the ark if it's really important.
I think, for the most part, we have to be outgoing, and do things on our own, or rather, do it ourselves.
God is of course, and inspiration, and motivation to do things, but he isn't a scapegoat to just never do anything.

That being said, your heated attitude towards this type of behavior, while not entirely unjustified, I don't find to be all too adult.
The better thing would have been to talk to this person, hash your concerns out, and get to the bottom of why they would behave in such a way.
Instead, what you have done, is avoided this person, ignored them, and quite frankly only thought of yourself. Which is obviously not good, and can cause complications in future relationships.

And with that being said, your saying that you have anxiety, and stuff like that to him, and him pretty much avoiding that, that is not good.
The way I see it, you wouldn't have said that, if you weren't looking for some sort of emotional support.
In which case, he shoulda asked if you wanted to talk about it. Instead of simply saying, again, Ehh God'll do it. That type of mentality is self destructive and gives us Christians a bad name.

I understand you wanted a connection, and you weren't getting it, but I still think the better thing to do would have been to actually talk with him in depth about his blatant avoidance, instead of simply blocking him.

Conclusion: Both you and that guy have things to work on, he's not totally to blame, and neither are you.
He shouldn't ignore questions and relay them about God all the time, all glory to God, that is a given.
But you can still have emotional conversations without hashing the same tired line as, God'll help you, Gods got a plan, which I don't frankly believe he will for the most part. I think he does every now and then, but the reliance on him to do every little thing, is bad.
You, shouldn't be so hard up about this, people who are like that, are either new Christians, or really devoted Christians. In either case, talking is preferable to ignoring.
From the conversations you have posted, you made no effort to talk to him about it.
Tell him it's an issue for you, if you don't get a deep emotional connection, as it would be for anyone looking for a serious relationship.

I wouldn't have cut things off over that, as I said I would have spoken to him about it, but it's your life, you know him better than I do, coulda actually been a loon.
But to call him deluded just because he has a devotion to God? Seems a little extreme.

 

[Neogaia777]

A recent Whatsapp conversation with a Christian acquaintance I met online has just ticked me off. So much that I decided to myself that I am going to write this openly to see whether some people do think the same.

THIS

if you can't see the picture, it's basically a conversation that goes like this:
The Guy (G): Good morning!
Me (M): Hey morning
G: Hey What are you up to? I'm on the train
M: Anxiety. Lots of demands from family.
G: Wow. Sorry to hear
Rest in Jesus and He'll work thing out for you.

Did you notice what's wrong with the conversation?
This person, what using JESUS to deal with what supposed to be a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Like many people before him did. Like every body at church always does. And that is why some of us go to church for years and does not develop real connections.

It has been few weeks since I got lots of Bible verse regurgitation instead of knowing each other better. Makes me wonder if Christians tend to resort everything under the feet of Jesus.
M: So what's your future plan? I want to start a PhD next year. I am trying to secure the funding and find myself a supervisor.
G: I am waiting for where God would lead me.

YEAH. NOT COOL.

M: So why are you doing your job / degree? I am a medical doctor, it pays okay, good social standing, even though it's stressful and hampered my social life.
G: I felt like this is this is my calling to be (insert job / degree here). Jesus is the centre of my life. Without Him we are nothing.
M: so what do you think of unbelievers? They achieved something too. And some discoveries are phenomenal.
G: but they do not have the salvation.

I am not sure if this person has the inferiority complex of being a Christian but less successful than his non-believer counterparts (according to our society standard) that he referred to the eternal when I actually asked about his work on earth.

Conclusion: deluded guy. BLOCKED.

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

Many don't know how to discern between listening and speaking and when to bring God into it, and how to tactfully do that, and when not to bring God into it...

Alot of them just do it without thinking (and that's a big part of the problem) but usually mean well and are well intentioned though...

The lack of thought not being put into what they are saying, how they come across, not really listening not just to the words of another, but into the thoughts and feelings involved into what that person is going through, and when to talk normally about it, and discuss the actual issue... Well... You get what I'm saying I think...

Not easy to do for people not accustomed to just listening to a person sometimes...

You may think it showed a lack of compassion and trying to ignore or not even being aware of the fact that they are not really listening and rejecting understanding or perhaps, just genuinely not understanding (of you and what your going through)...

They do kind of reject talking genuinely about other people and their problems by kind of using God to brush the problem under the rug, so to speak, even though most are usually blissfully unaware of it...

I just think they don't understand, and you were hoping they would, but, in order for that to happen, you have to talk to someone with the problems as you, or that has been though the same problems as you... Without that, you maybe shouldn't expect so much, kinda unfair to both of you really...

I understand anxiety, but some just do not, but only because I have or have had those problems, to expect of someone who does not or has not, is kinda expecting the impossible in my view...

Even when say, like counselors are book learned about a subject, if they have had no personal experience with similar issues, their understanding can be limited...

God Bless!

 

[Aleksandros]

I believe the lad did indeed behave a bit tactlessly, however I believe that blocking him is a bit too far. The poor guy is most likely lacking in wisdom - remember that most humans are. Most of us will not do the good thing to do in such situations, it's just that unbelievers and Christians have different weaknesses they lean towards - you will never avoid that part of humanity, most people simply do not develop enough.

It seems that you have had such experiences of such things with many Christians, and have built up a fair deal of anger towards this whole matter. Realise this, and save yourself from it's potentially disastrous spiritual results. Small things like this can have big effects - if it's gotten to the level where you're trigger-happy with the block button towards people, Christians or not, you should look into it.

How's your spiritual life, and your relationship with Christ? Don't let that slip regardless of your responsibilities, or experiences with people.

 

[1gh2g3f4]

im going to get rough with you so bare with me im going to open your eyes to something that should hurt if it dont... then you have your answer.

well i would ask yourself what is more important.. your temporary social status or god? you cant serve both god and mammon... maybe this is a very real thing for him and for you its not... maybe you being christian is just a mask for your family? does this seem like a real enough conversation to you? how else are you suppose to say "this is what ive been called to do" if you actually have a calling? how was your answer any different? or even any better to him if it was based on a worldly search and worldly things if his search was more of the spirit? you are going in to be a medical doctor but do you even care about people or is it just money like it is with most people? if its just money does that not seem like a conflict of interest to the persons life your hands would be responsible for? you know in the same way you have doctors you also have preachers prophets and healers.. maybe he was a little indirect with conversation or maybe he was telling you the only truth he knew or even better the only truth he has seen work... my question to you is.. why cut him down saying he is deluded... maybe you are the one who is deluded by calling yourself christian you are deluding yourself and the people around you... that seems to be what is important to you (saving face).. not god.. that is what i see in your complaint in your conversation and the thoughts you had while in the conversation... i dont dislike you this is a common thing.. but i wonder who are you trying to fool... is it me or yourself? i think if you was genuine you would be happy for him no matter how small your thought on his calling was... and only because very few christians actually can say "i think ive found my calling from god"... to me that is a wonderful thing.. and its one of the most fulfilling things a person can find in their lifetime... trust me on this one so its not him that im concerned about its actually you.

 

[Hall]

The guy sounds ok to me, sounds like serving God is his priority before anything else which I think is great.

 

[timewerx]

The guy sounds ok to me, sounds like serving God is his priority before anything else which I think is great.

I agree, the guy sounds well-intentioned and absolutely means no harm.

I just don't think such behavior is biblical. We have several examples in the Bible like the disciples going back to their trade of fishing after Christ's resurrection, Paul making tents, etc.

They didn't ask God to decide for them. There are things we should decide for ourselves using good judgement. Like jobs or career to take, that is entirely up to us.

 

[Hall]

I agree, the guy sounds well-intentioned and absolutely means no harm.

I just don't think such behavior is biblical. We have several examples in the Bible like the disciples going back to their trade of fishing after Christ's resurrection, Paul making tents, etc.

They didn't ask God to decide for them. There are things we should decide for ourselves using good judgement. Like jobs or career to take, that is entirely up to us.

True, it is up to us to decide which career would be good for us, but sometimes God picks it for us too.

 

[leothelioness]

The guy sounds ok to me, sounds like serving God is his priority before anything else which I think is great.

Agree with this.

From the sounds of it he dodged a bullet.

 

[paul1149]

I have little to no problem with the responses in those examples. Not sure why they should "tick you off".

 

[rimbella]

Agree with this.

From the sounds of it he dodged a bullet.

Funny. I made this thread to discuss what people are thinking of this very problem I got with christian verse and Jesus that they can ward off some people in dating, and you attacked my character.

To all other people with their genuine comments and not attacking me, thank you I appreciate your thoughts and I would reply soon after I contemplated on them.

 

[timewerx]

I have little to no problem with the responses in those examples. Not sure why they should "tick you off".

Some of the responses of the "guy" in the OP's post is actually unbiblical and somewhat, irresponsible.

I have actually left a denomination where some of their members acted in a similar fashion. I did find it annoying.

 

[sundewgrower]

Read the OP and think he's just off canter--it is pretty annoying and not thoughtful in his responses as they lack subsistence IMHO.
Some people are in funky life stages and it's best to step back some.
There's so many variables--he could be a young Christian, just using blanket statements, too legalistic, or whatever... Who knows? If it doesn't feel right distance, and keep that noted so you invest into more interesting men.

 

[Paulie079]

I do think there are people who use their faith to disconnect from relationship, but I think most of those people are in extreme fundamentalist-type communities. I think the guy that you were talking to wasn't avoiding personal connection, but maybe just isn't the best at it, at least online. (IMing isn't always the ideal way to go about personally connecting with another person.)

I do think there are people who tend to overspiritualize things to the point where it's hard to have a real conversation with them. I can relate to you in feeling annoyed when people say things like "Just trust in Jesus, it's all going to be okay." That's just not a helpful answer lol. So I hear you. But that doesn't mean that every spiritual answer he gives is wrong or bad either. You want a guy who is seeking to be led by God and who centers his life around Christ. So that's something to think about.

 

[Elliewaves]

Yeah, I thinks sometimes it can come off as glib/insincere. "my dad just died and I severed my hand in an accident". "Trust in Jesus."

I don't know; maybe the guy just didn't know how to respond or he's truly sincere about what he is saying or he's trying to impress with faith. But, if it puts you off; then it puts you off- especially if it's just someone you are texting and have never met before. I think you could probably read him better in person, or at least I would. Having a sincere connection is important, one that goes deeper than just repeated Christian phrases or Bible verses. So, if someone peaks your interest online but you think they are glibbly repeating phrases but you still like them otherwise, maybe give them a chance in person to decide? If you feel they are just insincere and you don't want to get to know them further, then that is your right to do so and it has no bearing on if you are a good Christian or not. You deserve to start a relationship with someone that you can connect with on a deeper level, as we all do, and if faith is important to you then it is possible to connect in your faith with another on a deeper level than the "good" phrases we all say or the Bible verses that seem to fit all situations on a surface level.

 

[keith99]

im going to get rough with you so bare with me im going to open your eyes to something that should hurt if it dont... then you have your answer.

Bolding mine.

Starting with a risque proposition is hardly appropriate on a Christian site.

I personally think the OP has her eyes wide open and has grown tired of Christians who seem more concerned with using every opportunity to to quote Scripture or mutter empty phrases to show just how Christian they are than even interacting, let alone helping, their fellow man.

I'm pretty sure a certain itinerant rabbi had something to say about that, something about praying on street corners.

 

[timewerx]

I think you could probably read him better in person, or at least I would. Having a sincere connection is important, one that goes deeper than just repeated Christian phrases or Bible verses. So, if someone peaks your interest online but you think they are glibbly repeating phrases but you still like them otherwise, maybe give them a chance in person to decide?

You're right here. I consider myself good at "reading" people when I could actually see them in person.

But staring at walls of text is a completely different matter. I could only as much as discern a person's psychological profile but NOT if they're interested or strongly interested in me. I'm practically clueless there.