A reflection on why I find it hard to date fellow Christians

[sundewgrower]

You're right here. I consider myself good at "reading" people when I could actually see them in person.

But staring at walls of text is a completely different matter. I could only as much as discern a person's psychological profile but NOT if they're interested or strongly interested in me. I'm practically clueless there.

In person is so much different than distance. Like I felt interested in my current GF, however, the difference between a video chat and IRL--you can't even see similarities. People are always different in distance, and how much these personalities diverge is just happenstance IMHO.

 

[ReesePiece23]

From the sounds of it he dodged a bullet.

You'd do your nut if someone said that about you.

 

[leothelioness]

You'd do your nut if someone said that about you.

Lol, not sure why you're trying to start in on me, but you need to take a step back.

 

[1gh2g3f4]

okay fine... i wont attack your charter... would you rather me give your scripture? because i can do this too.. my reproach isnt no where near as harsh as his...

 

[ReesePiece23]

Lol, not sure why you're trying to start in on me, but you need to take a step back.

Well you would though. You would fly off the handle and blast off outside of the stratosphere if someone said that about you.

Seriously, you can't say that to someone on their own thread when they're looking for advice.

 

[leothelioness]

Well you would though. You would fly off the handle and blast off outside of the stratosphere if someone said that about you.

Seriously, you can't say that to someone on their own thread when they're looking for advice.

No, I wouldn't because I have enough confidence in myself that other people's opinions don't matter to me.

Just goes to show you don't know me at all.

 

[ReesePiece23]

No, I wouldn't because I have enough confidence in myself that other people's opinions don't matter to me.

Just goes to show you don't know me at all.

I have that same level of confidence.

But not when it comes to projecting it onto other people. She even quoted you herself and said that she felt attacked.

I'm sorry Leo, you should know better. That comment was uncalled for, end of story. (I've received infractions for less.)

 

[1gh2g3f4]

both of you stop.... you know better than this... both of you... ive watched it for long enough and ive held my tongue to wait for you to work it out... yet here are.. so ill say it for you.. stop. seriously go and privately message each and forgive one another.. this is my reproach to yall now... seriously and you both of you know its good...

 

[Gnarwhal]

both of you stop.... you know better than this... both of you... ive watched it for long enough and ive held my tongue to wait for you to work it out... yet here are.. so ill say it for you.. stop. seriously go and privately message each and forgive one another.. this is my reproach to yall now... seriously and you both of you know its good...

Um...

 

[timewerx]

In person is so much different than distance. Like I felt interested in my current GF, however, the difference between a video chat and IRL--you can't even see similarities. People are always different in distance, and how much these personalities diverge is just happenstance IMHO.

Yeah, it's difficult to discern someone behind a screen!

Have you met in person yet?

 

[Grandpa2390]

A recent Whatsapp conversation with a Christian acquaintance I met online has just ticked me off. So much that I decided to myself that I am going to write this openly to see whether some people do think the same.

THIS

if you can't see the picture, it's basically a conversation that goes like this:
The Guy (G): Good morning!
Me (M): Hey morning
G: Hey What are you up to? I'm on the train
M: Anxiety. Lots of demands from family.
G: Wow. Sorry to hear
Rest in Jesus and He'll work thing out for you.

Did you notice what's wrong with the conversation?
This person, what using JESUS to deal with what supposed to be a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Like many people before him did. Like every body at church always does. And that is why some of us go to church for years and does not develop real connections.

It has been few weeks since I got lots of Bible verse regurgitation instead of knowing each other better. Makes me wonder if Christians tend to resort everything under the feet of Jesus.
M: So what's your future plan? I want to start a PhD next year. I am trying to secure the funding and find myself a supervisor.
G: I am waiting for where God would lead me.

YEAH. NOT COOL.

M: So why are you doing your job / degree? I am a medical doctor, it pays okay, good social standing, even though it's stressful and hampered my social life.
G: I felt like this is this is my calling to be (insert job / degree here). Jesus is the centre of my life. Without Him we are nothing.
M: so what do you think of unbelievers? They achieved something too. And some discoveries are phenomenal.
G: but they do not have the salvation.

I am not sure if this person has the inferiority complex of being a Christian but less successful than his non-believer counterparts (according to our society standard) that he referred to the eternal when I actually asked about his work on earth.

Conclusion: deluded guy. BLOCKED.

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

Reminds me of Michael Jr.
I think you'll like this:

 

[sundewgrower]

Yeah, it's difficult to discern someone behind a screen!

Have you met in person yet?

Ah yeah. We met three days after the first call roughly 10 weeks ago and spend every weekend together... But like we speak every weeknight and it's different... Some project well on video chat (not her and I though) and we enjoy it--but it's nothing compared to IRL.

I had some close friends in a few countries and video chatted often--in IRL some weren't the same and others rang rather true.

 

[Sketcher]

The Guy (G): Good morning!
Me (M): Hey morning
G: Hey What are you up to? I'm on the train
M: Anxiety. Lots of demands from family.
G: Wow. Sorry to hear
Rest in Jesus and He'll work thing out for you.

Did you notice what's wrong with the conversation?
This person, what using JESUS to deal with what supposed to be a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Like many people before him did. Like every body at church always does. And that is why some of us go to church for years and does not develop real connections.

In his defense, a lot of guys default to fixing the problem. Invoking trust in Jesus for him, is "fixing" it. For an equally naive unbeliever, it would be something else, either way a "fix" is imposed on the conversation when you did not want one.

It has been few weeks since I got lots of Bible verse regurgitation instead of knowing each other better. Makes me wonder if Christians tend to resort everything under the feet of Jesus.

In a way yes, but I prefer specifics, and I also believe in using the mind God gave me.

M: So what's your future plan? I want to start a PhD next year. I am trying to secure the funding and find myself a supervisor.
G: I am waiting for where God would lead me.

YEAH. NOT COOL.

He probably has no plan. Sounds a lot like a former roommate of mine who I took to visit my home church once. He was chatting up a girl, she asked him what he did, his reply was "Soldier for Jesus." He was unemployed. Granted, he came to the area to party and smoke pot, then Jesus got a hold of him, and he wasn't quite together yet. But yeah.

M: So why are you doing your job / degree? I am a medical doctor, it pays okay, good social standing, even though it's stressful and hampered my social life.
G: I felt like this is this is my calling to be (insert job / degree here). Jesus is the centre of my life. Without Him we are nothing.
M: so what do you think of unbelievers? They achieved something too. And some discoveries are phenomenal.
G: but they do not have the salvation.

I think he could have handled that better. If you have a calling, there are reasons why you have that calling, even if you don't understand them.

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

Some Christians will do that. Other Christians are able to hold real conversations on a variety of topics. (I do have to say though, that God can even use the former to help bring people back to him.) I think a big part of this is a lack of social/conversational skills which is common in very young men. If he holds to the faith, grows as a person and gets his life together, he'll be a catch for somebody.

 

[Rigatoni]

I had a conversation like this too recently; I found out that someone was also into apologetics and Bible prophecy, and messaged her wanting to talk about to topics. Things went okay at first, but as the conversation progressed, she would toss in reminders that Jesus needs to be our focus and we need to make sure we are saved, etc. And those things are certainly true, but this can also become a form of legalism. Instead of having a true heart-to-heart conversation and becoming friends, she was pushing me away with Scripture. I don't think she was doing it on purpose tough, she just had a legalistic mindset.

Some people mean well, but they are just not mature in the faith. Instead of giving up on them or immediately blocking them, it would be best to bring it to their attention and give them the opportunity to work things out. If they refuse to address the issue however, then yeah it would be best to move on.

 

[timewerx]

Ah yeah. We met three days after the first call roughly 10 weeks ago and spend every weekend together... But like we speak every weeknight and it's different... Some project well on video chat (not her and I though) and we enjoy it--but it's nothing compared to IRL.

I had some close friends in a few countries and video chatted often--in IRL some weren't the same and others rang rather true.

That's good you met in real life. I also don't project well in video chat, I think I'm horrible in that department. It just doesn't/never feel the same talking to a real person in front of you.

 

[Grandpa2390]

That's good you met in real life. I also don't project well in video chat, I think I'm horrible in that department. It just doesn't/never feel the same talking to a real person in front of you.

agreed. Same with talking on the phone. It is so awkward.
But I communicate very well in person

text/chat/email isn't so bad. But I get anxious if I haven't received a response in a while. If it normally take a person x minutes to respond and it is x+1 minutes, I start to wonder if I said something wrong

 

[timewerx]

agreed. Same with talking on the phone. It is so awkward.
But I communicate very well in person

text/chat/email isn't so bad. But I get anxious if I haven't received a response in a while. If it normally take a person x minutes to respond and it is x+1 minutes, I start to wonder if I said something wrong

I actually feel less awkward on the phone (audio only).

I can be unusually cold in front of elecronic devices so maybe it is not a good idea to judge people based on their behavior in the phone, chat, etc.

Perhaps the reason is I rarely ever get the opportunity to talk to someone over the phone or skype other than work/job-related stuff.

 

[blackribbon]

A recent Whatsapp conversation with a Christian acquaintance I met online has just ticked me off. So much that I decided to myself that I am going to write this openly to see whether some people do think the same.

THIS

if you can't see the picture, it's basically a conversation that goes like this:
The Guy (G): Good morning!
Me (M): Hey morning
G: Hey What are you up to? I'm on the train
M: Anxiety. Lots of demands from family.
G: Wow. Sorry to hear
Rest in Jesus and He'll work thing out for you.

Did you notice what's wrong with the conversation?
This person, what using JESUS to deal with what supposed to be a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Like many people before him did. Like every body at church always does. And that is why some of us go to church for years and does not develop real connections.

It has been few weeks since I got lots of Bible verse regurgitation instead of knowing each other better. Makes me wonder if Christians tend to resort everything under the feet of Jesus.
M: So what's your future plan? I want to start a PhD next year. I am trying to secure the funding and find myself a supervisor.
G: I am waiting for where God would lead me.

YEAH. NOT COOL.

M: So why are you doing your job / degree? I am a medical doctor, it pays okay, good social standing, even though it's stressful and hampered my social life.
G: I felt like this is this is my calling to be (insert job / degree here). Jesus is the centre of my life. Without Him we are nothing.
M: so what do you think of unbelievers? They achieved something too. And some discoveries are phenomenal.
G: but they do not have the salvation.

I am not sure if this person has the inferiority complex of being a Christian but less successful than his non-believer counterparts (according to our society standard) that he referred to the eternal when I actually asked about his work on earth.

Conclusion: deluded guy. BLOCKED.

TLDR Question: Am I the only person that feels like Christians use Jesus and Bible verse as a mantra to connect with the like but instead they disconnect from real engagement?

You have been dating some socially retarded individuals. I work with plenty of highly educated Christians who trust God but aren't sitting around waiting for life to be dumped in their lap.

To be honest, it seems to me that it is the non-Christians that talk about karma and namaste as the answer to everything that sound like your version of the "guy" in your example.

 

[redblue22]

Funny. I made this thread to discuss what people are thinking of this very problem I got with christian verse and Jesus that they can ward off some people in dating, and you attacked my character.

To all other people with their genuine comments and not attacking me, thank you I appreciate your thoughts and I would reply soon after I contemplated on them.

I look forward to your response.

A few memories come to mind. I have said or wrote complete gibberish and had Christians attack. I have also read or listened to some who don't know what they are saying and can't handle any simple question about their gibberish. Some people have thought I was too stupid or evil to even bother with dialogue. Some flat out lie. Those experiences include a lot of Christians, but it is not limited to Christians.