A Question (mostly) for the guys.

[ReesePiece23]

A group of Brownie girls gave me a box of cookies once as a present for helping them.

They were dry, and incredibly bland. There's nothing more disappointing in life than crap cookies.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Hey that was only 4 times!

I think I'm due one actually...

 

[MiniEmu]

A group of Brownie girls gave me a box of cookies once as a present for helping them.

They were dry, and incredibly bland. There's nothing more disappointing in life than crap cookies.

Flat beer always disappoints me more than rubbish cookies...

 

[Messy]

I don't know what's wrong with some of you. There's such a stigma attached to being friends with a girl and I don't understand it. I've always managed to make it work, even if I've been intimate with the person previously.

Sure, it can take time after a long relationship, but if you were just dating, then who cares? Keep her as a friend and meet MORE girls through her. Duh!

Obviously, that's NOT the reason you remain friends with them, but still. It's good to be resourceful and all.

Then you're normal. You can't stay friends with all guys. One had a weird idea of friends.

 

[Saucy]

 

[ReesePiece23]

Then you're normal.

Well...

That might be pushing it just an iota

 

[graciesings]

Ok. Well, I think the complicated part of this question is settled because I basically kinda took MehGuy's solution and shared some of my relationship problems (i am in a relationship that is falling apart) and so now the guy should know my intent is platonic haha. Hopefully that'll do it...

As for what we should do, he likes hiking, which I think would be fun for both of us. Also, I may try to get him to teach me to skateboard. Because I always wanted to learn xD

And, I spent all afternoon with the one mutual friend who likes both the guy and I. The aforementioned mutual friend is willing to accompany us and produce other friends if I need a small group setting instead of two people, which is wonderful.

 

[sundewgrower]

I didn't read anything but the OP.
Just be sweet, kind, and direct.
"I want to help you through this as a sister in Christ" or otherwise you've gotta press the sibling thing.
Guys can be dumb, so if you're direct, and sweet then I think you'll do great.
I have a close female friend and she wasn't direct. So finally we've understood everything, and I wish she was honest since boy I was confused for a bit!

Anyways. Talk with him and spend your time with him since that'll help. He will probably talk in circles about it, and slowly it'll become less about the break up

 

[twinserk]

One of my bros? I definitely wouldn't want to be his girlfriend either.

 

[William67]

Flat beer always disappoints me more than rubbish cookies...

You make beer in your flat? I never eat cookies from the rubbish.

Don't hate me.

 

[MiniEmu]

You make beer in your flat? I never eat cookies from the rubbish.

Don't hate me.

You're missing out. Rubbish cookies are free, slightly soft in all the wrong ways, and have extra flavour. Try some and enjoy their delightful ways!

Flat beer just takes up so much space, and effort, for such a disappointing reward .

 

[axydavid]

I had a guy in a students' home where I lived who just broke up and a girl there talked with him for nights, months long and they played chess and talked about philosophy and theology all the time, oh my, they were annoying and it really helped him, but a woman comforting a man so much, it just gives a bond, it's weird. He didn't like her, she was just a friend to him, but she got so much attention and then a new girl came and he liked her and they dated and later married. Spoke them years later and he said he met her again after 15 years accidentally and the first thing she asked was if he was still with this girl. She also dated and married a guy one year later than them, but she was really jealous then that all of a sudden she didn't get any attention anymore and she was not very kind to that girl he later married.

So what was the girls personality then? Was she manipulative and possessive? Or intelligent and supportive? or both?
What you're actually saying now is that if someone tries to be supportive and paying attention to someone that means pretty much they wanna date you? Yet the OP implies the exact opposite?????
Humans are so freaking complicated beings, one day I understand nothing then the other day, I still understand nothing! I feel like buying a rope with 3/4-inch to 1 1/4-inch in diameter then boil and stretch it to eliminate spring or coiling if you know what I mean.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

You're missing out. Rubbish cookies are free, slightly soft in all the wrong ways, and have extra flavour. Try some and enjoy their delightful ways!

Flat beer just takes up so much space, and effort, for such a disappointing reward .

Okay, I am so going to call soft cookies 'rubbish cookies' from now on. Lol

 

[Messy]

So what was the girls personality then? Was she manipulative and possessive? Or intelligent and supportive? or both?
What you're actually saying now is that if someone tries to be supportive and paying attention to someone that means pretty much they wanna date you? Yet the OP implies the exact opposite?????
Humans are so freaking complicated beings, one day I understand nothing then the other day, I still understand nothing! I feel like buying a rope with 3/4-inch to 1 1/4-inch in diameter then boil and stretch it to eliminate spring or coiling if you know what I mean.

No she was intelligent and supportive, very old fashioned. Lol once she went to a bar and a guy said: Hi! She said: do I know you? Hahahahaha she was from a christian reformed church, no driving on sunday, every saturday morning she'd play Mozart on the piano. A bit frumpy. I don't know if she liked him. I thought she was jealous because he didn't talk to her so much anymore like when I was 16 I got jealous that my female friend got a boyfriend and wouldn't talk to me anymore. But I don't know and I don't care. It just annoyed me that they were talking philosophy all the time. I wanted someone nice and normal to hang out with, so I prayed and a new girl came live there who was fun, which he thought was also the case lol. I told them: Hey you met each other because I prayed.

 

[axydavid]

No she was intelligent and supportive, very old fashioned. Lol once she went to a bar and a guy said: Hi! She said: do I know you? Hahahahaha she was from a christian reformed church, no driving on sunday, every saturday morning she'd play Mozart on the piano. A bit frumpy. I don't know if she liked him. I thought she was jealous because he didn't talk to her so much anymore like when I was 16 I got jealous that my female friend got a boyfriend and wouldn't talk to me anymore. But I don't know and I don't care. It just annoyed me that they were talking philosophy all the time. I wanted someone nice and normal to hang out with, so I prayed and a new girl came live there who was fun, which he thought was also the case lol. I told them: Hey you met each other because I prayed.

I know that feeling, I get annoyed all the time when Sushi(my bff) has a gf, mainly because he never listens when I tell him she's gonna dump him, he always says she's special, the chosen one, blablablabla. I wish I could talk philosophy with other people IRL, unfortunately all I get to talk about is 1's and 0's, no one even bothers. Don't hate me please, I like chitchat too, but I really like feeling Greek.

 

[Messy]

I know that feeling, I get annoyed all the time when Sushi(my bff) has a gf, mainly because he never listens when I tell him she's gonna dump him, he always says she's special, the chosen one, blablablabla. I wish I could talk philosophy with other people IRL, unfortunately all I get to talk about is 1's and 0's, no one even bothers. Don't hate me please, I like chitchat too, but I really like feeling Greek.

Oh I don't care if people like to talk about it. I always thought it was boring because of them, but I posted in a lot of philosophy threads online, but when they come with intelligent questions I just come with Bible texts and such. She studied theology and he philosophy. They were too intelligent for me to understand what they were talking about so I said: Lord please send someone who is as stupid as me. Hahaha she just learned to design clothes and watched soccer and we talked about nonsense.

 

[axydavid]

Oh I don't care if people like to talk about it. I always thought it was boring because of them, but I posted in a lot of philosophy threads online, but when they come with intelligent questions I just come with Bible texts and such. She studied theology and he philosophy. They were too intelligent for me to understand what they were talking about so I said: Lord please send someone who is as stupid as me. Hahaha she just learned to design clothes and watched soccer and we talked about nonsense.

I know what you're talking about, you need someone who matches your own brainwaves so to speak.

 

[keith99]

A platonic girl-guy friendship is tricky and not often achieved. It can be done, but it's very hard. I only know a handful of people who have had success in this.

I would give the guy space at this time. But if he's prone to growing attached to the opposite sex so easily to begin with, then perhaps you should distance yourself altogether, especially since you have no intention of getting attached yourself.

I'm not sure such is all that difficult. But when I have seen it work is when one or both are seriously attached, pretty far from one being on the rebound.

 

[com7fy8]

Ok. Well, I think the complicated part of this question is settled because I basically kinda took MehGuy's solution and shared some of my relationship problems (i am in a relationship that is falling apart) and so now the guy should know my intent is platonic haha. Hopefully that'll do it...

If he knows you are maybe breaking up, he could get his hopes up that you will . . . so he can get with you. So, I think you "might" need to be especially careful.

Also, you said he got volatile. This could mean he was the ill-tempered one in the relationship and she was the one who put up with it much too long. And then he's so devastated that he could get dumped, supposing he was too great to be dumped. The whole thing could have been so hard mostly because of his overly self-assured what-not-exactly. So, be careful not to let him paint the whole picture.

You say he is not a Christian; that should be all you need to know.

Guys can be dumb, yes, I know from my own experience as a guy lolololololol In my case, I had been told a woman plays hard-to-get and wants a guy to keep after her. But now I know each lady can speak for herself!! So, I may ask a woman if she prefers being pursued or she prefers to be straightforward, then I take her word for it and act accordingly.

I didn't read anything but the OP.
Just be sweet, kind, and direct.
"I want to help you through this as a sister in Christ" or otherwise you've gotta press the sibling thing.

After her OP, she said he is not a Christian; so if he does not know God and how God has us love, he could react in quite a number of possible ways . . . to anything right or wrong.

Guys can be dumb, so if you're direct, and sweet then I think you'll do great.

Sweet can be taken to be romantic. So can a nice smile. He is likely to take things the way he wants things to be, if he is not a Christian . . . in my opinion. Even if someone is a Christian, we can see things the way we wish them to be > we need to pray to get clear with God about things; so just being told by someone is not enough. And he is not one to make sure with God, I would say, if he isn't a Christian.

And she said he got volatile while with her. This can be a danger sign in various ways, more or less, depending on how he really is.

I have a close female friend and she wasn't direct. So finally we've understood everything, and I wish she was honest since boy I was confused for a bit!

Now I know I have been my own main problem; so with anyone, no matter what they do, I can simply be still and patient and not assume I know what someone means and where that person is at. I will take people at their word and answer to what they say. And then they can correct me, if they really meant something else.

If you're having a hard relationship yourself, Gracie Sings, I would say get wise to your own ways which helped get you to where you are. And feed on all the Bible says about how to relate in love. And get into this, and discover how relationships go, then

 

[graciesings]

What??? Dude, I'm not going to ditch my friend because he isn't a Christian...

I know this guy. He and his girlfriend are both crazy. However, she has a much better support network because she's gorgeous and really sweet. He is socially awkward and I know I may be one of the only people helping him work through this. And likely the only Christian helping him through this.

As for my relationships, that's a completely different story, and it's very complicated. It would be better if you didn't jump to conclusions about how I need to "get wise to my own ways," whatever that means.