August 14, 1987:
I wasn't there with you that week. I'll never forgive myself for that. But it was my dad's birthday and I wanted to stay home and by there for him. If I would have known it would have been our last week together, I wouldn't have made that choice.
I did finally head out on Thursday August 13th. I got there just as you were getting out of school. You looked so tired and worn, yet so happy to see us. The room you had rented for that week wasn't as good as the one you had the previous week, but I know it was cheaper and you were trying to conserve money.
That night was rough. It was hot in that room. Was there even any air conditioning? I can't remember? I was so afraid Katrina would fall off that couch. She was hot and grumpy and cried pretty much the entire night. I tried my best to keep her quiet, but I know she kept you awake. I finally got her to sleep when you woke up. Why were you so frantic Danny? It scared me. I knew there was something wrong, but you wouldn't tell me. Instead you just held me and cried. Telling me over and over how much you loved and needed me.
And then you got up the next morning and got ready for school without waking me. I wanted to change the dressing around your surgical site and see how it was progressing, but you had already taken care of it.
I was a bad wife that day. It was hot in that room that I couldn't bear it. Neither could Katrina. So I packed her in the car and went shopping. I should have stayed there and cleaned the room and warmed you up something to eat for lunch. I saw the disappointment in your eyes when you came in and found that I hadn't done anything. I'm sorry.
But you weren't mad. Disappointed maybe, but not mad. And I'm not even sure if you were disappointed. You were upset. Upset over what I'll never know. Frantic again. Insisting that we call both you parents and mine before you had to go back to school. You were so upset when neither answered. All you wanted was to tell them (your parents) that you loved them. I think you knew something was about to happen. I think they knew though babe. Of course they knew, and they loved you too. Very much.
The ride back to school was strange. (well, it was awful actually, but at first it was strange until it turned awful) I remember me telling you that we were 15 minutes early and almost there and I was going to slow down so we could spend more time with each other. That's when you started telling me that you were leaving. That you had to go and you had to go soon. That you loved me and Trina with all your heart and no matter how far away you seemed all I would have to do was call out your name and you'd be there. That you would never leave me. "I have to go away ciners and I have to go soon, but please know that I love you and Trinket with all my heart and no matter how far away I seem all you have to do is call out my name and I'll be there. I will never leave you. I'll always be in your heart."
What does a person say to that? I didn't understand. I turned my head away from the traffic for a second to tell you to stop talking that way. But the look in your eyes was so troubled and filled with so much love that instead I touched your face and told you that I loved you. "I love you Danny. I love you so very much."
Maybe if I hadn't turned my head to touch and speak to you I might have seen that car in time. Maybe, just maybe you wouldn't be gone now. But I did turn my head and when I turned it back that car was already crossing the median. I tried to stop. I tried to swerve. I tried to scream out and tell you to put on your seat belt. But it was too late. I didn't even get the sentence out of my mouth before that car slammed into us.
When I woke up Katrina was in the car. I remember hearing her cry. I looked down at my knee and saw bare bone. The keys had dug so deeply into me that it totally tore out my knee cap. Blood. Blood was every where. My arm hurt. It hurt to breath. I called out for help and turned towards you. I remember seeing the windsheild first. It had the impression of your face in it three different times. Your skin, your hair and what looked like an eye. And then I saw you. You were hunched over the dashboard. Your body all twisted and more blood. Blood and glass. Glass and blood. I screamed and passed back out.
The next time I woke up Katrina was gone. There was a man at my window telling me it was going to be okay. He kept insisting that I look at him. He didn't want me to talk. He did all the talking. He was soft and reassuring. I thought of him as my angel. And then I heard a noise. I thought you were breathing. I turned to look and watched as you took your last breath and slumped deeper into the dash board.
Deep in my heart I knew you were gone, but my head wouldn't believe it. I begged the man at my window to help you. He kept telling me to look at him and I kept saying over and over again "please?" Finally the ambulance arrived. That was another nightmare. They came to you first. They were beating on your chest and I was screaming at them to stop. Finally they told someone to get me out of the car. Stupid perimedic told me to get up and walk. Sure. I have a busted knew and an arm that was limp and useless, but let me get up and walk to your ambulance. I think I called the man an idiot.
That's when my angel appeared again. He gently helped me out of the car and onto the waiting stretcher. But not before the other perimedics started talking about you being dead and that there was nothing more they could do. Oh boy did I get back into that car fast. Even with my leg and arm injured I came after those perimedics. How dare them say something like that with me right there? How dare them say that you were dead when I just heard you breath?
But you were dead.

And I miss you so much today that I csan't stop crying . Silent tears though. If it weren't for the sniffling no one would even know. I'll keep the pain to myself this year. I suffer in silence. Only you will know how badly I hurt. And Gary. I think I might share it with Gary. Maybe.
I love you Daniel Craig Yager. I love you with all my heart and all my soul. You were not only my husband but you were my best friend. The best daddy katrina could ever ask for. The best son and the best brother. If you're up there in Heaven watching over me, please know that I love you. I have always loved you, and I always will. You will always be my husband, my friend, my love.