Hi HansPeter, welcome to GE

; it's nice to see you here and I hope you find this a pleasant forum to belong to. I am sorry that you have been having such a difficult time but I firmly believe that you can receive joy; there is always hope with God. BTW you are
not a drag.
I don't think I've had an existential crisis, but I've had many years of deep depression, caused primarily by bereavement and also a wrong view of God.

In my case the Lord identified the cause of the depression and led me to grieve my losses, and although grief is painful I believe it to be a necessary part of the healing process. Seeing how kindly the Lord dealt with me gave me a more accurate view of Him, particularly as He highlighted where I had gone wrong in my thinking, and I now know Him as loving and good.
It was also about the time that I joined CF, and having people here and being able to post 24/7 helped too.

There are all sorts of forums on various issues, so we can post on serious things, but there is also light fellowship as you can see from some of our threads here. I hope you are similarly blessed and I will add you to my prayer diary.