Ideal women: Natalie Horler, she just needs to drop 5 pounds and a little time with the weights for a touch better muscle tone. Otherwise, couldn't top that.
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- May 22, 2004
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I'd just perfer a more athletic build, like to see muscle tone, just a personal preference really. It's not like I said she'd be hot if she wasn't fat or something. Couldn't buy a face like her's.
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M
Mikeb85
Guest
I generally notice several things first. Usually physique, smile, attitude, how well put together they are (ie. do they take care of themselves). Not that outward appearance is the most important thing, but realistically speaking, it's what attracts us in the first place...
A healthy lifestyle. By this I don't mean they have to be skinny (I prefer women with curves actually), but they need to have a decent diet, be reasonably active, etc... I'm a health nut myself, and while I'd never expect a girl to eat/exercise like me, I couldn't be with someone who doesn't take care of herself.
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1) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
I... have to think about that. I think it would be smile & laughter, then confidence and how he carries himself. Superficial maybe, but I notice strong arms
I also notice how he interacts with those around them, and with me.
2) Is there a must-have your potential bf/gf has to have and if so, what is it?
Yes... I have a short list of "must haves" :
-loves Jesus with all his heart (and willing to go anywhere/do anything to serve him).
-makes me laugh!!! awesome sense of humour
-compassionate
-confident
-tall
Also it would be really great if he had musical talent.
As a pastor's kid I don't see myself marrying a pastor... but at the same time, having worked in ministry my whole life (officially & unofficially) I can't see myself marrying anyone who does not have that as a big part of his life... so I guess I have to wait and see.
I... have to think about that. I think it would be smile & laughter, then confidence and how he carries himself. Superficial maybe, but I notice strong arms
I also notice how he interacts with those around them, and with me.2) Is there a must-have your potential bf/gf has to have and if so, what is it?
Yes... I have a short list of "must haves" :
-loves Jesus with all his heart (and willing to go anywhere/do anything to serve him).
-makes me laugh!!! awesome sense of humour
-compassionate
-confident
-tall
Also it would be really great if he had musical talent.
As a pastor's kid I don't see myself marrying a pastor... but at the same time, having worked in ministry my whole life (officially & unofficially) I can't see myself marrying anyone who does not have that as a big part of his life... so I guess I have to wait and see.
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1. First thing I notice or look for is their smile, think it actually says a lot about someone
2. Potential girlfriend must be confident in herself!!
2. Potential girlfriend must be confident in herself!!
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The first thing I notice about someone is their eyes and smile. You can tell a lot about a guy by their eyes.
2. My potential bf must have a great heart/ sense of humor.
2. My potential bf must have a great heart/ sense of humor.
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SearcherKris
Regular Member
Honestly the first thing I notice is usually the guys chest. Then it registars in my brain that I'm looking at a man rather than woman. I'm short. LOL
To look at anything else usually requires that I look up, which is uncomfy and makes me feel like little girl. It also makes me look like I'm looking because I can't just causally glance around...I have to purposefully look up. (awkward)
*sigh*
As far as what is a must-have...my answer will probably be different from other's, although I havn't read many responses.
A must have besides being a Christan is that he absolutely must love children and have a kind and gentle spirit toward them. He absolutely has to love MY children and totally, 100% accept the fact that I am a mother and that is the highest calling in my life right now. Their welbeing comes first above everything else (with the exclusion of God, that goes without saying, and by the way, part of living for God and honoring him is making my children the prioirty. They are the first responisiblity on my list of things God has given me to do. They are my number one ministry, until they are grown.).
He also has to be understanding about the fact that I will have my chidren spend time with him until we have significantly progressed through the relationship, and are at least entertaining thoughts of marriage. This is not because of a lack of trust in regard to if he will harm my children, because I would not date anyone I think would do that. It is more for the protection of my children's hearts. I refuse to expose them to my relationships and the men in my life, only to have it end and the guy no longer be in the picture. I have a 10 (almost 11) year old who is dying to have a "new daddy." I can hardly talk to man in the grocery store without him asking me to marry the guy.
When I left my ex and was preparing to divorce, I made a commitment to not drag my children along with me through a string of relationships, especially messy ones. I'm just not gonna do it. If he wants to know my kids, he has to be ready to consider a serious commitment with me specifically.
Beyond meeting family needs he has to be willing to allow me to give to others as I feel lead. I am a very giving person (when I have something to give). He has to share the charater trait of giving of himself for others, whether it be time or money or service.
I hope this does not make me sound like the marriage is second rate in my life. Rather, I see living your life for God and raising children in a Godly way a task that the spouses are to share together. I recognize the sanctity of marriage and know all that it entails, having been married previously. I would meet the needs of the kids first, the marriage second, the needs of others third, then what are wants rather than needs can be met as we are able.
Perhaps, what I'm trying to say is that to me, meeting the needs of the children is a need for the marriage. If I can't trust the guy to want/allow/help the childrens' needs being met, then how can I trust him as a spouse? (btw, this is the MAIN reason I divorced)
To look at anything else usually requires that I look up, which is uncomfy and makes me feel like little girl. It also makes me look like I'm looking because I can't just causally glance around...I have to purposefully look up. (awkward)
*sigh*
As far as what is a must-have...my answer will probably be different from other's, although I havn't read many responses.
A must have besides being a Christan is that he absolutely must love children and have a kind and gentle spirit toward them. He absolutely has to love MY children and totally, 100% accept the fact that I am a mother and that is the highest calling in my life right now. Their welbeing comes first above everything else (with the exclusion of God, that goes without saying, and by the way, part of living for God and honoring him is making my children the prioirty. They are the first responisiblity on my list of things God has given me to do. They are my number one ministry, until they are grown.).
He also has to be understanding about the fact that I will have my chidren spend time with him until we have significantly progressed through the relationship, and are at least entertaining thoughts of marriage. This is not because of a lack of trust in regard to if he will harm my children, because I would not date anyone I think would do that. It is more for the protection of my children's hearts. I refuse to expose them to my relationships and the men in my life, only to have it end and the guy no longer be in the picture. I have a 10 (almost 11) year old who is dying to have a "new daddy." I can hardly talk to man in the grocery store without him asking me to marry the guy.
When I left my ex and was preparing to divorce, I made a commitment to not drag my children along with me through a string of relationships, especially messy ones. I'm just not gonna do it. If he wants to know my kids, he has to be ready to consider a serious commitment with me specifically.
Beyond meeting family needs he has to be willing to allow me to give to others as I feel lead. I am a very giving person (when I have something to give). He has to share the charater trait of giving of himself for others, whether it be time or money or service.
I hope this does not make me sound like the marriage is second rate in my life. Rather, I see living your life for God and raising children in a Godly way a task that the spouses are to share together. I recognize the sanctity of marriage and know all that it entails, having been married previously. I would meet the needs of the kids first, the marriage second, the needs of others third, then what are wants rather than needs can be met as we are able.
Perhaps, what I'm trying to say is that to me, meeting the needs of the children is a need for the marriage. If I can't trust the guy to want/allow/help the childrens' needs being met, then how can I trust him as a spouse? (btw, this is the MAIN reason I divorced)
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Okay, while I understand your attitude, do you understand why most men aren't going to line up for the grand experience of:
1.Being expected to feel the same way about your kids as you do. I hate to tell you this, but no one ever does.
2.At the same time being told that the children will always come first, reasonable or no. Would you like to be told that his children from a previous relationship will always trump your needs?
3.Being expected to pay for someone else's children on top of it all.
4.Allow you to give his money away whenever you feel like it.
If the sole purpose of marriage is to service children, what happens when they grow up? Given the average life span, children will occupy a short window of that time. It's a self defeating proposition to believe that children are the focus of marriage. Then again about 80 percent of the nonsense goes on in soceity revolves around the absurd levels childcentricism has reached.
1.Being expected to feel the same way about your kids as you do. I hate to tell you this, but no one ever does.
2.At the same time being told that the children will always come first, reasonable or no. Would you like to be told that his children from a previous relationship will always trump your needs?
3.Being expected to pay for someone else's children on top of it all.
4.Allow you to give his money away whenever you feel like it.
If the sole purpose of marriage is to service children, what happens when they grow up? Given the average life span, children will occupy a short window of that time. It's a self defeating proposition to believe that children are the focus of marriage. Then again about 80 percent of the nonsense goes on in soceity revolves around the absurd levels childcentricism has reached.
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ido
Adios
This is exactly - EXACTLY - the attitude I have had...and there are men out there who will respect and admire you for your convictions. I know - b/c I found one.
God bless you for being able to step back and see the big picture, rather than getting caught up in the emotions of your situation. It's not easy, I know - but it's worth it and your kids really will benefit from it.
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I have thought about these things before in terms of dating. I'm not at an age where it seems uncommon to be single and without kids. I live in a more populated city so I have ran into it more, but the people I have ran into that are like this, are 24/25. It was funny how a woman asked me, "Why don't you have kids?" and all I could tell her is, "No one I had sex with became pregnant." Come to find out, she is only 24 turning 25 this year. Point being I am getting closer to 30 than she is, and I have never been married and I have not helped pop out any babies.
I also do agree with you that if the marriage is solely based on children it thus becomes self-defeating. I agree with you a lot to be honest.
To be fair though, put yourself in the woman's shoes. She had a child with a man. Maybe even thinking that she was going to be with that man till her dieing day. Her needs are coming from the most precious thing to her, her little child. She needs a man in her life that will be a good father figure to her children and treat them and love them as their own. I am sure most women are understanding that there is a difference between creating a child and coming into a broken home and loving the step-kids as their own.
As someone said, it does take someone special to be a step-parent. I watched my father go through it many a times. I was with a woman who had a child, a 2 year old daughter and when we broke up, it was just more pain to face knowing that I was in and out of a life. The odd thing is, I wasn't even a step-parent. I was just 'mommy's b/f' because her and daddy were splitting up but even in the short time we were together, I felt like she was a part of my life, someone in her life. Then I watched the men that came and went out of my mom's life that was horrible in being a father figure for me. Then I got older, and then watched it happened for my sister.
It is a special thing to do, and also, takes special people to do. I don't think there's anything wrong with women that are single with kids wanting this. The woman will also have to do what she has to do for her man and not just take, take, take, take because she had a failed marriage or a failed relationship and now her home is broken.
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SearcherKris
Regular Member
I don't want most men. I want the one guy God has for me, and he won't have a problem with any of this.
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SearcherKris
Regular Member
I don't expect him to feel exactly the same way about my kids as I do, but I do expect him to love and accept them.
And I don't believe that no one ever does. What about parents who adopt? spawning children does not give you the monopoly on love for them. Lots of people have stepped up and loved kids just as their own who were not their actual parents.
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