A Decision To Make

[nanookadenord]

All of my decisions have been for the best of my little family. Including school and work.

This is what I am trying to do as well, taking into consideration the different needs of my particular family in relation to the EMS field. There is a reason that you hear horror stories about burnout, divorce and relationships failing. The EMS field has very long hours. I have already worked as much as 18 1/2 hours and gone back in after only two hours of sleep to work another 10 hours. I routinely work 14 hours or more.

The difference right now though is I get to choose the days that I work, but not my hours. So, I can work as little or as much as I want right now. I will not have that option once I become a paramedic. I have set hours and days. I cannot choose to work as little or as much as I want.

There is much to take into consideration and that is what I am doing. I have till about November to decide.

 

[ValleyGal]

Playing devil's advocate here....
Your children are young. You are young. So will your current wages keep up with inflation rates through the years? Do you have enough to help your children get off to a good start in life (such as helping with college, etc), and if your wife comes after you for more, do you not think your children need or deserve it? Your ex is very fortunate. My ex never contributed one penny to raise our child. I was fully responsible for all of it.

While money is not the end-all and be-all, it is significant in this economy. The Bible says that a man who does not support his family is worse than a non-believer. You are supporting them, but are you satisfied with how much? Will you be satisfied with this much in ten years?

And if you are working those crazy-long hours now, isn't that dangerous? Aren't there ethical limits regarding sleep and appropriate decision-making? I sure wouldn't want an EMT caring for me when they've had two hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.

Also, i wonder why, if you have your children every other week for a week (half time), why do you owe your ex anything at all? You should pay for the time they are with you, she should pay for the time they are with her, and you should each contribute half of whatever extra expenses come up such as participation in a sport or extracurricular activity.

I get it that children like to have quality time with parents, but parental responsibility has to do with far more than just spending time. In fact, later on when they are a little older, they will not want your time so much as they will want or need a little more money for time with their friends, etc. Additionally, a little less time now with your children, might mean more interesting things to do with them as a paramedic, since you will be able to afford more interesting things to do. It's cheap enough to spend time with a little one blowing bubbles in the back yard, but how you spend time with a teen is likely going to cost more. There is also the point about setting a good example of work ethic. Do you want your children to skate by on just enough through their lives, or do you want more for them?

One more item for consideration. What happens if you have an accident and end up needing to change careers? This is what happened to me. My son is an adult now and I have no regrets. Plus, I was THERE for him all his growing up. When I was in school, I made a point of spending one day a week of little or no studying, and devoted that to family time. Part of that was doing things like chores together, and part of it was fun time.

Your situation is do-able. I know because I've done it. But I did not have the support of a partner or an ex spouse. You have that, so it would be easier for you. As for hours after you're done.. well, there are hundreds of thousands of people in emergency services who have families that they have to support as well as "be there" for. They manage on unusual schedules. You could too, and your kids would get used to it.

 

[nanookadenord]

Playing devil's advocate here....
Your children are young. You are young. So will your current wages keep up with inflation rates through the years? Do you have enough to help your children get off to a good start in life (such as helping with college, etc), and if your wife comes after you for more, do you not think your children need or deserve it? Your ex is very fortunate. My ex never contributed one penny to raise our child. I was fully responsible for all of it.

While money is not the end-all and be-all, it is significant in this economy. The Bible says that a man who does not support his family is worse than a non-believer. You are supporting them, but are you satisfied with how much? Will you be satisfied with this much in ten years?

And if you are working those crazy-long hours now, isn't that dangerous? Aren't there ethical limits regarding sleep and appropriate decision-making? I sure wouldn't want an EMT caring for me when they've had two hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.

Also, i wonder why, if you have your children every other week for a week (half time), why do you owe your ex anything at all? You should pay for the time they are with you, she should pay for the time they are with her, and you should each contribute half of whatever extra expenses come up such as participation in a sport or extracurricular activity.

I get it that children like to have quality time with parents, but parental responsibility has to do with far more than just spending time. In fact, later on when they are a little older, they will not want your time so much as they will want or need a little more money for time with their friends, etc. Additionally, a little less time now with your children, might mean more interesting things to do with them as a paramedic, since you will be able to afford more interesting things to do. It's cheap enough to spend time with a little one blowing bubbles in the back yard, but how you spend time with a teen is likely going to cost more. There is also the point about setting a good example of work ethic. Do you want your children to skate by on just enough through their lives, or do you want more for them?

One more item for consideration. What happens if you have an accident and end up needing to change careers? This is what happened to me. My son is an adult now and I have no regrets. Plus, I was THERE for him all his growing up. When I was in school, I made a point of spending one day a week of little or no studying, and devoted that to family time. Part of that was doing things like chores together, and part of it was fun time.

Your situation is do-able. I know because I've done it. But I did not have the support of a partner or an ex spouse. You have that, so it would be easier for you. As for hours after you're done.. well, there are hundreds of thousands of people in emergency services who have families that they have to support as well as "be there" for. They manage on unusual schedules. You could too, and your kids would get used to it.

Thank you for your response.

I know that you know each situation and family is different, but there are nuances that I am unable to really convey here which guide my thought processes.

You are right, I probably have already made up mind in the back of my mind, but still am trying to decide what I am going to do consciously. More than likely, I am not going to do the course because as I have said to my girlfriend and many of my fellow EMTs at work, family will always come before my job.

 

[the old scribe]

My work partner a couple days ago in between calls said she wants me to go to Paramedic school with her. The company we work for would pay for our schooling and we would pay it back over time through our paychecks. The cost is $8000.

I would like to do it, but have reservations. One is the fact that during the schooling and after I graduate there will be schedule conflicts. There may be times I have to tell my ex-wife that I cannot take the kids that week or weekend because of class stuff. My girlfriend said she would watch them while I am off doing class stuff, but I'm not sure my ex-wife would appreciate me not spending time with the kids when it's my week or weekend to have them, no matter what I am doing.

Second is that afterwards my work schedule will be such that my girlfriend and I will have no time to ourselves without kids. So, no going to a movie without kids, no going to a theme park without kids, nothing of any sort without the kids. Because I won't get to see them much, asking someone to watch them when I haven't seen them in a week or two and only have a couple days with them would seem wrong.

Some.migbt say see your girlfriend after work, by the time ahe gets home, it's late and she doesn't really go out after work as she moved closer to me to make it easier on us to see each other, but further from her work. So, she goes to bed earlier I order to get up on time to get to work. I will have to work every other weekend the whole weekend and that is where we would lose time to ourselves.

Third, being a a paramedic scares me. I'm an EMT now, but there isn't near as much responsibility as a paramedic. I'm afraid I'm gonna kill someone even if by accident and have that on my conscious for the rest of my life.

My girlfriend supports me fully in whatever choice I make. My mom doesn't care, but thinks I need to do it in order to better myself, get ahead and be able to support my girlfriend when we marry in the future. My girlfriend is fine with me staying an EMT and says we'll figure it out.

So, I am confused as to what to do. On one hand I will make more money and be able to provide better for my future and my kid's future and girlfriend's future when she becomes my wife. As an EMT I will never make enough to do all that. Then there is what I outlined above.

I do not want to become a nurse or a care giver in people's homes. I enjoy Emergency Medical Services. I enjoy being in an ambulance. I do not want to be stuck in a hospital setting or in people's homes.

Maybe someone can throw some incite at me and help me to order my thoughts and come up with a decision.

Edit-- Forgot to mention that having someone you know in class with you is a big help and that would help my partner and I do well in said class.

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Priorities for Nanoonkadenord –

Social priorities = girl friend
Economic priorities = better job through training
Personal priorities = not paying more child support or allow the ex to obtain full custody of young children
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What are not stated as priorities?

The priorities of what is best for the children.
Training and time with your children.
Understanding the will of the LORD and obeying the Him.
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Holy Perspectives

Family priorities have a pecking order of importance.

First, is what the family must have to thrive.
Second, the next generation – children
Third, the mother and wife –
Last the husband and father –

Men symbolized this being last in the pecking order in the mannerly American culture by:
holding the door –
standing when women enter the room -
removing the hat in the presence of women –
giving up the chair to women –
giving an arm to a women – and etc.
---------------------------------------------------
Comment:
You have an ex spouse who is the mother of your children.
Your life should not be nor should it have ever been about anything but providing and training you children and the care of your ex.
Just because you are divorced does not nullify the vows you made before God.
Spiritual, you or your children cannot afford a girl friend.

From what I read of your posts the children might be better off with your ex since they do not seem to be a priority.

When your children are 30 and 32 what will you look back on to see what were the choices you thought were valuable?

The choices that caused these problems are your choices.
Man up and be first a godly father.
You have no other spiritual path or vocation.

Never ever find yourself where Eli the judge ended.

Eli's Lament
by the old scribe

Anguished with pain,

I am yelling and screaming moans.

Yelling and screaming as loud as I can,

"God, help me and those I love."

All night long my eyes flush tears.

I have failed at living.

All that is important has been neglected.

I have not treated my wife with love.

And caused her to turn from God.

My two sons do not follow the Lord

For I have not trained them in His ways.

When the Lord offered me the child who pleaded,

"I know I'm going to hell,"

I failed to turn her unto the Lord.

Now, she is lost to Satan

And her blood will not wash from my hands;

And my heart suffers, anguished with pain for her.

I have failed in all that pertains to eternity.

Most anguished of men am I.

My dark heart has been as blind as old Eli's eyes.

I have failed the life You gave me.

I scream, "What am I to do, oh God?"


And as the Lord God of Israel declared to Eli:

"Those who honor me I will honor,

and those who despise me shall be disdained.

The man of you whom I shall not cut off from my altar

shall be spared to weep out your eyes and grieve your heart."

1 Samuel 2:30, 33
21 October 2000

 

[tturt]

Like your last statement, nanookadenord "I have said to my girlfriend and many of my fellow EMTs at work, family will always come before my job."

 

[nanookadenord]

Like your last statement, nanookadenord "I have said to my girlfriend and many of my fellow EMTs at work, family will always come before my job."

Thank you tturt!

 

[Galilee63]

Children before the extra dollars through Jesus God Holy Spirit and our Blessed Virgin Mother Mary until grown up

Immerse your heart soul and dilemma in Jesus Sacred Wounds on the Strength of His Bitter Passion suffered beseeching Jesus Holy Spirit God for His Holy Will not the earthly will or Way Tom be done then wait for our Lords Holy Response after praying these Holy Words Jesus God Holy Spirit delivered to Saint Marie Martha Chambon trustingly in Jesus completely hearing listening and responding after going to Confession I say without judgement we need to repent regularly to Jesus from our hearts in remorse if we really want Jesus in His Holy Unity

Then relax no dilemma or worries

O Jesus Divine Redeemer be Merciful to us and to the whole world Amen
Strong God Holy God Holy Immortal God have Mercy on us and on the whole world Amen
Grace and Mercy O My Jesus in present dangers cover us with Your Precious Blood Amen
O Eternal Father grant us Mercy through The Blood of Jesus Christ Your only Son grant us Mercy we Beseech You Amen Amen Amen

O Eternal Father I offer Thee The Wounds of our Lord Jesus Christ To heal the Wounds of our souls Amen x 1

X10

My Jesus Pardon and Mercy through the Merits of Thy Holy Wounds

Jesus delivered so many pages on how His Holy Sacred Wounds are Glorified Treasured in Heaven and to immerse our hearts souls troubles in His Sacred Wounds and nothing is refused in His Holy Will and Precious Sacred Blood and to Beseech God our Heavenly Father to look through and upon Jesus Sacred Wounds and The Most Holy Face of Jesus and pray on the Strength of His Bitter Passion for everything

All the best