A Decision To Make

[nanookadenord]

My work partner a couple days ago in between calls said she wants me to go to Paramedic school with her. The company we work for would pay for our schooling and we would pay it back over time through our paychecks. The cost is $8000.

I would like to do it, but have reservations. One is the fact that during the schooling and after I graduate there will be schedule conflicts. There may be times I have to tell my ex-wife that I cannot take the kids that week or weekend because of class stuff. My girlfriend said she would watch them while I am off doing class stuff, but I'm not sure my ex-wife would appreciate me not spending time with the kids when it's my week or weekend to have them, no matter what I am doing.

Second is that afterwards my work schedule will be such that my girlfriend and I will have no time to ourselves without kids. So, no going to a movie without kids, no going to a theme park without kids, nothing of any sort without the kids. Because I won't get to see them much, asking someone to watch them when I haven't seen them in a week or two and only have a couple days with them would seem wrong.

Some.migbt say see your girlfriend after work, by the time ahe gets home, it's late and she doesn't really go out after work as she moved closer to me to make it easier on us to see each other, but further from her work. So, she goes to bed earlier I order to get up on time to get to work. I will have to work every other weekend the whole weekend and that is where we would lose time to ourselves.

Third, being a a paramedic scares me. I'm an EMT now, but there isn't near as much responsibility as a paramedic. I'm afraid I'm gonna kill someone even if by accident and have that on my conscious for the rest of my life.

My girlfriend supports me fully in whatever choice I make. My mom doesn't care, but thinks I need to do it in order to better myself, get ahead and be able to support my girlfriend when we marry in the future. My girlfriend is fine with me staying an EMT and says we'll figure it out.

So, I am confused as to what to do. On one hand I will make more money and be able to provide better for my future and my kid's future and girlfriend's future when she becomes my wife. As an EMT I will never make enough to do all that. Then there is what I outlined above.

I do not want to become a nurse or a care giver in people's homes. I enjoy Emergency Medical Services. I enjoy being in an ambulance. I do not want to be stuck in a hospital setting or in people's homes.

Maybe someone can throw some incite at me and help me to order my thoughts and come up with a decision.

Edit-- Forgot to mention that having someone you know in class with you is a big help and that would help my partner and I do well in said class.

 

[BR4GOD]

Can you go to an initial class or two before committing the whole $8k? That is probably what I would try to do. Or if have to sign up for the whole thing, tell my work partner that I am trying it out, and may not complete it, so if they understand that, I will look into signing up.

 

[nanookadenord]

Can you go to an initial class or two before committing the whole $8k? That is probably what I would try to do. Or if have to sign up for the whole thing, tell my work partner that I am trying it out, and may not complete it, so if they understand that, I will look into signing up.

You have to commit the whole $8k.

 

[Albion]

It looks to me that you have about ten good reasons for not doing it and only the promise of potentially greater earnings afterwards in favor of it.

How much greater the salary could be might make some difference, but I'm thinking that this is an opportunity you should pass up. And that doesn't mean that you must resign yourself to being in your current position forever, just that the paramedic route probably isn't what you should commit to.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Some random thoughts. I don't mean these as questions to be answered in this thread. Just things to maybe think about. I'm not implying anything by any of them, just running a list of things I'd be pondering if I was in the same situation.

-- What is the payback time (and policy should you leave the company or get laid off)? Would you need to lump sum pay them back if you leave?
-- How long will it be before you come out ahead financially? Would the extra money be worth it?
-- Would this set you up for better job opportunities with other companies should you ever want to move or your current job situation changes? (e.g. your company gets bought out, a new manager comes in, state laws about licensing change) Basically, would the extra options be good to have in the future?
-- How much of this is fear of the unknown and being comfortable in a rut? Sometimes it is good to push ourselves.
-- Is this something that would still be an opportunity a few years down the line?
-- Is being a paramedic the right thing? Any new position can be scary to some extent to consider. Sometimes that is common sense keeping us away from biting off more than we can chew. Sometimes it is only the voice of fear keeping us away from something we'd be good at.
-- What is the appropriate balance of family time at this point? It will change as kids get older or if your girlfriend's job situation were to change. Could a new schedule be an opportunity to reset priorities?


Personally, I have no regrets about having chosen family over career advancement.

 

[nanookadenord]

I have no problems answering them and will answer them in the order that you asked them.

Payback time is as long or as short as you make it within limits of your schedule. In other words, if I work all my days that I am supposed to, it will be the max length of time to pay it, if I don't work all my days, then it will take longer. I would have to payback a lump sum if I were to leave. Normal payback is between 2-3 years.

I'm not sure I can answer the next question accurately at this time. The extra money is always good and would allow us to live a bit more comfortably month to month.

The extra options would always be good, but I am pretty much staying where I am location wise for the next 16 years till my youngest is 18. The company that I am working for ambulance wise is the best that I have found.

I have been an EMT for over 16 years now. So, there is not much in the way of unknown for me when it comes to being a paramedic as I have been working along side of one here and there throughout and have seen what they do and how it's done. It is truly the fear of killing someone that is where the fear comes from. I have seen someone die because of a paramedic making a mistake. It was an honest mistake, but still a life was lost.

I am currently 42 years old, a few years down the line would make me 45 to 46 years old and by the time I finished class, 46-47 years old. I am not like I was when I was in my 20s or early 30s. I'm not near as sharp as I once was.

I'm not sure my girlfriend's job situation will change. She has worked for the state for over 14 years or so and doesn't want to leave now or in the future. A new schedule unfortunately I believe will take time away from my family more so then add time to it. This would reset priorities, but I believe it would reset them for the bad.

I have always said that my family comes before my job, where as my mother is always work, work, work. You have to work in order to get ahead in this life, which of course hasn't happened for her and she no longer works and is disabled with my step-dad nearly disabled because he works 6 days a week and technically 7 because he works in the house as well.

Some random thoughts. I don't mean these as questions to be answered in this thread. Just things to maybe think about. I'm not implying anything by any of them, just running a list of things I'd be pondering if I was in the same situation.

-- What is the payback time (and policy should you leave the company or get laid off)? Would you need to lump sum pay them back if you leave?
-- How long will it be before you come out ahead financially? Would the extra money be worth it?
-- Would this set you up for better job opportunities with other companies should you ever want to move or your current job situation changes? (e.g. your company gets bought out, a new manager comes in, state laws about licensing change) Basically, would the extra options be good to have in the future?
-- How much of this is fear of the unknown and being comfortable in a rut? Sometimes it is good to push ourselves.
-- Is this something that would still be an opportunity a few years down the line?
-- Is being a paramedic the right thing? Any new position can be scary to some extent to consider. Sometimes that is common sense keeping us away from biting off more than we can chew. Sometimes it is only the voice of fear keeping us away from something we'd be good at.
-- What is the appropriate balance of family time at this point? It will change as kids get older or if your girlfriend's job situation were to change. Could a new schedule be an opportunity to reset priorities?


Personally, I have no regrets about having chosen family over career advancement.

 

[nanookadenord]

It looks to me that you have about ten good reasons for not doing it and only the promise of potentially greater earnings afterwards in favor of it.

How much greater the salary could be might make some difference, but I'm thinking that this is an opportunity you should pass up. And that doesn't mean that you must resign yourself to being in your current position forever, just that the paramedic route probably isn't what you should commit to.

Unfortunately, it's either being a EMT or paramedic, there are no other options. As mentioned above, I do not want to be a nurse, or a caregiver in the home of someone, or take people grocery shopping. I love the EMS field.

This is another of the reasons it's such a hard decision.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

I understand, age does start to make a difference. I'd thought a bit about doing some things like passing the actuary exams. I did a first round of studying for the first two, found the material easy, but frankly, I'm just not up to grinding through the studying for hours a day and then taking tests. If I had to do actuarial problems, I could do them and have in my last job. I just don't feel like spending hours a day practicing using a hand calculator to take tests. Also, I really don't feel like starting at the bottom rung of a ladder at my age when all I'd really be doing is trying to chase some money and job security. Frankly, I'm better off taking the scary plunge into self-employment which is what God's been pushing me towards. Decades of living frugally and being out of debt is probably the best set of life decisions my wife and I ever made.

FWIW, I've been in the middle of a transition for a few years now. I've got a physics/math degree and worked for one company for 20 years. It was a comfortable rut that made for a lot of flex time with family. God pushed me out the door into a career change in my early 50s. I then spent 1.5 years in the new job (which was a great experience and confidence builder) which then went south badly. I ended up in the ER with a panic attack among a lot of other stress related symptoms. I then left that job and spent about 4 months last fall at home just trying to learn to relax. I cannot imagine what shape I'd have been in if we weren't debt free and had money in the bank and I'd have been forced to keep working full time. I'm now doing part-time consulting with the 20 year company, starting to do some writing and other things, and transitioning to a semi-retired lifestyle. My wife's enjoying have me around most of the time (fortunately!).

 

[Albion]

Unfortunately, it's either being a EMT or paramedic, there are no other options. As mentioned above, I do not want to be a nurse, or a caregiver in the home of someone, or take people grocery shopping. I love the EMS field.

This is another of the reasons it's such a hard decision.

Right. That was one of the points that weighed most heavily on me when I made my reply. I thought that there might be some pecking order among EMT people that would permit moving up in the organization, but if not, I still would think twice about going into any field where you know you don't like the duties. So many people are miserable because that's the situation they're in, even though they're making what they consider to be good money.

 

[tturt]

How old are your children? How long is the training?

 

[quietpraiyze]

My work partner a couple days ago in between calls said she wants me to go to Paramedic school with her. The company we work for would pay for our schooling and we would pay it back over time through our paychecks. The cost is $8000.

I would like to do it, but have reservations. One is the fact that during the schooling and after I graduate there will be schedule conflicts. There may be times I have to tell my ex-wife that I cannot take the kids that week or weekend because of class stuff. My girlfriend said she would watch them while I am off doing class stuff, but I'm not sure my ex-wife would appreciate me not spending time with the kids when it's my week or weekend to have them, no matter what I am doing.

Second is that afterwards my work schedule will be such that my girlfriend and I will have no time to ourselves without kids. So, no going to a movie without kids, no going to a theme park without kids, nothing of any sort without the kids. Because I won't get to see them much, asking someone to watch them when I haven't seen them in a week or two and only have a couple days with them would seem wrong.

Some.migbt say see your girlfriend after work, by the time ahe gets home, it's late and she doesn't really go out after work as she moved closer to me to make it easier on us to see each other, but further from her work. So, she goes to bed earlier I order to get up on time to get to work. I will have to work every other weekend the whole weekend and that is where we would lose time to ourselves.

Third, being a a paramedic scares me. I'm an EMT now, but there isn't near as much responsibility as a paramedic. I'm afraid I'm gonna kill someone even if by accident and have that on my conscious for the rest of my life.

My girlfriend supports me fully in whatever choice I make. My mom doesn't care, but thinks I need to do it in order to better myself, get ahead and be able to support my girlfriend when we marry in the future. My girlfriend is fine with me staying an EMT and says we'll figure it out.

So, I am confused as to what to do. On one hand I will make more money and be able to provide better for my future and my kid's future and girlfriend's future when she becomes my wife. As an EMT I will never make enough to do all that. Then there is what I outlined above.

I do not want to become a nurse or a care giver in people's homes. I enjoy Emergency Medical Services. I enjoy being in an ambulance. I do not want to be stuck in a hospital setting or in people's homes.

Maybe someone can throw some incite at me and help me to order my thoughts and come up with a decision.

Edit-- Forgot to mention that having someone you know in class with you is a big help and that would help my partner and I do well in said class.

I didn't actually see where you said you wanted to be a paramedic. Did I miss that somewhere?

 

[nanookadenord]

How old are your children? How long is the training?

My children are 2 and 4 years old. My 4 year old daughter already gets mad at me when I go to work and I k ow this because I see it in her face and she will not say I love you back to me and it breaks my heart. However, I spend a bunch of time with her now because my schedule allows it. If I go to school that time will be cut very very short and will continue after school because of what my work schedule will be.

Plus, if I am trying to build a foundation of a good relationship with my girlfriend, not having time to ourselves or much time at all to spend together doesn't help that. I plan on marrying her in the future and do not want another divorce, so time spent with her and building a great foundation are key. My last relationship that ended in divorce wasn't handled that way. We got married way to soon and ignored the warning signs that we shouldn't have gotten married and she ended up divorcing me.

The class is 11 months long, with class time, labs, clinical and ride time in an ambulance with a Paramedic. I will be working while doing this and trying to fit in studying in order to pass the schooling.

 

[nanookadenord]

I didn't actually see where you said you wanted to be a paramedic. Did I miss that somewhere?

I do and I don't for the reasons above.

Becoming a Paramedic is the next logical step as I want to stay in the EMS field. I do not want to be stuck in a hospital, someone's home as a caregiver or driving someone to get grocery's.

I have been an EMT over 16 years.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I'm going to say to you what I said to my step-children and grand-babies...
when it comes to jobs and or other activities...don't do something that's going
to significantly hinder the time you have with the Lord and with your family.

 

[ValleyGal]

You are young. You are a decade younger than me, and I just finished a gruelling 10-month grad school. Eleven months is not long at all, and the rewards might be worth it. There is nothing wrong with spending time and money building a career - and your girlfriend and ex-wife will understand that. Short term sacrifices might need to be made for a short time.. only 11 months.

Your concerns might seem a little more like excuses. Talk to your ex and your girlfriend and let them know you are considering this career move. Directly ask both of them if they are willing to support you and accommodate your efforts for the 11 months. As for not having time with your girlfriend, you can make time, if you really want to. It is a phase in your life when you have children. You can demonstrate and model to them good work ethic, good career development, and clear focus. You and your girlfriend will still have time.

Being a paramedic might scare you... but that's what school is for - to prepare you to make instant, life decisions for patients. Mistakes will happen and they are inevitable. Someone might die as a result of a mistake. But it would not be an intentional decision to "kill" someone; rather, you would do what you are trained to do, and trust God that people will die in his time... God knows the moment of our birth and all of our days; he knows the moment of our death, whether that death is caused by someone else's mistake or not. After all, you could be driving, make a decision to swerve quickly to avoid an accident, and cause another accident that takes someone's life. It's not intentional; it's an accident. A good education for 11 months would likely put your mind at ease about the decisions you will make.

I'm not saying you should go and do it, but these are things that you should really consider. The education is likely designed to ease your fears about making decisions that hasten someone's death - especially considering that there are a lot of lives you will save. Your girlfriend is supportive either way, and your ex may be more flexible than you think if you just ask her if she is willing to be flexible for a year while you study. And if you stay in good shape, you can do this work even when you are old. Or as a paramedic with lots of experience, when you are old maybe you will be able to teach a younger generation of paramedics.

 

[nanookadenord]

You are young. You are a decade younger than me, and I just finished a gruelling 10-month grad school. Eleven months is not long at all, and the rewards might be worth it. There is nothing wrong with spending time and money building a career - and your girlfriend and ex-wife will understand that. Short term sacrifices might need to be made for a short time.. only 11 months.

Your concerns might seem a little more like excuses. Talk to your ex and your girlfriend and let them know you are considering this career move. Directly ask both of them if they are willing to support you and accommodate your efforts for the 11 months. As for not having time with your girlfriend, you can make time, if you really want to. It is a phase in your life when you have children. You can demonstrate and model to them good work ethic, good career development, and clear focus. You and your girlfriend will still have time.

Being a paramedic might scare you... but that's what school is for - to prepare you to make instant, life decisions for patients. Mistakes will happen and they are inevitable. Someone might die as a result of a mistake. But it would not be an intentional decision to "kill" someone; rather, you would do what you are trained to do, and trust God that people will die in his time... God knows the moment of our birth and all of our days; he knows the moment of our death, whether that death is caused by someone else's mistake or not. After all, you could be driving, make a decision to swerve quickly to avoid an accident, and cause another accident that takes someone's life. It's not intentional; it's an accident. A good education for 11 months would likely put your mind at ease about the decisions you will make.

I'm not saying you should go and do it, but these are things that you should really consider. The education is likely designed to ease your fears about making decisions that hasten someone's death - especially considering that there are a lot of lives you will save. Your girlfriend is supportive either way, and your ex may be more flexible than you think if you just ask her if she is willing to be flexible for a year while you study. And if you stay in good shape, you can do this work even when you are old. Or as a paramedic with lots of experience, when you are old maybe you will be able to teach a younger generation of paramedics.

I have talked with my girlfriend and she is supportive of whatever I choose knowing that I will make the best decision. She like me is not money driven and always looking to make more money. Like me, she is also a time spent person.

I will explain what I mean. My mom was a single mom and worked alot in order to provide for me. All I wanted was her time, I wanted her to be around and spend time with me, which she couldn't do because she was always working. I didn't care if I had second hand clothes or didn't eat porterhouse steak each week. I wanted my mom to spend time with me.

My 4 year old daughter is the same way. I can see when I go to work now that she gets upset, she literally gets mad at me and it breaks my heart.

I will not talk this over with my ex until I decide to do the class. She will already be using this as a means to get more child support and to get the kids full-time because I am not there with them when I am supposed to have them which is every other week for a week. She is money driven and will have no second thoughts of taking me back to court for more money and using the fact that I don't spend as much time as I used to in order to get full custody and more money.

This is also not just 11 months, but also what my work schedule will be which will reduce the amount of time I spend with them as well by alot. To me reducing my time with kids or girlfriend for financial gain is not something that I want to do. Family is very important to me, very important and losing valuable time with them is wrong. I know from experience.

I still haven't made up my mind and am still weighing the pros and cons, but every time I do, the cons far outweigh the pros.

 

[nanookadenord]

I'm going to say to you what I said to my step-children and grand-babies...
when it comes to jobs and or other activities...don't do something that's going
to significantly hinder the time you have with the Lord and with your family.

Thank you! The above is my current running thought, more so in regards to my family since I am able to read the bible and stuff in between calls.

 

[ValleyGal]

I still haven't made up my mind and am still weighing the pros and cons, but every time I do, the cons far outweigh the pros.

I think you have made up your mind... in fact, I think you had it made up before you made your OP simply because all your arguments are against and none are for. I made my post to see if I could elicit any positive outcomes for you taking the course, and was unsuccessful. You already know in your heart that you do not want to do it.

 

[nanookadenord]

I think you have made up your mind... in fact, I think you had it made up before you made your OP simply because all your arguments are against and none are for. I made my post to see if I could elicit any positive outcomes for you taking the course, and was unsuccessful. You already know in your heart that you do not want to do it.

My mind is not made up, far from it. I am still trying to find more positives for it beyond it will be more money.

Let me ask you something, are you family oriented or career oriented?

 

[ValleyGal]

I have had to be both. I was a single parent all my son's life, and I had no choice but to go to school so I could get a job and support us. I did just that. All of my decisions have been for the best of my little family. Including school and work.