A brief history, but my big question how can I possibly be a Christian

[clo101]

when i have messed up so much?

Here goes my little life so far;

I've not had much luck in my life. I grew up with my Mum and Dad until I was 9 and then my mum committed suicide, I knew straight away, from day one, I don't regret been an inquisitive child, I'm glad I knew from day one, but it messed with my head big style. 10 months after my dad met a new girlfriend, 4 months later we all moved in together.

I would say my life was pretty "normal" or as normal as it could be after what happened to my mum.

At 16 I moved in with my grandparents so i could go to college, I fell out with them and moved out 5 months later. I moved back in with my dad and commuted, i didn't belong anywhere. I lived at my dads Sunday-Thursday and then stayed at my other grans on a thursday and friday, i felt like suitcase kid. Anyway after that my dad said he couldnt take me to the station to get to college cos he might not have his job. He was pushing me to move into my local city but couldn't financially support me. I ended up going back to my 6th form and failed, i was so upset but because I had to resit the whole year I was bored.

Anyway, after that i got an apprenticeship and i still work at the same place 4 years later, I love it.

Anyway my personal life isn't always that easy. I am very insecure and in 2010 when my dad announced he was getting married, it tipped me over the edge and I totally rebel, i never rebelled as a teen (was 19 by this point)whilst all my friends were settling down i was acting 15 - I was scared of rebelling as a child because i was scared my dad would leave me.

In summer 2011 I ended up pregnant (yes i'm not a virgin) and i had an abortion (I know that is a sin) but at the time it was the right thing to do, I thought if i got pregnant i would have someone to love me, i thought no one else did at the time.

Anyway, fast track two years and I have just come through a really bad depression period, I have been on tenterhooks, crying my eyes out etc for 5 weeks straight, thats what made me turn to God I need rescuing but I don't want anymore failed relationships anymore mini break downs.

I have become everything i'm not, I'm riddled with depression, paranoia, insecurities etc but i want to be free of that. But how can I be a christian when i go against everything the bible says?

I want to carry on, on my quest to find god, i've seen a difference in my moods the last 5 weeks i've been going to church, I am calmer, knowing that someone up there is looking after me

Anyway, please don't judge me. i'm a nice person but had a naf time growing up!

 

[sinning machine]

Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many,

are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is

forgiven, the same loveth little. Luke 7:47

Jesus says that the more we need Him to forgive us, the more we will love him, and if you love Jesus then you are a child of God The Father already.

p.s. I can vouch for this

 

[Harry3142]

clo101-

When Christianity first was preached, the people to whom it was directed were attending 'games' where gladiators were fighting to the death, and condemned prisoners were being executed in truly horrific ways. And those people had enjoyed watching these spectacles; it was their entertainment. So what you've done may loom over you, but the reality is that it pales in comparison to the events which took place at the very time that St. Paul was preaching to the Gentiles. And it was those same Gentiles that were cheering wildly in the arenas whom St. Paul was endeavoring to convert to Christianity.

We all have those occurrences which we either wish had not occurred at all, or wish that we had handled more appropriately. But God accepts us where we are, not where we think we should be. No one can say that he was in the correct position when he accepted the atoning sacrifice of God's Son, Jesus Christ. The reason why God sent his Son to be the perfect atoning sacrifice in the first place was due to all of us being mired in sin and totally incapable of improving our lot:

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:19-26,NIV)

Our confidence is not in our righteousness; it's in God's. It was God, rather than we ourselves, who laid out the blueprints for our salvation. And it was through the successful work of his Son, Jesus Christ, rather than anything we might be able to accomplish, that everything necessary for our being able to obtain that salvation was completed. So our assurance of salvation lies not in what we might accomplish, but rather in our placing our trust in the efficacy of what they have already accomplished in our stead:

What then shall we say? That the Gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness that is by faith; but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness, has not attained it. Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the "stumbling stone." As it is written:

"See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame." (Romans 9:30-33,NIV)

 

[Spunkn]

Christ died for ALL. Meaning everyone has the ability to accept salvation, but not everyone will.

Even if the rest of the world had rejected him, He would have still died for you.

We're all wretched sinners that need Christ, and none of us are any better than anyone else, or deserve salvation more than someone else. It's only through grace, and not by works that we are saved.

 

[Sketcher]

Jesus told a woman who deserved to die because of her sins, "Go, and from now on sin no more." (John 8:11). If Jesus will take her, or Paul, or Augustine, or my own friend who heard the Gospel in jail after he had committed a felony, he will take you. If you confess your sins to him, renounce them, put Jesus in charge of your life instead of yourself, and believe that he as the Son of God died and rose again to save you from their penalty, then you most certainly can be a Christian.

 

[clo101]

Thank you, all of you

I guess it's all work in progress at the moment and I need to give it time.

 

[1watchman]

God cares, and so do most people here.

 

[sadistmy]

"When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said to her, Woman, where are those your accusers? has no man condemned you? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said to her, Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:11)

God bless and welcome to this community.

 

[Emmy]

Dear clo101. In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells a Lawyer: " the first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Then Jesus tells us: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."
God wants our Love, freely given and No conditions made.
Start by treating all you know and all you meet, treat them as you would love to be treated: kindly and always with friendly words. Jesus will give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower you with His Love, also.
God sees your efforts and God will bless you. Keep asking God and thanking God for Love and Joy, then share it with your neighbour. The Bible tells us to " Repent," to change our unloving and uncaring character For Loving God with all your beings, and loving your neighbour as we love ourselves. God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters.You show your Love for God by following God`s Commandments to Love and Care.
People around you will treat you as you treat people, Love is very catching.
It might seem a bit strange at first, but you will slowly and surly turn into the person, which God wants us all to become. Jesus will help and guide us all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. We might stumble and forget at times, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on Loving and Caring. Let your Love shine clo, and remember that we are God`s only representatives in this imperfect world. Let us become sign-posts to God our Heavenly Father: God wants our Love freely given. I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Living in the Light]

Clo, sorry to learn of your tortured past, but it is what it is AND it is the past. Everyday is new beginning. I think you are very wise to know that you cannot do this alone. God is helping you. I believe our faith and walk with God is a lifetime process, not an event (unless you have a "blinded by the light" conversion).

Do you like to make people happy? Why not start by sending out an encouraging card or letter to someone in your family or a friend? I don't think that much is what is pleasing to God is being a Mother Teresa, but the small everyday "random acts of kindness" that we perform for others. Christianity is powerful and if you think about it, what Jesus did for all of us IS a beautiful sacrifice. Blessings on you and praying for you.

 

[Bible2]

Living in the Light said in post 10:

Clo, sorry to learn of your tortured past, but it is what it is AND it is the past.

That brought to mind the scripture:

"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:12-14).

Living in the Light said in post 10:

Everyday is new beginning.

"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him" (Lamentations 3:22-25).

Living in the Light said in post 10:

I think you are very wise to know that you cannot do this alone. God is helping you.

Jesus says:

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing" (John 15:4-5).

 

[Living in the Light]

Thanks Bible2 for pointing out the pertinent biblical verses. It's good to know that God must be guiding me in my response. Peace.

 

[Peripatetic]

You have been forgiven. Some of the most important people in the Bible did horrible things... Moses murdered a man. King David stole a man's wife and had him murdered. The Apostle Paul persecuted Christians and approved the stoning of Steven. God doesn't choose perfect people. Jesus told the parable of the prodigal son to reassure us that God will always take us back if we return to Him.