A Biblical Divorce

[Svt4Him]

She was not Christian, but again it's not the issue. The issue is whether God is more concerned about people, or about the institute of marriage.

 

[Devasha]

He is concerned about people hearing and obeying His voice. He wants a people set-apart to Him, which is why 8 were saved while the rest drowned.

We have to decide if we believe Him or not when He says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the evil one is constantly working to convince us that good is evil and evil is good.

 

[Autumnleaf]

She was not Christian, but again it's not the issue. The issue is whether God is more concerned about people, or about the institute of marriage.

Maybe the institute of marriage was given to us because God cares about people. If a husband beats his wife he should be prosecuted for it.

My older cousin had a boyfriend who beat her up when I was around 12 years old. I remember my dad and a handfull of my uncles went over to 'talk' to the lad. I'm not sure what they said but my cousin never had a problem with him after that.

 

[Svt4Him]

He is concerned about people hearing and obeying His voice. He wants a people set-apart to Him, which is why 8 were saved while the rest drowned.

We have to decide if we believe Him or not when He says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the evil one is constantly working to convince us that good is evil and evil is good.

So true. That is why it's so important to find out why God allowes divorce as well as find out why telling people they can't marry is a doctrine of demons. Then it's important to find out when different voices are saying different things which one is actually right, to study to show oneself approved.

 

[Joey44]

"If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated: Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn: But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his." Deuteronomy 21:15-17.

 

[simmonsagain]

So, I'm looking through the bible and trying to find any and all verses that have to do with divorce, and why they do or don't support my decision to get one.
My husband was maritally unfaithful, abusive, and he is a 'non-practising' christian (or in other words he only classifies himself as one, doens't pray or go to church). Anyone, thoughts, verses on this issue?


Helena

See if this helps...



Re: Divorce and Re-Marriage

If you are a Christian and…

Never Married
- must not have sex
- may marry
- may remain single

Married
- may have sex, but only with spouse
- may refrain from sex, but only by mutual consent
- may not begin divorce proceeding, except for infidelity
- may legally separate

Separated
- must not have sex or date others (dating implies freedom to re-marry)
- may reconcile with spouse (even if spouse was unfaithful)
- may remain single
- may divorce if spouse is unfaithful

Divorced
- must not have sex
- may date and marry (another Christian) if former spouse was not a Christian, or, is/was unfaithful, or, has re-married
- may not date or marry if former spouse is Christian and celibate
- may reconcile with former spouse, but not if they have re-married and divorced again
- may remain single

Widowed
- must not have sex
- may marry
- may remain single


?? Recommend virgins not marry widowed or divorced.

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Re: Divorce and Re-Marriage with Verses

If you are a Christian and…**

Never Married
- must not have sex
> cp. Innumerable passages condemning adultery and fornication
> also, I Cor 6:18-20 / I Tim 5:2 / I Cor 7:25-26
- may marry, but only another Christian
> cp. Many passages enjoining Israelites to marry only Israelites
> also, I Cor 7:8-9,28a / II Cor 6:14 / I Cor 7:39
> e.g., Peter and Phillip / Possible spiritual implication of Levirate Marriage
- may remain single
> I Cor 7:8-9,25-26 / Matt 19:10-12
> e.g., Paul and Jesus

Married
- may have sex, but only with spouse
> Prov 5:15-19 / Heb 13:4 / Ex 20:14
- may refrain from sex, but only by mutual consent
> I Cor 7:5
- may not begin divorce proceeding, except for infidelity
> I Cor 7:10-11,27a / Matt 5:32; 19:9
- may legally separate
> I Cor 7:15

Separated
- must not have sex or date others (dating implies freedom to re-marry)
> I Cor 7:11
- may reconcile with spouse (even if spouse was unfaithful)
> I Cor 7:11 > Jer 3: 1,6-7a,12-14a / e.g., Hosea / (?II Cor 2:6-8 > I Cor 5:1-5)
- may remain single
> I Cor 7:11
- may divorce if spouse is unfaithful
> Matt 5:32; 19:9 / I Cor 7:15 / Deut 24:1

Divorced
- must not have sex > See above
- may date and marry (another Christian) if former spouse was not a Christian, or, is/was unfaithful, or, has re-married
> I Cor 7:15 / Deut 24:2 / Num 30:9 [note: divorced and widow are both autonomous]
- may not date or marry if former spouse is Christian and celibate
> I Cor 7:11
- may reconcile with former spouse, but not if they have re-married and divorced again
> I Cor 7:11 > Deut 24:3-4
- may remain single
> I Cor 7:11

Widowed
- must not have sex > See above
- may marry
> Rom 7:2-3 / I Cor 7:39
- may remain single
> I Cor 7:8-9a,40
> e.g., Naomi, Anna (see Luke 2:36,37), (Paul?)

** Note: A thorough reading of I Cor 7 is recommended as it covers most, if not all, situations.
Recommend virgins not marry widowed or divorced. Lev 21:13,14 / II Cor 11:2/ Judg 21:12 / Gen 24:16
(Exceptions – Ruth / Mary [if Joseph was a widow] / implied Judges 21:21 / Ezra 10 )

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Overview

The biblical passages about marriage and divorce are pretty clear and describe most situations. But grasping the “spirit” of these is necessary if one is seeking satisfaction from obedience. (As if obedience weren’t satisfying enough!)

Marriage is God’s idea. He uses it in both the OT and NT to covey a sense of the type of relationship He desires with His People. He uses the violation of it to convey a sense of the tragedy resulting from our unfaithfulness. Spiritually, and practically, we are either joined to God or separated from Him, both now and in Eternity. Earthly marriage perfectly reflects this. Moreover, those who participate in it can understand at a felt level what God means when He uses it in Scripture. How complex, how frustrating, how enjoyable, how helpful, how fragile is marriage! What other earthly relationship can produce greater joy or anguish? Ah, yes, perhaps having children. But this too is a part of Marriage, and this too is used by God in prophecy and poetry and history for our edification. And, alas, this too can be torn by Sin and result in unspeakable sorrow and loss.

So then, knowing this, is Marriage meant for two people for life? Is Divorce a thing to be avoided at all costs? (This is presuming faithfulness to Christ on the part of both partners.) Do the Biblical injunctions about these make sense? Well, yes, how can they not make sense?





But what about singleness? Is it a “third” means of existence, a third way of relating to God? Does the Bible condemn or condone it?

If virginity is condoned in the Bible, then singleness is acceptable.

 

[Johnnz]

I have prepared some material on the divorce/remarriage issue which many struggling with this issue have found helpful. It's a bit big for a post, but I can email it to anyone interested. Just PM me with some contact details.

John
NZ

 

[If Not For Grace]

If your husband is not a Christian, at least you need to do what is right in the Lord's sight

OP, I don't know about you, but I get so tired of Divorce being portrayed as the ultimate sin. (How many of you quoting this are Fat? Overweight by 1 pound?)
Any of you --?
Sin is not measured. In the OT, they married as many women as they wanted to and only for beauty or land acquisition etc. Solomon? David?

Just because this man says he has changed, what does she have to go by--(Ever known anyone just coming out of jail, they all say they have changed). She made a mistake marrying this guy, Don't have her compound it by staying..She already said she's leaving. If that's a sin, it is between her and God. Let her ask for forgiveness for having been unequally yoked to begin with.

To your original question, DIVORCE is final...and is allowable (though not favored) in cases of adultery.

 

[imaniingod]

OP, I don't know about you, but I get so tired of Divorce being portrayed as the ultimate sin. (How many of you quoting this are Fat? Overweight by 1 pound?)
Any of you --?
Sin is not measured. In the OT, they married as many women as they wanted to and only for beauty or land acquisition etc. Solomon? David?

Just because this man says he has changed, what does she have to go by--(Ever known anyone just coming out of jail, they all say they have changed). She made a mistake marrying this guy, Don't have her compound it by staying..She already said she's leaving. If that's a sin, it is between her and God. Let her ask for forgiveness for having been unequally yoked to begin with.

To your original question, DIVORCE is final...and is allowable (though not favored) in cases of adultery.

Amen, the bible says that if the Bed is defiled that is the only reason for divorce. This topic seems big this week in another forum that I am in, there was a big blow out about this discussion. The Bible speaks in plain language.

Read Matthew 5

Marriage is covenant between a man and woman, adultery is a grounds for divorce because the sin was commited against the innocent spouse.
If the innocent spouse decides to forgive the sin, then the couple will continue to be joined.
If the spouse decides that he or she wants a divorce they are free and clear to ask for a writ of divorce and is free to marry again. Prayerfully to someone who is more commited to God's word.

 

[imaniingod]

God is God and He will never change.

 

[4Christ2]

I lived in an abusive marriage for 25 years! There had to be some good times, but I only remember the bad. One example stands out - going to the emergency room and lying about why the left side of my face was swollen at least three times what it should have been and why I was afraid "I" had broken my jaw. I didn't want my husband to go to jail - so I said I got hit with a bat in a softball game! The doctor looked at me in total disbelief, but could do nothing but accept my "cause" for the injury. Other violent episodes come to mind involving our two children.

Why didn't I leave? Many reasons but the main reason I stayed was because I believed completely in keeping the vows I had made before God and man to love this man in sickness and health, better or worse....death do us part, etc.

One day after a particular violent incident involving my husband and our then 10 year old son; I left. Leaving however for me was "departing" from the danger to us within that household. While departed, I prayed and talked with my husband about the need for counseling for him and godly direction for our family and children.

He refused counseling and change of any kind and always said "as the man of this house, I will be respected and you all will do as I say. I don't have a problem controlling my own household!"

It was five years and I still prayed and hoped that he would change. We dated and talked and each time I could see something that showed me he was the same and had not changed at all. Did I seek a divorce now? No I did not. I still believed my vows and would not be the one who broke them. I feared God more than I wanted my freedom.

During this five-year period, no divorce occurred, but neither did reconciliation. I refused to come back no matter how hard he begged. I thank God for giving me the strength to remain as if I was married although "apart" from my husband. I did not date or even talk to men in any type of romantic way.

My husband, on the other hand, met someone else that he decided he wanted more than he wanted a restored marriage. He filed for and obtained a divorce and remarried two months after the divorce was final. Our two children live with me.

God's word was clear to me in my heart that I could not divorce my husband and that I was to pray for reconciliation and spiritual change. No minister told me that. No one told me that. It was just something strong inside me. Yes, I am born again and love the Lord. His Holy Spirit works in me and through me to do His will.

Divorce is a sin of disobedience to God. Sin leads up to divorce and if the sin was repented of within the marriage; we would see more marriages thriving. Instead, we continue in the sin by marrying someone else and rest assured, that if that sin is still there; it will lead to problems in the new marriage as well. Does God allow divorce? Yes, He allows it just as He allows us to commit any sin. We have free will. But there are consequences to sin and disobedience. Our society is seeing the consequences of sin in the breakdown of marriages and homes and the destruction of children's lifes.

IMHO, if one is in an absolutely intolerable situation like it sounds with this sister and me; by all means leave for safety reasons. But, that union is still a holy union witnessed by Almighty God. In His eyes, I believe that as long as your are married, you must honor those vows. Divorce is not an option in God's eyes and because remarriage effectively and permanently closes the door to reconciliation is why nowhere in scripture is "remarriage" even mentioned. Remaining as single in prayerful hope for change and repentance that leads to restoration is, by far, the desire of the Lord.

That's my two cents and some of my story! Thanks for reading!

 

[imaniingod]

I am praying for you, God is ever present, just go to Him and in your time of need He will be there for you. I know I was there... I am not just talking.
God Bless
www.clfcm.org

 

[4Christ2]

I am praying for you, God is ever present, just go to Him and in your time of need He will be there for you. I know I was there... I am not just talking.
God Bless
www.clfcm.org

Sister,

I never thanked you for your prayers and for caring. Thank you so much. As an update, my ex told me on Christmas day, while praying for me and my son; that he had made a terrible mistake and messed up everything. He repented before God and us in his prayer and it did ease some of the pain around my heart.

I don't know the answer as to what someone is to do after they remarry wrongfully Deut. seems to tell us that once a man divorces his wife and she marry another; he can never have her again; even if her new husband dies or puts her away. I didn't remarry but he did and I assume Deut. applies both ways. Do you have any knowledge of what Deut. is saying about reconciliation AFTER a spouse remarried and found it to be a huge mistake? I'm asking because I really need the truth in this area. Some say yes, we could reconcile; others say absolutely not!

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Either way, wait.

If he has gone after another, chances are that he hasnt faced up to the problems that wrecked your life an his in the first place. Only time, distance and mature alone-ness will resolve these things, within the loving context of community an communication.

I sound like I'm spouting trite trash, but I juss say it from experience.

Do what you wish, of course. But you will never be sure that he is still hiding his issues and juss burying them back in your lap. When he has had true time to hinslef to seek freedom for HIS beenefit, an to CHNAGE for HIS benefit, you may consider him, if you really, really think you should.

Do nothing out of guilt, fear or even responsibility. Your responsibility is to yerself, and to God. Not to this mere man.

I mean no disrespect.

 

[4Christ2]

Either way, wait.

If he has gone after another, chances are that he hasnt faced up to the problems that wrecked your life an his in the first place. Only time, distance and mature alone-ness will resolve these things, within the loving context of community an communication.

I sound like I'm spouting trite trash, but I juss say it from experience.

Do what you wish, of course. But you will never be sure that he is still hiding his issues and juss burying them back in your lap. When he has had true time to hinslef to seek freedom for HIS beenefit, an to CHNAGE for HIS benefit, you may consider him, if you really, really think you should.

Do nothing out of guilt, fear or even responsibility. Your responsibility is to yerself, and to God. Not to this mere man.

I mean no disrespect.

Wise man Mr. Flandi! Thank you. BTW, are you a soldier? I noticed your quote and your combat attire.

 

[PlasticSmileNoMore]

One thing be prepared for being judged by christians. But remember that the people are not God. Its not easy. Especially for women. God bless.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Wise man Mr. Flandi! Thank you. BTW, are you a soldier? I noticed your quote and your combat attire.

I am Samurai.

And yes, I wear combats most of the time (practical with 4 kids). But while I honour the Way of the Warrior, I deplore War. But sometimes War is necissary, sad to admit.

And thankyou, I'm honoured to help. Seek resolution, resolution will give you peace and sleep.

 

[pboop]

Okay. This is where I get scared and depressed. He cheated, lied, stole and abandoned our marriage. He didn't care if I had a roof over my head or even a meal. Yet, if I'm understanding correctly, should I divorce and go on with my life, hopefully fall in love and remarry..I'm the one committing adultery?

 

[4Christ2]

Okay. This is where I get scared and depressed. He cheated, lied, stole and abandoned our marriage. He didn't care if I had a roof over my head or even a meal. Yet, if I'm understanding correctly, should I divorce and go on with my life, hopefully fall in love and remarry..I'm the one committing adultery?

PBoob,

It is correct when you take the words of Jesus and Paul as gospel. The scriptures speak for themselves and Jesus says that it is adultery when a spouse divorces his or her mate and marries another. There is the supposedly "exception clause" which says, "except it be for fornication" which many take to mean that if cheating occurred, you are free to remarry.

All I can say is that you must seek the Lord and His Holy Word for yourself. I believe the Word of God. Paul tells us that a "woman is bound unto her husband as long as he lives, but that if he dies, she is free to marry, but only in the Lord.

My husband divorced me for unbiblical reasons (no fornication or adultery). I am heart-broken, but I refuse to place myself into a new relationship with another man that makes me an adulteress or the man I would marry and adulterer. It seems unfair, but God in his infinite wisdom knows best. I will remain single for the rest of my days. My focus will be on serving the Lord - not on seeking another man. This is just my opinion - again seek the Lord's truth for yourself. Take no man's word for anything, but only the Word of God.

Blessings dear Sister. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

4Christ I mean no disrespect. But that does not float my boat.

Pboop, without getting into Pauls advce regarding marrage, lets look a bit more broadly, eh?

Who joins two people? Is it marrage, is it sex, it is the man? No it's God, that's who. If there is not love on the behalf of one of the partners, then God is not there, IMO. The trouble with adultery is that it makes previous resolve unreslved, we end up in situations where right or wrong no longer really matter. What matters is responsibilty and making decisions. (this is where adultery is like war)

So, dont be judged, dont let no one make negatie decrees about what you choose to do to force yerself to be free of that man. He has ended your marrage, so now u gotta end your love for hi for your sanity. Do what you can to be free, in good concience an in community.

That's my advice, which I rarely give, so sorry if I speak outta turn, k?

Even if I were to subscribe to the traditional all-male interpretation of Pauline teaching regarding marrage, this man is not even living up to Pauls criteria. So you owe him no allegance. God is your primary husband and carer, always should be. IMO.