A Biblical Divorce

[RJHarmony84]

Its odd to see such exuberance for the topic at hand. Have you considered marriage as a lifelong commitment between you, your husband, and God?

Lol, Autumnleaf--you sound like Chrisbot! That IS what I was so exuberant about. I was agreeing with her that there must be a very very good reason to divorce, because marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment! In my case, I do have a 'very very good reason'--several, in fact. My commitment to this man was broken a long time ago, and by him, not me. OK?

 

[Autumnleaf]

Lol, Autumnleaf--you sound like Chrisbot! That IS what I was so exuberant about. I was agreeing with her that there must be a very very good reason to divorce, because marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment! In my case, I do have a 'very very good reason'--several, in fact. My commitment to this man was broken a long time ago, and by him, not me. OK?

He can't break your commitment. He can only mess up for himself. Don't let his failure become yours, because we are responsible for how we behave despite what others do to us. It doesn't matter who started it, so long as you do the right thing you will be rewarded for it. The opposite is also true.

 

[KristiLee]

I look at my marriage and both my husband and I love and fear the Lord.

We meant our vows and work daily at keeping it strong and healthy (Ephesians 5:1-3).

If my husband or myself ever breached the covenant of our marriage (being unfaithful) we would divorce (Matthew 19:8-9) but we work hard at not letting it get to where we would even think of being unfaithful. A thought I have had about the abuse scenario is that I don't think I would divorce my husband but I would separate from him in the hopes that someday (after devoted prayer over him and after he is delivered from that) we could reconcile (in doing so I would not remarry). I believe that divorce is too often looked at as a way out of a problem, when as spouses and christians we are to remain committed and work through those issues and also work at preventing them.

The Bible says the woman is to submit to her husband (1 Peter 3:1-4) and her husband is to love and be loyal to his wife (Ephesians 5:22-33) so by being unfaithful and/or abusive we are no longer fulfilling our vows (Ecclesiastes 5:4-7).

In the scenario with a non-believer the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 that if the unbeliever is willing to live with the Christian than the believer is to stay married to them.

With all this in mind, you just really need to pray about it. I pray that you would pray for God's will, and listen, whether it is to leave, divorce or stay. God will not give you more than you can bear and God will take care of his children through His Spirit (John 16:12-15).

God bless you in this terrifically difficult time. You are in my prayers.





-

 

[RJHarmony84]

He can't break your commitment. He can only mess up for himself. Don't let his failure become yours, because we are responsible for how we behave despite what others do to us. It doesn't matter who started it, so long as you do the right thing you will be rewarded for it. The opposite is also true.

You've got it all wrong! He didn't break my commitment, he broke HIS, to me. And part of every mutual promise is the fact that if one side breaks, the whole thing is negated and must be made new. I don't feel any commitment to him, because he no longer IS the man I committed myself to!
Thanks Kristylee, for all the good references--that's exactly what I've been looking for. In my case, not only was he manipulative and abusive, he was continually watching porn, making cruel practical jokes on people in secret, slamming or ignoring the church, using my relationship with God to confuse me, and continually asking me to have sex with multiple partners--he had gone beyond even the realm of simply 'cheating'. When I discovered that he had also been molesting my sister, I snapped--I don't think any child of God should have to put up with that, no matter how martyr-ish they wish to be. He had crossed the line long ago--but he had finally come to the end of my patience, and when I asked God about it, it was laid on my heart that I should leave. At the time I still felt sorry for him--I even wrote about how I thougth I still loved him, squatpuke and several others can attest to that--but God gave me the strength to leave anyway, and now I realize I'm much, much better off without him. It was a learning experience...and one I don't wish to learn again...

 

[KristiLee]

He can't break your commitment. He can only mess up for himself. Don't let his failure become yours, because we are responsible for how we behave despite what others do to us. It doesn't matter who started it, so long as you do the right thing you will be rewarded for it. The opposite is also true.

RJHarmony84 previously wrote in a thread (in this Marriage Ministry forum back at the beginning of September) about her dilemma. She stated that she was in the midst of an awful situation, and she did a lot of careful deliberation. She took into account and chewed up nearly every thought posted to help her in her time of need. Please don't misinterpret her standpoint. She is calling on her brothers and sisters in Christ for Biblical guidance and support. Perhaps you would be more aware of the situation if you read the thread. I hope this helps to better understand her. God bless!

 

[RJHarmony84]

Thanks Kristylee!

 

[KristiLee]

Your welcome darlin'! Keep leaning on God!!

 

[Autumnleaf]

RJHarmony84 previously wrote in a thread (in this Marriage Ministry forum back at the beginning of September) about her dilemma. She stated that she was in the midst of an awful situation, and she did a lot of careful deliberation. She took into account and chewed up nearly every thought posted to help her in her time of need. Please don't misinterpret her standpoint. She is calling on her brothers and sisters in Christ for Biblical guidance and support. Perhaps you would be more aware of the situation if you read the thread. I hope this helps to better understand her. God bless!

When did Biblical advice consist of a wife being encouraged to leave her husband. Other than the prostitutes, which woman in the Bible did such a thing, ever?

 

[KristiLee]

She was in an unsafe environment. If divorce all around were not okay than we would have insisted her to stay and shown her biblical reasons why she should. But the bible states that there is a breach of contract: infidelity. I suggested (as did others) to pray about it and then decide whether or not divorce is the best option. I also suggested to perhaps get a separation and be later reconciled; stay and work through it. These ARE options and you can be a hothead about it but the Bible has clear guidelines. Not only was RJHarmony84's husband abusive, decietful, cruel, a rapist to a child... he was ALSO unfaithful in their marriage and has no remorse for it. She could stay, yes. But it is NOT wrong for her to leave under the circumstances.

 

[Autumnleaf]

She was in an unsafe environment. If divorce all around were not okay than we would have insisted her to stay and shown her biblical reasons why she should. But the bible states that there is a breach of contract: infidelity. I suggested (as did others) to pray about it and then decide whether or not divorce is the best option. I also suggested to perhaps get a separation and be later reconciled; stay and work through it. These ARE options and you can be a hothead about it but the Bible has clear guidelines. Not only was RJHarmony84's husband abusive, decietful, cruel, a rapist to a child... he was ALSO unfaithful in their marriage and has no remorse for it. She could stay, yes. But it is NOT wrong for her to leave under the circumstances.

I suppose the Bible might be missing a few pages after all these years, since you seem to know more than all the Bible's wisdom to the contrary of what you advise. A woman leaving her husband is congruently a bad thing as it pertains to the Bible and its teachings. If you forget what you think is right by your own reasoning and read the Bible, I challenge you to find any Biblical case whatsoever of a woman choosing to leave her husband and being better off for doing it. It is the wrong thing for a wife to do despite how hip society makes it out to be.

Don't leave your husband and don't give up on God's ability to heal your marriage. Honor your vows by trusting in the Lord.

 

[KristiLee]

I agree with you Autumnleaf that action needs to take place before even thinking about divorce, but in some cases there comes a time when no more action can be made. I am not saying that she NEEDS to leave, but that she really needs to pray about it and know what options there are (not JUST divorce, but yes that is an option). It is great that you are telling her to stay and work things out, I guess the way you're presenting it is just very derogatory (namely the sarcastic and condescending remarks). She had a part in her marriage going bad, yes, but she is not responsible for the behavior and actions of her husband. She needs to be treated like a child of God because that is what she is, no matter how much passion you have about the subject. She was seeking for help and your way of presenting your side was pushing her further from the option rather than closer to it.

And for the record, I DO NOT THINK DIVORCE IS HIP, by any means. I think all too often people give up on their marriages or become selfish and throw it away. You are absolutely misreading my messages. I see that your heart is in the right place:

Don't leave your husband and don't give up on God's ability to heal your marriage. Honor your vows by trusting in the Lord.

This is a very powerful statement. I think if you had just said this without all the negative comments toward our character and christian belief/understanding then it could have been easier received. With all due respect perhaps you should get off your high horse, and be more loving towards others.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I agree with you Autumnleaf that action needs to take place before even thinking about divorce, but in some cases there comes a time when no more action can be made. I am not saying that she NEEDS to leave, but that she really needs to pray about it and know what options there are (not JUST divorce, but yes that is an option). It is great that you are telling her to stay and work things out, I guess the way you're presenting it is just very derogatory (namely the sarcastic and condescending remarks). She had a part in her marriage going bad, yes, but she is not responsible for the behavior and actions of her husband. She needs to be treated like a child of God because that is what she is, no matter how much passion you have about the subject. She was seeking for help and your way of presenting your side was pushing her further from the option rather than closer to it.

And for the record, I DO NOT THINK DIVORCE IS HIP, by any means. I think all too often people give up on their marriages or become selfish and throw it away. You are absolutely misreading my messages. I see that your heart is in the right place:



This is a very powerful statement. I think if you had just said this without all the negative comments toward our character and christian belief/understanding then it could have been easier received. With all due respect perhaps you should get off your high horse, and be more loving towards others.

Do you honestly think it is loving to encourage a wife it is okay to divorce her husband?

She needs to act like a child of God despite how she is treated. We all do. Or was Jesus wrong to put up with what he did? Are we not to follow his example? Part of that for a wife is deference to her husband even if she chooses to marry a knucklehead. If you still disagree, I await your Biblical example of a woman better off for divorcing her husband. Keep in mind you have the history of the world from its creation to two thousand years ago to make your point with. If you are right about divorce as one of her Biblical options, you should have no trouble finding evidence for it in scripture.

 

[KristiLee]

Autumnleaf, perhaps you should give me a scripture of a spouse that divorced, due to infidelity, and was NOT better off.

Please note, I am not saying divorce is necessary nor the best option.

 

[michaelmonfre]

I Would Try To Reconcile First Before Considering The Option Of Divorce.
Do Not Seek The Easy Way Out. Seek Godly Counsel.

 

[Inperfected]

Not married, but I participated in her previous posts... Read the thread before actually speaking.

I Would Try To Reconcile First Before Considering The Option Of Divorce.
Do Not Seek The Easy Way Out. Seek Godly Counsel.

So she can consider divorce finally can she?? She has done all that. He wanted her sister for goodness sake! She's not stupid and not taking the easy way.. See Kristylees post about where to find the other thread, read it and THEN come back!

 

[RJHarmony84]

Oh dear...I didn't mean to start a fight!! lol! Thanks so much to Inperfected and Kristylee for your support!
But seriously, Aumnleaf, Michaelmonfre, and anyone else who reads this thread, please take a look at one of my other threads before making ANY judgement of my situation!
I'm posting a link of a good Christian divorce advice site as well, kindly sent to me by professormom earlier, thanks again, and I would suggest you take a look at both the advice site AND my other thread before posting anything more...your comments are ill-informed and deeply wounding, to say it kindly.

Here is the link to the advice site--http://www.divorcehope.com/

And here are the links to 2 of my other threads on this matter.
http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=19283637#post19283637


http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=18786652#post18786652

 

[Autumnleaf]

Oh dear...I didn't mean to start a fight!! lol! Thanks so much to Inperfected and Kristylee for your support!
But seriously, Aumnleaf, Michaelmonfre, and anyone else who reads this thread, please take a look at one of my other threads before making ANY judgement of my situation!
I'm posting a link of a good Christian divorce advice site as well, kindly sent to me by professormom earlier, thanks again, and I would suggest you take a look at both the advice site AND my other thread before posting anything more...your comments are ill-informed and deeply wounding, to say it kindly.

Here is the link to the advice site--http://www.divorcehope.com/

And here are the links to 2 of my other threads on this matter.
http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=19283637#post19283637


http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=18786652#post18786652

RJHarmony84, from what you post I know you married a jerk. I know there are lots of people who say its okay for wives to divorce jerks, it probably feels really good when you hear that. The only problem with that from a Christian perspective is the Bible and what Jesus said about divorce. While I understand me bringing this up is deeply wounding you and everyone else here, I guess I figure someone should as this is a Christian forum.

 

[RJHarmony84]

RJHarmony84, from what you post I know you married a jerk. I know there are lots of people who say its okay for wives to divorce jerks, it probably feels really good when you hear that. The only problem with that from a Christian perspective is the Bible and what Jesus said about divorce. While I understand me bringing this up is deeply wounding you and everyone else here, I guess I figure someone should as this is a Christian forum.

Obviously your interpretation of the Bible & the words of Jesus are very different from the interpretations I beleive in. But that is a different discussion! I won't get into that here. I thank you for your advice, duly noted, and I will take it into account along with all of the other good opinions here. In the end, I'll do what feels right to me, no matter what I'm told to do on here. And whether any of you agree with me or not, that's your decision! But I appreciate your opinions and support, anyway!

 

[Autumnleaf]

Obviously your interpretation of the Bible & the words of Jesus are very different from the interpretations I beleive in.

I hear this alot and have yet to have someone quote a Bible verse from any interpretation which suggests women can divorce their husbands for any reason. As it is men are overwhelmingly discouraged from divorcing their wives for almost every reason.

But that is a different discussion! I won't get into that here. I thank you for your advice, duly noted, and I will take it into account along with all of the other good opinions here. In the end, I'll do what feels right to me, no matter what I'm told to do on here. And whether any of you agree with me or not, that's your decision! But I appreciate your opinions and support, anyway!

Sure. I hope and pray for things to work out for you and your family.

 

[RJHarmony84]

Thanks everyone for your support/opinions...I haven't changed my decision to divorce my husband, and I hadn't planned to, so I'm jsut the same.
A little update on the situation--my husband has been released from jail, and has since called me on the phone, and tried to talk to me 4 times in a public place--pleading and begging for me to give him another chance, looking like a skeleton from not eating for 3 months, and trying to convince me that he's a changed man. And I clouldn't care less--I'm already in another relationship, one I find much more fulfilling, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Praise God for second chances...and for giving us a choice wheter or not to give second chances!