I picked up my first (and thus far only) white chip on Friday, May 15, 1987, which is 11,323 days ago. At the time I was so out of it that I didn't know what the date really was until just recently when for some reason I went back and looked at an old calendar!
Reposting something from eleven years ago:
I come from a long line of addicts, and home life growing up was pretty bad. But even after I got past the age where I could blame my parents for my bad decisions, I kept making very bad decisions.
By the time I got out of high school I was smoking an ounce of pot a week, plus doing hash, speed, downers, Quaaludes, and acid on a fairly regular basis. I'd tried opium (which would have become regular thing if I'd been able to find any more), PCP, mushrooms, ether, chloroform and butyl nitrate, and in college I added MDA and some early designer drugs. I was drinking every day; a weeks total would have been at least a case of beer and a bottle of hard liquor. I also had a short encounter with morphine, which thank God didnt happen until the end when I was getting tired of it all and had enough sense to be scared to death of it after I found out how powerful the high was.
I should have flunked out of high school, but I suppose some teachers liked me and others didnt want me back. I dropped out of college. I bounced from one minimum-wage job to another. I slept on park benches a bit. I pulled a gun on someone over a 5-dollar bag of dope.
I alienated myself from every healthy person I'd ever known, and became the person my parents had warned me about when I was a kid. I stopped talking to my family. I took pleasure in inflicting emotional cruelty on others. My life was pretty much about getting high, getting laid (trying to, anyway) and driving too fast, and figuring out how to do it more. I literally came within inches and/or seconds of death more times than I can remember. Friends and acquaintances of mine died due to accidents, overdoses and bad drugs (some of which I was doing myself). When the parties ended and I was alone with my thoughts at night, I knew that my life was as dry and empty as a tomb. I felt like garbage wrapped in skin, and yet didnt know why because I was somehow able to tell myself that I was basically a good guy.
Thats plenty bad enough, even for a short and colorless summary, but I know people with stories that sound far worse than mine. My point isnt about how bad it can get, but about how much hope there is that, no matter how bad it is, recovery is possible.
By the grace of God, in NA I stopped using and lost the desire to use. I went back to school and got a degree in engineering - graduated with honors, fifth in my class. I came back to Jesus, and eventually entered the Catholic Church. I have a beautiful family, life is good and Im joyful. I speak to my parents and siblings, and they tell me how proud they are of me. People who meet me cannot picture me as a drug user. I was a Cub Scout leader for a few years.
Dont lose hope turn to the Lord. One night I asked Him for help, and eventually I found myself in NA. I believe that it was no coincidence, and its really true that He can make everything work for the good of those who love Him, for the praise and glory of His name. Just keep coming back.
Reposting something from eleven years ago:
I come from a long line of addicts, and home life growing up was pretty bad. But even after I got past the age where I could blame my parents for my bad decisions, I kept making very bad decisions.
By the time I got out of high school I was smoking an ounce of pot a week, plus doing hash, speed, downers, Quaaludes, and acid on a fairly regular basis. I'd tried opium (which would have become regular thing if I'd been able to find any more), PCP, mushrooms, ether, chloroform and butyl nitrate, and in college I added MDA and some early designer drugs. I was drinking every day; a weeks total would have been at least a case of beer and a bottle of hard liquor. I also had a short encounter with morphine, which thank God didnt happen until the end when I was getting tired of it all and had enough sense to be scared to death of it after I found out how powerful the high was.
I should have flunked out of high school, but I suppose some teachers liked me and others didnt want me back. I dropped out of college. I bounced from one minimum-wage job to another. I slept on park benches a bit. I pulled a gun on someone over a 5-dollar bag of dope.
I alienated myself from every healthy person I'd ever known, and became the person my parents had warned me about when I was a kid. I stopped talking to my family. I took pleasure in inflicting emotional cruelty on others. My life was pretty much about getting high, getting laid (trying to, anyway) and driving too fast, and figuring out how to do it more. I literally came within inches and/or seconds of death more times than I can remember. Friends and acquaintances of mine died due to accidents, overdoses and bad drugs (some of which I was doing myself). When the parties ended and I was alone with my thoughts at night, I knew that my life was as dry and empty as a tomb. I felt like garbage wrapped in skin, and yet didnt know why because I was somehow able to tell myself that I was basically a good guy.
Thats plenty bad enough, even for a short and colorless summary, but I know people with stories that sound far worse than mine. My point isnt about how bad it can get, but about how much hope there is that, no matter how bad it is, recovery is possible.
By the grace of God, in NA I stopped using and lost the desire to use. I went back to school and got a degree in engineering - graduated with honors, fifth in my class. I came back to Jesus, and eventually entered the Catholic Church. I have a beautiful family, life is good and Im joyful. I speak to my parents and siblings, and they tell me how proud they are of me. People who meet me cannot picture me as a drug user. I was a Cub Scout leader for a few years.
Dont lose hope turn to the Lord. One night I asked Him for help, and eventually I found myself in NA. I believe that it was no coincidence, and its really true that He can make everything work for the good of those who love Him, for the praise and glory of His name. Just keep coming back.
