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I can't generate a spark. I can't get past small-talk conversation. Then they move onto other men. They can generate a spark w/ them.Why are women not attracted to you? What kind of women do you pursue?
I can't generate a spark. I can't get past small-talk conversation. Then they move onto other men. They can generate a spark w/ them.
Not after there's no spark.But you at least garner their interest?
Not after there's no spark.
I doubt it's interest that compels them to want to at least meet me. I think it's more them trying to be nice b/c they want to be a good person. They don't have their sight on me, they have it on other men.
church groups, co-workers, co-worker friends, meet-up groupsHow do you meet these women?
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Agreed! That's true. & that's why it's frustrating a lot of advice usually 'work on yourself, improve yourself. Exercise. Work on your career. Learn to cook. Blah Blah Blah' just seems like it's not really advice b/c my problem isn't that I'm not interesting, it's that I don't have it, whatever that it is they're looking for. I tell my friend I feel like I could be a billionaire & I still wouldn't get interest.All I had to do was be natural and ditch the impostor syndrome - you don't NEED to be amazing, you just need to be authentic with amazing qualities (but mostly authentic, the rest will come when you learn to become comfortable in your own skin. Honestly.)
The point is this: you're probably a LOT more charismatic and interesting than you think,
Because I don't like it.you're just stifling yourself with this mindset of "I'm 29 and haven't dated - and I should have by now" - but WHY? Who says? And why is it a negative thing?
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Those self-limiting thoughts aren't good, & they're bad, but they're reinforced when I come into contact w/ women. It's a vicious, vicious cycleThen you beat yourself up with these self limiting thoughts, and create this false reality. Rinse and repeat that enough? And that false reality becomes TRUE because you've made vows with it. (That's the good thing about vows, they CAN be broken - just check the Married Couples forum.) You won't obtain all that you want overnight, but it WILL start by placing a higher value on yourself.
As I thought might happen, the bolded was the problem at the 18-29 age group ministry I went to today. There was 5 of us, plus the leader, one woman married, the other woman left before I had a chance to talk to her.church groups, co-workers, co-worker friends, meet-up groups
One problem I'm running into is groups I'm trying are having a very bad man-to-woman ratio. Not sure where women hang, but it's evidently not church groups or meet-up groups.
For example, I tried an anxiety meet-up group this past summer, 7 men, 2 women (1 of the women queer, the other woman in a relationship). I want to try going to it again (I believe a woman that goes to my parent's church that I go to occasionally also goes to that group sometimes), but they stopped meeting when the weather got bad & they can't meet at a park outside anymore.
A church group me & my best friend have been going to for a few years now has an even worse ratio, 12-3, men-women.
I tried another church group a couple years ago. The ratio was better, but it wasn't a good fit. My voice got drowned out. I can't talk loud like they can w/out sounding like I'm yelling like I'm angry. Everyone was super-hyper in that group. I tried that group, from winter to Memorial Day weekend.
As I thought might happen, the bolded was the problem at the 18-29 age group ministry I went to today. There was 5 of us, plus the leader, one woman married, the other woman left before I had a chance to talk to her.
Predictable.
I'm going to keep going, it seems like a good fit, & they said there's usually a few more.
I get the point isn't to meet a wife, but jeeze, I feel like I don't even get thrown a bone.
Meeting single women is a challenge.
I don't know what to say. I haven't seen that. It's the same issue at other church groups I've gone to consistently.That's odd. Because I thought on average more women were into religion than men. Been a good 14 years since I've been in a church though.
There are 2 Christian colleges basically right across the street from this church. One of the guys I was talking to attended one of those colleges, the married couple might've graduated from it, I know the leader graduated from one of them.Single women your age aren't looking for men in church unless they attend a large one with a vibrant community for singles. College groups, online dating, and local interests are the usual stomping grounds.
Do you have a local Christian college? Their events and services attract a younger demographic.
I live near one. The last church I attended was comprised of attendees 35 and under. Roughly 80%. It was very distracting!
Yours in His Service,
~bella
Hobbies & interests, yes. Social life, Go out w/ co-workers occasionally, go to church groups, meet up w/ my friend, meet up w/ my brother & his friend, try meet up groups, I had one female friend I had met online for a while that just ended. It's there, I meet people, not a lot but I do, & it's definitely not leading to meeting single women.What we're you doing before Covid? Did you have hobbies and interests you pursued? Did you have an active social life?
What am I supposed to be doing?If you're consistently seeing the same result why do you expect something different?
That's good dating sites work for you. They don't for a lot of men & women. They don't work for me. I try them. I wish it was easy as you say.You're dependent on their presence to meet prospects. But that may not be the case for them. I didn't look in church. That's too much work. I can set up a profile and attract the man I want. Otherwise, I'm choosing what's available.
The more flexibility you have the wider you cast your net. A person who's limited to local prospects isn't in the same category as someone who isn't. The latter will probably go online and see what happens. That's what I did.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
Not many.How many activities exposed you to the opposite sex and how often?
If we're talking about online dating, that's what happens when I try messaging them. That's a fact.You don't believe you're good enough. You expect to be passed over. That's the message playing in your head. You define yourself by your limitations. I didn't.
Even when my body collapsed. I never said I was disabled, worthless, or unlovable. I dated with two incurable diseases. They didn't alter my beauty, personality, or intelligence. They assailed my flesh. But that doesn't make me useless.
I never loved stopped loving bella. You need to fall in love with the dragon. That's half your battle.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
PS. And you thought I didn't understand.
Hmm, maybe you doEven when my body collapsed. I never said I was disabled, worthless, or unlovable. I dated with two incurable diseases.
PS. And you thought I didn't understand.
I'm not trying to hide it. I need so much help w/ this.You're consumed with meeting singles instead of enjoying your singleness. Happiness is a huge magnet. If you spent less time stressing about this and took advantage of the opportunities to try to something new or explore an interest you'd have more experiences to draw from.
When you're desperate you project the same. People can sense it. You don't wanna be the guy or girl every one avoids. You've gotta chill. I know it's hard. The anxiety is spilling out. Don't think you're hiding it.
Check out this thread. Look at the stuff he's experiencing.
So if I'm not to try online dating, I'm getting too old for university groups, & the guy:girl ratio at interest groups is horrible, how am I supposed to improve my situation???Online dating is a woman's market. Given what you've shared I wouldn't recommend it. The rejection exacerbates your insecurity. Intimate settings and blind dates are better. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean its a slam dunk. There's a lot of women in your shoes.
My definition of success is a yes. They're willing to be with you or make you theirs. That's the first step. Establishing your position is second. If the person can see themselves with you long-term they'll admit it. Not the one day spiel. They'll discuss the realities of merging your lives and what it means. That's the preamble to the question. The final step is the ring.
Many go awry by confusing the spiel with the second step. "One day" is not a valid response for someone who really wants you. They've been rolling it around in their head well before they admit it.
Riddle me this. When you get a girl what's the next issue? This triggers your anxiety. What will you replace with it? I think you'll freak out about the relationship. Worrying about the future, if she leaves you, and so on.
I have no clue. I don't get anxious about losing my friendships.
I guess maybe I can be so private, so that's one. I'd imagine by the time we're actually dating tho, she knows enough about me it wouldn't be as an issue. Does she love my scars & quirks?
What, tho?You need better coping strategies. Otherwise, the reactance will never cease. You'll exchange one dilemma for the next and never have peace.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
I don't know what to say. I haven't seen that. It's the same issue at other church groups I've gone to consistently.
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