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I would only recommend that if you like playing golf. That game is incredibly boring otherwise. *pictures bella in a 1950s dress lining up a club for a swing*
A vocalist... hm, obviously a good mother to children, a good and faithful wife an surely not a high maintenance. No parties, no alcohol, no drugs.. and she will stay young for a long time. And she looks great without makup. And a Christian, of course, living the life of celibacy until marriage. Not argumentative and not too emancipated. Able to be strictly monogamous, even with tons of male fans. She does not need constant public validation, family life is enough for her. Oh and I am pretty sure she has the same philosophical, political or theological opinions as you.I am watching a bunch of music videos with female vocalists becuse I am feeling like @DragonFox91. When you are hungry for a girl watching a nice lady sing to you on a screen is just hot. I could not watch tv.
Well, at least they make you feel better at least when you watch them.
Figured I was lonely and wanted to be more honest and vulnerable on this thread as to how I am coping with this. So there is no intent to encourage this at all. Its just to express how loneliness can inform viewing choices that reflect how bad the lonliness is.
It's simple 'economics', of a certain kind: single women (past a certain age) are relatively rare to find compared with single men, hence the few that there are will have more choices in partners than their male counterparts, who are more numerous. You'd have to wait until they're too old to be conventionally attractive anymore for that to start evening out, and by then the women who are single are likely to have plenty of good reason to stay that way, as having ~4+ decades of being played around with by men (and losing out on their prime years for marriage/attracting more quality partners, in the process) who wanted to live the playboy lifestyle is unlikely to make them all that receptive to getting into a long term relationship with one by a certain point in life, and women cope with singleness much better than men usually do. I think this is what leads to the stereotype employed by men that all women who are single past a certain age are bitter and crazy 'cat ladies' or whatever...but anyway, that's how it seems to shake out. We men are largely replaceable in this scheme, but I don't think that's really most women's 'fault' (as I don't know any who don't want to find their Mr. Right or whatever by at least by a certain age -- same as men with regard to the 'right' woman). To hear the women I've known talk about it, it's a rather understandable outgrowth of being the obsessive focus of male attention since the age of 13 or perhaps even earlier...after a few years/decades of that, I have to imagine it becomes second nature (as well as a matter of necessity) to be very, very selective. Realistically, you can't give everyone a chance during those years when it seems like 'everyone' really does include everyone!
Hence men remain single (and tend to grow increasingly bitter ourselves as we age...*cough*), while fewer and fewer available women cross our paths. Not sure what to do about this, really. Even if I could wave some kind of magic wand and transform society into one in which things seem more equitable, it's a bit late for me personally, and at any rate I don't want to have my life revolve around what some woman I don't know would find attractive.
I'm not out here to just attract somebody/anybody because otherwise I'll be alone -- I've been alone, so I know it won't break me, just like how I've been not-alone, so I know it won't complete me. Neither of these states of being scare me (anymore...haha).
I've got a decade on the OP, so maybe this is just the sort of thing that comes with experience, but by this point in my life things generally fall into two categories: (1) things I want to do for my own sake, which may or may not line up with what anyone else cares about or would want some hypothetical partner to do (i.e., learning the specific skills and attitude that I feel I should learn to make myself a better, more well-rounded person according to my own metric, not theirs), or (2) things I should really be doing even if I don't necessarily feel great about them all the time, because I don't want to die in my 40s and/or waste my life (e.g., properly balanced diet and exercise, properly balanced spiritual and ascetical life, etc. These things don't always 'feel good', to be honest, but I know they are good for me in the long run, and I'll only be hurting myself if I neglect them while I'm still here to do something about them). (1) is just a self-centered subset of (2), and I'm hoping that as I age, if the good Lord grants me the time to do so, I'll have more and more things that I would've looked at as category (1) things as a younger man come to be fulfilled as category (2) things, as part of submitting my will to His. (Notice how a woman isn't a necessary part of this unless He decides she is.)
Maybe someone here will think this is self-centered, but my ideal would be to date and/or marry somebody that looks similar to what I want and also has a better personality. Those with both at the same time seem to be short-supply.
You're welcome to like whatever appeals. If you restrict yourself to a certain type it has no bearing on anyone else. You get the consequences of your selectivity. Hopefully they feel the same. If your ideal is in short supply you'd better be their type or have a plan b. You could be waiting a long time or end up alone.
I wouldn't take that course unless I had a lengthy record of attracting my preference and moving beyond the first stage. That typically occurs when you embody their ideal. They don't have to convince themselves to talk to you or give you a chance. If they see you across the room there's something about you that draws them in.
The process of finding a spouse is similar to applying to college. You have your dream school, reach, maybes and safeties. You don't put all your cards in the first two unless you meet the criteria. The probability of acceptance is small. You invest more energy in the latter ones. The goal is obtaining a yes. Not coming away empty-handed.
I'm not sure if I passed this along, Bella, but there's this woman that put out a book called "Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough"
I've seen my share of frustrated, women matchmakers that get upset with women clients because the men she finds for them aren't good enough to warrant a coffee meet, even though she finds a guy that ALMOST meets her boxes. But, almost doesn't cut it for her.
I'm familiar with the book. I read it a few years ago.
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There's an increasing disconnection from reality in different spheres of life. But especially in mating. I hear things that disturb me. The quest for perfection is ever growing and the majority have never encountered it personally. It's the result of an image, video, or figment of their imagination.
We're going to have a lot of lonely people growing old without anyone. They're squandering their time and they'll regret it later on.
A danger to themselves? A danger to others? Both?
All of the above. He has nothing to live for (in their opinion). When people are in that place they usually lash out against themselves or others. If you read the psychological profiles of active shooters and mass murderers you'll see overlapping themes.
Loners, extreme isolation, friendless, prone to fantasy/escapism, disgruntled, angry outbursts/violent temper...etc.
I am also seeing a lot of memes posted by women how they were victims of a narcassitic husband or boyfriend
Most often, I've seen countless men complain about online dating, that the countless non-responses, and if there are responses, it's met with flaking when approaching the meeting in person part, should it or if it would ever happen. But it's more fatigue for them. They complain that some women are on these sites more for the attention and validation as opposed to actually meeting in person.
I've seen them too but I don't use the term without a clinical diagnosis. It's inflammatory. There's better ways to describe poor behavior without labeling them.
Christian men and women have the same biases like everyone else. They're not going to be more understanding, accommodating, or willing to compromise in the mating stage. They're looking for the best fit and may be more selective because marriage is the goal.
Most people come online looking for something better. They're not after the person they pass on the street unnoticed. They want the one that gets their attention and they're willing to ignore the rest to acquire them.
That's fine if you can get them and you've had the same in the past. But its crazy if you haven't. You're rolling the dice unnecessarily and should be more realistic.
it's like women, though they like a guy, but they are always thinking they can do better.
It's like "He's great, he's cute, funny,b ut wait...maybe I can go for something better"
Men are pretty simple and typically have very few check boxes as qualifiers to go out on a 2nd date.
It sounds like you're saying 'give us a chance'. But that isn't everyone's approach to dating. Some are more methodical or broach it differently.
For instance, if one is turned off by the venue you had chosen to meet, like for lunch or coffee date (coffee date = he's cheap)
I'm like "Um....oookay? I guess....styles you call it?"
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