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I myself really don't understand this. It wouldn't phase me if a fellow was shorter than me and I'm not very tall myself.Well, if short men aren't being made fun of, there are a lot of single women out there that find height being an important physical factor in a partner.
I myself really don't understand this. It wouldn't phase me if a fellow was shorter than me and I'm not very tall myself.lol. Regardless, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about this since you likely won't be dating anyone with such views anyway. The right person will come along and then none of what the others thought will matter anymore I am sure.
Thats because today's young women in the West grew up hearing "you are special and you deserve only the best". Nobody tells them truth until its late for them.
And I seriously doubt you are at that 'age'. Maybe dating is much more difficultwhen you are my age (44) but not at 29 or 30, 31Once you reach a certain age, dating becomes very hard if not impossible.
I've gotten worse on dating app: Scammers, gold diggers.Sure. Height, weight, income, hair, teeth, clothes, car, house...
Even totally average women chase after/respond only to the top 5% of men. Its backed up by dating apps data.
Therefore there is no meaning in being on a dating app, for average guys. You will get no response or just one word responses.
Yes, definitely. I attended one a few years ago entitled "What do you expect?" at my church. The emphasis was on how to select and be a good spouse, education on what marriage actually entails, that sort of thing. I attended it after my first severe romantic attraction situation as matter of prudence.There's marriage seminars for singles (people who aren't even in a relationship)?
It's important with these sensitive subjects for me to listen and pay attention to what is being said. I'm kind of sorry for the high reaction amount, but I want my brothers in Christ to know that they are being seen and heard, and that their emotions are totally valid.Hi Linux I was wondering if you were going to post!
I don't think I understand fully what this word means, but I'm pretty sure I'm not it. I'm not going to be sacrificing missionary work and the cause of Christ to make children my top priority. Children need to see that God is number one, and they are not, as a witness to the Gospel.Family first
I am definitely not a sheltering type, sorry. My little ones are going to get an age-appropriate education, at every age, about how to deal with the big bad wolves of the world. I'd happily pass on the movies and TV and use headphones around the kids when they aren't ready to rock just yet, but this seems to indicate a lack of trust in children's intellect I'm not ready to embrace.Not into violent/sexual/etc. movies, tv shows, music
I grew up with parents who swore at me, so it still comes out when I'm losing an online chess match or I stub my toe. I think people who over-use it need to go back to the factory and get a new vocabulary, and I've never had a problem with anti-swearing rules online, but censoring myself when I'm engaging in human intimacy with another human being just feels wrong to me.Doesn't swear
*yawns* Boring. I'm sure all she reads is good Christian books too. No murder mysteries, no books on chess, no humanity. Well, the type is still out there, but I can't say I'm a Martha Peace fan. You might try for one of those, or a sewist or quilt artist. There's a reason why I've largely ditched the sewing, even though I'm good at it. I want a more interesting life.Hobbies are simple like reading, going for walks, etc.
Interesting. It would take guts for me to go!Yes, definitely. I attended one a few years ago entitled "What do you expect?" at my church. The emphasis was on how to select and be a good spouse, education on what marriage actually entails, that sort of thing. I attended it after my first severe romantic attraction situation as matter of prudence.
But you'll likely want to aim bigger. Google is your friend, I think. "marriage seminars for Christian singles", "christian seminars for single women" - those terms should be a start.
Thank you for recognizing it is a sensitive subject. It's not always easy for me to deal w/. A lot of people don't recognize that, they just want me to brush it off. I have been good lately, so praise for that. Also appreciate you taking the time to read it all. I am sure it was gripping.It's important with these sensitive subjects for me to listen and pay attention to what is being said. I'm kind of sorry for the high reaction amount, but I want my brothers in Christ to know that they are being seen and heard, and that their emotions are totally valid.
You have a lot of the basics but maybe a warped view on some of them.I think I might be "non-traditional". Or at least, "semi-traditional", as in a semi-truck crashing through some of your values and leaving them behind.I appreciate the education, and I won't be using that word to describe myself when it's not what I'm looking for.
Parents are responsible for children. Traditional people place high priority for them & don't abandon them. BUT family first is more then that. Family first means closeness to family. This includes parents, in-laws, siblings, etc.I don't think I understand fully what this word means, but I'm pretty sure I'm not it. I'm not going to be sacrificing missionary work and the cause of Christ to make children my top priority. Children need to see that God is number one, and they are not, as a witness to the Gospel.
I meant not liking edgy things bc they are edgy & having a preference for those.I am definitely not a sheltering type, sorry. My little ones are going to get an age-appropriate education, at every age, about how to deal with the big bad wolves of the world. I'd happily pass on the movies and TV and use headphones around the kids when they aren't ready to rock just yet, but this seems to indicate a lack of trust in children's intellect I'm not ready to embrace.
Dropping a swear word or 2 once in a while is okay. It's non-traditional when every other sentence is a swear word.I grew up with parents who swore at me, so it still comes out when I'm losing an online chess match or I stub my toe. I think people who over-use it need to go back to the factory and get a new vocabulary, and I've never had a problem with anti-swearing rules online, but censoring myself when I'm engaging in human intimacy with another human being just feels wrong to me.
Hobbies was one I wasn't sure of putting or not. Every traditional person has different hobbies. I know lots of traditional women like hunting & shooting guns for example, but that's neither something I care for nor consider simple. Most traditional people value reading & knowledge. Subject or genre isn't as important b/c a variety is read.*yawns* Boring. I'm sure all she reads is good Christian books too. No murder mysteries, no books on chess, no humanity. Well, the type is still out there, but I can't say I'm a Martha Peace fan. You might try for one of those, or a sewist or quilt artist. There's a reason why I've largely ditched the sewing, even though I'm good at it. I want a more interesting life.
Yay!The rest I don't have any sort of problem with. Modest is easy for this lady and Jesus Christ is number one. God first, children. Let us conquer the evil hordes!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to better your appearance. But I hate the idea that we have to be perfect, shiny specimens before anyone will give attention. It's just not realistic. The acne and not-so-perfect wardrobe is realistic. If you are going to be married to someone, get used to that stuff.And my3, nobody dates the unattractive girls. I'm still treating the acne on my face and working on my wardrobe, and I haven't seen any dates in 4 years or so, and that is if you count the time the student council president of my community college arranged to go hiking with me after seeing my legs in gym class and mysteriously paid for my lunch as a date. Throw that out, and I've never had one. Other women have told me I'm attractive, but that is a pack of lies. The guys haven't cared since I had to beat off their stupid desperation in 8th grade. I haven't put enough work into makeup, working out, or dressing right, and girls have to work for relationships just like guys do.
I expected that it would, but it’s probably just a larger version of the singles ministry you’ve been going to, with more girls.Interesting. It would take guts for me to go!
A lot of people don't recognize that, they just want me to brush it off.
Given that my dad was screaming at me on the regular and threatening eviction and starvation against me if I didn’t magically become a computer programmer, it’s a work in progress. He’s much better now, but I’m still not feeling very happy about inviting him over. I still wouldn’t feel good about leaving him alone with my kids. My mom was/is codependent, but at least she loves kids and is a decent human.Family first means closeness to family. This includes parents, in-laws, siblings, etc.
No way. If I like something that is edgy, it’s for another reason than the edginess. But I do like edgy things.I meant not liking edgy things bc they are edgy & having a preference for those.
That’s not me at all.So when me & others say we're finding a lot of non traditional girls, we're finding girls who swear like sailors, like raunchy music, don't go to church, don't care for their families, are really into drinking & drugs, etc.
I wasn’t expecting my husband to have an encyclopedic knowledge of moisturizers lol. Though I would prefer that he didn’t have large zits because I enjoy squeezing them and I would rather not do that to someone else against their will. Seeing them on guys for me is actually tempting in a dark way…it’s best not to feed my sadistic self, heh.There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and wanting to better your appearance. But I hate the idea that we have to be perfect, shiny specimens before anyone will give attention. It's just not realistic. The acne and not-so-perfect wardrobe is realistic. If you are going to be married to someone, get used to that stuff.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. I bet it'd be good for me. I'll keep my eyes open at church to see if one is presented. I wonder if there'd be things requiring partner or group work at them......I expected that it would, but it’s probably just a larger version of the singles ministry you’ve been going to, with more girls.
Right now I see you talking about “things that aren’t working”. Anxiety and fear aren’t things, in my experience, that are just solved by quick fixes. They are things you have to fight, monsters you have to defeat and pull apart.
So my recommendation is that you need to ease into this. Go to the seminar at first, but don’t approach any of the girls unless you feel up to it. Note what you’re most scared of and deal with the event situation first, because there is going to be problems and surprises the first time you go. You don’t want to be dealing with the additional pressure of approaching a girl when you’re first navigating an unfamiliar situation. Once you’ve dealt with the event anxiety and can navigate that situation with some confidence, then you can move on to approaching a gal.
Your anxiety may want to make you rush into the approach of the girl because it wants to escape from the seminar lol, and that might actually work, but probably not. I would focus on thwacking the mental health problem first instead of coming off terrified to your future girlfriend. You don’t want to seem out of control. Yes, the girl is a valid goal - let us not minimize that - but in dealing with your anxiety you are making progress in dating and toward the marriage you seek.
No matter what, regardless if you get the girl or not, confronting your fear and anxiety is the right answer.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
I've come a long ways but it's never good enough.May the Lord bless you for not letting your fear hold you down in misery. Through all of your so-called “failed attempts” I see you improving against your fear. You are making progress, and attending a marriage seminar would further that progress, I think.
They don't understand it's frustration built up over time. A lot of times it's just a bad thought that passes on. Only to come again later again unfortunately.Yeah, those people aren’t doing anyone any favors. They are probably responsible for why I didn’t figure out my orientation until I was 26. The key is to listen. Human sexuality is a highly complex experience and there are so many factors that play in, and it’s highly emotional. You don’t know them all without listening to what the other person has to say and letting them talk without judging them.
That is understandable.Given that my dad was screaming at me on the regular and threatening eviction and starvation against me if I didn’t magically become a computer programmer, it’s a work in progress. He’s much better now, but I’m still not feeling very happy about inviting him over. I still wouldn’t feel good about leaving him alone with my kids. My mom was/is codependent, but at least she loves kids and is a decent human.
That tooI’m reasonably close to my brother who I live with, but he’s an introvert. My favorite aunt and uncle died of cancer and the grandparents are unbelievers. Everyone else lives far away so I haven’t kept track - one depressed aunt with cancer and another with type 1 diabetes who keeps dancing with the grave. So like idk, not much practice, I guess?
The correct attitude is one that recognizes what's appropriate & what's not. I was saying this another thread: It does us no good to hide & pretend edgy things aren't out there. It might seem anti-Bible, but a lot can be learned from highly secular things.No way. If I like something that is edgy, it’s for another reason than the edginess. But I do like edgy things.
Good!That’s not me at all.
Alcohol can be a controversial subject in churches. Some are fine w/ it, other's aren't. I think the churches that are fine w/ it should be a little stricter on it.(I go to church every Sunday and wouldn’t drink alcohol if you paid me to do it. Fam’s got a history of alcoholism.)
Whaaaaat?I wasn’t expecting my husband to have an encyclopedic knowledge of moisturizers lol. Though I would prefer that he didn’t have large zits because I enjoy squeezing them and I would rather not do that to someone else against their will.
Every-day wear has taken over.I agree that we don’t need to be perfect to get married, but my wardrobe isn’t even trying for average. You don’t know what’s up, so don’t worry about it.
I am sad. I feel terrible. It never changes. I don't know what to do. Nothing I try works. I hate all of this. It's all a waste of time.
I feel so terrible. It hurts. I am sad.
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