No! Trying to bury it by finding distractions accomplishes nothing. It doesn't solve anything. It's just a mask. It helps w/ some symptoms but doesn't solve the overall problem! I was doing really well the past few months. Spring/summer is here so been able to get outside more, trying to set up an aquarium, biking, golfing, seeing my friend every weekend, etc. Then yesterday it just struck that it's really all fake.
I have vacation days coming up. I am seeing some family from out-of-state. They are about my age & married to middle school sweethearts w/ great jobs, 3-4 kids each, houses, dogs, white picket fence, very faithful to God, the whole 9 yards, & I am super-anxious about that. I don't want to see them b/c it's always a massive trigger. My brain just shuts down around them. One family member my age is kind of in a similar situation to me, but he has a disability so unfortunately I am not able to not participate in this b/c I know I need to provide him company. But I have a really bad thought: I can't help feeling something's wrong w/ me, like I'm not 'normal' enough to get GF so it's like I have a freakin' disability too.
Then it's a long weekend for the 4th so I decided to play some video games, which is something I don't do a lot, but I couldn't help but feeling like I'm still just a little kid who has to play video games, like I'm the nerd girls don't want to date b/c they're too nerdy. I know lots of married/dating men my age play video games, but it seems to be the default thought: oh if you don't have a girlfriend then you must play video games all day. I used to have those kinds of thoughts all the time, not as much anymore b/c I stopped playing video games, but they resurfaced this weekend.
If you lose at your dreams then what are you but a loser.