2011 = New Yr & New Things: 10 Tips to Make Him Approach You

[SportsJunkie25]

It may be FOR women, but it is ABOUT men. As such, men ought to have some input, don't you think? It doesn't make much sense for a woman to make a list ABOUT MEN that isn't subject to criticism BY MEN. And it turns out that the woman who wrote it isn't such an expert, since as this thread demonstrates, a lot of men don't appreciate being manipulated in the way the author recommends.

I've heard before on this forum that you have to "play by the rules" to get the guy/girl you want. Well, I call bullcrap. Relationships aren't games. I realize I'm not a real prize, myself - but that doesn't change the facts of what I'm saying. There are plenty of other men who women would want to date who share my opinion: screw the rules, and be yourself. There, some advice from a man about how to get a man. Take it or leave it.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

When it comes to not want to play by the rules...hhmm...I'm going to say something but I do not want anyone to report me again. Lol. I'm not trying to say this in a mean way (or trying to throw a jab at "singles"...as I'm single) but, in the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you?" Aka If you want to be in a relationship, and you're single...where's the discord (in your actions, beliefs, etc) if you're willing to be in a relationship? There are millions and millions and millions of people in the world--If you're willing to be in a relationship, and doing everything right, one should be in a relationship...IF that is what you desire.

Yes, I know it's hard to meet other Christians but I think many times, we may be doing something, that we're not aware of, that blocks us from getting what we want. This is not for every situation, but a lot of situations. This is why I posted this thread--Some people want to get approached by men but despite their "wants", it never happens. If you want something, and it's not happening, that means, for the most part, you are doing something wrong; you need to change your actions.

That's just my $0.02 but like I said, to each their own. But, I will leave you guys with one cliche quote:

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein

If what you're doing is working, then keep on doing it. If it's not, despite what you believe or what you think you should be doing, if it's not working for you...you need to try something else.

BTW, by no means am I saying pretend to be someone you are not. (But what's the harm in NOT folding your arms when you feel comfortable folding your arms. Really...it's not that big of a deal. Unfold your arms if you want someone to consider you approachable.) I'm just saying sometimes, we need to change our outlook on life if we're not getting what we want...as long as it's respectable, not illegal, etc.

 

[Inkachu]

Just some food for thought:

Some people (myself included) believe that God has someone in mind for those of us who desire to be married, and that He knows the right time and situation to have the two people cross paths. It isn't a "try it with countless people until you get it right" type of thing. So advice like "if what you're doing isn't working for you, try something else" may not be the best advice, because they could be doing everything right, and they just haven't encountered the right person yet.

Of course, this type of thinking won't apply to the people who believe that we choose our own 'best' when it comes to a spouse and God's will/guidance/plan has little to nothing to do with who it is or how it comes about. For those people, I guess your advice will make sense.

 

[broken_one]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

When it comes to not want to play by the rules...hhmm...I'm going to say something but I do not want anyone to report me again. Lol. I'm not trying to say this in a mean way (or trying to throw a jab at "singles"...as I'm single) but, in the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you?" Aka If you want to be in a relationship, and you're single...where's the discord (in your actions, beliefs, etc) if you're willing to be in a relationship? There are millions and millions and millions of people in the world--If you're willing to be in a relationship, and doing everything right, one should be in a relationship...IF that is what you desire.

Yes, I know it's hard to meet other Christians but I think many times, we may be doing something, that we're not aware of, that blocks us from getting what we want. This is not for every situation, but a lot of situations. This is why I posted this thread--Some people want to get approached by men but despite their "wants", it never happens. If you want something, and it's not happening, that means, for the most part, you are doing something wrong; you need to change your actions.

That's just my $0.02 but like I said, to each their own. But, I will leave you guys with one cliche quote:

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein

If what you're doing is working, then keep on doing it. If it's not, despite what you believe or what you think you should be doing, if it's not working for you...you need to try something else.

BTW, by no means am I saying pretend to be someone you are not. (But what's the harm in NOT folding your arms when you feel comfortable folding your arms. Really...it's not that big of a deal. Unfold your arms if you want someone to consider you approachable.) I'm just saying sometimes, we need to change our outlook on life if we're not getting what we want...as long as it's respectable, not illegal, etc.

I'm liking your style right now.

 

[MacFall]

"How's that working for you?"

For me, it hasn't. But it has only been in the past few years that I've actually lived by my own advice. I used to be the sort of person who would go out and do things differently than what came naturally to me in order to get the attention of women. It didn't work. The simple fact is that what I have to offer is not what women have wanted up to this point. And you know what? I'm cool with that. Because I don't want a woman to love me for anything other than what is essentially me. If that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, so be it. It doesn't make me defective or even deficient.

But for plenty of men (and women), being themselves, and completely ignoring social averages and "expert" advice has worked out great. So I stand by my own advice, and that is to ignore anyone who says that you have to act or dress or talk or move in a certain way in order to be attractive to the opposite sex.

BTW, by no means am I saying pretend to be someone you are not.

But you are. You are saying that people have to change what comes naturally to them in order to fit some "expert"'s notion of "the rules". I am saying that most men aren't interested in that sort of game-playing crap.

But what's the harm in NOT folding your arms when you feel comfortable folding your arms. Really...it's not that big of a deal. Unfold your arms if you want someone to consider you approachable.

Or don't, since the only kind of man who is going to give a flying crap about the way you hold your arms is a total jerk.

 

[broken_one]

Dan, stop. Just move on.....you're doing you, so why do you have to make it someone else's deal?

 

[MacFall]

No, I'm not okay with destructive advice going unchallenged.

 

[broken_one]

Well you've made your point, so we can move on...okay?

 

[SportsJunkie25]

Just some food for thought:

Some people (myself included) believe that God has someone in mind for those of us who desire to be married, and that He knows the right time and situation to have the two people cross paths. It isn't a "try it with countless people until you get it right" type of thing. So advice like "if what you're doing isn't working for you, try something else" may not be the best advice, because they could be doing everything right, and they just haven't encountered the right person yet.

Of course, this type of thinking won't apply to the people who believe that we choose our own 'best' when it comes to a spouse and God's will/guidance/plan has little to nothing to do with who it is or how it comes about. For those people, I guess your advice will make sense.

Who said try it w/ countless people? What's the harm in meeting new people? No one said you had to date every man you meet. If you do not want to be approached my new people, fine...do not be approached by new people.

I 100% believe that God has a special someone in store for all of us. But, come on now...we have to do our part. Like I said, if you're not interested in people approaching you, ignore this list...and just wait for him to magically knock on your door? Nah, jk. Everyone is different. If you do not like people approaching you, God made you like that. There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable talking to strangers. There is nothing wrong with that; that's the way God made you. Perhaps you will meet someone in a setting when you see so 'n so everyday, every Sunday, etc. Everybody is different.

I agree that one doesn't need to try too hard but when it comes to this list, what's the harm in looking decent when you leave the house (some women don't feel like it. If that's not you, ignore this piece of advice), or smiling at someone, or giving someone a compliment if you mean it, etc. Most of this stuff on the list is not going to kill you. And, if you think it will...don't do it. To each their own.

Yes, God has someone in store for us but we need to do our part. That's just like saying, "I believe God has the perfect job for me." but I'm not going to do my part and apply for jobs, research the company if I get an interview and dress the part on my interview. We have to do our part and if you're doing your part, I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about people who may complain about being single but sit and wait for God to bring them a husband/wife...w/o doing anything. Uh...

(<--Once again, I'm not talking about you, specifically, I'm just speaking, generally.)

For me, it hasn't. But it has only been in the past few years that I've actually lived by my own advice. I used to be the sort of person who would go out and do things differently than what came naturally to me in order to get the attention of women. It didn't work. The simple fact is that what I have to offer is not what women have wanted up to this point. And you know what? I'm cool with that. Because I don't want a woman to love me for anything other than what is essentially me. If that means I'll be single for the rest of my life, so be it. It doesn't make me defective or even deficient.

But for plenty of men (and women), being themselves, and completely ignoring social averages and "expert" advice has worked out great. So I stand by my own advice, and that is to ignore anyone who says that you have to act or dress or talk or move in a certain way in order to be attractive to the opposite sex.

But you are. You are saying that people have to change what comes naturally to them in order to fit some "expert"'s notion of "the rules". I am saying that most men aren't interested in that sort of game-playing crap.

Or don't, since the only kind of man who is going to give a flying crap about the way you hold your arms is a total jerk.

Lol. Did this thread strike a nerve?

You know what, do you! Do whatever you want to do and, well...just do you. If you think someone advising a woman, who wants to look approachable, unfold their arms is horrible. Well, that is your opinion. By no means was the lady saying someone who fold their arms can't end up in a relationship--> IT'S JUST NOT INVITING BODY LANGUAGE!! Accept it. If you see a woman you find attractive, who looks like she hates life and is standing in a corner w/ her arms folded...and you still approach her; kudos to you...most men would not do that. But, if you have the guts to approach someone that looks like they will stab you if you talk to them, go right ahead. Lol.

Whether you believe it or not, non-verbal cues are HUGE in society. If you don't think so, well...ok. Keep doing you. But, there's a reason why people tell people to smile and look approachable if they want someone to approach them. There's a reason for a lot of things but if you don't want to believe it...fine. Don't. It's your life.

 

[SportsJunkie25]

No, I'm not okay with destructive advice going unchallenged.

Yeah, SOOOOOOO destructive. Lol. Smh. Wow!

I'm sensing some deep rooted issue here b/c you are taking this thread to the EXTREME. It's really not that serious. Simmer down.

 

[SportsJunkie25]

I am going to end this discussion. If you do not like the advice of this random women...do not accept it; keep doing what you're doing. If you're sick of doing the same ole thing and realize that in order to get change, one must change--follow the advice of this random lady.

again, this advice is only for getting people to approach you...it has nothing to do w/ attraction. All because you get someone to approach you, does not mean they will be attracted to you. This is kind of like a "conversation piece" when you're out in the world and wish to be approached by new people.

I just wanted to put that out there b/c some of you guys are getting bent out of shape over a simple list. Do what you want to do and believe what you want to believe...but do not complain that you do not see change in your life (in any aspect of life) if you're not willing to change the way you do things. *See Albert Einstein quote*

 

[Blackguard_]

Anyway, the above is just a form of making conversation. For example, men may come up to me and ask me what time it is. Um...ok. Clearly, they know what time it is...they're just trying to strike up a conversation. No one is manipulating anyone; you guys are taking this waaayyy too far.

I was thinking of heavier out-of-your-way requests, like being asked to help move furniture, made by an aquaintance rather than a stranger looking for an ice breaker with an insignficant thing like looking at your watch.

I was thinking it was the result of people conforming to neo-Victorian ideas of the "weaker sex" and how men/women should act rather than an excuse to have a conversation.

I suppose you;re right, I didn't look at that sort of thing as a conversation piece.

 

[MacFall]

Yeah, SOOOOOOO destructive. Lol. Smh. Wow!

Yes, it is destructive to tell people they have to change the way they look, talk, act, and move in order to achieve their goals. Very destructive.

I'm sensing some deep rooted issue here b/c you are taking this thread to the EXTREME.

That's not how I see it. I made some commentary on the original post; you disagreed. I have responded. If you can't handle people disagreeing with you in a rational manner, that's something you need to work on.

So you say this:

Everyone is different.

But you fail to acknowledge its implications. This list is for women who want to attract a particular kind of man. But that kind of man is by no means even the average, much less the majority.

Most men (meaning, mature males; not boys) - not just me - don't care about a woman's clothing, as long as they are neat. They don't care whether a woman walks or stands with arms akimbo, or not. They don't make broad assumptions about women based upon little, superficial things like that. If you want a man who does, then by all means, follow the list. Good luck with that. I hope you don't get too hurt in the process. But if you want a mature, empathetic, reasonable man, then ignore people who tell you to change who you are in order to get him to notice you.

 

[Howard Cneal]

I'm curious why men are being offended at advice which is specifically being offered to WOMEN. *shrugs* :/

I don't think it has anything to do with "changing who one is." YOU are not your behavior. That is a common mistake people make all the time. Your behavior is not who YOU are. Thus, simply making some minor adjustments and modifications are not asking too much... unless you are pleased with getting the same old results time and again.

However, I dislike it intensely when these same "old timers" will come back years from now, bemoaning their single state, all the while doing nothing to change things in their lives, and blaming God (or "God's will") on their apparent singlehood. It's so senseless to me... It's fine if you want to be single, that's cool. That's great - just leave God out of it. He's not going around in heaven, deliberating foiling anyone's attempts at finding love.

 

[MacFall]

I'm curious why men are being offended at advice which is specifically being offered to WOMEN. *shrugs* :/

Because it insinuates that we (men) are, universally, shallow jerks who won't appreciate a woman who doesn't preen, strut, flatter, and otherwise act out. It suggests that men will assume that introverted women automatically rhyme with witches. And it implies that we are all stupid enough to be pulled in by social performances. I think the author of the article is projecting some of her bad past experiences onto the entire male sex.

 

[Howard Cneal]

Because it insinuates that we (men) are, universally, shallow jerks who won't appreciate a woman who doesn't preen, strut, flatter, and otherwise act out. It suggests that men will assume that introverted women automatically rhyme with witches. And it implies that we are all stupid enough to be pulled in by social performances. I think the author of the article is projecting some of her bad past experiences onto the entire male sex.

Um... your assumptions are rude. It's a good thing I don't get offended by random people's opinions on the... internet.

I found nothing wrong with any of her statements (they're not assumptions). Are you insinuating I am shallow? See, I don't care for that. But as I said, I'm not about to get my shorts in a bunch because you are making inaccurate assumptions or insinuations. I really don't care.

It has nothing to do with introversion. And even if it did, are you the guardian of all introverted women...? How did you get that job? No.

The fact is, a miserable looking girl who shows no effort to look nice, get out of the house, enjoy her life or any of the other things mentioned is not attractive to the vast majority of men. Because men like attractive, fun, happy girls does not mean they are shallow. lol

I think the author is just copying general dating advice for women I've read all across the internet and in magazines. In fact, I know she is.

 

[MacFall]

I found nothing wrong with any of her statements (they're not assumptions). Are you insinuating I am shallow?

If you won't approach women who (running down the list here)

1. don't wear "stylish" or "flattering" clothing
2. move in a relaxed manner
3. don't express their happiness in an extroverted way
4. cross their FREAKING ARMS
5. aren't carrying something interesting
6. don't ask you for help for things they can do themselves
7. flatter you

then yes, you are quite shallow.

But I'm not assuming any of those things. The author of the article, on the other hand, is.

 

[Inkachu]

Who said try it w/ countless people? What's the harm in meeting new people? No one said you had to date every man you meet. If you do not want to be approached my new people, fine...do not be approached by new people.

The OP clearly states that it's DATING advice. Not meet-new-friends advice.

I 100% believe that God has a special someone in store for all of us. But, come on now...we have to do our part. Like I said, if you're not interested in people approaching you, ignore this list...and just wait for him to magically knock on your door? Nah, jk. Everyone is different. If you do not like people approaching you, God made you like that. There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable talking to strangers. There is nothing wrong with that; that's the way God made you. Perhaps you will meet someone in a setting when you see so 'n so everyday, every Sunday, etc. Everybody is different.

I agree that one doesn't need to try too hard but when it comes to this list, what's the harm in looking decent when you leave the house (some women don't feel like it. If that's not you, ignore this piece of advice), or smiling at someone, or giving someone a compliment if you mean it, etc. Most of this stuff on the list is not going to kill you. And, if you think it will...don't do it. To each their own.

Yes, God has someone in store for us but we need to do our part. That's just like saying, "I believe God has the perfect job for me." but I'm not going to do my part and apply for jobs, research the company if I get an interview and dress the part on my interview. We have to do our part and if you're doing your part, I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about people who may complain about being single but sit and wait for God to bring them a husband/wife...w/o doing anything. Uh...

(<--Once again, I'm not talking about you, specifically, I'm just speaking, generally.)

What's with all this "if you don't like people approaching you" stuff? I never even hinted that I'm anti-social or a hermit or don't want to meet people or be around people. And again, the OP is not about "meeting people" it's about DATING, it's specifically about meeting people of the O.S. to date. It's not about making friends, it's not about networking, it's not about platonic socializing.

The OP also doesn't encourage people to be naturally complimentary or friendly, it's giving advice on how to CONTRIVE to attract men. It says "dress this way, talk this way, act this way". Of course there's no "harm" in looking decent (which is not the same as dressing in a way specifically designed to attract the O.S.) or being friendly or paying a sincere compliment. I think what's "striking a nerve" is the idea of faking, contriving, orchestrating, and otherwise not being yourself in order to get a date. It's ridiculous IMO because even if you do land a date that way, he's going to see the REAL YOU sooner or later anyway! Are you going to say "Oh, sorry! I was only flirty so you'd ask me out!"? Seriously? Isn't it better to stay who you are, maybe work on your all-around social skills?

Lastly, getting a job is hardly comparable to finding a lifelong marriage partner. Really. Jobs come and go. A spouse stays forever. A job isn't a human being. I haven't seen anyone say they expect to find a spouse by sitting in the house and staring at a wall. People who believe as I do will usually say that they believe God will cross their path with the right person during their day-to-day activities, at work, with friends, going places, being active in the world around them. I just don't believe that I need to "help" Him along, other than living a faithful, virtuous life, and being ready and expectant.

 

[Inkachu]

And FTR, I don't find the OP "offensive" in the least. I find it silly, bad advice. And you keep telling people to take it or leave it, but YOU keep going after the respondents. First rule of posting: don't put something out there for responses and then flip when someone responds in a way you don't agree with.

And I'm done with this thread! Have fun

 

[Howard Cneal]

If you won't approach women who (running down the list here)

1. don't wear "stylish" or "flattering" clothing
2. move in a relaxed manner
3. don't express their happiness in an extroverted way
4. cross their FREAKING ARMS
5. aren't carrying something interesting
6. don't ask you for help for things they can do themselves
7. flatter you

then yes, you are quite shallow.

But I'm not assuming any of those things. The author of the article, on the other hand, is.

I would not approach a girl who does not take care of her appearance. If she looks like she just rolled out of bed in the morning, I would not approach her. Why should I...? Because you say so? Mmm, I don't think so.

No. If I put effort into my appearance I like to look nice, I expect no less from the girl I would spend my time approaching. It's as simple as that. You could likewise accuse all women of being shallow if they want a guy to look nice. What folly.

And yeah, women (or men) who have a defense or unapproachable posture / body language, like guarding their chest are not seen as approachable. That is a fact, as far as human behavior is concerned. A woman - or anyone for that matter - that wants to be approached and seen as friendly would do well to stop doing that consciously, if she can. I never fold my arms, unless I'm p***ed. It is a defensive, guarded position and is not welcoming or friendly. Whether you disagree or not is largely irrelevant.

And only a fool (or a real casanova, which I doubt you are no offense) would be stupid enough to approach a woman with a scowl on her face, her arms folded and who is avoiding eye contact. I'm not a glutton for punishment. Are you?

And I would love to see your reaction to an article posted or shown with regard to how a MAN ought to approach a chick. I could only imagine your response. Perhaps we should be done with the antiquated notion of the man approaching the woman? Perhaps we need to move beyond such silliness and play coy and let the woman do the approaching too? Is that a good idea?

 

[Howard Cneal]

Who said try it w/ countless people? What's the harm in meeting new people? No one said you had to date every man you meet. If you do not want to be approached my new people, fine...do not be approached by new people.

I 100% believe that God has a special someone in store for all of us. But, come on now...we have to do our part. Like I said, if you're not interested in people approaching you, ignore this list...and just wait for him to magically knock on your door? Nah, jk. Everyone is different. If you do not like people approaching you, God made you like that. There are plenty of people who are uncomfortable talking to strangers. There is nothing wrong with that; that's the way God made you. Perhaps you will meet someone in a setting when you see so 'n so everyday, every Sunday, etc. Everybody is different.

I agree that one doesn't need to try too hard but when it comes to this list, what's the harm in looking decent when you leave the house (some women don't feel like it. If that's not you, ignore this piece of advice), or smiling at someone, or giving someone a compliment if you mean it, etc. Most of this stuff on the list is not going to kill you. And, if you think it will...don't do it. To each their own.

Yes, God has someone in store for us but we need to do our part. That's just like saying, "I believe God has the perfect job for me." but I'm not going to do my part and apply for jobs, research the company if I get an interview and dress the part on my interview. We have to do our part and if you're doing your part, I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about people who may complain about being single but sit and wait for God to bring them a husband/wife...w/o doing anything. Uh...

(<--Once again, I'm not talking about you, specifically, I'm just speaking, generally.)



Lol. Did this thread strike a nerve?

You know what, do you! Do whatever you want to do and, well...just do you. If you think someone advising a woman, who wants to look approachable, unfold their arms is horrible. Well, that is your opinion. By no means was the lady saying someone who fold their arms can't end up in a relationship--> IT'S JUST NOT INVITING BODY LANGUAGE!! Accept it. If you see a woman you find attractive, who looks like she hates life and is standing in a corner w/ her arms folded...and you still approach her; kudos to you...most men would not do that. But, if you have the guts to approach someone that looks like they will stab you if you talk to them, go right ahead. Lol.

Whether you believe it or not, non-verbal cues are HUGE in society. If you don't think so, well...ok. Keep doing you. But, there's a reason why people tell people to smile and look approachable if they want someone to approach them. There's a reason for a lot of things but if you don't want to believe it...fine. Don't. It's your life.

This post is true, well... maybe aside from the "God has someone for everyone" thing. There is no magic, special "one" person from God. There are many potential partners. God lets us do the choosing, so He can't be blamed when we screw it up.

Anyhow, body language is HUGE. It is how the vast majority of humans (especially women) communicate. To deny that is simply to play ignorant and pretend that it doesn't matter when it does.

And for everyone rejecting such simple, benial advice, I question the resistance. I could only assume that people are truly happier being single than making the conscious decision to better themselves and take a step out of their comfort zone. That is the only answer that makes any actual sense. Otherwise, no one would be raising such a stink over such "basic" (and trivial) advice. It's not like you gave any deep, psychological insights into how men or women work. No offense of course. lol