Help my unbelief
As Bill Cosby once stated I also started out as a child.
Around fourteen I started drinking and continued 40 years with brief periods of sobriety. I enjoyed the drinks alone with a guitar. I enjoyed alcohol in the cosy comradery of other drinkers.
We solved many questions mere mortals struggle with on those long evenings.
Can you cut a beer can in half with a bb gun? Yes.
Who will be the first to complete the task? Not I.
How long will it take? Who cares.
We learned politics and that the moral compass of the nation was cyclical with a downward trend. God had already let us know that evil men would 'wax' worse so that was an easy one.
Alcohol began to interfere with my motivation for work. Being self employed it took little effort to convince myself I would go tomorrow when I started drinking in the morning.
One morning I woke with a slight stomach flu. As I lay there contemplating life the thought occurred, this is a fine opportunity to cut out alcohol.
It was a decision, one without struggle or doubt.
I don't recall the exact words I spoke, but they were something along this line.
God, I'm ready, let's do this, thank You.
I believed, but more than that, I knew. I knew it was a done deal. I experienced no headaches, no shakes, no withdrawal symptoms. I passed stores I once pulled into with no desire to stop. It was interesting to watch myself and analyze the lack of response. Light laughter and a whispered, Thank you.
At first friends I had previously drank with stopped coming around. They said they didn't want to tempt me. I'm pretty sure that was bogus. I wasn't as fun as I once was. They were an intelligent group, yet the looseness and free flowing conversations were not as comfortable or relaxed and to be honest while I didn't perceive them as inferior, I did see them as captives and less appealing.
Intermittently I have considered addicts to be weak. We are all weak relative to God.
Humans can exhibit incredible power and tenacity capable of conquering many challenges with faith and focus. Faith is not however straining to believe, it is believing, knowing. While we have the information that God can resolve every challenge in our lives we don't always believe He will come through for us. “Be still and know that I am God” is not sit and stop fidgeting. It's, calm down, relax, be cool I got this.
I haven't lived through the experiences of other humans but I have lived through my life with God. I found decades ago as Don Francisco sings,
“...the deepest of my wounds were self inflicted.”
I am a parent and intimately aware of the nature of my relationship and love for my children. I know what I would do to protect them. God, is a better parent than I.
Help my unbelief...
Mark, 9:19 How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to Me.”
20 Then they brought him to Him. And when he saw Him, immediately the spirit convulsed him, and he fell on the ground and wallowed, foaming at the mouth.
21 So He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?”
And he said, “From childhood.
22 And often he has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”
23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!”
26 Then the spirit cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him. And he became as one dead, so that many said, “He is dead.”
27 But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose.
I still believe almost everything in our life begins with a choice, And Faith. “Without faith it is impossible to please God.”
The battle has been won my friend;
John, 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
