Anyone notice that being a geek/nerd nowadays seems mainstream and normalized?

bèlla

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Not really. The success of certain superstars in tech made it possible for the untrendy to exist peaceably with the rest. The majority weren’t cool kids or another moniker. Just ordinary folks. That’s what’s changed. They don’t have to fit in with a certain set anymore. To a point.

~Bella
 
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Miles

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Not really. The success of certain superstars in tech made it possible for the untrendy to exist peaceably with the rest. The majority weren’t cool kids or another moniker. Just ordinary folks. That’s what’s changed. They don’t have to fit in with a certain set anymore. To a point.

~Bella
That's a good point. People who aren't the "cool kids" can be normal again. Back in the '80s and '90s, the nerd stereotype seemed stronger. Interestingly, from what I've gathered from older generations, nerds and geeks weren't much of a thing when they were growing up. Nerds were a product of the time, in an era when '70s styles were falling out of favor and movies like Revenge of the Nerds were fresh in peoples' memories.

I've always felt more comfortable around intelligent folks, and others who aren't so hung up on conformity or being perceived as cool. In high school, I sat at the lunch table with the other misfits. We ranged from auto shop kids, to band geeks, to gifted kids with learning disabilities, to a future valedictorian, a few athletes, and kids who didn't fit in anywhere else. If you were at least kind of nice, you could sit with us. I also got along reasonably well with goths, punks, and others who felt like outsiders. Bullying was a problem in the early grades, but I eventually fought back. To this day, I have little tolerance for bullies in my life. Although I arguably had social skills at the time, I was socially awkward. In some ways, I still am. I'm not sure how much of that stems from being introverted, or having more offbeat and esoteric interests, but I've never been the super polished type who simply fits in. When it seems like I do, I'm likely faking it. At least at first. Perception management is a social skill. Considering all that I'd have to sacrifice to actually become more mainstream, however, I'd rather not change that!

What I find interesting is how many modern "nerds" have encyclopedic knowledge of popular culture... but at the expense of the underlying concepts. For instance, I love science fiction for the endless world-building possibilities and explorations of psychology and philosophy. Ask me to rattle off TV quotes, however, and I'll probably draw a blank and dismissed as not nerdy enough. Like I'd rather create a Futurama than watch one. Not that I'd be opposed to watching, as it seemed like a good show, but what I get out of such things rarely puts me in the nerdy cool category.
 
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bèlla

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That's a good point. People who aren't the "cool kids" can be normal again.

The wow factor is often based on what you have, who you know, and what you do. That hasn’t changed. Multiple qualifiers enhance our attractiveness to others. That’s where the coolness effect comes in. Being in their company is socially appealing.

Back in the '80s and '90s, the nerd stereotype seemed stronger. Interestingly, from what I've gathered from older generations, nerds and geeks weren't much of a thing when they were growing up.

Nerds weren’t a big faction in my youth. There were subcultures but they weren’t my forte. I gravitated to a specific type and that hasn’t changed. Geeks, misfits, and the like wouldn’t provide the common denominators I valued in friendships.

Not explaining was a really big deal. That required the kind of relationships where personal decisions weren’t overly scrutinized. Someone who’d question my tastes or spending habits because they differed from their own would never do. Allowing others to be themselves was important.

Bullying was a problem in the early grades, but I eventually fought back.

Bullying wasn’t the issue it is today. Standing up for yourself is important. But you shouldn’t have to. Parents need to clamp down on the hellions. They leave a lot of scars on the victims.

Although I arguably had social skills at the time, I was socially awkward. In some ways, I still am. I'm not sure how much of that stems from being introverted

There have always been introverts in society. But the scale of social awkwardness that’s prevalent today is unheard of. The same holds true for anxiety. Its on another level. We didn’t deal with that.

But I've never been the super polished type who simply fits in.

I think its a combination of personality and intention. I don’t want to fit in every setting. I observe the vernacular, behavior, and group think. I’m contemplating the benefit of engaging versus less involvement. If it aids my business and social ambitions I’m all-in. Otherwise I’m more hands-off.

What I find interesting is how many modern "nerds" have encyclopedic knowledge of popular culture... but at the expense of the underlying concepts.

What’s the purpose of gathering facts? My brain doesn’t work that way. If I have encyclopedic knowledge I’m going to monetize it. I’m not a gatherer for the sake of having ideas in my head. I put them use.

Like I'd rather create a Futurama than watch one. Not that I'd be opposed to watching, as it seemed like a good show, but what I get out of such things rarely puts me in the nerdy cool category.

I recall two men I overheard talking last summer. They were discussing video games and their gaming plans for the weekend. I was honestly dumbfounded. They appeared to be in their late 20s or early 30s. You could hear the excitement in their voice.

I would not have heard the same when I was their age. It gave me pause. I suspect there’s a measure of tolerable juvenilia in the culture. I didn’t meet men into manga or enamored with games. They weren’t silly or playful. They exuded a maturity and zest for adult interests.

No one would have admitted it in public. Out of fear, shame, etc. Now its okay to acknowledge you like cartoons, action figures, or being a furry. While it isn’t my cup of tea I’m glad those who share these interests can find others like themselves.

~Bella
 
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JustSomeBloke

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Yes, I've noticed it. This is not a good thing.
Throughout history there have been numerous subcultures, underground movements, and alternative interests that eventually went mainstream. Probably none more so than niche music genres. And often people complain that 'it's not the same anymore' now everyone's doing it. I'm not sure why this should be. Perhaps it's because once the commercialisation gets going it tends to wreck it for those who were in at the beginning. Or maybe people feel that a major part of their identity and uniqueness got stolen when everyone else jumped on the bandwagon. I suppose one way of looking at it is 'everything starts off as a minority subculture, it's just that no one notices until it's their subculture that gets appropriated'. Maybe nerds should object to their culture being 'culturally appropriated' by others, after all, this kind of logic seems to be applied elsewhere.
 
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A multitude tends to reduce quality. When popularity is a factor it might mean that some people like it because of its popularity factor. And so new insults and designations are created such as "Normie".

Of course the fullness of the reality of the situation is more complex than a few aspects of it.
 
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Miles

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The wow factor is often based on what you have, who you know, and what you do. That hasn’t changed. Multiple qualifiers enhance our attractiveness to others. That’s where the coolness effect comes in. Being in their company is socially appealing.



Nerds weren’t a big faction in my youth. There were subcultures but they weren’t my forte. I gravitated to a specific type and that hasn’t changed. Geeks, misfits, and the like wouldn’t provide the common denominators I valued in friendships.
I see more of a "wow" factor in creating something new or different. Anybody can own a luxury car with right amount of money, for instance, but not everybody can create something of their own. That's why guys like Steve Wozniak and John Carmack impress me more than professional athletes do. And I have nothing against professional athletes. The world would be less interesting if we were all into the same things.

I suppose you could say that "Nerds" provide more of the common denominators that I value.

Not explaining was a really big deal. That required the kind of relationships where personal decisions weren’t overly scrutinized. Someone who’d question my tastes or spending habits because they differed from their own would never do. Allowing others to be themselves was important.

"To thine own self be true."

One of the challenges in life is finding your own people. Or, in lieu of that, creating your own green pasture in which to flourish.

Bullying wasn’t the issue it is today. Standing up for yourself is important. But you shouldn’t have to. Parents need to clamp down on the hellions. They leave a lot of scars on the victims.
I don't recall the percentage, but I read somewhere that the majority of people experienced some kind of childhood bullying. If you didn't, be thankful for that. A lot depends on where you grew up, and what the people were like. I agree that the parents need to be more responsible. Most of the blame falls squarely on their shoulders.


There have always been introverts in society. But the scale of social awkwardness that’s prevalent today is unheard of. The same holds true for anxiety. Its on another level. We didn’t deal with that.
Society is arguably more fractured today. I think that's where much of the social anxiety comes from. Lessons learned in one culture don't necessarily carry over to dissimilar cultures, and some feel apprehensive about being misunderstood or offensive. Not everyone cares, of course, but those who care about such things probably feel more awkward than those who don't. And yes, I think nerd or geek culture is as real as other, more traditionally-defined, cultures.


I think its a combination of personality and intention. I don’t want to fit in every setting. I observe the vernacular, behavior, and group think. I’m contemplating the benefit of engaging versus less involvement. If it aids my business and social ambitions I’m all-in. Otherwise I’m more hands-off.
One does have to weigh the pros and the cons, as we all have limited time and energy.

What’s the purpose of gathering facts? My brain doesn’t work that way. If I have encyclopedic knowledge I’m going to monetize it. I’m not a gatherer for the sake of having ideas in my head. I put them use.

Ironically, those who have a knack for trivia rarely seem to monetize it. Or at least that's how it seems to me. I wonder why that is? The world runs on that kind of talent. I like to gather information, but mostly conceptual models that can be applied across multiple domains. The idea is to retain the useful bits, and apply what I learn to my own life, but factoids and amassing great wealth aren't big motivators for me. I just need enough for the security and freedom to pursue my own goals.

I recall two men I overheard talking last summer. They were discussing video games and their gaming plans for the weekend. I was honestly dumbfounded. They appeared to be in their late 20s or early 30s. You could hear the excitement in their voice.

I would not have heard the same when I was their age. It gave me pause. I suspect there’s a measure of tolerable juvenilia in the culture. I didn’t meet men into manga or enamored with games. They weren’t silly or playful. They exuded a maturity and zest for adult interests.

No one would have admitted it in public. Out of fear, shame, etc. Now its okay to acknowledge you like cartoons, action figures, or being a furry. While it isn’t my cup of tea I’m glad those who share these interests can find others like themselves.

~Bella

I recall that you're just a few years older than me. When I was in college, things like video games and anime were growing in popularity. One of my friends even started a "Japanimation" club. He was a responsible guy. Level-headed, earned good grades, got a secure job in a lucrative field upon graduation etc. As far as I'm aware, he's still into what he liked then.

The way I see it, enjoying video games (or furries, or whatever) is similar to liking professional sports. People of all ages enjoy games and other diversions as a way to unwind and engage in the camaraderie of shared interests. Why society deems some hobbies as juvenile and others as mature sometimes strikes me as arbitrary. Understandable, but not necessarily rational.

There's a kind of cultural inertia, or momentum, that tends to bog people down. Change can be difficult, even if it's of the inconsequential variety. Many of these things are fundamentally similar to more traditional diversions, in that they provide social and recreational engagement outside of the daily grind. What was once the domain of nerd culture is becoming more acceptable to the masses.
 
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bèlla

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I see more of a "wow" factor in creating something new or different. Anybody can own a luxury car with right amount of money, for instance, but not everybody can create something of their own.

There is a giftedness in creation and a requisite talent in bringing something to market and making it successful. Founders don't always carry both. They rely on others with leadership skills to fill-in-the-gap. I can respect the person rich in creativity while recognizing the importance of determining its viability.

That's why guys like Steve Wozniak and John Carmack impress me more than professional athletes do. And I have nothing against professional athletes. The world would be less interesting if we were all into the same things.

I can appreciate Jobs's genius as much as Jordan's. They're different mediums but their brilliance is evident.

One of the challenges in life is finding your own people. Or, in lieu of that, creating your own green pasture in which to flourish.

It was never a challenge finding my tribe. But I appreciated them significantly more when I returned to faith. While I'm adaptable and comfortable in many situations. At my core; I want my people.

I don't recall the percentage, but I read somewhere that the majority of people experienced some kind of childhood bullying. If you didn't, be thankful for that. A lot depends on where you grew up, and what the people were like. I agree that the parents need to be more responsible. Most of the blame falls squarely on their shoulders.

That's really sad. Its an innocent period of life when you should feel safe to be yourself without threat or harm because you're different.

I'm the youngest of three. My siblings were terrible at times. They tried to tell me what to do like most would. Or pick on me when no ones looking. I was very sweet but no nonsense. I wasn't afraid of them. If they touched me. We were on the floor duking it out. For real.

My parents didn't allow fighting. Everyone got in trouble. I was punished but I stood up for myself. That served me well in later years when I encountered people who tested it. You can get flack for your appearance and possessions. People resent it. That's their problem. I won't be their scapegoat. I'm not a coward.

Society is arguably more fractured today. I think that's where much of the social anxiety comes from. Lessons learned in one culture don't necessarily carry over to dissimilar cultures, and some feel apprehensive about being misunderstood or offensive.

I think society was always fractured. The melting pot you see today wasn't always the case. People segregated themselves and were comfortable in their nooks. Integration has created a scenario where you're encountering others unlike yourself more frequently than before.

Ironically, those who have a knack for trivia rarely seem to monetize it. Or at least that's how it seems to me. I wonder why that is?

It isn't about trivia per se. But the investment which sparked my comment. We can do a deep dive on nerd culture. I'd take that information and flip it. The idea would become a many tentacled entity whose revenue streams would emerge from the initial source.

That's one of the reasons I answer questions. It allows me to gauge my knowledge on the subject through impromptu problem-solving which inevitably leads to a eureka or two. Sometimes I alter my answer (or remove it) because my solution is a product-in-the-making which revealed itself through the response.

The world runs on that kind of talent. I like to gather information, but mostly conceptual models that can be applied across multiple domains. The idea is to retain the useful bits, and apply what I learn to my own life, but factoids and amassing great wealth aren't big motivators for me. I just need enough for the security and freedom to pursue my own goals.

It depends on your goals. I'm funding everything. When you accept outside support you're subject to their influence and demands. I don't want them impacting my creativity or moving the vision away from the one He's given.

I recall that you're just a few years older than me. When I was in college, things like video games and anime were growing in popularity. One of my friends even started a "Japanimation" club. He was a responsible guy. Level-headed, earned good grades, got a secure job in a lucrative field upon graduation etc. As far as I'm aware, he's still into what he liked then.

I had game systems as a child. But they didn't appeal to me later on. I was busy joining social service and arts organizations and climbing the ladder. I entered finance in college. I was driven. Networking was my goal. Not video games.

The way I see it, enjoying video games (or furries, or whatever) is similar to liking professional sports. People of all ages enjoy games and other diversions as a way to unwind and engage in the camaraderie of shared interests. Why society deems some hobbies as juvenile and others as mature sometimes strikes me as arbitrary. Understandable, but not necessarily rational.

The correlation is probably influenced by the point of entry. If the hobby usually begins in youth it has assignments which others lack that start at later stages. The negative connotations attributed to some were never made for others. There's no deadbeat meme about liking golf. No one assumes you're immature or living in your mother's basement if you love the sport.

There's a kind of cultural inertia, or momentum, that tends to bog people down. Change can be difficult, even if it's of the inconsequential variety. Many of these things are fundamentally similar to more traditional diversions, in that they provide social and recreational engagement outside of the daily grind. What was once the domain of nerd culture is becoming more acceptable to the masses.

There's pros and cons to that. The message to the masses is dramatically different than the one presented to people in other groups. Both are reiterating stereotypes and subliminal tropes which reinforce the perspective they want to present. One is negative and uncultured and the second is refined and privileged. That filters from the top and influences behavior down the line.

I avoid labels for myself. I love fashion. But I'm not a fashionista. I love good food but I'm not a foodie. I've never felt comfortable aligning my identity with interests. I can like it. But the moment it becomes I am this or that I've veered too far.

I prefer the simplicity of being His without accoutrements. Just Bella. That's enough.

~Bella
 
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Miles

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There is a giftedness in creation and a requisite talent in bringing something to market and making it successful. Founders don't always carry both. They rely on others with leadership skills to fill-in-the-gap. I can respect the person rich in creativity while recognizing the importance of determining its viability.
True, although bad leadership has time and again run what started as a great idea into the ground. It's one reason why I place greater value on autonomy than on power structures.

I can appreciate Jobs's genius as much as Jordan's. They're different mediums but their brilliance is evident.

I appreciate both, but identify more with the former than the latter. It isn't an either or, which we both seem to agree on, but not everybody is so enlightened.

It was never a challenge finding my tribe. But I appreciated them significantly more when I returned to faith. While I'm adaptable and comfortable in many situations. At my core; I want my people.
My true tribe may not even exist, so just I try to be a decent human being and get along with my neighbors.

That's really sad. Its an innocent period of life when you should feel safe to be yourself without threat or harm because you're different.

I'm youngest of three. My siblings were terrible at times. They tried to tell me what to do like most would. Or pick on me when no ones looking. I was very sweet but no nonsense. I wasn't afraid of them. If they touched me. We were on the floor duking it out. For real.

My parents didn't allow fighting. Everyone got in trouble. I was punished but I stood up for myself. That served me well in later years when I encountered people who tested it. You can get flack for your appearance and possessions. People resent it. That's their problem. I won't be their scapegoat. I'm not a coward.

I'm the youngest of four, with an age gap greater than 10 years. I looked up to my siblings; literally and figuratively. They couldn't really fight with me, because they were so much bigger than I was.

I think society was always fractured. The melting pot you see today wasn't always the case. People segregated themselves and were comfortable in their nooks. Integration has created a scenario where you're encountering others unlike yourself more frequently than before.

In that sense, things are better now than they were then. It's complicated. What I'm taking about is the decline of family values, kids being raised by television or the internet, etc. Put a well-behaved child into an environment where their classmates are essentially raised by wolves, and bullying is going to be a problem. I'm not talking about ethnic differences or socioeconomic disparities.

It isn't about trivia per se. But the investment which sparked my comment. We can do a deep dive on nerd culture. I'd take that information and flip it. The idea would become a many tentacled entity whose revenue streams would emerge from the initial source.
There's certainly money to be made from nerd culture, if that's what you're saying. They tend to be more financially successful than average.

That's one of the reasons I answer questions. It allows me to gauge my knowledge on the subject through impromptu problem-solving which inevitably leads to a eureka or two. Sometimes I alter my answer (or remove it) because my solution is a product-in-the-making which revealed itself through the response.
I hear you. Sometimes, vocalizing an idea can elicit meaningful feedback or provide opportunities for growth.

It depends on your goals. I'm funding everything. When you accept outside support you're subject to their influence and demands. I don't want them impacting my creativity or moving the vision away from the one He's given.

That's the dream. I work a 9-5, but in an environment where I'm exposed to emerging technologies. I can then leverage what I learn in more personally-fulfilling directions. Eventually, I'll probably have to make a go of it on my own. If only for the sake of my own sanity. I may be an introvert, but not a natural follower. Give me creative control and autonomy to call the shots in my own life, however, and I'm happy.

I had game systems as a child. But they didn't appeal to me later on. I was busy joining social service and arts organizations and climbing the ladder. I entered finance in college. I was driven. Networking was my goal. Not video games.

That's a productive goal, but one that leaves me feeling hollow. I was always sketching and designing things, building models, taking things apart, learning the underlying fundamentals of how the world works. Including social ladders, although I'm more content with keeping such things a distance. That scene can be vicious. The way I see it, people are fundamentally no better than others regardless of whether they think they're at the top or on the bottom. And much of it does come down to what they think, with more basis in a shared illusion than in reality.

The correlation is probably influenced by the point of entry. If the hobby usually begins in youth it has assignments which others lack that start at later stages. The negative connotations attributed to some were never made for others. There's no deadbeat meme about liking golf. No one assumes you're immature or living in your mother's basement if you love the sport.

There's pros and cons to that. The message to the masses is dramatically different than the one presented to people in other groups. Both are reiterating stereotypes and subliminal tropes which reinforce the perspective they want to present. One is negative and uncultured and the second is refined and privileged. That filters from the top and influences behavior down the line.

Are you sure you want to cite golf as an example? "Golf widows" are a thing. A golf widow is a woman who is ignored at home while her husband plays golf. As far as I'm concerned, that qualifies as a dead-beat stereotype. Although I have played golf before, I long ago decided that whoever I marry won't be a golf widow. I plan to find time for her.

Although I don't have many regrets, my biggest regret is letting what others think of "Nerdy" interests influence discourage me. All of those missed opportunities to learn and apply my gifts and talents... but I'm not dead yet! I've had to rebuild my life with worn-out tools, but I'm mostly back where I should be. Hopefully, Lord willing, I have a few more productive decades left in me. :)

I avoid labels for myself. I love fashion. But I'm not a fashionista. I love good food but I'm not a foodie. I've never felt comfortable aligning my identity with interests. I can like it. But the moment it becomes I am this or that I've veered too far.

I prefer the simplicity of being His without accoutrements. Just Bella. That's enough.

I'm not big on labels either. My interests are varied and don't define me. At least not as far as I'm concerned. I do, however, find some groups more accepting of variations than others. Inspiring, even.
 
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During my childhood, telling your parents you want to play video games for a living was a sign that you were going to be a failure in life. These days, people have become millionaires by competing in eSports or live streaming themselves playing video games. I never would have thought that the highly paid athletes of our day would be a bunch of nerds who would have gotten picked last during gym class.

Of course one thing though, mention you play/use Second Life on some forums and people will insult you and call you a basement dweller.

The more things change, the more things stay the same.
 
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Chesterton

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Throughout history there have been numerous subcultures, underground movements, and alternative interests that eventually went mainstream. Probably none more so than niche music genres. And often people complain that 'it's not the same anymore' now everyone's doing it. I'm not sure why this should be. Perhaps it's because once the commercialisation gets going it tends to wreck it for those who were in at the beginning. Or maybe people feel that a major part of their identity and uniqueness got stolen when everyone else jumped on the bandwagon. I suppose one way of looking at it is 'everything starts off as a minority subculture, it's just that no one notices until it's their subculture that gets appropriated'. Maybe nerds should object to their culture being 'culturally appropriated' by others, after all, this kind of logic seems to be applied elsewhere.
Are you familiar with the EmpLemon and Behind The Meme controversy from a few years back? Sounds like you might be.
 
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bèlla

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True, although bad leadership has time and again run what started as a great idea into the ground. It's one reason why I place greater value on autonomy than on power structures.

True. That’s why I value autonomy. I read a great book about Thomas Kinkade you might enjoy. The title is Billion Dollar Painter. It echoes our sentiments and demonstrates the hazards we’ve mentioned and more.

I appreciate both, but identify more with the former than the latter. It isn't an either or, which we both seem to agree on, but not everybody is so enlightened.

I’m not enlightened. Just well studied with my share of mileage. :p

Greatness is wonderful to behold. It demonstrates creative prowess at extraordinary levels. But the downsides are evident. Without God the person is left unchecked. Intelligence and ego and can inspire poor behavior. Oftentimes they aren't the nicest people to be around. Because the drive consumes them.

Temperance is a must. Adrenaline is high and you're amped. The majority have a serious killer instinct. You've got to rein that in and redirect the focus from others to something worthwhile. Where you're working for a higher aim and Person.

My true tribe may not even exist, so just I try to be a decent human being and get along with my neighbors.

How do you envision your tribe?

I'm the youngest of four, with an age gap greater than 10 years. I looked up to my siblings; literally and figuratively. They couldn't really fight with me, because they were so much bigger than I was.

That would be wrong. There's six years between us but that didn't stop them. I was really spoiled. We get along well now.

What I'm taking about is the decline of family values, kids being raised by television or the internet, etc. Put a well-behaved child into an environment where their classmates are essentially raised by wolves, and bullying is going to be a problem. I'm not talking about ethnic differences or socioeconomic disparities.

That isn't new. The numbers have increased. You had a problem kid in the past. Now there's several in the room. Many have never experienced compassion or empathy. They're acting out their reality at school. In the current culture, homeschooling is best. Unless you can opt out of the surroundings through grades or resources and attend a better school.

That's the dream. I work a 9-5, but in an environment where I'm exposed to emerging technologies. I can then leverage what I learn in more personally-fulfilling directions. Eventually, I'll probably have to make a go of it on my own. If only for the sake of my own sanity. I may be an introvert, but not a natural follower. Give me creative control and autonomy to call the shots in my own life, however, and I'm happy.

That's beautiful. You should do it. I wish there were more entrepreneurs in Christian circles. What would you start?

The way I see it, people are fundamentally no better than others regardless of whether they think they're at the top or on the bottom. And much of it does come down to what they think, with more basis in a shared illusion than in reality.

God fishes in all waters. The gospel must be shared in every circle.

Are you sure you want to cite golf as an example? "Golf widows" are a thing. A golf widow is a woman who is ignored at home while her husband plays golf. As far as I'm concerned, that qualifies as a dead-beat stereotype. Although I have played golf before, I long ago decided that whoever I marry won't be a golf widow. I plan to find time for her.

I would posit the necessity for balance from both. I'd argue that her expectations of downtime didn't match his. And compromise is needed from each. He enjoys the game. How is her time spent? Has she developed an interest or devoted her services to a promising cause? Or would she prefer to spend most of her time with him instead?

In my opinion, the deeper issue is fit. It's like the woman who marries a doctor and gets upset because he misses dinner. That goes along with the territory. If you align yourself with a man who pursues his passions there's a price. We can spin the ideal but that isn't reality.

It wouldn't bother me. I have more than enough to keep me busy. But for someone lacking the same or desiring larger portions of time it can be difficult. I've heard similar complaints from women who date executives, entrepreneurs, and sports figures.

It's not about the golf. Its his nature you need to grasp. Can you live with it? That's the question. The game or business isn't a threat or competition. Allowing that in your head creates a host of problems. If you're operating from emotion you'll butt heads.

The happy medium requires a willingness to see the other's perspective and broach the problem with love and togetherness. In her shoes, I'd take up the game. I want to understand what's driving him. I'd commit to a year of lessons and may join a women's group too.

When my partner is passionate about something. I don't feel threatened. I like to understand what makes him tick. Sometimes you have to play offense against yourself. The obvious solution for most would mean change on his end. But I don't think like that. If that's my giant I need to take it out. The offense will rear its head again. The next time I'm upset or disappointed. Which leads to round robins of accusations and unpleasant words.

So I step in his shoes to view things from a different perspective. And every swing...every drive...every putt is keeping my head in check. I'm praying the entire time. So he's my not adversary. And I don't subsist in offense.

As Rand said: "There's more than one way to skin a cat. The skinning isn't important once you've broken its spine."

That's the point. :)

Although I don't have many regrets, my biggest regret is letting what others think of "Nerdy" interests influence discourage me. All of those missed opportunities to learn and apply my gifts and talents... but I'm not dead yet! I've had to rebuild my life with worn-out tools, but I'm mostly back where I should be. Hopefully, Lord willing, I have a few more productive decades left in me. :)

I'm happy to hear you've reached that conclusion. Your knitting is His domain. Now the fun begins. You're unleashed.

I'm not big on labels either. My interests are varied and don't define me. At least not as far as I'm concerned. I do, however, find some groups more accepting of variations than others. Inspiring, even.

I use a few descriptors for the sake of understanding but I'm conscious of their deviation from God's perspective. I hesitate to adopt them for that reason. But I understand the overlap nonetheless.

~Bella
 
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Noxot

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I got tired of all the foolish School drama by 9th grade so I quit and played an MMO and made many great friends instead. at least I could flee from the bullies in the game and I had friends to help me against them. It was a much better experience of enemies. there was a baseline commanderie because we all wanted to be there. We had a healthy outlet for bullying others there, it was called Wars and player killing.

Of course the game simulated the world very well in some ways. There is in general now a gigantic gang of people that forces others to pay them if they want to be on the server and those people that dominate get to own all the best hunting spots... just like in real life.
 
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bèlla

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I just glanced at the book that the in crowd said was their bible which is the book 48 laws of power and suddenly all the strange things they did suddenly made sense if you were following the book.

I’ve read the book. The observations are valid and he uses historical figures to drive home the point. Nevertheless, it encourages a mindset that’s predatory and opportunist. You can’t dispense cruel afflictions without compromise.

In the same way, it illustrates the importance of weighing the consequences of your actions. Every slight isn’t ignored. If you considered your behavior and the possibility you’ll have to answer for it; most would exercise greater discretion.

~Bella
 
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bèlla

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I didnt use it I just wondered if they used the tactics in it against me and my sister. After how awful that felt to go through I dont plan on doing that ever

I didn’t think you did. :)

They employed psychological measures to undermine your esteem and self-identity. And probably enjoyed some degree of mental and emotional sadism. The book fed that part of them.

~Bella
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I would not have heard the same when I was their age. It gave me pause. I suspect there’s a measure of tolerable juvenilia in the culture. I didn’t meet men into manga or enamored with games. They weren’t silly or playful. They exuded a maturity and zest for adult interests.

No one would have admitted it in public. Out of fear, shame, etc. Now its okay to acknowledge you like cartoons, action figures, or being a furry. While it isn’t my cup of tea I’m glad those who share these interests can find others like themselves.

~Bella

"Juvenilia?" Who talks like that?! (just teasing, La Bella. Honestly, your vernacular...as long is in proper context, which it is, is very engaging and compelling). I remember watching Real Genius with Val Kilmer...and it was in the theme of geeks and nerds and such. But it was more involving the classes I suppose.

Val's character had a preppy rival that said to him, "You shall rue the day!" and Val's character responds, "Who talks like that?!"

I come from the 80s geek culture. Big into pop culture.
Although, I don't play video games as much as used to. (back in my 20s and mid 30s)...I do play the Table Top variants that may as well be video games...but more socialized video games.

Celebrity Will Wheaton is a big fan. Joe Manganiello is a Dungeon Master. lol. I'll just leave this Big Bang Theory clip here. :)

I remember a long time ago that Tom Hanks starred in a film about how corrupt D & D was called "Mazes and Monsters". Here's an excerpt from Fandom.

Until, that is, lead actor Tom Hanks became one of the biggest stars on the planet. Then Mazes and Monsters became known as something of an oddity; a film that had controversial origins rooted in real-life, and one that seemed to be for the moral panic that briefly surrounded role-playing games at the time, highlighting the corruptive influence of Dungeons and Dragons, and effectively suggesting that such activities could kill.
 
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