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nyxviolet22

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(Long post, but I need to know that I'm not just crazy here lmao )

So first off, I've been agnostic most of my life...but as of a couple years ago, I'm not so sure anymore and am pretty positive God exists because of this thing my phone did, which I'll explain below.
_____________________________________________

Idkkk man, sometimes I just think back to this weird phone experience I had back in 2022 that I can't help but wonder is a sign from God, and all the other really weird and TOO coincidental coincidences and things that kept happening for the first year or two after that happened that make it seem that there just HAS to be a higher power.. like, it's just got me reminiscing about my mom who passed in 2023, while listening to Christian music I actually like.

Basically though, what happened with my phone was the screen turned solid white and then said "100%" on it for a couple seconds immediately after I realized it were possible possible for a God to exist, when I wasn't even activately doing anything on the phone other than holding it in my hand while deep in thought/meditation when this all happened.

I just wish I KNEW knew that there most definitely is one, ya know? I'm like, at least 85-95% sure there is one. Like, there's just no way what my phone did the second after I realized its possible for God to exist, was just a random malfunction/glitch... there is just no way. I guess a very small chance but the odds of it would have to be like...astronomically slim I feel like.


Soo, the next year after that happened to me and I finally was open to believing and starting to believe, well one day in February, for some reason an image of the date march 5th like randomly popped into my mind's eye, so I told my mom about it before it reached that date, just incase anything were to happen on that day because I had this strange and curious gut feeling about it because it didn't feel like the thought/image came from my own brain...well, on that March 5th, at exactly 2:22 pm, somebody i was still madly in love with/heartbroken over and thought about all the time, finally texted me. It was weird because around that time, we weren't talking as much and sometimes wouldn't message each other for days. And like, the numbers 2 and 22 are my numbers, man. Because my birthday is on the 22nd of January. And then the God/phone thing I mentioned happened in the October of the year 2022.
Oh, and fun fact: Tobymac's (a Christian music artist) birthday is on the 22nd of a month too

But anyway, idk man..it was like God sent me a premonition type thought about march 5th a couple weeks before it it happened. Also, I was watching a Christian movie based off a true story with my mom one night and during the movie, for some reason I randomly thought about the date Feb 22, and no joke, at the end of the movie credits it mentioned the date February 22nd as a date that something happened in real life that was in the movie...


And it still seriously freaks me out, all of the strange seemingly personal coincidences that resembled or lined up with my own life with my favorite band PVRIS's songs... liiike, sorry but I gotta go over them and share with somebody..

In one of their songs called Wish You Well (which was one major song I dedicated to losing that person I mentioned I was in love with/heartbroken over) there's a line in it that says:

"At the risk of throwing off your centre
Psychic told me something in September".

That person I losts birthday is in September...

Also keep note of the mention of the psychic, because another song of theirs is called January Rain (which is another sad song I also related to with losing them) has a line in it that goes:

"Fell from the high
Cried through the nights
But you didn't know it,
The psychic was right
A beautiful lie
Lost in emotion"

Which not only to me almost seemed like the predicted outcome for them and I and that we weren't going to last.
But MY birthday is in January, which is the same month as in the song title...and his birthmonth was mentioned in the other song.
Like, it literally mentions the psychic again, in TWO different songs, in this one referencing the line about it in the other song I mentioned before.
It's just super weird and highly coincidental and ironic to me.

Then they have another song that says:

"My body didn't like the way it felt last June
And it haunted me the whole year,
Then turned into thinking I was dying
Wouldn't pull through to see 22"

One of my sister's birthdays is in June..
and then it also mentions the number 22.



They have a song called St. Patrick. St. Patrick's day is in March; my dad's birthday is in March.


Now, it might sound like this is like, reaching too far or too farfetched to be any kind of meaningful signs, but to me, like you gotta admit it is highly uncanny, unlikely, and highly specific as well as numerous strange coincidences that line up with my life. many more of which I havent even mentioned in this post...
Idk man. It prob all means nothing and is completely meaningless/random; but it just trips me out, everytime I add alllll of these things up together. It honestly kind of gives me hope that maybe God put little signs and symbols out there to maybe reassure me there is something greater out there, like Him and the spiritual, since I've always struggled to know if I believed or not, and asked/hoped most of my life that He would give me SOME sort of sign that he's real?? Okay, maybe that sounds completely crazy and delusional of me, but when this was first happening to me, it was all seriously freaking me out lol I don't think most people have this many weird highly specific and personal signs happen to them back to back like that.

And then Halsey is another of my top favorite artists who I'd just recently finally gotten into maybe not even a full year before the God/phone thing happened to me? Well she has an album titled Room 93 and my birthyear is 1993. Also, in one of her music videos she's wearing a short jacket that says LUNA on the back of it and my daughters name is Luna..
She also had a song titled 1121. Well one day at my old factory job, I look up and one of the presses has the numbers 1121 at the top of it.

And then she also has a song called 929.
2 and 22 are my two favorite numbers and also hold the most significance to me of any number for personal reasons.
And then the number 9 has appeared in my life A LOT.
My name is 9 letters long. I've lived in a number 9 apartment; had a locker at a facility I was staying at that was numbered 9; my enneagram personality type is the 9th one. 9 is also my lifepath number. And at work, there's an Ecolab station label on the wall and it says it's #9.


IDK. IM SORRY IF I SOUND CRAZY RIGHT NAO. This all just baffles yet excites me lol.

OH and the last major thing that REALLY got to me
another weird thing with PVRIS, in 2023 they came out with a new album called EVERGREEN that has a song called Anywhere But Here on it, and part of the lyrics go:

"It feels so sad in the summer
We're goin' under
Pull up the covers
Sounds like car crash and thunder
Losin' a lover
Your mother, your brother,
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here, anywhere but here"


My mom was still alive and battling cancer pretty bad when I first found this song. But the lyrics always had me afraid it was another prediction or some sh*t that she was going to die anytime soon just because other crazy stuff from their songs or music videos that literally happened to me like to an exact T. Also in the music video for that song, there's someone dressed up like a devil holding a shovel waiting nearby in some foliage.

My mom died in July (in the summer, like in the song) on 7/10/23. A few hours after finding out she had passed, I was still at her house and decided to search for PVRIS music videos on YouTube, and when I looked them up, I noticed PVRIS had made a post that then showed up that said it was posted 7 days ago, saying "EVERGREEN is yours in 10 days" and it had exactly 23 comments on it.
When you put all 3 of those numbers together, it's literally the date my mom died, and the same day I saw that post with those exact numbers...
7, 10, and 23. on the date of 7/10/23.

Explain that...

You can't tell me that's not freaky guys.

Anywho, I'm soo sorry for rambling/venting about all this.. I just, am in a God searching/"wanting Him to be real" mood and had forgotten about a lot of this until recently again. And I guess I finally feel comfortable enough to share with part of the world.

Somebody PLEASE tell me I'm not completely crazy...

Cuz I seriously CAN'T make sense of all the strange and highly unlikely coincidences and signs.
 

2PhiloVoid

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(Long post, but I need to know that I'm not just crazy here lmao )

So first off, I've been agnostic most of my life...but as of a couple years ago, I'm not so sure anymore and am pretty positive God exists because of this thing my phone did, which I'll explain below.
_____________________________________________

Idkkk man, sometimes I just think back to this weird phone experience I had back in 2022 that I can't help but wonder is a sign from God, and all the other really weird and TOO coincidental coincidences and things that kept happening for the first year or two after that happened that make it seem that there just HAS to be a higher power.. like, it's just got me reminiscing about my mom who passed in 2023, while listening to Christian music I actually like.

Basically though, what happened with my phone was the screen turned solid white and then said "100%" on it for a couple seconds immediately after I realized it were possible possible for a God to exist, when I wasn't even activately doing anything on the phone other than holding it in my hand while deep in thought/meditation when this all happened.

I just wish I KNEW knew that there most definitely is one, ya know? I'm like, at least 85-95% sure there is one. Like, there's just no way what my phone did the second after I realized its possible for God to exist, was just a random malfunction/glitch... there is just no way. I guess a very small chance but the odds of it would have to be like...astronomically slim I feel like.


Soo, the next year after that happened to me and I finally was open to believing and starting to believe, well one day in February, for some reason an image of the date march 5th like randomly popped into my mind's eye, so I told my mom about it before it reached that date, just incase anything were to happen on that day because I had this strange and curious gut feeling about it because it didn't feel like the thought/image came from my own brain...well, on that March 5th, at exactly 2:22 pm, somebody i was still madly in love with/heartbroken over and thought about all the time, finally texted me. It was weird because around that time, we weren't talking as much and sometimes wouldn't message each other for days. And like, the numbers 2 and 22 are my numbers, man. Because my birthday is on the 22nd of January. And then the God/phone thing I mentioned happened in the October of the year 2022.
Oh, and fun fact: Tobymac's (a Christian music artist) birthday is on the 22nd of a month too

But anyway, idk man..it was like God sent me a premonition type thought about march 5th a couple weeks before it it happened. Also, I was watching a Christian movie based off a true story with my mom one night and during the movie, for some reason I randomly thought about the date Feb 22, and no joke, at the end of the movie credits it mentioned the date February 22nd as a date that something happened in real life that was in the movie...


And it still seriously freaks me out, all of the strange seemingly personal coincidences that resembled or lined up with my own life with my favorite band PVRIS's songs... liiike, sorry but I gotta go over them and share with somebody..

In one of their songs called Wish You Well (which was one major song I dedicated to losing that person I mentioned I was in love with/heartbroken over) there's a line in it that says:

"At the risk of throwing off your centre
Psychic told me something in September".

That person I losts birthday is in September...

Also keep note of the mention of the psychic, because another song of theirs is called January Rain (which is another sad song I also related to with losing them) has a line in it that goes:

"Fell from the high
Cried through the nights
But you didn't know it,
The psychic was right
A beautiful lie
Lost in emotion"

Which not only to me almost seemed like the predicted outcome for them and I and that we weren't going to last.
But MY birthday is in January, which is the same month as in the song title...and his birthmonth was mentioned in the other song.
Like, it literally mentions the psychic again, in TWO different songs, in this one referencing the line about it in the other song I mentioned before.
It's just super weird and highly coincidental and ironic to me.

Then they have another song that says:

"My body didn't like the way it felt last June
And it haunted me the whole year,
Then turned into thinking I was dying
Wouldn't pull through to see 22"

One of my sister's birthdays is in June..
and then it also mentions the number 22.



They have a song called St. Patrick. St. Patrick's day is in March; my dad's birthday is in March.


Now, it might sound like this is like, reaching too far or too farfetched to be any kind of meaningful signs, but to me, like you gotta admit it is highly uncanny, unlikely, and highly specific as well as numerous strange coincidences that line up with my life. many more of which I havent even mentioned in this post...
Idk man. It prob all means nothing and is completely meaningless/random; but it just trips me out, everytime I add alllll of these things up together. It honestly kind of gives me hope that maybe God put little signs and symbols out there to maybe reassure me there is something greater out there, like Him and the spiritual, since I've always struggled to know if I believed or not, and asked/hoped most of my life that He would give me SOME sort of sign that he's real?? Okay, maybe that sounds completely crazy and delusional of me, but when this was first happening to me, it was all seriously freaking me out lol I don't think most people have this many weird highly specific and personal signs happen to them back to back like that.

And then Halsey is another of my top favorite artists who I'd just recently finally gotten into maybe not even a full year before the God/phone thing happened to me? Well she has an album titled Room 93 and my birthyear is 1993. Also, in one of her music videos she's wearing a short jacket that says LUNA on the back of it and my daughters name is Luna..
She also had a song titled 1121. Well one day at my old factory job, I look up and one of the presses has the numbers 1121 at the top of it.

And then she also has a song called 929.
2 and 22 are my two favorite numbers and also hold the most significance to me of any number for personal reasons.
And then the number 9 has appeared in my life A LOT.
My name is 9 letters long. I've lived in a number 9 apartment; had a locker at a facility I was staying at that was numbered 9; my enneagram personality type is the 9th one. 9 is also my lifepath number. And at work, there's an Ecolab station label on the wall and it says it's #9.


IDK. IM SORRY IF I SOUND CRAZY RIGHT NAO. This all just baffles yet excites me lol.

OH and the last major thing that REALLY got to me
another weird thing with PVRIS, in 2023 they came out with a new album called EVERGREEN that has a song called Anywhere But Here on it, and part of the lyrics go:

"It feels so sad in the summer
We're goin' under
Pull up the covers
Sounds like car crash and thunder
Losin' a lover
Your mother, your brother,
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here, anywhere but here"


My mom was still alive and battling cancer pretty bad when I first found this song. But the lyrics always had me afraid it was another prediction or some sh*t that she was going to die anytime soon just because other crazy stuff from their songs or music videos that literally happened to me like to an exact T. Also in the music video for that song, there's someone dressed up like a devil holding a shovel waiting nearby in some foliage.

My mom died in July (in the summer, like in the song) on 7/10/23. A few hours after finding out she had passed, I was still at her house and decided to search for PVRIS music videos on YouTube, and when I looked them up, I noticed PVRIS had made a post that then showed up that said it was posted 7 days ago, saying "EVERGREEN is yours in 10 days" and it had exactly 23 comments on it.
When you put all 3 of those numbers together, it's literally the date my mom died, and the same day I saw that post with those exact numbers...
7, 10, and 23. on the date of 7/10/23.

Explain that...

You can't tell me that's not freaky guys.

Anywho, I'm soo sorry for rambling/venting about all this.. I just, am in a God searching/"wanting Him to be real" mood and had forgotten about a lot of this until recently again. And I guess I finally feel comfortable enough to share with part of the world.

Somebody PLEASE tell me I'm not completely crazy...

Cuz I seriously CAN'T make sense of all the strange and highly unlikely coincidences and signs.

You seem to have an interesting set of personal experiences to share, but for myself, I'll stick with grounding my faith via historical considerations rather than through personal experience. I think you'll have better luck by doing the same.
 
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nyxviolet22

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Also, when my dad was younger, he met my mother through her brother when he went on a religious retreat back when he was still spiritual.

My mom told me the night that she conceived me she had this dream about a white Buffalo head and people chanting, like an Indian tribe or something.
The buddhas mother also dreamed of a white elephant when pregnant with him. And it's odd because I accidentally found God/Christianity by getting into buddhism and meditating all the time and deeply pondering life and existence and the universe.

Also, my mom told me that God told her to name me Dominique. And my name means "gift from God" or "belonging to the Lord."
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Also, when my dad was younger, he met my mother through her brother when he went on a religious retreat back when he was still spiritual.

My mom told me the night that she conceived me she had this dream about a white Buffalo head and people chanting, like an Indian tribe or something.
The buddhas mother also dreamed of a white elephant when pregnant with him. And it's odd because I accidentally found God/Christianity by getting into buddhism and meditating all the time and deeply pondering life and existence and the universe.

Also, my mom told me that God told her to name me Dominique. And my name means "gift from God" or "belonging to the Lord."

Public forums are such a great place to write our stories, aren't they?
 
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nyxviolet22

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Also here's a screenshot as proof of the PVRIS post...
Screenshot_20250102-020502_YouTube.jpg
Screenshot_20250102-015502_Gallery.jpg
 
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d taylor

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God speaks to people through The Bible. Especially to unbelievers through The Gospel of John, this book of The Bible was written to tell people how to have life (Eternal Life) buy believing in Jesus The Son of God/The Messiah, the resurrection and the life.

Having perceived experiences will not give a person God's free gift of Eternal Life. A person must believe in Jesus for Eternal Life.
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Yes!! I've never actually posted any of this in a forum before. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond!

You're welcome. But as to how worrisome your concerns about your own thinking should be, only you can make that determination in connection to what you know about yourself and what your family and friends know about you.

I'm just a stranger on a public forum and not in a position to suggest to you whether or not you might need the help and services of a professional counselor.

Peace.
 
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Hazelelponi

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(Long post, but I need to know that I'm not just crazy here lmao )

So first off, I've been agnostic most of my life...but as of a couple years ago, I'm not so sure anymore and am pretty positive God exists because of this thing my phone did, which I'll explain below.
_____________________________________________

Idkkk man, sometimes I just think back to this weird phone experience I had back in 2022 that I can't help but wonder is a sign from God, and all the other really weird and TOO coincidental coincidences and things that kept happening for the first year or two after that happened that make it seem that there just HAS to be a higher power.. like, it's just got me reminiscing about my mom who passed in 2023, while listening to Christian music I actually like.

Basically though, what happened with my phone was the screen turned solid white and then said "100%" on it for a couple seconds immediately after I realized it were possible possible for a God to exist, when I wasn't even activately doing anything on the phone other than holding it in my hand while deep in thought/meditation when this all happened.

I just wish I KNEW knew that there most definitely is one, ya know? I'm like, at least 85-95% sure there is one. Like, there's just no way what my phone did the second after I realized its possible for God to exist, was just a random malfunction/glitch... there is just no way. I guess a very small chance but the odds of it would have to be like...astronomically slim I feel like.


Soo, the next year after that happened to me and I finally was open to believing and starting to believe, well one day in February, for some reason an image of the date march 5th like randomly popped into my mind's eye, so I told my mom about it before it reached that date, just incase anything were to happen on that day because I had this strange and curious gut feeling about it because it didn't feel like the thought/image came from my own brain...well, on that March 5th, at exactly 2:22 pm, somebody i was still madly in love with/heartbroken over and thought about all the time, finally texted me. It was weird because around that time, we weren't talking as much and sometimes wouldn't message each other for days. And like, the numbers 2 and 22 are my numbers, man. Because my birthday is on the 22nd of January. And then the God/phone thing I mentioned happened in the October of the year 2022.
Oh, and fun fact: Tobymac's (a Christian music artist) birthday is on the 22nd of a month too

But anyway, idk man..it was like God sent me a premonition type thought about march 5th a couple weeks before it it happened. Also, I was watching a Christian movie based off a true story with my mom one night and during the movie, for some reason I randomly thought about the date Feb 22, and no joke, at the end of the movie credits it mentioned the date February 22nd as a date that something happened in real life that was in the movie...


And it still seriously freaks me out, all of the strange seemingly personal coincidences that resembled or lined up with my own life with my favorite band PVRIS's songs... liiike, sorry but I gotta go over them and share with somebody..

In one of their songs called Wish You Well (which was one major song I dedicated to losing that person I mentioned I was in love with/heartbroken over) there's a line in it that says:

"At the risk of throwing off your centre
Psychic told me something in September".

That person I losts birthday is in September...

Also keep note of the mention of the psychic, because another song of theirs is called January Rain (which is another sad song I also related to with losing them) has a line in it that goes:

"Fell from the high
Cried through the nights
But you didn't know it,
The psychic was right
A beautiful lie
Lost in emotion"

Which not only to me almost seemed like the predicted outcome for them and I and that we weren't going to last.
But MY birthday is in January, which is the same month as in the song title...and his birthmonth was mentioned in the other song.
Like, it literally mentions the psychic again, in TWO different songs, in this one referencing the line about it in the other song I mentioned before.
It's just super weird and highly coincidental and ironic to me.

Then they have another song that says:

"My body didn't like the way it felt last June
And it haunted me the whole year,
Then turned into thinking I was dying
Wouldn't pull through to see 22"

One of my sister's birthdays is in June..
and then it also mentions the number 22.



They have a song called St. Patrick. St. Patrick's day is in March; my dad's birthday is in March.


Now, it might sound like this is like, reaching too far or too farfetched to be any kind of meaningful signs, but to me, like you gotta admit it is highly uncanny, unlikely, and highly specific as well as numerous strange coincidences that line up with my life. many more of which I havent even mentioned in this post...
Idk man. It prob all means nothing and is completely meaningless/random; but it just trips me out, everytime I add alllll of these things up together. It honestly kind of gives me hope that maybe God put little signs and symbols out there to maybe reassure me there is something greater out there, like Him and the spiritual, since I've always struggled to know if I believed or not, and asked/hoped most of my life that He would give me SOME sort of sign that he's real?? Okay, maybe that sounds completely crazy and delusional of me, but when this was first happening to me, it was all seriously freaking me out lol I don't think most people have this many weird highly specific and personal signs happen to them back to back like that.

And then Halsey is another of my top favorite artists who I'd just recently finally gotten into maybe not even a full year before the God/phone thing happened to me? Well she has an album titled Room 93 and my birthyear is 1993. Also, in one of her music videos she's wearing a short jacket that says LUNA on the back of it and my daughters name is Luna..
She also had a song titled 1121. Well one day at my old factory job, I look up and one of the presses has the numbers 1121 at the top of it.

And then she also has a song called 929.
2 and 22 are my two favorite numbers and also hold the most significance to me of any number for personal reasons.
And then the number 9 has appeared in my life A LOT.
My name is 9 letters long. I've lived in a number 9 apartment; had a locker at a facility I was staying at that was numbered 9; my enneagram personality type is the 9th one. 9 is also my lifepath number. And at work, there's an Ecolab station label on the wall and it says it's #9.


IDK. IM SORRY IF I SOUND CRAZY RIGHT NAO. This all just baffles yet excites me lol.

OH and the last major thing that REALLY got to me
another weird thing with PVRIS, in 2023 they came out with a new album called EVERGREEN that has a song called Anywhere But Here on it, and part of the lyrics go:

"It feels so sad in the summer
We're goin' under
Pull up the covers
Sounds like car crash and thunder
Losin' a lover
Your mother, your brother,
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here
I want, I want you to take me
Anywhere but here, anywhere but here"


My mom was still alive and battling cancer pretty bad when I first found this song. But the lyrics always had me afraid it was another prediction or some sh*t that she was going to die anytime soon just because other crazy stuff from their songs or music videos that literally happened to me like to an exact T. Also in the music video for that song, there's someone dressed up like a devil holding a shovel waiting nearby in some foliage.

My mom died in July (in the summer, like in the song) on 7/10/23. A few hours after finding out she had passed, I was still at her house and decided to search for PVRIS music videos on YouTube, and when I looked them up, I noticed PVRIS had made a post that then showed up that said it was posted 7 days ago, saying "EVERGREEN is yours in 10 days" and it had exactly 23 comments on it.
When you put all 3 of those numbers together, it's literally the date my mom died, and the same day I saw that post with those exact numbers...
7, 10, and 23. on the date of 7/10/23.

Explain that...

You can't tell me that's not freaky guys.

Anywho, I'm soo sorry for rambling/venting about all this.. I just, am in a God searching/"wanting Him to be real" mood and had forgotten about a lot of this until recently again. And I guess I finally feel comfortable enough to share with part of the world.

Somebody PLEASE tell me I'm not completely crazy...

Cuz I seriously CAN'T make sense of all the strange and highly unlikely coincidences and signs.

I think most people have had experiences that lead them to believe in a God that is real, and with us.

An angel literally saved my life once, can't be explained any other way, and I've had similar unexplainable experiences after.

Do we rest in these little things that we find convincing? No .. because Scripture says even if an angel preaches a different message than the one we received from the disciples and apostles then we must disregard it.

So, once we are convinced there's a God, the next logical question is what does He want from us? What is His message to mankind.

Whether you're experiences are real or not, God can and will use them for His good purpose. So look for Him, who He really is, and what He might want from us...

You know? Time to really meet God now, and we do this searching the Scriptures. :)
 
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nyxviolet22

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You're welcome. But as to how worrisome your concerns about your own thinking should be, only you can make that determination in connection to what you know about yourself and what your family and friends know about you.

I'm just a stranger on a public forum and not in a position to suggest to you whether or not you might need the help and services of a professional counselor.

Peace.
I mean, I am mentally ill so I've always needed some kind of help idk tho, I know I didn't imagine or hallucinate the thing my phone did at the exact timing it did...it just seems way too coincidental and perfect timing like, I could not have expected it or planned that if I tried
 
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2PhiloVoid

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I mean, I am mentally ill so I've always needed some kind of help idk tho, I know I didn't imagine or hallucinate the thing my phone did at the exact timing it did...it just seems way too coincidental and perfect timing like, I could not have expected it or planned that if I tried

Nyx, if you already know that you have some challenges, then you should also have been informed by your counselors about the sorts of things to watch out for in your thinking that might not be exactly cogent. But hey, I get it. Life isn't easy and sometimes things happen that do look like more than a coincidence.
 
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Richard T

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I just want to add that some people are more perceptive and some even gifted to perceive things in the Spirit more than others. Often these signs are given to get your attention from God, especially if you are seeking Him. Sadly the devil too might try to interfere or create signs of his own. Thus rather than putting too much stock in numbers or other signs you can be more direct and practical to seek and find God.

I would suggest to thank God and even request God to show you He is real and ask for faith from Him to believe. Some signs and experiences do actually help lead people to Jesus. To me this evidence is important because I have seen some undeniable things of God.
Still, the heart of the matter (pun intended) is to get that change of heart to go from darkness to light. This most serious transformation is made possible from the faith that God gives. This process too likely includes your human spirit knowing that God is calling and it is the right thing to accept Him. Such a calling includes accepting Jesus as Lord and believing He rose from the dead. That Jesus only can forgive sins and that some sorrow for your heart condition in the past is needed.
It seems practical for you to read portions of the New Testament, attend church and try to talk to other believers. I would suggest keep being a seeker of God until you really have Jesus in your heart and know that you are saved. Mainly though look to God in all of this expecting Him to guide you in every step. I pray your journey with God will not fail, that you can experience all that God has for you, that you will have faith from the heart in Jesus and His desire and love for you. God bless!
 
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RileyG

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I mean, I am mentally ill so I've always needed some kind of help idk tho, I know I didn't imagine or hallucinate the thing my phone did at the exact timing it did...it just seems way too coincidental and perfect timing like, I could not have expected it or planned that if I tried
I strongly advise you to speak to your doctor and possibly a therapist or psychiatrist if your illness is causing you distress.

Not anyone on an Internet forum.

May God bless you abundantly.
 
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ariekitten

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You are NOT crazy. :) as a Christian all of my life (minus my rough 10-year romance with the devil, I guess...)...what usually speaks to me in signs and symbols is regular, secular stuff. I listen to seriously depressing indie emo stuff....I always find signs and little things just for me. My husband (also a Christian) is wayyyy into the meanings of numbers, especially "angel numbers", which I don't believe to be Biblical in the least. God does advise against "seeking futures", which is like witchcraft and horoscopes and stuff, but, get this...once on my birthday, I heard something on the radio in my hometown as a single woman that I concluded meant my future husband was somewhere near me in my tiny little town.
All these years later, married to my husband, and this is so weird because he's from Europe...he was in my town down the street from me on my birthday that year.
Now, here's the real clincher: do you *choose to believe your life has more meaning, purpose, and connection than the world would have you to believe? Do you *believe an all-Mighty Creator would reach out through the Cosmos to send you a tiny love song, in a language you, and only you understand? To comfort you in a time of need (sorry about your Mom, truly), to cheer you or ignite your cognitive thought in a complex manner?
God wants us to understand Him, as He asks, "Who would dare to know the mind of God?"
I take that as a challenge every day: What do you have for me today, God? Would you interact with me in a stimulating manner?
Deep in your human self, you have a sense. It's your, let's say, inner you. Seek that inner you: what does that inner you have to say? Was it significant? Obviously if you're going over it in your mind, it's important to you! It's important to God, the God I know, but...would you want to find out just how far the rabbit hole goes? Picture Christianity to be the pill that Neo took in Matrix. Would you like to know what the *real life looks like? Take a chance, what hurt could it do? "Jesus, I would like to know the meaning of this mystery you've given me, and I'm a sinner and I'd like to invite you into my life. You are Lord." That's all you'd have to say....even the guitarist from Korn never thought his life would be anything different than what he always knew, but he had no problem checking Jesus out. Look at him now! He wrote a book, which I really loved reading, "Save me from myself". You couldn't go wrong, finding out the answer to this...I mean, would it bother you to continue not knowing? I think it's significant!! Good luck!
 
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