"Fake it 'til you make it?"

I agree about what you have said because it is biblical, but what if you think you have fallen from grace? I'm wondering if I should tell it to my family and other unbelievers as well as believers I meet or if it is better not to tell them...I'm also thinking it could be negative if I say to them that I am condemned because I have sinned and I am now on the road to hell, maybe it will take them away from the Gospel even more.

I have been a hypocrite all my life it seems to become what I wanted and I am now reeping what I saw as God said: "the hypocrite's hope shall perish" (Job 8:13 the KJV)

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In the passage in Galatians that talks about falling from grace, the issue is that some of the Galatian believers had started with growing by the Spirit--walking by faith in the power the Holy Spirit's grace and then some people had come & told them to work out their salvation by self-effort in trying to keep the Law. They were deceived!

They were no longer filled with the Spirit & walking by faith in God's powerful grace. They had stopped seeing God's grace as sufficient & in the flesh were trying to please God. It doesn't work. It makes one miserable & wanting to give up.

What I see in your statement is one that is living for oneself not God, walking in fleshly desires. When you say you have been a hypocrite all your life, then you should consider that it isn't a matter of falling from grace but a matter of haven't even entered into God's grace yet (saved). One can't be a hypocrite all one's life and be a spiritually born again Christian.

Paul demonstrated to the Galatians that they were deceived, they didn't see that they had fallen from grace. A deceived person doesn't realize they are deceived. You say you 'think' you have fallen from grace; that doesn't show you are deceived, so you don't fit that situation.

What you need is to be spiritually born again. What you need to do is sincerely repent--change your mind now--quit going your own hypocritical way--& choose to go God's way & quit lying to yourself & to God. Have genuine godly sorrow over how you have lived your life.

Then cry out to the Lord Jesus Christ & trust in Him to save you. Confess your sins to Him & be cleansed & washed in the regeneration of the Spirit. Ask Jesus to forgive you of all your sins & going your own way. Confess Him as Lord, Master, now, of your life & turn & follow Him. He will do what He has promised if you are sincere & your heart is honest before Him. He will know & you will know when the Holy Spirit comes to indwell inside you. You will experience cleansing & peace & know God personally as He will be real to you because He has given you His Life! The old has passed away; the new creation has come!

No more having to fake it 'til you make it. He is real! His peace is real! His cleansing is real! It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of that very day, back in 1971, when I was spiritually born again, a second time in my life, transformed & forgiven, by God's grace through simple faith, in trusting in Christ & simply following & obeying my Savior & Lord.

I am grateful to my Savior who showed mercy to me & has not failed me since that day many years ago. We start with faith in Christ, we continue by grace through faith & we will end the same way when we take our last breath on this earth. He is faithful & He will accomplish it. He is the author & will be the finisher of our life of faith on this earth.

As even the great Apostle Paul learned through his trials that he wanted the Lord to take him out of, the Lord reminded him that His grace is SUFFICIENT, that in the very things he felt weak in combating.

He becomes strong in his weakness by depending on God's powerful grace, depending on the Lord to help us persevere by the indwelling Holy Spirit's sanctifying power. Paul then would even boast of his weaknesses, so that the power of God might be manifest in & through him. Hallelujah!

Paul wasn't afraid to admit his weaknesses honestly, because his faith, depending on Christ, was indeed his very strength, no longer relying on self & the flesh but on Christ & Him alone! Paul wasn't afraid to ask for help & prayers.

Eph 6:18-20 Pray in the Spirit at all times, with every kind of prayer and petition. To this end, stay alert with all perseverance in your prayers for all the saints. And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews & Gentiles alike; for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it fearlessly, as I should.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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Wouldn't a fake positive attitude be a lie and therefore a violation of the 9th commandment? It strikes me that this would be the case.

LovebirdsFlying said:

Quick answer to this quick question, then I need to call it a night. I’ll have more time to study answers tomorrow after work.

Simply put, if these are people who couldn’t do anything about whatever is stressing me, and really don’t care all that much anyway, then I see no point in going into it.

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Since when is the counsel to be truthful 'not caring'?

Bobber said:

Doesn't it all depend on what one is talking about? Sometimes faking something can be not so wise even bordering on presumption....other times not.

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I agree and it also depends on who one is talking about.

Most people when they say, Hi, how are you doing, are asking generally 'how are you doing', they are not asking, expecting, or wanting a personal rundown of your life.
So when you say you are OK, fine, or well, you are actually answering the question they are asking.

Revealing a problem you have may disparage another person. The person you are revealing the problem to may not keep that information to themselves and may gossip about both you and the other person/s involved or they may treat the other person badly.

If the person asking is close to you as family, friend, pastor, consular, then you can usually know they want to know about your personal issues or problems and even then you may not want to share those with them. Maybe they are a troublemaker in the family and sharing marital problems with them would cause more problems and more stress not only for you but other family members, such as children or elderly parents, that need to be protected.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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The question of "how are you doing" isn't sincere (or rarely is) in practice it functions as a greeting. The expected return is "I'm fine how are you". The words are just as empty. The whole thing functions as a hello, then another hello back.

For those who are more sincere will often have to ask more than once, like repeating after you say you're fine "how are you really feeling" even then the question still isn't seeking how you're really feeling it's just acknowledging of some more intimate details like they know you're going through something of its clear your having a bad day. The expect response is still somewhat surface saying something like "I'm hanging in there thanks for asking" and this makes us feel better even though we didn't really say anything it feels like some one cares.

If the person then really wanted to know more then they invite you out for lunch or over to their house for tea. If they don't want to know more then might conclude it like "we're thinking/praying about you"

Social banter is a bit of a dance and you need to join the dance and do the right steps and that's how polite society works. fake it with the insincere because that's all they want to hear and that's the right steps for the dance. You just to gauge who you can be more honest with and when the right times come up to confide in someone. Look for the second "how are you really feeling" .

@Mathetes66 I think you're taking it too extreme. Faking a smile is not hypocrisy.

@Mathetes66 A person like my Dad would look calm at the face of death not because he's not scared but he know we would panic if he react.And If you ask him how he's doing he would say he's okay.

@Mathetes66 I think you're taking it too extreme. Faking a smile is not hypocrisy.

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Thank you for responding to my post. Not all people are the same, ABC & one must trust the leading of the Spirit when addressing each individual. Had you known the conversation ensuing behind the scenes, you might respond differently.

Your father in that situation, according to your words, was not smiling but remaining calm, even though he was afraid in the situation that might have led to death. You are in a country where people will kill you for your faith in Jesus Christ. You live in that reality. I am praying for the saints, like you & your family, in countries like your own.

It is good to remain calm, trusting in the Lord & walking in WISDOM, having one's children trusting in their father, because the father is trusting in the Lord by faith, despite his feelings of fear.

I don't see hypocrisy in that situation. One's feelings are not the primary issue of our faith. It is our will to persevere, despite how we feel. I have faced death at the wrong end of a gun & the person pointing it at me told me that he was going to kill me. Was I afraid at first? Yes. Did I remain calm? Yes.

Then I cried for help to the Lord in those first few seconds of shock & He brought peace to my heart that He is in control & that death for a Christian is simply a transition from one world to the next & entering the glory of God!

God delivered me. Afterwards, when the person put away the gun, he stated, "I could have killed you because that was my intention." God is good & our hope is not in this world but in the world to come & in the One who has saved us from our sins & indwelt us, in our hearts, to be with us forever! Hallel Yah!

I have friends who have been missionaries in Nigeria & faced possible death as well. Other friends were in Beirut, Lebanon, during the civil war. My friend was there with other Christians, seeking to share the gospel. A knock came at their door, during shooting going on outside.

The Christian leader told others to pray & went to the door. He was shot dead but no one else was shot. He is in glory because of his stand by faith in Jesus. My friend was challenged by a Lebanese Christian to stay when most others left the country. My friend decided to stay & work with the Red Cross.

One day two teen-age rebels stopped my friend & this Lebanese Christian. One of the soldiers kept saying he wanted to shoot them. They prayed. Finally the older teenager said to let them go. God is good. Some die. Some live. God is faithful, whether in life or death. He is worthy to follow, even unto death. He was faithful even unto death. And because of that we are saved, past, present & future. Our Lord lives! The Spirit & the bride say come! Come Lord Jesus!

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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If I *feel* like punching someone in the face, is *not* doing so, inauthentic?

I don't know if I like that expression, "Fake it 'til you make it," LovebirdsFlying. However, my own feeling is that what you did was fine--for two reasons.

First, you are correct in saying that the question is about how you are doing, not how you are feeling (or anything else along those lines). I agree that there is a difference there.

And also...

These days when people ask that question upon greeting a friend or associate, it is not meant literally. It's simply a greeting like "How do you do?" or "What's up?" If they really, really, wanted to know if you were unwell or troubled or something like that, it would be put to you in another, more personal, way.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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I attended a grief support group at my church after experiencing the loss of loved ones for the first time.
A man who was mourning his wife who died at what should have only been the middle of her life from cancer said the group gave him an overwhelming sense of relief because when we asked how he was doing, he could give a raw, unfiltered, unrehearsed, honest answer. His teenage son who came with him could also just tell us how he really felt. They didn't need to articulate platitudes. They didn't need to worry that they were imposing their grief upon us, burdening us and compelling them to have to give us false assurances they were fine just so we'd stop worrying about them. Because that was the entire purpose of the support group, to support them, for them to support us in our grief. They didn't need to derail their focus on what had to be accomplished in the day, because there was dedicated time set aside for them to have the catharsis they needed. The benevolent pretense wasn't dishonesty; it was a coping mechanism and a method for time stewardship.

When you have a searing third degree burn to your skin, a physical wound, it is necessary to carefully bandage it. The bandages must be methodically removed so the wound can be cleaned and new bandages applied, and it can be an excruciatingly painful process. And it's important that it actually be a process, a planned-out action done with expertise with the proper supplies. Once released from the hospital you wouldn't remove the bandages every time a coworker or acquaintance asked you about the burn and how you were doing, to show them the full evidence of your agony. To constantly remove the bandages would be to inflict suffering upon yourself. It would horrify them to see the vividness of the wound. And it would make yourself vulnerable to infection. It would consume so much of your time to properly reveal and then cover it back up, and your ability to just persevere through your tasks would be compromised.

I think what you're doing is simply keeping the bandages on your spiritual wounds while you concentrate on your obligations. Take them off in the appropriate context, when you are alone in prayer with God, or when you are with a compassionate person who is a pillar of support in your life.

LovebirdsFlying said:

, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became

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I was addicted to cigarettes, and prayed about it for 6 months, again the addiction would get quite strong. He never took it away.

One time, I prayed, and the addiction come strong within 20 minutes, i sat there, and kept telling myself, i dont want these to rule my life, God has to come first.

It got to the point where i started crying because the addiction was so strong in me, and i really wanted to put his will first, I knew smokes had to go, if i am to do that. It was very painful in that moment.

After i had put him first and was crying, in that moment, the addiction to them totally broke, i didnt crave them anymore nor did the feeling that i needed them come back. The addiction totally broke.


From my experience, i have learned that its actually quite backwards from what we expect.

We pray and think God is going to take it away, however he seems to do the oppisite, God brings it up at its strongest so that we can face and overcome it with him.

Im not exactly sure how you would face your problem, just some insight on what i have found actually happens when we pray to God about these things and why.

I think you did the right thing. It isn't hypocritical to say what you hope for.

have heard woman say they dress up more or wear a brighter color on days they don't feel up to par

going thru the day, people respond to how they look and before one knows it, they actually start feeling better

take care of yourself & get extra rest/sleep & eat well with lots of fruit, veggies, drink plenty of water
see if that helps any

LovebirdsFlying said:

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier.

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Scripture indicates that you should be praying for God to replace you with Himself, to use you as a vessel through whom He communicates Himself (2 Timothy 2:21). You will have "a positive attitude no matter what" when God controls your heart, when He is enthroned upon it and is using you as a conduit through whom He manifests Himself. But you must die (John 12:24), you must take up your cross in self-denial (Matthew 16:24-25) and in union with Christ in his death (Romans 6:1-11), yielding yourself as a slave of righteousness unto God. (Romans 6:13-18) This is how every believer comes to be filled with the Spirit and his fruit (Galatians 5:22-23), peaceful and joyful in all circumstances, and effective in the work of God. Pray, then, not merely for a positive attitude but that God would replace you with Himself. Yield to His will and way in your life in every area (Romans 6:13; James 4:7: 1 Peter 5:6). Surrender yourself a "living sacrifice" to Him to be used as He sees fit (Romans 12:1). As you do this - often many times a day - God's Spirit will work in you so powerfully and profoundly that you won't even realize you are changed into the likeness, not of a better you, but of Christ. (Romans 8:29) This is God's way to a changed life.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Fake it till you make it will only temporarily help the present situation, but it will not help you, you will still always be in a never ending cycle of being a pressure cooker inside, and also, you are not being honest with yourself when you practice this. I speak from experience.

The answer, the key, is to say this: “Thank you Jesus for this situation” for whatever it is that is making you anxious in the first place, or increasing your pressure cooker thermometer.

“Thank you, Jesus”.

This way, you are letting go of the situation and letting Him handle it, the way it ought to be, He is permitting the hard things to happen and He wants you to look at Him in the eye and thank Him for it, whether it is good or bad.

“In every thing, give thanks, for this is the WILL of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

You might also want to look up dissimulation, it is putting on a fake mask, and it is not following after the Spirit. That’s good that you notice there’s a problem, now discuss it over with Jesus and endeavor to walk in truth with Him, yourself and others.

Blessings

I encourage everyone to find out who they are in Christ. There are lots of websites that cover this such as: 50 Important Bible Verses About Who I Am In Christ (Powerful)

crossnote said:

I don't quite understand, why fake it? Why not just tell people the way it is?

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Just some personal experience.

If I ever tell someone that I'm not okay I get one of two responses (unless they are super close to me):
1) "Oh, I'm sorry. Just have more faith and trust God more and your depression and anxiety will lift! You just gotta put your trust in God!" - completely invalidates my feelings and makes them my fault and a source of shame.
2) "Oh, yikes. Well anyway -- [here they proceed to rapidly change the subject]. - shows that they were just asking not because they really cared to know if I was doing alright but as a formality. Also shows that they are clearly not comfortable with things and people who are not fine.

Fake it? Or faith it? I know just run with it lol. The JOY of the lord is my/our strength yes? Do we wait to FEEL this joy? No.. God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. We speak His word.. we walk by FAITH not how we FEEL! Exactly if you asked me ..is what you did! And FAITH MOVES God.