"Fake it 'til you make it?"

As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety and depression I believe you are definitely onto something.

I believe “fake it til you make it” is great in terms of breaking bad habits and or thought patterns, lifestyle changes. Telling yourself you’re pretty if you’ve always thought you were ugly even though you still don’t think you’re pretty, telling yourself you don’t want that cigarette even though you’ve craving one, pretending that you enjoy eating a new portion or type of food because you’re adjusting your eating habits etc. Faking that you feel or don’t feel a certain way is stifling your emotions or “stuffing feelings”. If that makes sense.

I don't quite understand, why fake it? Why not just tell people the way it is?

LovebirdsFlying said:

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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Doesn't it all depend on what one is talking about? Sometimes faking something can be not so wise even bordering on presumption....other times not.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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There is no hypocrisy after you understand the mechanics.

You can force yourself to smile.
The action of doing this releases hormones that reduce stress.
So you actually can make it by faking it.

Tony Robbins is not "up" by accident. He has a routine of "Being Grateful" and a number of physical routines, walking, etc. ....that put him in an "up" state of being. These physical actions improve his mental state. He forces himself into success.

As a result he can help feed about half a billion families a year.
He does this because he was grateful when somebody helped
his family with food when he was a kid and the family was hurting.
What he learned was that being grateful is a force for success.

He tracks the number of suicides he has intervened on and says he has not lost one yet, of the dozens.


You don't have to have compassion for a stranger in the ditch.
But you can choose to help them anyway....and develop compassion
through action, where none existed before.

This is the phrase, "faith without works is dead." Believing that
somebody else will help, is not faith that is alive. But helping
others without compassion develops compassion and faith.

We’re told to cast our cares; not wallow in them. The fine you reference is the strength made perfect in your weakness. You’re fine because God said so. You have peace because Christ brought it.

And you affirm who you are in Him. That’s your identity. Not the problem that’s marring your vision momentarily. Maybe you should make a cheat sheet of “I am” statements forged from scripture.

I’ve been doing this for years and it’s one of the reasons my moods remain upbeat. I surround myself with positive influences, media, and worship frequently for long stretches.

It’s hard to be downcast when you’re praising God. The joy of the Lord is our strength. He’s given us the blueprint. We just need to use them.

~Bella

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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I think you are actually describing mental toughness through positive thinking. Seems you are confronting the most difficult facts of the day without expecting things to change, but are adapting to it in a way that produces resilience.

Positive thinkers are also intelligent thinkers, and your situation shows you prepared yourself through prayer to face the day head-on in a way that works for you. It doesn't mean you're a negative person, it just means you're a realist.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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The most spiritual man I knew learned a great deal about what it meant to be spiritual. Knowledge is not experience. He told me that he acted as if it was true until it became real. It's hard. It is far better to confess who we are in Christ and not, as you say, how we are feeling. There is a place for honesty with the brethren, as James says.

I don't know the line. I do know that when I quit worrying about myself and focusing on Christ, my life started to turn around. It helps to know that you cannot think two thoughts at once. If we think on the positives of who we are in Christ, there is no room for the negatives.

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

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I have prayed for you, my sister in Christ, that the God of all comfort, would comfort you in all that you are going through at this time & strengthen you by His love, grace & power as you by faith cling to Him.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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Yes. And there is no line between them. It IS hypocrisy.

But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

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Since when is the world to dictate to us how we are to be or to be a people pleaser? We are not of the world if we are a Christian. What we should care about is how God views us & being honest & holy before our Lord. That is what he has called us to be & do.

To fake how I feel & am doing IS hypocrisy. When I fake a smile, that is exactly what the biblical term hypocrisy means! It is lying, which the Bible repeatedly says is a sin & we are no longer to lie to one another or ourselves.

Satan is the father of lies & we follow him when we lie. God is the God of truth and commands us to speak the truth in love. We are DECEIVED if we think lying is the way to feel better or deal with our problems. If you don't think God takes this seriously, then realize 'there will be no liars in heaven.' God HATES lying & bearing FALSE WITNESS. Why? Because God is a God of TRUTH. He cannot lie.

Rev 22:14,15 Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life & may enter by the gates into the city. 15Outside are the dogs & the sorcerers & the immoral persons & the murderers & the idolaters AND EVERYONE WHO LOVE & PRACTICES LYING.

hypocrisy: Strong's Greek5273--hypocrites--to judge under, like a stage actor 'acting or speaking under a mask'; a pretender, speaking & acting 'two-faced'; one who pretends to be something they are not. It is the opposite of being sincere.

In general, the meaning is acting a part, false, deceptive & deceived, formally & outwardly religious & good, but inwardly insincere & unrighteous; the hypocrite may come to deceive himself as well as others, but "the hypocrite's hope shall perish" (Job 8:13 the KJV). On no class of people did our Lord pronounce such severe condemnation as on the hypocrites of His day.

The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became.

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God is not concerned about us having a positive attitude; He is concerned we are honest & casting all our anxieties on Him because He cares for us. He desires us to TRUST HIM & rely upon His grace. His power is made perfect through our weakness.

Then He gives us His peace, that surpasses all understanding. He then heals our 'inside' so that the 'outside' mirrors the inside. He TRULY cares for you & me! Oh that we might grasp hold of that as the anchor of our souls.



Philippians 4:5-9 The Lord is near. Be anxious in nothing, but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the PEACE OF GOD, which surpasses all understanding, WILL GUARD your hearts AND your minds IN Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence & if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned & received & heard & seen in me, practice these things & the God of peace will be with you.

Jesus warned us in the Sermon on the Mount (Mt 5 - 7) about not doing things to be 'seen by men' & approved of men.

Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

LaBella had some good advise.

Here also is an excellent list that Dr. Neil Anderson has put together on 'Who We Are In Christ' & seeing ourselves as God sees us & cares for us. By faith I have sought to focus on these things & ask the Holy Spirit to correct my deceptive & wrong thinking & honestly see myself as God does & to help, by His grace & power, to keep me from believing the devil's lies & to rest in Him & not be a people pleaser but a God pleaser.

https://vintagelawrence.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/ANDERSON_WhoIAmInChrist.pdf

https://commonground.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/GoingDeeper_IAm_Week2.pdf

If i feel bad, and try to force a smile i just can't do it correclty, i think the more transparent is the person the better, but i don't know, i would worn out of faking something i don't feel very quickly.

I think is worth to better try to tackle the issues and be true 'happy'.

Also if i detect a person is faking it, i feel eh, like 'rejection' would be the word towards them.

Mathetes66 said:

To fake how I feel & am doing IS hypocrisy. When I fake a smile, that is exactly what the biblical term hypocrisy means! It is lying, which the Bible repeatedly says is a sin & we are no longer to lie to one another or ourselves.

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I agree about what you have said because it is biblical, but what if you think you have fallen from grace? I'm wondering if I should tell it to my family and other unbelievers as well as believers I meet or if it is better not to tell them...

I'm also thinking it could be negative if I say to them that I am condemned because I have sinned and I am now on the road to hell, maybe it will take them away from the Gospel even more.

I have been a hypocrite all my life it seems to become what I wanted and I am now reeping what I saw as God said: "the hypocrite's hope shall perish" (Job 8:13 the KJV)

Justasking123 said:

I agree about what you have said because it is biblical, but what if you think you have fallen from grace? I'm wondering if I should tell it to my family and other unbelievers as well as believers I meet or if it is better not to tell them...

I'm also thinking it could be negative if I say to them that I am condemned because I have sinned and I am now on the road to hell, maybe it will take them away from the Gospel even more.

I have been a hypocrite all my life it seems to become what I wanted and I am now reeping what I saw as God said: "the hypocrite's hope shall perish" (Job 8:13 the KJV)

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Just with "A Single Glimmer of Faith" can Jesus save you or reignite you.

Read this scriptures if you want:

Isaiah 35:3-6 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)
3 Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees.

4 Say to them that are of a fearful heart, “Be strong, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompense; He will come and save you.”

5 Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.

6 Then shall the lame man leap as a hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing; for in the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert.

Ezequiel 37:
11 Then He said unto me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried and our hope is lost. We are cut off from our parts.’

12 Therefore prophesy and say unto them, ‘Thus saith the Lord God: Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up out of your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel.

13 And ye shall know that I am the Lord when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up out of your graves,

14 and shall put My Spirit in you and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land. Then shall ye know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it, saith the Lord.’”


Psalm 40:2 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)
2 He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings.

LovebirdsFlying said:

The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became.

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That can be a sign that a certain someone (the enemy) is 'inserting' some thoughts in you, bombarding you with them? I don't know it can be a possibility.

My words in blue...

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became.
You got what you asked for, no matter what.
But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier.
You got what you asked for, an imitative positive attitude.
People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.
You got what you asked for, an imitative positive attitude.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?
'Fake it until you make it' is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) approach. The idea is to alter your behavior to alter your thinking to suit the behavior. Alternatively, you can alter your thinking to alter your behavior to suit your thinking.

Example: You pretend to be happy until you start thinking happiness, at which time the pretending becomes actual. Or if that does not work, you think happy thoughts until your behavior is one of happiness.

In both cases, it is only fake until both cognition (thinking) matches behavior effortlessly.

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LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

Click to expand...

When we ask: how are you? no one answers truthfully, because we are scared to be true, we don´t want to feel like a burden to other people. The people asking us how we are, often asks us out of politness, they often don´t care, its´just a line. If we were true, and said that it feels like our lives are faling apart today, they would not know what to answer. It would make them feel awkward, so we would feel awkward for being true.

Talking about something personal, is so scary to most people, and people have enough in themselves. It makes me wonder, why we even bother talking to each other at all.We don´t say anything of value, we don´t say annything, that can make other people connect to us, on a personal level. We talk and talk, and say nothing at all. I think realism is far more valuable than wishful thinking, there is no truth in faking it, no matter what the cause is.

If you are sad today, or negative today, embrace those feelings, only then you can deal with it in a truthful way. If you try to rewrite it, you just put layer after layer on top of it, but you never deal with the cause of it. Dealing with it is allowing yourself to feel bad, figuring out why you feel like you do, and getting to the cause, find a true reason to be happy again.

We all feel bad from time to time, we are all stressed out and have problems, why should we not be able to share that, and support each other? why is it so scary to be true?? Being true is not being weak. Putting up this charade, that everything is super positive always, just because people cant handle talking about emotions, and we are scared to open up, is not seeing things as they are.

Everyone could bennefit from hearing how you are truly doing if they ask, maybe that would encourage them to try to open up too, next time someone asks them how they are doing. Or at least not ask superficial questions they don´t mean, if they cant handle the truth. Maybe that would encourage us all to be more true than what we are.

Some days you just gotta put one foot in front of the other until you get to the top of the hill.

I struggled with this recently.I began to try to change my ingrained response of "I'm good" to "I am well".My next work is to practice replacing that with "God is good", because His strength is perfected in my weakness.That way I don't need to feel I'm faking anything...because it's true!
Also,what's been said above about other people not really being sincere when they ask is mostly true...so I figure I might as well glorify God as many times a day as someone asks.
Still a work in progress though......old habits die hard.