My name is Jenna I’m (almost) 27.
Apologies this is quite long but wanted to introduce myself and give some back story!
I was raised loosely as a Christian stopped going to church when I was pretty young. For me it was never really anything other than something my parents made me do. I never really engaged with the bible or the church.
As I got older I became very anti christian/religion and identified as an atheist. I saw no place for myself in the Church and no place for the church in my life.
One of the biggest reasons I found problems with Christianity was the way women are expected to behave. I never saw myself as submissive in any way. I rejected ideas of modesty and being a “good Christian girl”. In my teenage years I was quite promiscuous, and identified as bisexual, having relationships with both men and women. I rejected anything feminine, never wore skirts or dresses and cut my hair short. The thing I dreaded the most was the idea of ever being a wife, of “submitting” to a husband, having his children, etc. I felt far too independent for anything as committed or serious as that. I much preferred short flings and enjoyed relationships with women more than men.
Then as I got older I felt more and more like this wasn’t the type of life I wanted. I began to get curious about maybe looking more into Christianity again, and I found a blog (I can’t remember where unfortunately) about a woman discussing how she viewed women’s role in life/the church. The way she described it made it seem not like a burden but a blessing. She made the idea of submitting to her husband not such a scary or restricting thing.
I guess reading some first hand experiences made the idea of men and women having different roles make more sense, and I realised that in no way was I fulfilling what my role/calling/purpose as a woman was. In fact with my masculine appearance and behaviour, and relationships with women, I was blatantly rejecting my role.
So over a period of a few months I have felt a call to “return” to Christianity (although I’m not sure you could call it returning since my experience in childhood was not that serious)
But I’m scared. If this is the role that I was made to do, of course I want to fulfil it as best as I can but it would mean majors lifestyle changes that I don’t know if I’m ready for.
But I’m hoping that I can find some support on this forum, hopefully there are some women who can tell me about their experiences and how they live their life in the way God intended.
Apologies this is quite long but wanted to introduce myself and give some back story!
I was raised loosely as a Christian stopped going to church when I was pretty young. For me it was never really anything other than something my parents made me do. I never really engaged with the bible or the church.
As I got older I became very anti christian/religion and identified as an atheist. I saw no place for myself in the Church and no place for the church in my life.
One of the biggest reasons I found problems with Christianity was the way women are expected to behave. I never saw myself as submissive in any way. I rejected ideas of modesty and being a “good Christian girl”. In my teenage years I was quite promiscuous, and identified as bisexual, having relationships with both men and women. I rejected anything feminine, never wore skirts or dresses and cut my hair short. The thing I dreaded the most was the idea of ever being a wife, of “submitting” to a husband, having his children, etc. I felt far too independent for anything as committed or serious as that. I much preferred short flings and enjoyed relationships with women more than men.
Then as I got older I felt more and more like this wasn’t the type of life I wanted. I began to get curious about maybe looking more into Christianity again, and I found a blog (I can’t remember where unfortunately) about a woman discussing how she viewed women’s role in life/the church. The way she described it made it seem not like a burden but a blessing. She made the idea of submitting to her husband not such a scary or restricting thing.
I guess reading some first hand experiences made the idea of men and women having different roles make more sense, and I realised that in no way was I fulfilling what my role/calling/purpose as a woman was. In fact with my masculine appearance and behaviour, and relationships with women, I was blatantly rejecting my role.
So over a period of a few months I have felt a call to “return” to Christianity (although I’m not sure you could call it returning since my experience in childhood was not that serious)
But I’m scared. If this is the role that I was made to do, of course I want to fulfil it as best as I can but it would mean majors lifestyle changes that I don’t know if I’m ready for.
But I’m hoping that I can find some support on this forum, hopefully there are some women who can tell me about their experiences and how they live their life in the way God intended.
