I need to either find a spouse or learn how to be at peace with being single, how do I do that?

When someone figures out this puzzle in the Western World please let me know. It is a definite challenge of being Orthodox in America.

ArseniusTheSilent said:

When someone figures out this puzzle in the Western World please let me know. It is a definite challenge of being Orthodox in America.

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Hahah, I’d say keep approaching people just to get to know them. That’s what I’ve been doing recently and it’s been more care-free. Just approaching with no expectations and living each day in the present moment. But, I’m only saying this from experience right now, that may change.

Coolbutclueless said:

Any advice on how to accomplish that?

I'm actually being really serious this is something Ive struggled with and been on my mind a lot lately.

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Are you having trouble communicating, meeting prospects or both?

Coolbutclueless said:

Any advice on how to accomplish that?

I'm actually being really serious this is something Ive struggled with and been on my mind a lot lately.

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Do you mean advice in meeting Orthodox women? I don’t fully get your question.

Coolbutclueless said:

Let me put it this way. In the 3+ years since I started attending an orthodox church. In that time Ive actually encountered 3 women who meet the basic criteria of being 1) in their 20's, 2) Orthodox, 3) unmarried.

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Thank you for taking the time to explain and share your challenge. It makes it easier to pray on your behalf.

I think you would be richly blessed (as would other Orthodox members facing the same dilemma) if you joined forces and provided support to one another. If you committed to praying and offering encouragement during this season you’d be strengthened and have more petitions going heavenward on your behalf. There is strength in numbers.

Meeting eligible women. Its a problem.

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It is a problem if you expect her to walk into the church. But it isn’t if God intends to direct you both to the other elsewhere.

I would encourage you to deepen your trust and give less attention to the challenges. The more pliable you are the easier it will be to embrace His plan. She may not be an EO at present. But her love and trust in you can lead her there.

Most recently the Lord put me in an unexpected situation. He revealed a possibility I would not have chosen. My eyes were pointed elsewhere. Did I reject the suggestion and hold firm to my preferences? No!

I walked within the measure of truth He provided. It wasn’t a question of his suitability. The issue was my obedience and willingness to yield if His choice opposed my own. Because that’s an issue of faith. If I know and trust Him, His choice is always best! I reached a new level of surrender through the experience.

But I don't know how to show romantic interest, or anything like that. I kinda just make it up as I go.

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Kindness, attentiveness and listening are the best ways to show you care. Dating Divas has some great ideas on their site. But keep in mind, its the little things that are usually retained.

Expression is important too. Sharing your feelings communicates openness and trust. That takes time of course. Hiding will never foster an intimate bond. Both must be willing to unveil and show their true selves to the object of their affection.

I'm "different". I don't know how to put it into words, its not something that is apparent if you met me on the street or even if you became friends with me.

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I understand what you’re getting at. I don’t like to emphasize difference too much in myself. Although its evident in my posts. The danger of doing so is a separation of sorts. And when wrongly fed it can foster pride and other maladies.

I combat this by finding common ground. We all have something to teach and share. I may miss my blessing by failing to engage differences in opinion and beliefs. I can’t minister to anyone if I’m unwilling to hear them. Understanding their vantage point bridges the gap.

I don’t agree with many things I read online. But participation gives me a clearer idea of what the world is encountering outside this medium. I try to behave differently and lead with love not condemnation.

And I think if you employed a similar strategy in those situations you may unearth common bonds that escaped your notice. If you don’t understand ask them to expound.

There will be many times in marriage when you won’t understand your spouse’s perspective. What will you do in these instances? Being silent is unlikely to be well-received. This is a great opportunity to develop a better response that will be helpful to both.

Coolbutclueless said:

I mean being more care free and having less expectations in life in general.

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Trust in the Providence of God (Read “The Sunflower” by St. John of Tobolsk) and just approach women you find attractive. It’s easier said than done, but practice makes the process easier as time goes on.

Coolbutclueless said:

My Ex was not a christian (long story how that came about) and I kept hoping eventually she might come around to it. She didn't, and that among other reasons lead to us breaking up which is still something that pains me to think about.

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That is a different issue altogether. The woman who agrees to be your bride will have put her trust in God of her own volition. And she’d be keenly aware of your regard for EO. The question of joining you on that path may be a minor compromise for what she gains in return.

There are things I felt I couldn’t do but time and maturity have shown me otherwise. I don’t have the liberty of asking for aid and trying to micromanage the result. Either I trust Him to bring it forth or I don’t.

Coolbutclueless said:

At this point I'll do almost anything just to MEET a woman who meets the basic criteria of being 1)orthodox, 2) Single, 3) between ages 21 and 29. Forget marriage, I just want to know that a woman who meets those 3 things exist.

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You need to pray for this and prepare yourself to meet her. Also, be aware that perhaps she won't be as you imagined in your dreams.

You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait.....

Seriously, I didn't get married until I was 40, and alas, my Hub is not Orthodox, but I love him with all my heart - even when he's driving me nuts.

I found my now wife when I stopped actively looking.

again, it's what worked for me, and I was really far from any Orthodox my age.

Coolbutclueless said:

I'm not sure what your getting at with the "in your dreams" comment. It just comes across as condescending.

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We always have dreams. The imagination is a parasite of Adam's fall.

Coolbutclueless said:

I'm not looking for someone who is a runway model, or perfect bastion of christian virtue. I'm just looking for someone who is pursuing God and who I can pursue God with.

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When I said 'dreams' I didn't meant it necessary in a certain way. I just said to take care at "reality drift" effect. For example you say that you want to pursue God together - thing which is pretty good. However this will be most probably in a way in which you will not expect, at least partially: patience, pain aso. We are all sinners, so we deviate, hence we need the analogous pain to come back

Coolbutclueless said:

I'm firmly against going into a relationship knowing that the other person is going to have to change some key part of themselves in order for it to work.

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Most successful marriages involve a lot of change by both. Few are the same people they were when they entered the union. It is up to you if you choose to limit your opinions in this way. But be certain you can live with the ramifications of your decision and a longer wait if needed.

From my understanding, many Orthodox followers weren’t raised in the faith. It clearly attracts Christians from other sects and new believers too.