Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

mojoboy31 · Aug 8, 2019

ReesePiece23 said:
That was four months ago? Wow, it felt like last week.

I had posted about it the week before, but I found my original post from months and months ago and quoted it...

So. The date went well, I thought, pretty special, she agreed, she brought up going on more dates, I agreed. She started sending me mushy memes, and jokingly begging me not to stop dating her. I had her over to my house the day after the date, and made her dinner. She joked with my family and they were all completely won over, she loved them too. She flirted with me in front of them, and started trying to plan when I would meet her parents.

Then the next day she messaged me saying she was sorry, but she didn't really feel anything for me romantically, and that she thought she should feel something for me, so she pretended she did, hoping feelings would develop, but they didn't. And the obligatory stating what an amazing person I am and how I deserve the best, and how she'd be heartbroken if we stopped being friends... i asked questions, it went back amd forth for a bit. Eventually I told her I was obviously hurt, but I'll get over it, and that I still want to be friends. Haven't heard from her since, and I do not wanna be the one to try and break the silence, not this time.

JustSomeBloke · Aug 8, 2019

mojoboy31 said:
I had posted about it the week before, but I found my original post from months and months ago and quoted it...

So. The date went well, I thought, pretty special, she agreed, she brought up going on more dates, I agreed. She started sending me mushy memes, and jokingly begging me not to stop dating her. I had her over to my house the day after the date, and made her dinner. She joked with my family and they were all completely won over, she loved them too. She flirted with me in front of them, and started trying to plan when I would meet her parents.

Then the next day she messaged me saying she was sorry, but she didn't really feel anything for me romantically, and that she thought she should feel something for me, so she pretended she did, hoping feelings would develop, but they didn't. And the obligatory stating what an amazing person I am and how I deserve the best, and how she'd be heartbroken if we stopped being friends... i asked questions, it went back amd forth for a bit. Eventually I told her I was obviously hurt, but I'll get over it, and that I still want to be friends. Haven't heard from her since, and I do not wanna be the one to try and break the silence, not this time.

I was sorry to read this. I always hope, and sometimes pray, that those people on the Singles forum who are looking for love will find love.

It can be difficult to move on from something like this, but I wish you well in doing so. Everyone deals with things differently. But for many, the transition back to how things were before they explicitly expressed a desire for more-than-just-friends is too hard to bear.

My approach would be to move on, knowing that if she later decides she misses your company, the ball is in her court to resume contact.

bèlla · Aug 8, 2019

RayofSun · Aug 8, 2019

@mojoboy31 I feel disappointed for you because things obviously started off so well. But I very much agree with @JustSomeBloke about moving on being key. I know it will be difficult and that you're probably quite hurt. One positive is that she told you earlier in the relationship rather than just going with the flow and letting you invest even more. You deserve a girl who is honest about her feelings and truly desires to be with you.
As for the just friends thing, I wouldn't push it too hard. Becoming friends afterwards is possible, but in my personal experience it isn't worth forcing it right away. Take care of your heart right now instead although I know that feels selfish but it is perfectly okay.

ReesePiece23 · Aug 8, 2019

mojoboy31 said:
Then the next day she messaged me saying she was sorry, but she didn't really feel anything for me romantically, and that she thought she should feel something for me, so she pretended she did, hoping feelings would develop, but they didn't. And the obligatory stating what an amazing person I am and how I deserve the best, and how she'd be heartbroken if we stopped being friends... i asked questions, it went back amd forth for a bit. Eventually I told her I was obviously hurt, but I'll get over it, and that I still want to be friends. Haven't heard from her since, and I do not wanna be the one to try and break the silence, not this time.

What a thing to do to someone.

She's right, you do deserve the best. And that extends to friends and acquaintances too. Personally, I couldn't let someone run with me if they pulled stunts like that. Trust is rule number one.

HisGraceAbounds · Aug 8, 2019

The majority of the time, the statement "I hope we can still be friends" is a load of malarkey. She wants to keep you in orbit, vying for her affections. Don't let her play games with you.

bèlla · Aug 8, 2019

HisGraceAbounds · Aug 9, 2019

LaBèlla said:
So let’s be friends if it doesn’t work out is malarkey but let’s be friends before I’ll give you the time of day is okay?

I guess the latter isn’t jerking your chain at all. If you believe it.

I didn't say one was okay and the other wasn't. Don't speak for me to try to make your point.

bèlla · Aug 9, 2019

HisGraceAbounds · Aug 9, 2019

LaBèlla said:
That’s a statement not a quote.

That makes no sense whatsoever.

If you have something to say, say it. Plain. Direct. If you want to send me a PM, do so. If you think you can shame me here publicly, do so. Just do something.

bèlla · Aug 9, 2019

HisGraceAbounds · Aug 9, 2019

LaBèlla said:
You are reading too much into my comment and assuming it was directed to you. We’re on a discussion board. Piggyback remarks are common.

I have no interest in shaming you. I don’t know you at all.

Hard to assume it wasn't directed at me since you used the same terminology that I used.

Whatever. You'll get no more problems from me. Ever.

bèlla · Aug 9, 2019

.Mikha'el. · Aug 13, 2019

mojoboy31 said:
I had posted about it the week before, but I found my original post from months and months ago and quoted it...

So. The date went well, I thought, pretty special, she agreed, she brought up going on more dates, I agreed. She started sending me mushy memes, and jokingly begging me not to stop dating her. I had her over to my house the day after the date, and made her dinner. She joked with my family and they were all completely won over, she loved them too. She flirted with me in front of them, and started trying to plan when I would meet her parents.

Then the next day she messaged me saying she was sorry, but she didn't really feel anything for me romantically, and that she thought she should feel something for me, so she pretended she did, hoping feelings would develop, but they didn't. And the obligatory stating what an amazing person I am and how I deserve the best, and how she'd be heartbroken if we stopped being friends... i asked questions, it went back amd forth for a bit. Eventually I told her I was obviously hurt, but I'll get over it, and that I still want to be friends. Haven't heard from her since, and I do not wanna be the one to try and break the silence, not this time.

I don't think she was being deceitful with you. I think she was genuinely hoping that if she acted in a romantic way towards you that real romantic feelings would emerge. It's unfortunate that they didn't. You shouldn't be obligated to continue to be friends with her if you'd really something more.

bèlla · Aug 13, 2019

JustSomeBloke · Aug 21, 2019

LaBèlla said:
There are some in Christian circles who advise women to ignore their feelings. They tell them if he’s godly and kind that’s enough. I’ve heard this firsthand.

I think that's mostly indicative of a generational gap. Decades ago, people settled more readily, on the basis that a match met some minimum standards. More modern thinking promotes the idea that there is no need to settle for Mr/Miss almost-good-enough.

bèlla · Aug 21, 2019

JustSomeBloke · Aug 21, 2019

LaBèlla said:
I think that’s true. But I remember reading Derek Prince’s account of how he came to marry his wives. The first was older and he wasn’t attracted to her romantically. But God filled his heart with love for Lydia. When she died a similar result occurred with Ruth.

I think that’s easier said than done. I’ve been on the receiving end of His perspective. It affects the mind and heart and you see the person through different lenses. It is less about preferences and checklists and is wholly steeped in love. That’s pretty surreal.

I suspect this is the way things should go when we’re considering one another.

I definitely think it's possible to care for someone very deeply, and for those feelings of love to endure for a lifetime, without necessarily having strong romantic attraction.

My guess is that the major change happened during the so-called sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s, when certain topics started being debated more openly. At that point the requirement that a match makes you want to tear their clothes off became far more prominent.

bèlla · Aug 21, 2019

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · Aug 22, 2019

No crushes. Just one or two potentials where the compatibility factors are present that could open the door for moar. That's all.

Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

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